Madelyn, Jean - backdated

[x-madelyn.livejournal.com]

Following Haroun's surgery and these emails between Maddie and Jean, the pair of doctors sit down and discuss Maddie's telepathy phobia like reasonable grown up people.



Finding people was very rarely a problem for a telepath, and in this case it was no problem at all. Shifting the plate of danishes to her other hand, Jean reached up to knock on the door to Madelyn's suite, well aware that she was there and Hank wasn't. "Heya," she said as the
door opened. "I bring pastries and potentially difficult conversation, as promised."

Madelyn looked a bit abashed. "Yes, it bodes to be one of those talks, doesn't it?" she said, trying hard to keep things light. She ushered Jean in, waving her over to the couch. Maddie's suite was fairly neat, but there were signs of obvious frantic clutter removal, such as the pile of clothes on her bed glimpsed through the half-open door. Madelyn herself looked tired, but definitely improved from the exhaustion of the previous week.

"Coffee's on," she continued, moving over to the kitchenette where the coffee maker was burbling away happily. "Do you want some before I commence the abject apologies?"

Jean took the offered seat, ignoring the signs of clutter. The only real reason her suite was as neat as it was was that Scott organized compulsively when he was worried, and he hadn't had much else to do in his free time while she'd been shut away in the medlab. God knew she hadn't done any cleaning this past month. "I'd not turn down coffee, no, but you don't have to apologize, Maddie. You're far from being the only person I know who's not comfortable with telepaths. Not even the only one at the school. I'm used to it."

"That's what Nathan said." Madelyn busied herself with pouring the coffee before coming over and handing one to Jean before taking a seat in the armchair. "I'll tell you what I told him: just because it happens all the time and you're used to it? Doesn't make it right. You and Nathan and Betsy are my colleagues, and to varying degrees, friends. For me to react the way that I did... it was unprofessional. But what's more, it was the act of a bad friend. So I do have to apologise." There was a certain spark in Maddie's eyes reminiscent of her sister's when she was talking about mutant rights. Then she grinned, mischievously. "But if you'd rather hit me with a danish instead of accept the apology, then fire away."

"I'd say that the fact that you could work through it, not only accept but suggest using the link, proves that you were being very professional about it. But apology accepted. The danishes are far to good to simply be used as missiles. Had Jamie bring them back from his job at that bakery in the city." Taking a sip of the coffee, she watched Madelyn for a few moments. "More than accept the apology, Maddie, I appreciate it," she said at last. "So many humans fear mutants, but even other mutants fear psis.
It's... draining, at times."

Madelyn nodded. "I suppose that's what had me so conflicted. Rationally I knew the way I was reacting was not only getting in the way of my job, but it was hurting people I care about. But then the gut-wrenching fear would take over..." She reached over for a plate and a danish, nibbling at it a little as she reflected. "It was the helplessness that was the worst," she said at last. "I mean, I accept that most of the people here could kill me without even thinking about it. But there's a big difference between knowing that as an intellectual exercise and having the evidence shoved in your face. Or rather, dragged into someone else's mind. Being trapped like that..." She shivered a little. "I didn't even know what was going on at first, let alone how to counter it. And I don't deal well with situations I can't change." Bringing the conversation thread sort of back on track, she shrugged. "As for suggesting the link - it needed doing. Haroun needed us functioning as a team, and I couldn't let my issues get in the way." Another slight grin. "That whole not being helpless thing again. Sometimes it works to my benefit."

"Here's to turning weaknesses into strengths," Jean said, toasting Madelyn with her mug. "The thing about telepathy, at least for me, is that I sort of ended up learning a lot about how people think. And I learned early, a lot earlier than I really wanted to, that sometimes we're just irrational. And that we're complicated. People can know, through and through, that something is bad for them and they shouldn't do it, but they'll do it anyway. They can believe things which are not only impossible to prove, but also things which are laughably easy to disprove. But they'll believe them anyway. So I see this sort of thing in everybody, including me, and I just have to accept that there are going to be times when that irrational side is going to win. But fighting to work through the fear? It's impressive."

Madelyn wrinkled her nose. "No, what's impressive is that you and the other 'paths haven't gone stark raving crazy having to 'listen' to the rest of us get bent out of shape over your powers. I won't pretend that it's all better now with a wave of the magic wand, but... I'm working on it. And I went to talk to Charles as soon as I woke up after Haroun's surgery. He helped, if only by ensuring my kidneys were well irrigated with all that damned tea of his." She snickered, taking a bigger bite of danish. "You know," she said, slightly indistinctly, before swallowing the mouthful and continuing. "The link with Hank... it really opened my eyes. Is that what it's like with you and Scott, if you don't mind me asking?"

"The not going crazy thing is a perpetual work in progress," Jean said, her smile wry. "And some days it works better than others. But I'm glad you talked with Charles. The tea has powers of its own." Jean's smile turned much more wistful at the mention of Scott. "I don't mind," she said, taking a sip of the coffee and trying to find the right words. "It is, sort of. For a telepath, people are rarely hard to reach, or hard to find, but with the link... He's always here," she said, reaching up to touch her temples. "We can always reach each other. Which, ok, when there's a problem, it's more difficult. But, at the same time, it's maybe easier to solve the problems, or to find a middle ground. Or..." Jean laughed slightly, "Ok, explaining this in words is really not that easy."

"Like explaining colours to a blind man?" Madelyn suggested, washing down the danish with some coffee. "It must get hard, sharing everything. I'm a pretty private person, so yeah, the thought of someone having access to everything 24/7..." She trailed off with a rueful grin. "Well, we've seen how I react to that. But I have to admit, knowing how Hank felt, what he thought... it made things easier too. Settled some unresolved issues." She didn't say the name, but the momentary flash of a pair of red-on-black eyes and a mocking Cajun voice was a dead giveaway. "He knows I chose him. I've said it, but sometimes words aren't enough. Being in my head... well, he got it first-hand."

"There are ways to shield a link, just as there are ways to shield normal thoughts. Both on his part and mine. Scott's been living with telepaths for a long time, and we became linked when he was shamefully young," Jean grinned, "so there is privacy. Can be. But for most things I wouldn't want... I don't need to wall of like that. I don't think there's anything I couldn't tell Scott." Or at least nothing that she could face up to herself.

"I think this would be the part where we establish we're actually different people instead of clones of each other," Madelyn said mock-solemnly over the remnants of her danish. "Because the idea of giving someone that sort of access? Scares me silly."

"Clones?" Jean arched an eyebrow. "Come now, Madelyn, surely that would be too surreal even for this place... Mind if I ask why it scares you?"

Madelyn paused, thinking it over. "It's hard to explain," she said hesitantly. "It's not like I keep secrets it's just... The vulnerability, I suppose. It's hard to trust someone, even someone I love, with that much power over me." She grinned ruefully. "Too much of a control freak, I suppose."

"It's not really... it's not really having power over each other. Or, at least, it's not like that for me. You'd have to ask Scott for the headblind feeling on the matter. Or Moira. I guess I could kind of see it as vulnerability... Maybe." Except that there had been so many times when Scott was her strength. And vice versa.

"Like I said, control freak. The fact I see it that way at all probably says a lot." Madelyn sighed. "Looks like it's more tea for me, huh?"

Jean was never one to suggest that someone not see Charles, particularly if they felt there was reason. "I'll let you in on a secret," she said. "If you go into his office with a mug of coffee or cocoa or something, he doesn't offer you tea. Cookies, yes, but not tea."

"Shame on you," Madelyn told the other doctor, her smile broadening. "Giving away Charles' secrets like that."

"I know," Jean said, smiling back. "I'm a bad protege. Always have been."