xp_logs | Log: Dani & Jim

Jim and Dani work on her powers in a controled environment - his office. Some progress is made, but Dani shows him that she's more in control than she thinks.

"Nervous?"

"No," Dani lied through her teeth, but she wasn't concerned with it. If she kept telling herself no then she might actually believe it, regardless of what others thought. So far it wasn't working. She bit back something snarky and stood in the doorway to the office obviously nervous.

Jim smiled faintly. "It's okay. It hard to be calm about using a power that's -- well, let's just call it unpredictable at best. It might actually be better if you aren't. Being a little nervous helps trigger it, right?" He rose from his desk and moved to the door, one hand on the knob in a gesture of gentle suggestion. "Take a seat. I'm going to lock the door so we aren't interrupted." He smiled again. "If we need to be, the professor will know. And a locked door isn't much of a challenge for most of the staff, anyway."

Dani had to smile at that, it was private and yet utterly not at the same time. Comforting until you thought about it. "Anything can trigger my power," yesterday she'd taken the icecream out for one of the little kids and the bightly colored icecream tub had sparked their fear of clowns. It was completely random, but there it was. At least clowns weren't difficult to deal with.

Jim nodded as he shut the door behind her. "If I understand right, your powers deal with a specific branch of empathy. From a psychic standpoint that's all very interesting, but you can't control what other people think or feel." He took a seat in the armchair facing the couch, motioning her to sit. "That's why we're going to try and limit the triggers to what you think. If we can."

"You saying I can't think, ain't it?" she asked, worried. According to her professors she hadn't thought enough in class, which is why she wasn't back in school this semester. If they had only known, "That ain't right."

Jim shook his head. "Sorry, I didn't put that right. What I meant is not all powers are controllable -- or if they are, not one hundred percent." He tapped his temple. "For example, I have a hard time controling my telepathy when I'm upset. I'm not going to lie. Being tired or stressed might mean your control gets shakier, just like any other muscle. But like any muscle, the more you work at it the more strain it can take." He spread his hands with an apologetic half-smile. "I guess I'm saying don't get your hopes up -- but don't get discouraged, either."

"If you don't get your hopes up then you can't be disappointed," Dani pointed out reasonably. "So then what do we do to make me not trigger my powers at random?"

"Desensitize you to using them. The more afraid of them you are, the higher your background anxiety level -- and consequently the less you want to put yourself in situations that might trigger them. Not that I can blame you," he added, "but avoiding the issue doesn't give you control. It's hard to have a life if you're worrying all the time."

Money had always been a worry until recently and that had been replaced by her powers. Dani wasn't entirely certain she'd recognize the stress disappearing. "I see people's fears, Mr. Haller. They're scary. It ain't all roses and sunshine."

"Nothing about being a mutant is," Jim said with a wry smile. "But even if you can't make the power work for you, you can at least get to the point where it's not actively against you."

"Fair enough," while Dani wouldn't say that she'd never intentionally use her power on someone else, it had been unintentionally useful last year in town, she wasn't too thrilled with the idea of scaring people to death.

Noting her skepticism, Jim sat back in his chair. "Okay, that was generalizing. I'll give you an example. When I first manifested my telepathy I couldn't handle it. I couldn't cope with the world outside, so my powers inverted. Not only was I not hearing other people's thoughts, I wasn't registering -- anything. Total withdrawl from reality." It wasn't something he minded admitting to, especially not to other mutants with a similar problem. "Eventually, Charles helped me learn how to control my powers. Not so much to read other people's minds, but to keep it from folding back on me. It's never going to be natural for me to look out, but I've learned how to keep myself from being trapped in. I barely even notice anymore." He shrugged. "It's not all about saving the world and helping people. Sometimes the most important thing about having control is so you can live with yourself."

Dani nodded slowly, this made sense. A lot of sense, "Hard to remember that with all the leather around sometimes. OKay. Let's do this then. See what happens." She was always willing to try things once. She'd drank valerian tea for nearly six months.

"The leather does skew things a little, yeah, but that's not something we're going to worry about right now." Jim gave her an encouraging grin. "But okay, let's give this a shot. Don't worry about doing any real damage -- I've had a lot of practice with psychic assault, and I set some things up before you came over. I'm not saying I'll be immune, but it won't be too bad." He settled back again -- not relaxing, but not tense, either. He nodded at her. "Try to trigger it yourself. I can help if you need it, but the more voluntary this is the easier the session will be."

Nodding, Dani closed her eyes and focused on the black inside her. She didn't know how else to describe it really, it was a part of her, but not a part of her personality so much as something that just lived with her. It was complicated. Poking it lightly with her mind it expanded, a tendril lashing out in her mind until it found something to latch on to.

Fire! Dani recoiled as the flames licked at her arm and around her legs, burning her flesh, the chair, everything. It hurt, oh gods it hurt!

#It's okay.# There was strain in his mental touch, the edge of a cold sweat even preparation couldn't compensate for, but the tone was steady, gentle. #The pain isn't real. It's just your power making us think it is. Breathe.# Then, to reinforce the psychic presence, he said, "Dani, look at me."

The room was full of flame, the furniture smashed and scattered around them, but Jim remained seated in the chair across from her. The telepath raised a burning arm, the flesh peeled and blackening in the hellish orange light, and turned it slowly from side to side. He closed his eyes, concentrating, and as she watched the damage receeded, the flesh repaired. Scarred, but whole.

"Fear can only hurt you," he said quietly, "if you let it."

His voice sounded far away but it weaved its way through Dani's mind until she at last heard the words. Control. She was in control. Breathing deeply, Dani looked around the room carefully. Everything was still burning quickly and the pain was unbearable but something was off.

She could breathe. "I can breathe," she said quietly, but with conviction.

"Good." He grinned, the expression a strange contrast against the inferno around them. #Very good. Now try to back it down -- slowly.#

Dani concentrated on making things cooler, on stopping the fire, anything she could think of. Nothing. Although now that she knew that the fire wasn't real it made concentrating easier. That was a plus. Getting lost in her illusions was a bad thing.

"Don't focus on the fire," Jim said, her difficulty registering clearly to his telepathic surveillance. "The fire is just a side-effect. Right now, your power links you to my fears -- but it's my fear, not yours. Try to isolate yourself from that, pull back into your own head." He had to ask before breaking the contact himself; he could do it, but he wouldn't always be there. He knew already this was not an easy thing to ask of her. The link was surprisingly strong, and fear was a visceral emotion. Delineation of self got blurry on that level.

#Here,# he sent, shoring up the careful walls he'd constructed around that particular fear beforehand. He'd suspected it would be better to limit what she could pull from him, for both their sakes. He'd been right. #Can you feel the edges?#

"On the horizon," she muttered half to herself and half in response. She was not a telepath and her first response to telepathy was to speak out loud to reply. Gradually some of the flames died out until only a few little 'warm' areas remained on the outskirts of the room. As the flames had died the room had returned to normal, except those few spots. It was a start.

Jim smiled. "You're doing very well," he informed her, letting his approval trickle into her mind. A link still existed -- a controlled release was always more difficult than an instinctive break -- but it was tenuous. "Incredibly well for a first time, actually. I know it's hard." He gauged her fatigue, as well as his own; the assault was well within his ability to cope with, but that didn't mean it wasn't taking a toll. "If it's all right with you, I'll break it off the rest of the way. I'll go slow, so you can get a feel for it. Next time you can try it on your own."

The pressure on her mind eased slightly and the blackness receeded back to it's original size, Dani could feel the tension leaving her body as her muscles relaxed. It was painful to relax herself that much, but her body and mind needed it. Finally the connectin was severed and she almost collapsed backwards in the chair. She wasn't overly physically tired per se but she was mentally exhausted and that was translating into physical tiredness as well.

Jim leaned back in his chair, the only visible sign of strain a slight tremor in the hand he raised to pinch the bridge of his nose. A moment later, it had passed. "I think that's enough for today," he said, lowering his hand with a slight smile. "It's going to be rough for a while, but that was pretty remarkable progress -- especially considering what you pulled from me. I'm sorry I don't have anything a little less painful." The smile broadened a fraction. "On the bright side, once you've mastered control through something like burning to death there won't be much you can't handle."

"I see everyone's fears, Mr. Haller, even if I ain't always broadcasting them, everyone's. There's a lot of fear here, you know? You...adapt. Or you go crazy. I ain't too fond of crazy so now it's time to adapt," Dani was stronger than she looked even if she did check her arms to make sure the burns were actually a figment of her imagination.

Jim had to laugh at that. "Yeah, I know the feeling. At a certain point you decide you've had enough of letting yourself be pushed around by things you can't control. Either you deal with it, or you break." He grinned at her, the one dark eye and one light eye crinkling. "Good for you for choosing the former. It's harder, but it's worth it. The crazy gets old fast." He rose, sticking his hands in his jacket pockets. "My schedule's a little erratic, but if you want to continue the sessions I'm sure we can figure something out. It won't all be psychic exhaustion and hideous burns, I promise."

Dani smiled, standing as well, "You know where I am, ain't hard to find. I'll make time. But thank you."

Jim shook his head slightly, the grin remaining. "Just doing my job. Student counselor, remember? You may be on staff now, but no one stops learning here." As he walked her to the door he touched her back. The contact was light, and reassuring, and without a trace of fear. "But you're welcome."