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Shades of grey...

Talking with Jamie...
Early morning

Jamie peeks down the hall from his doorway; nobody's there, good, and Artie and Doug had already left by the time he woke up, which was also good. Still, he wastes no time crossing the hall and knocking on the door to Alison's suite; of course, midway through the knock he suddenly wonders what will happen if it's Lorna that answers the door . . . but, well, it's sort of too late by then.

He hears someone call out "Got it!" from inside the room, and a few moments later Alison opens the door, looking, for lack of a better way to put it, ominously calm. "Hey Jamie," she nods, reminding herself that if there's anyone she's not wanting to let the almost dull anger show to right now, it's him. She sneaks a look behind her in the common room, and then steps out - frankly, he's better off walking on the grounds with her, than anywhere near her room mate, right now. "How about we walk outside?" she suggests.

"Yeah, all right. Whatever you want." He shrugs. "Probably be saying that a lot."

"Well, hopefully you won't have to go through what you wanted to tell me too many times," Alison replies mildly, voice a bit dulled with fatigue from not having slept the entire night. She keeps silent as they head down the stairs, pausing to let Jamie retrieve a coat before the head outside.

"Okay," Jamie says, hands shoved deep in his pockets, when they get a short distance from the mansion. "I just wanted to say, to start off, I knew it was the wrong thing to do. When we did it, I mean." He pauses. "Or, maybe not the wrong _thing,_ really, but the wrong _way,_ you know? I thought it was a bad idea."

"Then why did you do it, Jamie," she finally asks, after a long pause, and discarding several answers that would serve no other purpose than for her to vent her feelings - which she finds she's still perilously close to doing.

"Because--" His face twists uncomfortably. "Okay, I'm just--I kind of have to go back to when I found out. Which was when me and Kitty went on that dinner date? The other week? Essex called her then, and she told me about it when she got back to the table." He shivers slightly at the memory.

"Last week," Alison nods, repressing yet again a far less than pleasant reaction. So. Been going on for a while this, mmm? A sidelong at Jamie, and Alison briefly considers mellowing - only briefly, though, as the memory of finding out Betsy had been stolen away by students, most of which she trusted implicitly, firms her resolve. Not angry - but not happy about this at all, either. "What happened then?"

He takes a sideways glance at Alison's expression, then looks back down at his feet. "I tried--God, I tried everything, everything I could think of to talk her out of it. Told her how much trouble she'd be in. Asked how did she know Ms. Braddock really was dying aside from Essex was saying she was, and did she know for sure the Professor couldn't fix it, and shouldn't we go tell him about it, and just . . . but nothing worked, I couldn't figure out what to say to get through to her, and then . . ." He rubs his sleeve across his face. "I thought, well, this is it, she's going to do this anyway, and it's going to go bad because there's no way it doesn't go bad, and . . . the only thing left was, I could be there with her when it did. And then, at least there'd be somebody there who wasn't just going, okay, Doctor Essex, you're right, whatever you say. And no matter how much trouble she got in, at least she wouldn't be alone. It was like, I could see the wall growing. And she was on the other side, but she didn't see it, and I couldn't get her to climb over, so I had to. Because I love her."

"And you couldn't go to the Professor yourself," she finishes for him, "because that would have meant breaking her trust in your. And pushing her away possibly further," and towards Essex, she keeps that last thought to herself, shoulders slumping slightly. Understanding Jamie's reasoning, and so relieved that he wasn't a willing party to this, beyond wanting to protect Kitty, that suddenly sitting down seems to be a good idea. She changes direction slightly, heading for one of the park benches along the path.

"Yeah." And the relief in that one word, that somebody--that Alison--actually understands, is palpable. "I wanted to. God, I thought about it every day. But she never would've trusted me again, and I think that would've about killed me, and then where else would she have to go?"

Jamie's words keep going through her mind, causing Alison to sigh worriedly - the hold Essex has on Kitty causing her worry, a sentiment that hadn't been present before in all the time the man was at the school. "I understand." And that she can, really - there is precious little she wouldn't do for Sam, truth be told, and it would be hypocritical of her to say otherwise to Jamie, right now. She sits down, slumping back and looking at the mansion pensively. "You said Kitty just... refused to consider anything but what Essex told her?"

"She had actual answers. Like, the Professor couldn't fix it because it was an actual physical problem and apparently telepaths can't fix those. And I don't _know_ if they can or not, so I couldn't argue that back. But that was my whole point, we were only getting one side of everything and that wasn't nearly enough. And it wasn't up to us anyway."

Alison nods at that, lips quirking in a small smile - blessing the common sense farm boys seem to be naturally gifted with, on some matter. "No, it wasn't up to you anyway. And no, you didn't have all the information..." she trails off. Because there is definite cause for worry now, not just vague fears. She knows Kitty never asked anyone for information, and can't help but wonder at how much Essex's tutoring might have shaped Kitty's morals and ethics.

She leans to the side, nudging Jamie lightly on the shoulder, and gives him a crooked smile. "Thanks for emailing me, Jamie. And for throwing yourself in the fire first." The anger that has been with her since she found out about what happened has blinking out, in the short span of her talk with Jamie. And she has no doubt about the boy's willingness to assume responsibility for his actions. "The Professor should probably hear about this, later. I can tell him what you told me if you'd rather, for now," she pauses, "and if you don't mind, I'd like you to write down everything you can remember, from the moment you took Betsy out, until you got back."

"I can try, I guess. I got pretty punchy after a while, because I couldn't sleep. I mean, they showed me a place to--they were actually pretty nice at the base, you know, professional, like Grandpa always said soldiers were--but I was too stressed. And that's when I decided, soon as I got back--I mean, I knew I'd pretty much pissed everything away, going along." Jamie smiles crookedly. "But I figured, even if you were going to be mad, even if you didn't want to talk to me again, I had to at least try. I mean, when you do wrong, you own up, that's the rule."

A gut feeling tells her the other talks won't be easy or clear cut, though right now it's mostly the one with Kitty that she truly dreads. She's avoided reading the comments since her return, mainly so that she wouldn't pull a Jono, and blow up one of the walls out from pure frustration. And if the Professor would rather do a scan, should he feel it necessary, she'd rather leave that up to him to bring up with Jamie. "That's a pretty good rule to follow, Jamie." She smiles at him, and then shakes her head, fighting a yawn. "Hopefully you won't be stuck in that sort of decision again." But oh, she suspects there will be others, to take the place of this one, one day.

"Eh. Dad always says, choices just get harder." Jamie flicks another look over at Alison. "Are you okay? Going to be, I mean, because, y'know, not now? I didn't--I didn't want to hurt you like that, even though I knew that's what I was deciding to do when I did it, I just . . . I couldn't see a better way. I don't think there was one."

"There's always a better way, Jamie. That's what my grandmother used to tell me. Sometimes we just don't know how to find it, or it's up to someone else to find it and not us. You live," some of us do, "and you learn." Sighing heavily, Alison nods, trying not to let the image of Jeffrey, dead on the ground, haunt her overmuch just right now. And failing miserably. "Really? I'm just glad you all got out of it in one piece." She gives him a wry smile, shaking her head slightly. "And you're probably grounded forever, young man," she adds, not entirely joking on that one.

"I don't think it was up to me to find it. Must've run the conversation in my head about three million times last night." He chuckles humourlessly. "And, hey, I could've been arrested for this, so grounded? Be just like back home after I started duping. It'll suck, but I'll survive."

No, you did the best with the hand you were dealt with, hon. She shivers at his words, wondering if the word children will ever find out how the mission ended - figuring it'll slowly work its way through most likely, in time. "Yeah. You'll survive." Throat tight, Alison slings an arm around him in a brief, but fierce hug, before getting to her feet. "Come talk to me, when you need to. Please. 'kay?"

Jamie hisses in surprise at the hug, and looks up at Alison, eyes suspiciously bright. "Yeah. Yeah, of course. I just--I'm glad I still can."

"You can," she replies, looking up for a moment, breathing in deeply before looking down at him again, a small smile firmly in place. "I'll feel a lot better if you do, really. It'll save me having to hunt you down and talk Piotr into shaking you upside down until you spill, really." Taking refuge in silliness, because there's been so much grief and anger and sadness lately.

"Aw, man. I'll just have to buy a box of cookies for 'Yana every time I do something wrong, so she takes him somewhere else. Now I have to go rewrite my whole budget." He tries a cautious smile. "Thanks a lot."

"Betcha I can outbid you on that," Alison's lips quirks, and she waggles her fingers. "Instant Piotr at my beck and call. Imagine the possibilities."

"Oh, sure, what, you gonna grow wings? Or just order from the Acme catalog, next to the Iludium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulators, one Russian tank, just add water?"

Alison grins at that, actually chuckling for a moment as she looks down at him. "Come on. I'll walk back to the mansion with you," she says, allowing herself this much at least - the gladness that one of her kids is safe, unhurt and alive, and safe at home.

"Okay. And when I get that write-up done, I'll send it to you and the Professor. And let me know if you need anything else?"

Punishment is something he can deal with, as long as he knows he's not cut off. "Yeah, I will. Come on. You haven't had breakfast yet, have you?"

"I had an MRE omelet . . . twelve hours ago maybe?" Jamie shudders theatrically. "Never have an MRE omelet. I think they accidentally put colored Styrofoam in the wrong packages and nobody's caught on yet."

"There's a thought. Get a few crates of those, put the kids who misbehave on MRE rations for a month..." Alison trails off, as though giving this serious thought.

"I'll be good! I'll be good!" Jamie grins. "And anyway, it wouldn't work. Lorna would take one look at the crates and you'd be dodging silverware from here to Saskatchewan."

Oooh, right now, she'd be the first to buy crates, kiddo. But you don't need to know that. "It'd be for a worthy cause," she wags a finger at him, glad to be able to relax - glad there was a reason for Jamie doing this, and that it's one she can understand easily. Or at least, far easier than she might the others.

"Saskatchewan. I'm telling you." Jamie pauses. "I'd eat 'em, though, if that's what it took."

The rest of the way up to the mansion, Jamie's walk is something at least in the same neighborhood as his usual bounce. Everything is not all right with the world yet, not by a long shot--but maybe someday it will be, and that's good enough for now.

Talking with Kitty...
Early afternoon

Food had helped a little, although being solid long enough to pick up the sandwich made Kitty a little jumpy. This isn't healthy, she thought vaguely as she started wandering around the mansion. It had taken her a promise that she wouldn't go back down to the labs before Angelo had agreed to let her go wandering on her own, but Kitty had needed it.

She let her feet go where they would, just barely remembering to use stairs and hallways in the inhabited portions of the school, and her feet had led her to Alison's door. Kitty stood there for a second, her face blank before phasing in, rapping on the door and quickly phasing out again.

After a few seconds, the door opened. Blinking once, Alison took in the sight of the young girl standing outside the door to her room. Tired blue eyes stared back at Kitty almost blankly, before Alison took in a deep breath, and offered her a small smile as she took a step back, opening the door further and inviting her in silently.

She looks as tired as I feel, was the only thought Kitty could muster when the door opened, although it was quickly followed by, I wonder if she's going to yell. But Alison didn't, for which Kitty was more grateful than words could express.

"Thank you," she said quietly as Alison held the door open for her and Kitty stepped in.

"I'm glad you came over," Alison replied, quietly, the words ringing true - and tinged with relief. There were cushions scattered on the bed, and a few on the floor, as well as a small arm chair Alison had liberated from the sun room a few weeks ago, and placed near the window. A simple gesture indicated that Kitty should just find somewhere to sit down, as she preferred.

Kitty spotted one of the pillows near the wall and headed over there. She settled down on the pillow, seeming to lean against the wall, although close examination would show that she wasn't actually touching either.

Where to begin? she wondered as Alison took a seat. Well, begin at the beginning and go from there. "I wanted to explain..." she started, then paused. That's not the beginning. Or it's not this beginning. "No, I wanted to apologize."

Alison considered this gravely for a moment, then nodded, relaxing slowly back into the arm chair. That small shift alone said so much more than perhaps Kitty realized - and all of it was important, as far as Alison was concerned, which was why she held back from suggesting that the apology was perhaps due to someone else - after all, Kitty hadn't specified yet. "I'm listening," she said, instead, with a small nod, and what she hoped was an encouraging smile.

Alison clearly wasn't looking to make this any easier, which was just as well. The idea that things were supposed to be easy in Kitty's life had gone up in smoke a long time ago.

"I wanted to apologize to you for scaring you, and for taking advantage of a situation you had no chance of controlling."

A heavy sigh greeted that one, along with another, far too tired look. But there was calm, and a small smile there as well - the talk with Jamie had done all it needed to do, in dispelling the initial anger Alison had felt. "I was scared witless," she agreed, simply. "And not just for Betsy, either."

After a pause, Alison continued. "I get the feeling though, and correct me if I'm wrong... that this has been in the works, since before we left on mission."

"No, you're right," Kitty says quietly. "That doesn't mean it still wasn't unfair."

Looking at her hands for a moment, Alison asked Kitty the one question that had been worrying at her, ever since she'd found out, while still on mission. "Kitty... what did I do wrong? That you felt you couldn't come to me, and just... ask. To at the very least get concrete information from both sides, before making a decision of that nature?"

Kitty sighed and dropped her head, looking at the floor for a second before looking up again and answering. "I had concrete information. I know none of you liked him, but Doctor Essex's diagnostics from the moment the surgery started up until she was taken out of his care showed a deterioration which there was no reason to believe would stop on it's own. I can not believe he never told you that, but the Professor and everyone chose not to believe him and sent him away. The choice was do it or let her die."

"You're not going to like the questions I have for you now, kiddo." Alison used the term on purpose - it was up to Kitty to take it as she would, though she herself only meant it to indicate that she wasn't pushing Kitty away, or blocking her out. "Is that what he told you? Do or die?" Pressing you into a moral quandary to get his own results, unwilling to even look beyond to the fact that his own judgement might be faulty on the issue? "With no one else having the slightest possibility of even knowing anything more on the matter, other than him?" A pause. "Did you even try to get more information, current up to date information, from Hank's files, or the work the Professor and I were doing?"

"I did know a little bit about the work you and the Professor were doing. Mainly," she admitted, "that he thought it unlikely to work. I did not go through Dr. McCoy's files," because really, isn't one felony enough? "but that night I did look over the readouts on the machine, and her readings were lower than the numbers we were working with during the surgery." Kitty's face was serious. "I didn't have any reason to mistrust him." And as far as Kitty was concerned she still didn't. She'd seen Betsy's post, and knew from the timestamp on it that the woman had woken up within the time Essex had predicted.

There was only one answer to that, really, and Alison sighed as she asked it. "Kitty... why did you chose to mistrust us, then?" She paused, remembering the talks she'd had with the Professor, as he informed her of the choice Brian had made for his sister, and the treatments they would be proceeding with. And why did you decide you had the right to make decisions for Betsy, when her wish clearly stated that it was Brian's decision, as to her subsequent treatments?

Alison chose to ask why Kitty didn't trust 'us', so she responded with 'you'. She didn't mean what she said as a direct attack, it was just there was no other way to say 'the people who made this decision' quickly. "You decided to take her treatment away from the doctor she had entrusted it to. You convinced her brother to sign papers saying that he had no trust in one of the top neurosurgeons in the world without ever having met the man or discussing her treatment. And then the Professor gave him a 'choice', the outcome of which he knew in advance just from having known the man, between staying and living the life of a man essentially on parole or leaving his students." Without realizing it, Kitty's voice slipped back into it's 'dead' tone of extreme emotional distance from a situation, her face becoming very still.

Shaking her head slightly, Alison sighed. "Things aren't quite that black and white, kiddo. I wish they were... and might come as a surprise to you, but the Professor did tell Brian he should speak to Doctor Essex. There was no forcing anyone into anything - just choices people made. And the consequences." She looked at Kitty tiredly, recognizing all the signs being exhibited by the girl - moreso for having seen them before. I'm not going to judge you, kiddo. "I'd like you to talk with the Professor about this."

This isn't, perhaps for the first time since Kitty walked into the room, something that Alison is leaving up as a yes or no decision. "I can set up something for you, if you want. It's only fair you get to ask questions now at least." A pause. "I'd like for you to ask them, in fact. I think the Professor would too." Even if it is a bit late.

"Yes, so I've been told," she said and the only thing that kept her from starting to cry was the fact that she just didn't have the energy. She felt herself drop slightly downward into the cushion and realized that her control was starting to slip.

"I'd like to speak with him, yes please." Her voice was quiet.

"Good." Alison uncurled from the arm chair, and wandered over slowly, to sit by Kitty, sliding down the wall until she was level to her. "And please don't scare me like that again, kiddo? Cause if anything had happened to you or the other kids... I don't think there's many people here, who would have forgiven themselves for it." A shaky breath and she reached over, hoping Kitty wasn't still phasing.

"I'm sorry," she said as Alison finished, and then again, more quietly as her hand passed through Kitty. "I'm sorry."

"So m'I, kiddo." Failures on both sides, an undeniable fact as far as Alison was concerned. "I need you to do something for me now. I'd say it's pretty important. I'm not forcing you to do it, but I'd... be grateful."

"What?" her voice remained quiet.

"Unphase, please?"

"Why?" she asked as her body becomes very still and tense.

"Because it's not healthy for you to do this to yourself," was the gently reply. "And I've been worried sick about all of you, and I'm not angry anymore, and I'd really like to hug you right now." And because we lost a boy your age yesterday, and he's dead, and we failed there dammit. And I don't want to fail here too. Emotion glimmered in Alison's eyes, the grief of the previous day's events piercing through for a moment.

Not healthy... "Sometimes I think this is normal... sometimes I think unphased is my natural state... It's so much easier to not be solid," Kitty said, then shifted slightly on the cushion. She phased in and collapsed into Alison's arms, crying silently.

With a half sob of relief, Alison gathered the young girl close, holding onto her tightly and rocking her gently as she cried. "It'll be okay, kiddo," she murmured, as much to herself as to Kitty. "It'll be okay."

The log with MA will be up soon. And Alison was a great big chicken, and left Sarah to the Prof. Because yeah, vaporising a student would be a Bad Thing. ;)