xp_logs | Kylun, Wanda, and the evils of formalwear.

Before Wanda gets dressed up herself, she happens upon Kylun swearing at the mirror, and bullies him into his suit over a number of perfectly reasonable objections and some plain old-fashioned stubbornness.

Wanda wasn't very good at sneaking around. Not with insanely wild hair and being nearly six feet in height. So she didn't even try it. Instead, she cheerfully barged into Kylun's suite, and stared before laughing as she spotted him attempting to kill his tie.

And looking like he was calling it colorfully inventive names.

". . . and you are likewise the scrapings from the bottom of the lowest sheep pen! After a long winter!" Kylun finished his tirade--it was sometimes very satisfying to be the only living speaker of a particular language, and the Zz'rian monastic tongue had a great deal of invective for something that had been born in religious ritual--and threw the offending tie down on the dresser.

Then, in the mirror, he caught sight of Wanda. He paused for a moment, embarrassed to be caught out, then smiled wryly. "You are certain I cannot simply wear my monastic robes? They are formal, and I am a religious man." Directing a baleful glare at the tie, he added "And they are comfortable."

"These clothes are comfortable as well," Wanda replied, joining him by the mirror after her laughter faded. "Look at what you did to this poor thing!" Picking it up, she smoothed the wrinkles out before holding it against her chest. "And no, you cannot wear your monastic robes. You can, however, wear that nice suit over there."

"It is not a nice suit. I am beginning to suspect that Western fashion is secretly a subtle form of torture." Kylun shot a glare at the suit, too. "And it makes me look like . . . like a cat in a too-tight collar."

"It is too a nice suit. The colors suit you more than fine." Walking over, she rescued the jacket from where it looked like Kylun had attempted to hide it. And possibly kill it. "As for your fur, we just comb it back! No strangled cat look for you! No, that was Halle Berry."

"It will be uncomfortable," Kylun predicted gloomily. "And when we return home, I will have the worst case of rumpled fur in human history. All over."

"...what, you don't plan on wearing underwear?"

"The underwear," Kylun replied with great dignity, "does not adequately prevent rumpling. I still think that my robes are perfectly adequate for the occasion. They sufficed for Moira and Nathan's wedding, and this is far less momentous an event."

"Yes, but Moira was not necessarily going to cause a riot," Wanda pointed out and then stopped. "Well, she might have. She's certainly capable of it." Putting one hand on her hip, she waved the tie at him. "Now, we can do this one of two ways. You can put on your suit or I can make you put on your suit."

Kylun raised an eyebrow. "If I decided to truly protest this ridiculous garment, I very much doubt you could make me. I can both outfight and outrun you." He sighed. "It is, perhaps, only one more kind of uniform? Necessary camouflage for the mission, and the team is depending on me."

Wanda gave him the pouty face. "But if you run, I'll have to make your pants fall off or something horrendously silly in order for me to catch you and strip you. I'm rather good at you know. And yes, consider it to be one more uniform you have to wear for the greater good."

"I have trained for the possibility that my pants might unexpectedly fall," Kylun said with a pardonable degree of smugness. "But very well .. . show me how this infernal costume is meant to be worn."

"Oh, they did not train you for me, sweetie," came the cheerful reply before turning with a laugh to the poor suit. "Important question, vest or no vest? And see these? These are called pants." There was a cheeky look about her.

"You think you are funnier than you are," Kylun replied mock-severely. "Humility is a virtue to which we all should aspire. Is the vest likely to be less comfortable than the suit without the vest?"

"But I am pretty!" Wanda picked up the vest and eyed it. "Well, I'm not certain. It won't be all that tight on you and this way you don't have to really iron your shirt."

"Yes, but I suspect it would not be wise to encourage you." Kylun eyed the vest. "Very well, I choose the vest. What now?"

"Now you..." She sniffed. "Okay, you showered, so that's out of the list. Nice smell by the way, what is that? Pants first." Wanda held it out to him and blinked when he took them but stared. "What?"

"It is the body shampoo Dr. McCoy recommended, only." Kylun raised an eyebrow. "And I know it is not the custom in this country for a woman to watch a man dress with whom she is not involved. If you would prefer to leave, I should only be a moment."

"I'm not from this country," she pointed out, but turned her back anyway. "Besides, if I leave you might try to sneak through the window and then where would we be? Me chasing you through the grounds threatening to rip your pants off of you? Would would the children think?"

"That one or the other of us had gone mad, and therefore it was just another day here at the school. I have leaped out this window before," he added, with a slightly longing look at said window, "but this time there is unlikely to be a demon underneath to break my fall, so I think instead I will put on my pants."

"Leaping out the window would be very bad and you would probably end up landing on top of something, alright. Though I seem to be fresh out of demons. I think I left them in my other pants." She waited patiently, snickering at the muttering, until he was finished before clapping her hands and turning around. "Now, the shirt!"

"The shirt," Kylun sighed. "Buttons that catch on my fur unless I am very careful, and I will no longer be able to raise my arms over my head."

"That is what styling gel and an undershirt, like a tank top, is for. What did they teach you at the monastery? Besides being holy and the swords?" Wanda let out a pain filled sigh. "If you do not wish to wax down your chest, you put on a tank top. Then the top shirt, which does not have to be ironed because you'll be wearing your vest."

"Philosophy and literature. American men's fashion was not a useful skill, although now I think I will throw one of our more elaborate ritual costumes at you and watch you struggle with the pieces." Kylun narrowed his eyes at her. "And if the subject of wax comes up again, I will not be the one leaving by the window."

A very amused set of giggles erupted whatever Wanda was going to say before she clamped down on that. "This gets better and better. On with the top clothes!" She grinned at him. "Ritual cosutmes, eh? I like the sound of a challenge."

Kylun pulled on the tank top and shrugged into his overshirt. "Ritual costumes. With, how would you say it, 'fiddly bits.' Many of them. And they must be donned in a particular manner to ward off bad luck." He grinned. "Not, I suppose, that you would have to worry."

"I'd probably make the 'fiddly bits' fall off," she muttered, stepping up to help him button the shirt up, since it seemed it was attempting to devour his fur. And his soul if his mutterings were to be correct. Deftly, she managed to get all the buttons done without catching fur where the tank top didn't cover, like the top of it. "See? Was that so bad?"

"If you're trying to convince me that this costume is not in fact a torture device, you are failing." Kylun sniffed dismissively. "This shirt has no range of movement. I could not fight in it without splitting every seam."

"Ah ah ah," she wiggled a finger at him. "But we are not supposed to be fighting this evening, remember? So you do not need to worry your furry head about busting out of your clothing. Unless you wish to suddenly do a strip dance in the middle of the art show, that would make for some fine entertainment." Wanda picked up the vest and twirled it on her finger at him.

"It is the principle of the thing. Even if I never fight while wearing this shirt, the fact that I cannot speaks of poor design." Kylun eyed the vest. "And there is a coat over all? I seldom wear this many layers even in midwinter."

"Oh yes, a very nice coat...though I suppose you might over heat..." Picking up the jacket, she took a look at the designer and sighed happily. "No, you do not get to get out of it that easily. This is a very well made jacket and the material will not add that much heat to your body. It won't bite you, I promise."

This earned Wanda another glare. "I know that. It is just an article of clothing. I am annoyed with it, not caught in the grasp of some superstitious hysteria." His nostrils flared for a moment, then pinched almost shut. "Very well, give it here. But on the next such occasion I will be wearing my formal robes, and if anyone should ask I will claim religious obligation."

"I did see carniverous clothing once," Wanda mused. "A mutant at Cambridge had the oddest power." Handing it over with a sweet, angelic smile that Kylun most certainly did not buy, she tilted her head. "While you put that on, let me find your cuff links and your shoes."

"Cuff links?" Kylun looked mystified. "What are cuff links? I do not think I have any here."

"They hold your cuffs together," she said, poking around. "Aha! Here they are." Opening the box, she showed him the glittering little gold things in the box. "They kind of look like golden Skittles in a way."

"I will take your word for it." Kylun held up his arms resignedly. "I should have known my arms were not yet constricted enough. I suppose the garrotte is next?"

"I knew I forgot something!" came the cheerful cry as Wanda caught his first arm to attach the cuff links. Soon both where done and she stood back, beaming at him. "So you feel like you are wrapped in wet Reynolds Wrap, but at least you look good wrapped in wet Reynolds Wrap!"

Kylun looked himself up and down in the mirror. "You have a very strange definition of looking good. I look like a lion that devoutly wishes he were a penguin."

"...should I fetch the top hat and cane, then?" Wanda asked, peering over his shoulder.

"You are joking," Kylun said firmly. His eyes widened slightly. "You are joking, yes? No one said anything about a hat and cane before . . ."

For a few seconds she stared back at him completely nonplussed. And then she ruined the entire moment by bursting into loud snickers and leaning her head against his shoulder, laughing too hard to do much of anything else at the moment.

"As I thought," he said, relief strong in his voice. He grinned. "Has no one ever told you it is cruel to taunt the naive and unworldly?"

Wiping her eyes, Wanda nodded. "I believe they did. Once. Oh, the look on your face, I wish I had a camera." Leaning around, she smiled at him. "But you do look very nice. Even if I feel like I have fought a war on my own to get you to this point."

"Hopefully it will not be necessary very often." Kylun grinned cheekily. "I would not like having to put you through a war again. Truly. It would break my heart."

"Oh yes, I believe every word you just said," she replied, dryly. "Unfortunately, I need to depart to go put on my dress. And considering how long it took me to get you ready, if I hear one peep from someone about how long it takes a woman to get ready, I'm tossing THEM out the window."

"And again I maintain that I can outfight and outrun you." Kylun grinned and waved her off. "Thank you for the help."