Jean and Alison
Aug. 8th, 2005 08:00 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsCharles, worried about Alison's coping, suggests the two take a walk and Jean discuss the matter with Al. The discussion takes an unexpected turn.
The breeze was nice and soothing outside, and Alison was starting to suspect Ororo of having something to do with the near constant presence of wind whenever she went outside. Which would be silly - at least it would be silly to suspect her of doing that all of the time. Still, it was nice and closing her eyes for a moment, she stopped and took a deep breath, the fragrance of the many flowers on the grounds sweet and welcoming. Opening her eyes, she gave Jean a slightly sheepish smile, murmuring an apology for the sudden pause before resuming her pace - overtaking Jean a bit to head for her regular path towards the lake.
Jean hesitated fractionally as she realized where Alison was going, but now wasn't really the time - after all, she had something they needed to talk about, and letting Alison be as comfortable as possible while they did was only fair. She did move out to the side of the path farthest away from the approaching lake, though. "How are you doing?" she asked.
"Haven't tried to destroy the suite since I blew up the bathroom?" Alison replied, figuring that going for the biggest of slips in her self-control wasn't that bad an idea. It was a reminder, really, mostly to herself… "Still angry." Charles had asked her to speak to Jean, and she would. It was that simple. "It's under the surface, most of the time now. I even forget about it. But it's there. Still."
"You're allowed the anger, Alison. Truly. As long as you're trying to deal with it, it's even healthy." Of course, the suspicion that she wasn't trying, and the definite knowledge that she wasn't succeeding was at least part of what had prompted this all.
"How do you deal with something so big you can't even see the end of it?" It thrummed under the surface even as she spoke, taunting her with its presence. It was one more thing that was out of her control - or at least, trying to be. "Meditation on the flyer's platform helps. Talking to people about anything but that helps." She frowned a bit at that, then laughed, suddenly - a small, bemused sort of laugh. "Kyle made me cry. On Saturday night. 'I'm having vanilla with spicy peanut sauce and Alison got it just for me! It's good' he said," she quoted the words, still remembering them only too clearly. "He forgot the words ice cream he was so rushed to type it out. He… almost, almost went through so much of what Nathan did. Some of it he did go through. But he can still be so innocently happy about something like that." It had been, she remembered, a good cry. Somehow. Leaving her drained but calm.
"You deal with it one day at a time," Jean said softly. "You take hold of the things that help and hold on with both hands. And, when you can, you face up to the pain. I know it's hard, but Charles and Haroun and I, all of us, are here to help you."
"I know." The talk with Remy was fresh in her mind still, the odd peace of that afternoon no longer with her just now. She wanted that back. The sparkling waters of the lake were near now, the path one she'd steadily been taking every day - despite or perhaps rather, in spite of the way the talk with Cain had gone, the first time she'd gone out of the mansion to walk there, since Sabertooth had tortured her. Reaching up to tug at the shoulder her the short-sleeved shirt she was wearing, Alison nodded, stiffly. "I know," she repeated, in more measured tones.
The nearness of the lake, only a handful of feet away, just on the other side of Alison and down the slightest of inclines, was a small pressure in Jean's mind, putting her on edge. She kept her gaze firmly fixed on Alison, not looking at the expanse of water, so it would have been hard to miss the other woman's fretting at her collar, even if it weren't one of the signs she and Charles were watching. "Knowing it and believing it, and acting on the knowledge, are different things, Alison." She sighed softly. "Your uniform is backless. What are you going to do when you return to active duty?"
Alison stopped in her footsteps at that, head snapping around as she stared at Jean, the implications of what had been said crystal clear to her. Mind oddly blank, nostrils flaring slightly the only indication of her state of mind, Alison reached out to take Jean's hand, carefully and delicately so. And then raised her other arm to hold Jean's in a simple lock as she took a long step to the side, then whirled around, Jean carried along by the motion as one might whirl a dance partner in a ballroom.
The lack of warning in either Alison's mind or her demeanor caught Jean completely off guard, and by the time she realized what was happening Alison had let go of her hand and she was splashing through the water at the edge of the lake. Whether it was the feel of the water swirling around her ankles or the sound Jean would never know, and as she lost her balance and pitched into the water all conscious thought shut down and there was only screaming in her mind and the image of a wall of water crashing about her. Jean's powers flashed on and the fire in her mind flickered into being around her, vaporizing the water for several feet around her even as it began to close over her head. Jean could distantly feel herself lifting into the air but knew that if she let this continue she would overload and pass out. And the thought of falling unconscios into the lake was more terrifying yet.
Ruthelessly she clamped down on her telekinesis, landing on her feet in the mud and staggering slightly as the displaced lake water flowed back around her ankles.
Jean couldn't think past the ebbing hysteria in her mind. Instead she simply wrapped her arms around her waist and held on, breathing shallowly.
Breathing unsteady, the blankness in her mind slowly replaced with the realization of what she'd just done, Alison stepped forward slowly, walking into the shallow water without hesitation to join the woman standing there, water slowly smoothing over around her ankles. Steam floated away on the breeze and Alison wrapped her arms loosely around Jean's shoulders, leaning her chin on the woman's shoulder as she stared towards the center of the lake. Her heart was now racing frantically and her hands trembled slightly - adrenaline surge, a part of her mind remarked, the hands trembling slightly a sure sign of it.
"You… you swim." Her voice was unsteady, though why she wasn't sure yet. "You swim to the center of that lake. And on that day, I will wear a backless shirt and walk through the mansion. Or my uniform, if I'm back on active status by then. One or the other." Fury - and determination - roared up in the back of Alison's mind and she chose the latter, feeding it with everything she had. "You swim. And I'll do that."
Jean latched onto the close mental presence offered by Alison's touch to steady herself and managed, in a distant, quite corner of her mind, to be very, very grateful that Alison had chosen the determination which now coursed through both their minds. She thought Alison was shaking, but given that she knew she was, it didn't much matter. Later she would stop, and think, and realize how much they both needed this, would understand all the sane, rational reasons why they had to do this. Now, though, there was only the visceral knowledge that they would not let their demons defeat them. "Yes," was all she said.
The breeze was nice and soothing outside, and Alison was starting to suspect Ororo of having something to do with the near constant presence of wind whenever she went outside. Which would be silly - at least it would be silly to suspect her of doing that all of the time. Still, it was nice and closing her eyes for a moment, she stopped and took a deep breath, the fragrance of the many flowers on the grounds sweet and welcoming. Opening her eyes, she gave Jean a slightly sheepish smile, murmuring an apology for the sudden pause before resuming her pace - overtaking Jean a bit to head for her regular path towards the lake.
Jean hesitated fractionally as she realized where Alison was going, but now wasn't really the time - after all, she had something they needed to talk about, and letting Alison be as comfortable as possible while they did was only fair. She did move out to the side of the path farthest away from the approaching lake, though. "How are you doing?" she asked.
"Haven't tried to destroy the suite since I blew up the bathroom?" Alison replied, figuring that going for the biggest of slips in her self-control wasn't that bad an idea. It was a reminder, really, mostly to herself… "Still angry." Charles had asked her to speak to Jean, and she would. It was that simple. "It's under the surface, most of the time now. I even forget about it. But it's there. Still."
"You're allowed the anger, Alison. Truly. As long as you're trying to deal with it, it's even healthy." Of course, the suspicion that she wasn't trying, and the definite knowledge that she wasn't succeeding was at least part of what had prompted this all.
"How do you deal with something so big you can't even see the end of it?" It thrummed under the surface even as she spoke, taunting her with its presence. It was one more thing that was out of her control - or at least, trying to be. "Meditation on the flyer's platform helps. Talking to people about anything but that helps." She frowned a bit at that, then laughed, suddenly - a small, bemused sort of laugh. "Kyle made me cry. On Saturday night. 'I'm having vanilla with spicy peanut sauce and Alison got it just for me! It's good' he said," she quoted the words, still remembering them only too clearly. "He forgot the words ice cream he was so rushed to type it out. He… almost, almost went through so much of what Nathan did. Some of it he did go through. But he can still be so innocently happy about something like that." It had been, she remembered, a good cry. Somehow. Leaving her drained but calm.
"You deal with it one day at a time," Jean said softly. "You take hold of the things that help and hold on with both hands. And, when you can, you face up to the pain. I know it's hard, but Charles and Haroun and I, all of us, are here to help you."
"I know." The talk with Remy was fresh in her mind still, the odd peace of that afternoon no longer with her just now. She wanted that back. The sparkling waters of the lake were near now, the path one she'd steadily been taking every day - despite or perhaps rather, in spite of the way the talk with Cain had gone, the first time she'd gone out of the mansion to walk there, since Sabertooth had tortured her. Reaching up to tug at the shoulder her the short-sleeved shirt she was wearing, Alison nodded, stiffly. "I know," she repeated, in more measured tones.
The nearness of the lake, only a handful of feet away, just on the other side of Alison and down the slightest of inclines, was a small pressure in Jean's mind, putting her on edge. She kept her gaze firmly fixed on Alison, not looking at the expanse of water, so it would have been hard to miss the other woman's fretting at her collar, even if it weren't one of the signs she and Charles were watching. "Knowing it and believing it, and acting on the knowledge, are different things, Alison." She sighed softly. "Your uniform is backless. What are you going to do when you return to active duty?"
Alison stopped in her footsteps at that, head snapping around as she stared at Jean, the implications of what had been said crystal clear to her. Mind oddly blank, nostrils flaring slightly the only indication of her state of mind, Alison reached out to take Jean's hand, carefully and delicately so. And then raised her other arm to hold Jean's in a simple lock as she took a long step to the side, then whirled around, Jean carried along by the motion as one might whirl a dance partner in a ballroom.
The lack of warning in either Alison's mind or her demeanor caught Jean completely off guard, and by the time she realized what was happening Alison had let go of her hand and she was splashing through the water at the edge of the lake. Whether it was the feel of the water swirling around her ankles or the sound Jean would never know, and as she lost her balance and pitched into the water all conscious thought shut down and there was only screaming in her mind and the image of a wall of water crashing about her. Jean's powers flashed on and the fire in her mind flickered into being around her, vaporizing the water for several feet around her even as it began to close over her head. Jean could distantly feel herself lifting into the air but knew that if she let this continue she would overload and pass out. And the thought of falling unconscios into the lake was more terrifying yet.
Ruthelessly she clamped down on her telekinesis, landing on her feet in the mud and staggering slightly as the displaced lake water flowed back around her ankles.
Jean couldn't think past the ebbing hysteria in her mind. Instead she simply wrapped her arms around her waist and held on, breathing shallowly.
Breathing unsteady, the blankness in her mind slowly replaced with the realization of what she'd just done, Alison stepped forward slowly, walking into the shallow water without hesitation to join the woman standing there, water slowly smoothing over around her ankles. Steam floated away on the breeze and Alison wrapped her arms loosely around Jean's shoulders, leaning her chin on the woman's shoulder as she stared towards the center of the lake. Her heart was now racing frantically and her hands trembled slightly - adrenaline surge, a part of her mind remarked, the hands trembling slightly a sure sign of it.
"You… you swim." Her voice was unsteady, though why she wasn't sure yet. "You swim to the center of that lake. And on that day, I will wear a backless shirt and walk through the mansion. Or my uniform, if I'm back on active status by then. One or the other." Fury - and determination - roared up in the back of Alison's mind and she chose the latter, feeding it with everything she had. "You swim. And I'll do that."
Jean latched onto the close mental presence offered by Alison's touch to steady herself and managed, in a distant, quite corner of her mind, to be very, very grateful that Alison had chosen the determination which now coursed through both their minds. She thought Alison was shaking, but given that she knew she was, it didn't much matter. Later she would stop, and think, and realize how much they both needed this, would understand all the sane, rational reasons why they had to do this. Now, though, there was only the visceral knowledge that they would not let their demons defeat them. "Yes," was all she said.
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