Terry and Kylun, Music Room

[x-siryn.livejournal.com]

When you have a zen monk at your disposal, you really have to consult him at some point. Particularly in the middle of a crisis. Kylun is predictably understanding and offers to have a "talk" with Jay and Bobby for Terry.



Terry tucked her music folder under her arm and took a deep breath then set off to find Kylun, not an easy task at the best of times and harder still when she was doing her best to avoid Jay, Kyle, or well, anyone else really. That last thing she wanted right now was to make this week worse. It probably said something really terrible about her that her best times this week had been working at the studio, running errands and making coffee.

Kylun was in his usual chair in the library, a quiet corner by one of the windows, when Terry finally tracked him down. He smiled and looked up from his book as she approached. "Terry, how nice to see you. Your studies go well, I hope?"

"Just finished up my finals last Friday. I was wondering if you have a moment?" Her accent was a little more obvious today; she'd been singing, trying to pick a song and the lilt had stuck. She lifted her folder, opening it slightly to show him the neatly written music inside, "I finished translating that song for harp and I thought we could go over it.

His smile brightened and he put down his book. "Certainly. I look forward to hearing it. Shall we repair to the music room?"

She nodded and smiled but was quiet on their walk to the music room, quite unlike her usual chatter. She was aware of it but couldn't bring herself to do anything about it. When they reached the room, she went straight to the harp standing in the corner and set her music on the stand waiting nearby.

Kylun settled himself absently into a chair, his attention entirely on Terry, the little wrong notes in her movement and behavior ringing as loudly to him as if she had let the strings on her harp fray to breaking. "Before you begin," he said quietly as she took her own seat, "may I ask if it would help to speak of what troubles you?"

Terry's hands fell away from the harp strings and she sighed. "It's nothing really. Jay and I had a fight. Because I've been spending time with Tommy." She shook her head. "I don't know what to do. I don't want to have to choose sides."

"That does not sound like nothing," Kylun gently contradicted her. "That sounds as though you have been placed in a very uncomfortable situation with no clearly good path out. May I> take it . . . that Jay has good reason to feel as he does?" Kylun smiled wryly. "I will not ask you to break a confidence, but Tommy is a difficult and troubled young man, and I know that some of the students have had unpleasant encounters with him before he came here."

"Jay…aye, he's got good reason to not be inclined toward being charitable to Tommy. Of everyone here, he's probably got the best reason. Tommy and I…we actually broke up because of Jay in a way." Terry couldn't tell Kylun exactly why, not without breaking her promise. "Jay hates Tommy and…I don't know what to do. I can't ask him to understand. But I don't want to give up on Tommy."

Kylun nodded thoughtfully. "Is it that you do not know what you should do, or that you are afraid that doing what you think is right will have unpleasant consequences?" He paused. "Perhaps another approach. If Jay were not your friend, would you feel as conflicted about trying to help Tommy? Alternately . . . if you and Tommy did not have a history together, if you knew him only as someone who had given your friend good and sufficient reason to dislike him, would you be so unwilling to give up on him?"

Terry looked first shocked then upset. She looked away from Kylun to her music, not seeing a note. "I don't know. I...I think so. Be conflicted, that is. But...I don't know if I'd try so hard if I hadn't known him before. That's...he's not a terrible person. Not all the way." They'd gone to the park and had a picnic. She'd played Faith for him and he'd kissed her. He'd nearly killed Jay and had bragged about it. "I wanted to hate him at first."

"It would be utterly understandable if you did, and is to your credit that you do not, I think--" Kylun quirked an eyebrow. "If, of course, I am inferring correctly that you do not." He shook his head, smiling gently. "I am not accusing you of anything, Terry. I only thought...perhaps looking at your motivations from a different perspective might help you see what you truly feel the is right course between the two horns of your dilemma."

Terry sighed. "I don't. I should--he almost killed my best friend and he hurt me and he burned down the coffee shop...he's not a nice person. He's done horrible things and believes that he was right for doing them. He says he regrets breaking up with me but only because he wishes I weren't a mutant."

"And yet?" Kylun prompted, his posture relaxed and inviting.

"And yet...I dated him." Terry shook her head, searching for the words to explain why she couldn't just let this go. "And I know that he's smart and funny and he really cares about people. I know that he likes old arcade games and doesn't like new ones. And...he's done terrible things but...there's justice, you know? And there's mercy. And it seems like everyone else gets a second chance or a third or a fifth. And so...why not him? Why can't he change too?"

Kylun hid a proud smile. "You see the good in him, when even he is determined to see the bad." He paused, thinking. "Is it enough for you that he has the chance to change?"

She frowned, "I don't understand. What do you mean the chance to change?"

"You said that you want him to have a second chance, as so many people here have. Is it enough for you that he has that chance, whatever he chooses to do with it? Or must he make a specific choice, to justify the faith you place in him?" Kylun tilted his head. "You seem to feel forced to decide whether your friendships or your principles are more important to you; in such situations, I often find it helps to be very sure of your own motives."

"I...," Terry began then fell silent thinking about it. "I don't know," she said finally. "If I have to give up my friends and Tommy doesn't change then...I don't know what I'd do. I guess...I don't know, Kylun. If I didn't think that he would change, I wouldn't be doing this in the first place."

"But you recognize the possibility that he might not, even if you do not know what you would do if that comes to pass. That is good; you cannot in good conscience force people to grow against their natures--though as it happens, I agree with you that he has potential." He steepled his fingers. "I think . . . that you have made your decision about what is the right thing for you to do here. You only fear the unknown--you do not know how Tommy will choose, or how your friends will choose, and as with any risk there is the possibility that you will lose." With a tentative smile, he added "Does it help at all to know that even should the worst come to pass, you will not be alone? I will still be here, and--you have other friends, surely, without so personal a reaction to Tommy's presence here? Even should this prove the end of a friendship--and I would not discount the possibility that Jay may also change--that is not the end of everything."

Maybe it wouldn't be the end of everything but it would be the end of her life as she knew it if her friends turned against her. With her shoulders hunched, Terry shrugged slightly. "It's not just Jay. Bobby doesn't like him either. But...I don't know why this is so important. I couldn't live with myself if I gave up on him." She bit her lip and looked at Kylun shyly, "Thank you for listening to me ramble. I...Would you...can I have a hug?"

"I think, if this were not so important, you would not be who you are." He frowned slightly. "And I also think that if those two young men let their anger at Tommy destroy their regard for you, I will be very disappointed. Perhaps I will have a word with them if this continues." He shook his head, smiling, and opened his arms slightly. "But until then, of course you may. You do not need to ask."

She was up and out of her seat in an instant, crossing to where he sat and bent to wrap her arms around him, hugging him tightly. "Thank you. You don't have to talk to Jay and Bobby…this is my problem. It helps knowing you're here though."

"But I have a very impressive glare," Kylun protested. "If I tell them they are being inconsiderate they will find it harder to argue with me." He patted her back. "I will always be here. And if you decide you would like a champion after all, only ask."

"They're not. We just don't agree." Terry smiled at Kylun with sad eyes. "I appreciate the offer. Really." She pulled away. "Did you want to hear that piece now?"

Kylun smiled back. "I would like that very much."