LOG: Rahne and Marius, Dealing with fear

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Dani's inadvertant use of her power has traumatic reprecussions, and unlike Dani, Marius doesn't hang around for the reinforcements. Fortunately, Rahne is not only an excellent tracker, but also in a position to exploit Marius' susceptability to the comfort offered by redheaded Scotswomen.



Rahne stopped and wrinkled her nose slightly when she realized Marius had apparently gone to, or through, the garage. The smells from car engines and the workshop there were strong enough to make tracking harder.

Still, if whatever had happened with Dani had caused him to run off smelling of panic, finding him was important. So she pushed up from four feet to two, entered the garage, and stood still and silent for a moment.

To, then, not through. She could hear him breathing, and so she followed that instead. Pausing a moment to thank God and Forge for the invention of the shapeshifting clothing she was wearing, she let herself slide all the way back to human form, and then walked around the end of a car and crouched down, still several feet back, to peer under a workbench.

Marius had wedged himself into a corner, backed into the gap between a rack of spare tires and the spot where the walls intercepted. He was hugging his knees, breathing hard and deep, trying to will away the horrible tightness in his chest. Every muscle in his body was tensed, as if anticipating an attack. He didn't even seem aware of her arrival.

If you were expecting to be attacked, noticing when somebody showed up was usually a good idea. Still, she'd been quiet so far. Having ascertained Marius's position from a safe distance, Rahne stood up again and came around the workbench, letting her bare feet slap the floor lightly and stopping, again, well back instead of cornering him. She crouched down, making herself smaller and her body language nonthreatening, though not off balance. "Marius," she said quietly. "Are ye all right?"

Okay, so he obviously wasn't, but it still seemed like the way to start.

His head snapped up, the unexpected voice shooting panic through his veins like electricity before his brain whispered Rahne, it's Rahne. For a moment Marius could only stare, his heart pounding so hard he could feel each beat in his ears.

"I'm . . ." his throat was sour and scoured by bile, and the word came out thick. He couldn't seem to form a coherent thought. "I'm . . . garage." That, at least, was incontrovertible fact. "I'm in the garage."

"Aye," Rahne agreed, thinking from the sound of his voice that she should have brought some water along or something. "I heard ye'd gone off and came to find ye."

The sound of her voice drew him away from the shadows still crowding his mind, gave him something real to focus on. He began to register the smells of oil, and gasoline, and the rubber of the tires next to him, and the press of concrete against his back and one arm. And he was shaking.

"It wasn't real," Marius said, as if voicing it could make it true. "We were in the kitchen. Dani was makin' chorba. And then it . . ." an unexpected wave of nausea made him stop. He fought back another heave and managed, "everything went wrong. Dani and I . . . Dani . . ."

"Dani's been having trouble with her powers. Nightmares, illusions. Ye have it right, that wasna real." Whatever he'd seen. She hadn't gotten a very good idea beyond the nightmare-illusion part. "Both of ye are safe."

Safe. Marius raised his trembling hands to his aching head, trying to reorient himself. The dilapidated ward and the plain of death hadn't been real. His body was thin but whole, not twisted and wasting away. There was nothing to be afraid of. Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

"Moira," he said suddenly, lifting his face from his hands. "Need to see Moira. I . . . my powers. Something happened when Dani used her powers. I think I . . ." he groped to explain something he didn't really understand, but knew nonetheless. "I think I turned them back somehow."

He hadn't been in a position to care at the time, but now he was sure his nightmare had been the one to break first. It had only been by a split-second, but so had the time between his original vision and the imposition of the killing fields . . .

And even that couldn't have been right. Somehow, Marius knew Danielle's power shouldn't have acted like that. He'd felt that moment of conflict as the two illusions clashed, had noticed the inconsistancy that almost broke the spell before the two scenes had resolved into one.

He didn't have an explanation -- he barely even had the evidence of his own eyes -- but Marius knew in his gut that Dani had not created the second scenario. He had.

He needed to see Moira. She'd know what to do. Marius tried to stand, but his legs wouldn't support him; he fell back to the floor, wondering dimly what had gone wrong.

Rahne moved a little closer, as Marius seemed to have accepted her as a non-threat and looked as if he might need some help. Which wasn't too surprising if he'd just had a traumatic encounter with a psi-power and manifested one of his own on top of it. Ow. "Dr. MacTaggart would be glad to talk to ye about it. She's in medlab," and was probably looking after Dani, but she'd have time for Marius too, "so if ye'll come down with me...." He had gloves on and she'd volunteered for the feeding schedule anyway, so instead of trying to get creative she just offered a hand for him to grab, if he liked, as she would have to anybody else.

Marius blinked, just coherent enough to be thrown by the gesture. Catching Danielle hadn't involved any conscious thought. Until a few months ago, neither would have accepting an offered hand -- but living at the school with other mutants had trained him. With the exception of those who volunteered to donate marrow, Marius had been very careful not to touch other people.

But this was Rahne, who was in a position to know what might happen. As shaken as he was, he had just enough pride to decide that if she wasn't worried, then neither was he.

The hand was small, but her grip was stronger than he'd expected. Marius allowed himself to be pulled to his feet, concentrating on stilling the involuntary contractions of the mouth on his palm. He might not have been able to feed through the gloves, but he was heavier than she, and he didn't want the questing teeth to cut her while she was helping him up. It was difficult -- the muscles there were still new and unfamiliar -- but his efforts were rewarded by a surge of defiant pride when he managed to hold the teeth flat to his palm for the few moments it took to get to his feet. He didn't have much chance to enjoy it; his legs seemed to accept that he was up, but he had to support himself against the wall.

"Think I owe you more flowers," he smiled weakly as she maneuvered his arm over her shoulder and her own around his waist. She was almost a foot shorter than Marius, which placed her shoulder at a perfect height to take his weight. "Maybe a side of beef."

"Och, ye doona owe me anything." Rahne braced herself and began moving them slowly along what seemed the least hazardous route to the door, which was not quite the shortest option but avoided areas where losing their balance would involve landing amongst sharp edges or power tools. "...The flowers and steak were nice though. And believe me, around three in the morning in Seattle I was glad to have had the extra meal earlier."

Marius returned a laugh that managed to sound only slightly forced. "Jamie's idea. Said I got dinner out of the deal, so it was only fair you did, too." He was grateful for the conversation. As long as he kept talking he could pretend he didn't need the support of a very small girl to keep his knees from giving out. "Forge thought I'd gone insane. Said somethin' about your boyfriend bein' king of the monster werewolves in another dimension." He grinned at her. "Care to explain that one, by the way?"

Rahne snorted. "Er... let's see. Loki decided to hijack one of the teleporters and kidnapped several of us to Asgard -- split up across space and apparently time. The first person I ran across was a giant, and luckily the second was Hrimhari, prince of th'wolves. I got the giant to drop me, and he kept it from picking me up again, and got me away safely. I spent about the next three months with his pack. I learned a lot -- he was very patient with me not knowing how to keep quiet or hunt in a pack or anything." She swallowed, torn between wistfulness and embarrassment. "And he -- I -- we -- were attracted. He's kind and thoughtful and honorable, and... and I did love him. Even if he canna turn all the way to human and I'm no proper wolf." And then there were the theological issue, though Hrimhari seemed to regard the existence of a creator beyond the Aesir as entirely plausible. "But... I came home, when we had the chance, instead of staying."

Marius thought this over for a moment. "Strange," he said, "you'd think I'd have learned to stop assumin' people are kiddin' when they tell me stuff like that." He smiled again. "Credit, though -- that's the most original star-crossed love affair I've ever heard of. Bein' from rival families doesn't really stack up against bein' from different dimensions." He thought about this and frowned. "Though truth be told I'm a bit worried it isn't strikin' me as all that odd in context."

"'Twas odd enough at the time... I had one of the better times there, though. Some of the others didna fall in with anybody so nice."

"Then I feel vindicated in my decision to never visit an alternate dimension, at least if I have any say in the matter." He was relieved; they had actually made it out of the garage without having to deal with Marius fainting, throwing up, or generally embarassing himself. Even the trembling was beginning to subside.

"Amazin'," Marius said as they entered the lift. "I've had my arm around you for five minutes now an' still no one has miraculously appeared to misinterpret the situation. I feel cheated."

"I'm not complaining," Rahne said dryly.

Marius grinned. "Some of us have a reputation to maintain, that's all I'm saying." He thought about mentioning that he could probably walk on his own now, but it had been a long time between embraces from pretty girls. He had no intention of making a move on Rahne, but that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy the moment.

He'd almost succeeded in pushing the incident in the kitchen from his mind until they were a few paces from the door to the Medlab. His steps slowed, then halted entirely.

"Wait." He pulled back from Rahne, suddenly dizzy. "I can't . . . wait."

It was the smell. It was the sharp, chemical smell of countless exams and too-bright rooms and failed treatments and faces full of forced cheerfulness, and before he could even put thought to the connection the nightmare came pouring back again in a surge of rising bile that drove him retching to his knees.

Rahne dropped beside him. "Marius? Marius!" She laid one hand on his shoulder and the other lightly against his forehead, then reached for his wrist. Probably not feverish. Fast pulse. Back to terror. "Stay with me, here. Ye'll be all right. Safe, remember? We were going to talk to Dr. MacTaggart."

"Not in there!" He clenched his fists, his face so low his nose almost touched the floor. He knew it didn't make any sense, but the knowledge did nothing for the blind panic-thing clawing at his chest.

"Not all right," he whispered. "Wasn't real. It wasn't even real." But that almost made it worse. How could something that hadn't even happened do this to him?

"Ye're safe," Rahne repeated quietly. "And we doona have to go in the Medlab just now if ye doona want to." She spread her hand on his back, between his shoulderblades. "Do ye want to tell me what ye saw? I'm not sure if it works the same with Dani's power, but sometimes regular nightmares are easier if ye tell them."

Her hand on his back and rational, quiet tone reminded him startlingly of Moira, and that alone was enough to bring him to his senses. He became acutely aware that he was curled in a near-fetal position, and the unaccustomed flush of embarassment he felt was almost a relief. Moving awkwardly, Marius managed to raise himself into a sitting position.

"It's stupid," he muttered, staring at the floor so he didn't have to see her reaction. "It wasn't . . . it shouldn't even have scared me." He had to pause and steady himself with a deep breath so he could force out the rest. "I was in hospital again. Dyin' again. Couldn't move. Body was--" but Marius couldn't bring himself to admit the scenario had been pulled directly from the aftermath of feeding on Rahne. Instead he swallowed hard and settled for, "wrong. An' there was no way out. Thought . . . I thought I would go mad." His fists were singing with pain, but he couldn't stop now. "An' that's -- that was fine, then. It felt real. I can live with that. But I . . ."

Three months ago he would have died before admitting this to anyone -- his family, friends, doctors . . . even himself. Maybe especially himself. It ran against everything he'd ever believed about himself, about who he was and where he stood.

But Danielle's power had made one thing perfectly clear. Now, as far as Marius was concerned, three months ago might as well have been a lifetime.

"It's over," he whispered, "and I'm still afraid. It -- it makes no sense. It wasn't even real, and I . . ."

I'm never afraid.

"Ye still remember it. And it cannae help that 'twas partly memory." Rahne sat beside him, quiet for a moment. "The first time I transformed," she said, "I couldna change back for a few days. Everybody thought I was a monster. I didna know it wasna true, or what I might do. They put me in an old zoo cage." She touched the small silver cross at her neck. "Reverend Craig brought this -- I could touch a silver cross, so we knew I couldna be the kind of werewolf from stories, and that helped." A pause. "I like being a wolf, now. But the thought of not having the choice to change back, getting stuck again... that's scary, and 'tis not even as if I've been made to believe 'twas true lately, or as if I'd be in danger of dying from it."

Marius raised his head to look at her, forgetting himself. The admission startled him. While Marius had been recovering from the combination of injury and borrowed powers Moira had told him in passing that his difficulty changing was not unique, and that Rahne had experienced similar problems. He'd heard her, but hadn't given it much thought. They were Rahne's powers, and he'd taken it for granted that she was comfortable with them. This was the first time it had occurred to him to think about what it must have taken to come to that point.

He realized he was staring, and turned away again. "Havin' no control," he whispered, clenching and unclenching his gloved hands. "That was the worst. Not the dying. It was watchin' everything going wrong, and knowin' I couldn't do anything to stop it."

Rahne bit her lip. "Just because ye canna do something by yourself," she offered, "doesna mean that it canna be done at all." Her hand moved lightly across his shoulder. "Still, 'tis not a good feeling. But ye're all right, now."

For long moments Marius only stared at the floor, at a loss. He couldn't think of anything to say -- wasn't even sure he could have brought himself to say anything if he had. Everything had changed too fast, gotten too complicated, and at that moment the possibility of achieving any sort of understanding was almost incomprehensible.

But one thing, at least, was within his ability to understand. The feel of Rahne's hand on his back was solid and uncomplicated. It was an offer he could understand, and accept.

Carefully, hands never leaving the safe confines of his lap, Marius leaned into Rahne. He closed his eyes with a sigh, and lowered his head to rest on her shoulder. Barely touching, no more than his cheek and shoulder against hers, but enough.

"Sorry," he murmured. "Startin' to seem like we only meet when I'm completely 'round the twist. Have to see it doesn't become a habit."

"Nothing to apologize for. 'Tis a hazard of being a medlab assistant. Anyhow, we're making progress -- no injuries so far this time."

"An' since that's entirely at your discretion, I thank you." He snorted. "This mutant thing -- doesn't give you much chance to catch yourself up to it, does it? Suppose it's too much to expect my powers will settle down enough that I can figure out what I've already got before it hits me with somethin' new."

"It depends," Rahne said honestly. "I suppose the fact that yours respond to other mutants and ye've just been dropped in amongst quite a variety might make things more unpredictable than usual, even for at first."

"Mm." Marius sighed. He was distantly aware of the mouths on his palms reacting to Rahne's proximity, but her shoulder was warm and he was too tired to care. He could always get more gloves. "Not treasurin' the bit about different responses. Suspect I'm going to keep Moira in paperwork for the rest of her life as it is. I'd like at least one part of my file to include somethin' a little more substantial than statements beginnin' with things like 'some indications that' and 'possible sign of'."

Rahne patted his back lightly. "Dr. MacTaggart's very clever. If anybody can work out what's going on with yuir powers, I'm sure she can."

"If she can figure a way that spares us the high drama, there's a summer home waitin' for her in Marrakech." Marius paused. "Is Dani in Medlab?"

Rahne frowned. "Aye, probably she is still... They'd have her a bit out of the way, though. Ye shouldna have to see if yuir powers interact again."

Marius' hands twitched for reasons entirely unrelated to his mutation. "It can wait," he said. He eased himself away from Rahne's shoulder, bending his neck from side-to-side to ease some of the tension. "Power stupidity aside, Medlab's . . . not really where I want to spend the rest'a the night. Spent enough time there as it is. I'll find her tomorrow." He braced his hands against his knees and smiled wryly. "An' with that, I declare the whinging portion of the evening officially at an end. Bein' a bother to a pretty redhead is a crime, but doin' it twice in the same day is a tragedy."

"Aah...." Rahne gave him an apologetic look. "I *was* asked to make sure ye got looked at. And while I grant ye look improved and that we can likely trust ye more than we could some people here to do sensible things such as rest and rehydrate, it really would be a good idea. I could ask about having it done somewhere else, though. No promises, but it couldna hurt to ask."

"That would . . . yeah. If you wouldn't mind." If he was honest with himself, he could admit it wasn't Moira he wanted to avoid -- it was the smell. The panic-attack had subsided, but the association between the two was still stronger than he was comfortable with. If there was a chance he didn't have to get any closer to it, he'd take it.

Marius pushed himself off the tile, relieved his legs had decided to function again. "I'll wait here," he said, leaning against the wall. "An' I say this in full knowledge that you'll hunt me down an' drag me back if I don't."

Rahne smiled at him. "Good. I'll be back in a minute."

Marius waited for the door to close behind her before covering his face with one hand. "Have got to have Jamie show me where that butcher's shop is," he muttered.