Jubilee, Amanda - Thursday afternoon
Sep. 15th, 2005 02:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsNeeding to squee about her adventures in dating, Jubilee drops by Amanda's suite. Amanda, strangely enough, isn't really interested in babbling about the cute boy. Then Jubilee puts her foot in it and finds out that Amanda's not the sort to easily forgive and certainly not to forget.
Jubilee flopped down on one of the couches in the suite Amanda shared, biting into the apple she'd taken from the kitchen. "It wash fantastic." she said as she chewed.
Amanda made a vague grunting noise and turned another page in the spellbook she was going over. "That's nice," she said absently. Then she seemed to register that Jubilee was a) in the room, and b) talking to her, and she looked up, blinking at the other girl. "What was fantastic?"
"Dude, do you totally not pay attention to the journals? My date! You know, the whole boy plus girl plus some form of outside activity thing. He took me dancing, was totally out of this world." Jubilee replied, looking over at Amanda in disbelief.
There had been something... Amanda hadn't been paying huge attention to the journals lately, having far too much to do. "Sorry," she muttered, looking down at her book again. "Been sort of tied up lately, what with the medlab and the rest." Make an effort, she reminded herself. Jubilee was one of the few friends who actually sought her out these days. "Same bloke you met at that concert, is it?"
"Yeah, that guy. Had a couple of dates with him since but I was wantin' to keep it quiet till I was sure. An now I am, totally sure that he's the cutest, wonderfullest, most totally non-demon guy I've ever met." Jubilee replied, taking another bite of her apple and stretching out her feet to take full advantage of the couch.
It was hard, really hard, not to roll her eyes. Fucking brilliant, another love-struck cutesy couple. Considering the issues with Manuel lately, she wasn't in the mood for this. "Great," she said, turning another page in her book and glancing down at it. Ooh, transfiguration. "What's his name, this paragon of virtue of yers?"
"David." Jubilee replied, pulling herself up and peeking at Amanda from over the couch. "Paragon of virtue? Dude, he's a college student. Who stepped on your little pet frog, anyhow? You've got cranky face on."
Jubilee hadn't expected confetti and bouncing around to accompany her squeeing about her new dating prospect but it might have been nice for some enthusiasm. It wasn't as though she hadn't suffered through Amanda and Manny being cute, or heck, any of the other couples in the mansion. And not once could she remember ever having given them shit about making cow eyes at each other.
"The word 'cute' doesn't usually bring up images of hot sex t' me," Amanda said, looking up from her book again with a carefully placid look. Nothing to see here, move along. "More fluffy bunnies an' the rest. An' you used it a couple of times. An' I'm not cranky. Just got some work t' do, is all."
"We haven't...haven't anythin' yet." Jubilee replied, a dull flush of red stealing over her skin as she blushed at that admittance.
It wasn't that she didn't want to, just that she didn't want to screw things up by going too fast. She was ever so slightly gun shy about the whole dating and sex thing these days. Up to and including the part where she'd told David that if he had any hidden girlfriends he better tell her now so she could walk away clean.
Well, that worked as a nice distraction away from herself. Lee was so predictable - focussed mostly on herself, and it didn't take much to turn her attention back that way. "See? Paragon," Amanda pointed out, but with a bit of a grin this time. As much as she was sick of squeeing about wonderful loving relationships (and that included catching Grey and Summers or Bartlet and McCoy cooing over each other in the medlab), teasing Jubilee into blushing was always good for a laugh. "An' I don't want t' know the gory details - had enough up close an' personal about your sex life already. But tell me you've at least snogged him after four dates."
Jubilee took a bite of her apple, her blush still very much evident as she chewed on the piece of apple awhile before answering. "No, not yet. I couldn't."
She'd been afraid and they'd talked and she'd thought for a moment that David might simply give up on her and her inability to tell him what was wrong, or anything at all but she'd been scared to kiss him.
"Why not?" Amanda asked plainly, perhaps a little impatiently. She had a feeling this was going to be laid at her doorstep, and she wasn't in the mood for another game of "Blame Amanda".
Jubilee noted the impatience, frowning softly. She wondered if Amanda was really the person to be talking to about this, especially since she didn't particularly seem interested. But if she'd truly been honest with Amanda all those weeks ago, shouldn't she tell her things like this? What kind of friendship came with fences around the most vulnerable parts. That type of thing was really just an acquaintance that you'd happened to have known for a little longer then other people.
"Thought about it for awhile tonight after he dropped me off. I mean, I want to kiss him. Gods, so much. But there's this part of me that wonders if it's real. He's nice. Not that false nice where someone just wants something from you so they're all sweet and they say and do all the right things cause they know they'll get it from you that way. And I guess I just want it to be perfect, to be the right time. But then the moments gone and I'm all like 'Why the hell didn't you just kiss him you idiot.' But what it comes right down to is I'm so scared that if I do, then I can't back out and what if I hurt him? I'm training to be an X-man, we've got bastards all over the place tryin' to kill us. What if he gets hurt because someone is comin' after me and they go after him instead?"
She sighed and took another bite of her apple, running her hand along the back of the couch, trying to find something to occupy her so she wouldn't have to look at Amanda after that admission.
The moment hung, stretched into silence that eventually became uncomfortable. When Jubilee looked up at Amanda to see why she hadn't said anything yet, she saw the witch was pale, her hands tightening on the book in her lap so tightly the leather creaked. "Funny you should ask that," she said at last, voice distant and cold. "See, I knew a girl once. Nice, normal, sweet girl, who thought I was everything. Her name was Beth. She made me happy, happier than anyone else ever has. An' then one night she got caught up once too often in my shite, an' her parents decided they didn't want t' risk her gettin' killed by a demon or somethin' an' moved away. I didn't even say goodbye t' her. I couldn't, 'cause I felt so guilty." She fixed cold eyes on Jubilee, their blue darkened to near-black. "You wanna know what t' do? You wanna sit here and babble 'bout this nice, sweet bloke who just might be the one? Fine, I'll sit here an' listen, an' pretend that me own relationship's not completely fucked up, an' that I chose that over Beth. But if you expect me t' sit here, an' tell you some tripe 'bout how you've got t' chance it, then you're talkin' t' the wrong person."
The worst was her voice never rose, never took on an angry edge. It remained cold, and hard, and completely steady. "Don't expect that from me, Lee. Not after your part in what happened. I ain't that fuckin' forgiving."
So much for friendship. She'd tried and despite what others might have thought about her part in things that were now past she hadn't needed to try. It wasn't like she was the only one who had fucked up in all that. Fuck, she still had the puncture scars from where the demon had grabbed her that night, the ones that Amanda had healed so painfully she'd almost wanted to scream.
"You know, Mandy. I'm not your whipping girl. You can't cart out all the old shit every time you have a bad day and feel like havin' a bit of a growl at someone. The truth of the matter is, I wasn't the only fucking person making mistakes. You know, every fucking time you so much as cough, people fall over themselves to help you. But you just don't see it, and you're never going to because you can't take your head out of your ass long enough to grow the fuck up." Jubilee snarled back, off the couch and heading toward the door so fast she thought there might be jet trails coming off her shoes had this been a movie.
She paused for a second by the door, hesitating for a moment as she thought that maybe she shouldn't leave it like that. Amanda had had a tough life, if she was bitter because of it, prickly, well Jubilee could understand it. It wasn't enough though, maybe it had never been enough to simply understand. She couldn't keep on apologising forever, hoping that one day Amanda might not bring up the mistakes of the past if Jubilee just bent low enough.
"I'm sorry. I'll always be sorry but I can't watch everything I say just in case. Goodnight."
Amanda didn't even blink as the door slammed behind the other girl. 'You don't need her, you don't need any of them...' came the faintest whisper in her mind, and she bent to her book again. She ran her fingers over the archaic printing, feeling the texture of the thick pages, the slight depressions of the letters. There'd come a day, she reminded herself, when people wouldn't be able to hurt her any more. And in the meantime, there was the magic.
There was always the magic.
Jubilee flopped down on one of the couches in the suite Amanda shared, biting into the apple she'd taken from the kitchen. "It wash fantastic." she said as she chewed.
Amanda made a vague grunting noise and turned another page in the spellbook she was going over. "That's nice," she said absently. Then she seemed to register that Jubilee was a) in the room, and b) talking to her, and she looked up, blinking at the other girl. "What was fantastic?"
"Dude, do you totally not pay attention to the journals? My date! You know, the whole boy plus girl plus some form of outside activity thing. He took me dancing, was totally out of this world." Jubilee replied, looking over at Amanda in disbelief.
There had been something... Amanda hadn't been paying huge attention to the journals lately, having far too much to do. "Sorry," she muttered, looking down at her book again. "Been sort of tied up lately, what with the medlab and the rest." Make an effort, she reminded herself. Jubilee was one of the few friends who actually sought her out these days. "Same bloke you met at that concert, is it?"
"Yeah, that guy. Had a couple of dates with him since but I was wantin' to keep it quiet till I was sure. An now I am, totally sure that he's the cutest, wonderfullest, most totally non-demon guy I've ever met." Jubilee replied, taking another bite of her apple and stretching out her feet to take full advantage of the couch.
It was hard, really hard, not to roll her eyes. Fucking brilliant, another love-struck cutesy couple. Considering the issues with Manuel lately, she wasn't in the mood for this. "Great," she said, turning another page in her book and glancing down at it. Ooh, transfiguration. "What's his name, this paragon of virtue of yers?"
"David." Jubilee replied, pulling herself up and peeking at Amanda from over the couch. "Paragon of virtue? Dude, he's a college student. Who stepped on your little pet frog, anyhow? You've got cranky face on."
Jubilee hadn't expected confetti and bouncing around to accompany her squeeing about her new dating prospect but it might have been nice for some enthusiasm. It wasn't as though she hadn't suffered through Amanda and Manny being cute, or heck, any of the other couples in the mansion. And not once could she remember ever having given them shit about making cow eyes at each other.
"The word 'cute' doesn't usually bring up images of hot sex t' me," Amanda said, looking up from her book again with a carefully placid look. Nothing to see here, move along. "More fluffy bunnies an' the rest. An' you used it a couple of times. An' I'm not cranky. Just got some work t' do, is all."
"We haven't...haven't anythin' yet." Jubilee replied, a dull flush of red stealing over her skin as she blushed at that admittance.
It wasn't that she didn't want to, just that she didn't want to screw things up by going too fast. She was ever so slightly gun shy about the whole dating and sex thing these days. Up to and including the part where she'd told David that if he had any hidden girlfriends he better tell her now so she could walk away clean.
Well, that worked as a nice distraction away from herself. Lee was so predictable - focussed mostly on herself, and it didn't take much to turn her attention back that way. "See? Paragon," Amanda pointed out, but with a bit of a grin this time. As much as she was sick of squeeing about wonderful loving relationships (and that included catching Grey and Summers or Bartlet and McCoy cooing over each other in the medlab), teasing Jubilee into blushing was always good for a laugh. "An' I don't want t' know the gory details - had enough up close an' personal about your sex life already. But tell me you've at least snogged him after four dates."
Jubilee took a bite of her apple, her blush still very much evident as she chewed on the piece of apple awhile before answering. "No, not yet. I couldn't."
She'd been afraid and they'd talked and she'd thought for a moment that David might simply give up on her and her inability to tell him what was wrong, or anything at all but she'd been scared to kiss him.
"Why not?" Amanda asked plainly, perhaps a little impatiently. She had a feeling this was going to be laid at her doorstep, and she wasn't in the mood for another game of "Blame Amanda".
Jubilee noted the impatience, frowning softly. She wondered if Amanda was really the person to be talking to about this, especially since she didn't particularly seem interested. But if she'd truly been honest with Amanda all those weeks ago, shouldn't she tell her things like this? What kind of friendship came with fences around the most vulnerable parts. That type of thing was really just an acquaintance that you'd happened to have known for a little longer then other people.
"Thought about it for awhile tonight after he dropped me off. I mean, I want to kiss him. Gods, so much. But there's this part of me that wonders if it's real. He's nice. Not that false nice where someone just wants something from you so they're all sweet and they say and do all the right things cause they know they'll get it from you that way. And I guess I just want it to be perfect, to be the right time. But then the moments gone and I'm all like 'Why the hell didn't you just kiss him you idiot.' But what it comes right down to is I'm so scared that if I do, then I can't back out and what if I hurt him? I'm training to be an X-man, we've got bastards all over the place tryin' to kill us. What if he gets hurt because someone is comin' after me and they go after him instead?"
She sighed and took another bite of her apple, running her hand along the back of the couch, trying to find something to occupy her so she wouldn't have to look at Amanda after that admission.
The moment hung, stretched into silence that eventually became uncomfortable. When Jubilee looked up at Amanda to see why she hadn't said anything yet, she saw the witch was pale, her hands tightening on the book in her lap so tightly the leather creaked. "Funny you should ask that," she said at last, voice distant and cold. "See, I knew a girl once. Nice, normal, sweet girl, who thought I was everything. Her name was Beth. She made me happy, happier than anyone else ever has. An' then one night she got caught up once too often in my shite, an' her parents decided they didn't want t' risk her gettin' killed by a demon or somethin' an' moved away. I didn't even say goodbye t' her. I couldn't, 'cause I felt so guilty." She fixed cold eyes on Jubilee, their blue darkened to near-black. "You wanna know what t' do? You wanna sit here and babble 'bout this nice, sweet bloke who just might be the one? Fine, I'll sit here an' listen, an' pretend that me own relationship's not completely fucked up, an' that I chose that over Beth. But if you expect me t' sit here, an' tell you some tripe 'bout how you've got t' chance it, then you're talkin' t' the wrong person."
The worst was her voice never rose, never took on an angry edge. It remained cold, and hard, and completely steady. "Don't expect that from me, Lee. Not after your part in what happened. I ain't that fuckin' forgiving."
So much for friendship. She'd tried and despite what others might have thought about her part in things that were now past she hadn't needed to try. It wasn't like she was the only one who had fucked up in all that. Fuck, she still had the puncture scars from where the demon had grabbed her that night, the ones that Amanda had healed so painfully she'd almost wanted to scream.
"You know, Mandy. I'm not your whipping girl. You can't cart out all the old shit every time you have a bad day and feel like havin' a bit of a growl at someone. The truth of the matter is, I wasn't the only fucking person making mistakes. You know, every fucking time you so much as cough, people fall over themselves to help you. But you just don't see it, and you're never going to because you can't take your head out of your ass long enough to grow the fuck up." Jubilee snarled back, off the couch and heading toward the door so fast she thought there might be jet trails coming off her shoes had this been a movie.
She paused for a second by the door, hesitating for a moment as she thought that maybe she shouldn't leave it like that. Amanda had had a tough life, if she was bitter because of it, prickly, well Jubilee could understand it. It wasn't enough though, maybe it had never been enough to simply understand. She couldn't keep on apologising forever, hoping that one day Amanda might not bring up the mistakes of the past if Jubilee just bent low enough.
"I'm sorry. I'll always be sorry but I can't watch everything I say just in case. Goodnight."
Amanda didn't even blink as the door slammed behind the other girl. 'You don't need her, you don't need any of them...' came the faintest whisper in her mind, and she bent to her book again. She ran her fingers over the archaic printing, feeling the texture of the thick pages, the slight depressions of the letters. There'd come a day, she reminded herself, when people wouldn't be able to hurt her any more. And in the meantime, there was the magic.
There was always the magic.
