xp_logs | Nathan and Angelo, Wednesday afternoon

Angelo finally tells Nathan that he's planning to leave. Nathan isn't surprised, but pokes rather fiercely at Angelo to get him to examine his reasons. In the end, there's a choice to be made.

Angelo bent over Rachel's crib, pulling faces at her to make her laugh. It was working like a charm so far - and she was giggling in his head, too, which was a very odd sensation.

Nathan stood in the doorway, watching Angelo work his way onto Rachel's List of Favorite People. Funny faces weren't as good as light shows, but they were pretty good even so; his daughter's opinions on that were abundantly clear. "Watch she doesn't tweak your nose or something," Nathan warned in amusement. This was, all things considered, a very nice break from the lawbooks.

Angelo glanced up, grinning. "She's only little. I'll live, if she does."

"Eeee!" Rachel squealed. It was a new monosyllable. One that denoted excitement, Nathan thought. "Eeee! Eeee!"

"She was deliberately toppling my stacks of books when I had her out there with me earlier this afternoon, I think," Nathan said with a chuckle. "Of course, I may just be paranoid."

"Sort of a 'pay attention to ME now' thing, y'think?" Angelo asked, amused, looking back at the baby.

"She likes her attention. Don't you, munchkin?"

Rachel proceeded to give Angelo the more adorable expression in her rapidly growing repetoire. #Ooooo...#

Angelo laughed, reaching out to put a finger in her hand. "An' I bet she gets it, too."

"Of course she is. She's the center of the universe, and we all recognize that." Nathan came in, directing a teasing thought at the baby, who proceed to stare up at him raptly.

Angelo grinned and leaned down into the crib to scoop her up, holding her properly. "Got the whole mansion wrapped 'round your little finger yet, Rachel?"

"Oooo..."

"She's working on it." Nathan eyed Angelo thoughtfully. "And you're preoccupied. What?"

Angelo grinned ruefully. "Can't put anythin' past you, can I?" After a moment, he shrugged and continued, "Been thinkin' it might be time I moved on, is all."

"Telepath, remember," Nathan said, gazing at Angelo pensively. "And I may have heard a few rumblings to that effect. Not that I listen to gossip, of course."

"Ooo?" was the almost wistful query from the baby. Nathan brushed Rachel's thoughts soothingly, then inclined his head at the door. Conversations of any importance were generally not best carried on around the telepathic baby, he'd realized already.

Angelo nodded, putting her carefully back down in the crib and following Nathan out of the room. "I don't mean leavin' here forever", he continued. "Just... need to see a bit more of the world than New York state."

"Not a bad idea, Angelo," Nathan said calmly, sidestepping a stack of law books and sitting down on the couch. "I think I've told you that before." He smiled a bit. "But let's be honest. You leave, you see more of the world, you'll find a place for yourself out there. You won't be back, at least not in any sort of continuous sense."

"Maybe not", Angelo admitted after a long moment. "But maybe that's how it's gotta be. This place... there's somethin' Amanda said. It's done a lot for us, but now it's.... too small."

Nathan looked at him for a long, long moment, patterns spinning in his head. Changing, he knew it was changing, all in constant flux, until what he was seeing made no sense and all the sense in the world at once.

"It's too small for you, right now," he said finally, "only if you see it as just as a school."

Angelo tilted his head curiously, looking at him. "It's a school, it's been home... I'm not team material so that is what it is, for me."

Nathan shook his head, and the law books started to rearrange themselves, the majority of them neatly stacking on the desk, several landing gently on the coffeetable. "Small," he murmured. "You know, I'm curious. Why do you keep saying that you're not team material?"

Angelo shrugged, answering as honestly as he could in the moment, "Because it's not what I want."

"But that's not what you say," Nathan pointed out. "You don't say 'I don't want to do that with my life.' You say 'I can't. I'm not suited.' Why?"

"Because if I was suited for it, I'd want to do it", was Angelo's answer as he started to pace. "Wouldn't I?"

"I'm not sure you know what you want," Nathan said. "I think that's the problem."

Angelo stopped, thinking about that. "Might be", he admitted. "But I'm not sure I'm gonna find out if I stay here. I mean... what am I gonna do if I do stay, now I'm done with school? Can't go into police training yet."

"And wandering around out there waiting for the answer to fall into your lap is going to help?" Nathan eyed him. "You want the police training. Why?"

"Didn't say that. Goin' out there an' lookin' for the answer might. An'... I'm not dead set sure I do anymore. That's part of the answer I'd be lookin' for."

"Why did you want it in the first place?"

"'Cause it was suggested as a good choice for me, an' I thought they were right. But that was... a year ago? Or nearly. When Cecilia was still here."

Nathan told himself that shaking the boy to within an inch of his life was not nice. "Why?" he repeated.

"'Cause I wanted - want, really - t'make a difference somehow, an' that's a way. Thinkin' again about if it's my way, though."

"What kind of a difference?" If it had to be like pulling teeth, just call him an enthusiastic amateur dentist.

"To... places like where I came from. An' mutant kids that need help. Whatever I can do."

"Why?" Nathan said, knowing that he sounded like a broken record. "What's driving you to want that?"

"You know what, Nathan", came the impatient answer. "'Cause I lived it."

"Why is that so hard to say?" Nathan asked. "Why is it so hard to come out and say that's what you want to do with your life, Angelo? Instead of drifting along with it mostly unexpressed, looking for someone to drop an answer on you." He raised an eyebrow. "You said that police college doesn't seem like the right answer as much as it did... because it was a year ago, when Cecilia was still here. That's what you said. Not because you've changed in the intervening year, just because it had been a year and the person who I'm gathering inspired you wasn't here anymore."

Angelo looked frustrated, suddenly. "s not what I meant. I almost failed Speech, remember?" A wry half-grin there. "It is that I've changed. An' the reason I want t'leave is so I'm not waitin' around for the answers anymore. I wanna get out there an'... do things."

"I want you to answer one question for me," Nathan said after a moment. "Are you leaving because you don't see any answers here, or because you want to leave?"

Angelo gave that due thought. "...'cause I don't see the answers here. I've been coastin' for a while. It's time to stop."

"So if you found some answers here, would you still want to leave?"

"...no. I'd stay. Everybody that matters's in this state, really, an' I never wanted to leave you guys. So. I'd stay, if the answers were here."

"Then sit down," Nathan said with a slightly less restrained smile. "Because I have something to tell you."