Monday afternoon, Jamie and Lorna

[x-polarisstar.livejournal.com]

After being picked up at the airport by Alison, Lorna hides out in Alison's suite. Jamie and Alison take turns keeping watch over her. Jamie provides ice cream and some perspective. Lorna has her own perspective to offer on the matter of Jean's departure. Backdated.



Jamie nudged the door to Alison's bedroom open with his elbow, shooting a look over his shoulder to the sitting room, where a dupe was playing video games with Miles.

He turned back around and grinned cheerfully at the bedroom's only occupant, waggling one of the bowls in his hands in lieu of a wave. "Hey, Lorna. Alison had to go teach, said this would be a good time to come say hi. I brought sherbet. You don't even have to put chocolate sauce on yours if you don't want."

Lorna looked away from the window where she'd been watching exactly nothing for most of the afternoon. A couple of magazines lay scattered about and a book had been marked and set aside. She didn't look unwell. She didn't even particularly look unhappy. She just looked blank. "No chocolate sauce. Is it orange sherbet?" Lorna shifted to face Jamie, her right hand covering her left, rubbing unconsciously at her fingers. "How are you, Jamers?"

"It is indeed orange sherbet, and you're gypping yourself skipping the sauce, lemme tell you. Doesn't sound like it works, but hoo boy." He offered Lorna the non-sauce bowl. "I'm doing pretty good. Class is interesting--well, at least the ones for my majors are, the token core requirement stuff is a little annoying, and I'm like the only person in my entire poetry appreciation class who appreciates poetry--and Alison says the Danger Room will be hitting me sometime pretty soon." He chuckled. "She says that's not backwards, either." Jamie paused, taking a quick look around the room. "How about you?"

Lorna accepted her bowl and curled up around it, pushing at the pale orange ice cream with her spoon. "What did they decide on for you, trainee name-wise? I heard there were lots of suggestions but never heard the decision." Talking about how she was just reminded her of why that was a hard question to answer. Better to avoid it.

"Multiple Man." Jamie wrinkled his nose. "I'm actually a little disappointed, after all the anticipation. I coulda come up with something way more humiliating than that. But oh well, the actual training is really interesting. And Mr. Summers is teaching me to fly."

She laughed, the sound only slightly forced. "I like it." She ate a small spoonful of the sherbet then gestured at him with the spoon, "You're lucky. They never taught me. My arguments that I could hold her up without the controls weren't very convincing apparently. Either that or they were jealous."

"Oh, jealous, absolutely. Besides, if they gave you the keys to a supersonic jet you would totally go grocery shopping in, like, Peru." Jamie waggled his spoon at her accusingly. "Don't say you wouldn't. Anyway, you don't need planes."

"Planes make it easier to carry back my contraband. Peruvian carrots don't carry themselves you know." Lorna grinned then sighed and set her bowl down. "I miss all the team stuff. The training, the DR sessions, the missions. I never really did the detail stuff because I'm basically a power hitter but I still felt like it was something that I had to do. I thought I couldn't do it anymore after...everything. Alex was so relieved."

"They do if you make sure to get the bags with the wire twisties" Jamie poked at his sherbet. "I'm really glad Kitty doesn't mind--or, anyway, at least she gets that it's important for me to do this now, I mean, I can't imagine the thought of me getting hurt does much for her day, but . . . I'd be pretty miserable, I think, if she was trying to make me stop, or didn't understand why I'm doing it. Because it is important." Which was about all the criticism of Alex he was going to allow himself. "Anyway, it's not like I'm not biased here. I miss having you around."

Lorna lifted her left hand, staring at the paler band of skin on her third finger. "He didn't understand. I...was okay with that. He never tried to stop me. I thought I was okay with that." Her voice broke on the last words. "Jamie...I gave Alex back his ring. I couldn't do it anymore."

"Yeah, I . . . kinda figured you had. Um. Have Alison nearby the next time you check the journals, is my suggestion." Well, not his only one, but getting an airline ticket on short notice to go to Hawaii and smack Alex upside the head would be prohibitively expensive. Jamie shook his head. "Couldn't do what anymore? I mean, if you want to talk about it, and if not I come equipped with a dizzying array of smooth subject changes."

"The journals?" Lorna turned toward Alison's computer across the room, peacefully playing its screensaver. Giving Jamie a disturbed look, she stood and crossed over to it, pushing the mouse to bring back the desktop and opening a browser window--when had Alison switched to Opera anyway? Lorna brought up the journals quickly and choked on her next breath.

Jamie winced. "I, uh--sorry, there's gotta be about eight billion more graceful ways for you to find out about that. Do you, um, want to talk about what it looked like from your side? Or else, I bet I could talk Alison into a training exercise in Hawaii and maybe just coincidentally while we were there he could get hit in the head."

Lorna backed away from the computer, shaking her head. "No...it's, no. He's angry and that's fair. I...this isn't fair to him so he gets to say what he wants." She went back to her seat and curled up again, brooding out the window. "I told him that I couldn't marry him. Because I didn't know if I was in love with him anymore."

"What, like it's fair to you?" Jamie shook his head. "And like hell does he get to say what he wants. Being hurt is no excuse for lashing right back, especially lying like that. He's being spiteful, and it's not--" He forced his jaw to unclench and got a grip on himself. "It's not right. Never mind what you feel about him, if he loves you there's no excuse to spew that kind of crap and then run and hide before anyone can call him on it."

Lorna turned back to him, raising an eyebrow. "You think he's lying?" she asked quietly, surprised by his reaction.

Jamie snorted. "I think there's about as much chance of either of you cheating on the other one as there is the sun actually rising with a big freaky Teletubbies baby face on it. And you said, just now, that you gave him back the ring because you didn't know if you were in love with him or not. Not because you were in love with somebody else. Much though Guido would be heartbroken at the rejection." He waved this away. "Not that that's the point, either. I mean, I'm assuming you didn't break up with him at the top of your lungs in front of God and everybody, so it's just plain dirty pool for him to escalate like that."

"Only the puppies and the neighbours heard." Lorna shrugged, "He thinks I cheated on him. Considering I was already on my way out the door, I didn't think it was worth fighting him on it. If it makes this at all easier for him, then I don't care." And she wasn't sure that running off to New Orleans didn't count, even though nothing had happened.

"So let me get this straight," Jamie said, rubbing his forehead. "You're not sure if you love him, but you still might, and to do his coping skills a favor you're going to let him believe something that isn't true, that pretty much completely closes the door on picking the relationship back up again. So if, somewhere down the road, you decide you do love him and you want him back, not only are you going to have to get past all the pent-up anger from him thinking you were unfaithful for however long, you're going to have to deal with telling him that, in fact, you let him believe something that wasn't true, for however long." He gave Lorna a look. "That sound about right?"

...well, put it that way and it sounded stupid. "Um." Lorna winced, "Jamie, I didn't want to fight with him anymore. When I told him...I didn't know that he was going to be so angry. Hurt, yes but...he never fights me. So by the time he accused me of cheating on him, since I was already going...I just left." She looked down at her hands, clenched tightly to fists and sighed, "And I guess I was hurt. If he doesn't know that I'd never do that to him then...well..."

"Well, that much I can understand--and don't think I don't want to go tell him off for jumping right to that conclusion, too, it was goddamn stupid and hateful and nothing but. But I dunno." Jamie sighed, his lips twisting wryly. "I'm not exactly an expert on relationship problems, thank God."

Lorna smiled and gratefully took the subject change, "How are things with you and Kitty? You two still the cutest thing this side of the Rockies?"

"She's taking it pretty hard about Dr. Grey ditching us like that in DC, but yeah, we're doing fine." Jamie smiled, as he almost always did when Kitty was mentioned. "Think I'm gonna kidnap her off somewhere for a day or two pretty soon--it's been a while since I've really spoiled her, and Mr. Marko's paying me pretty well for the help with the grounds."

"I'm a huge fan of spontaneous romantic gestures so if I can help let me know." Lorna picked up her sherbet again and ate a couple of bites. "I just can't even believe that Jean would just up and vanish like that. I always thought she was more responsible."

"Oh, you're always on my list of people to grab, all the help you've been with gestures in the past." Jamie frowned. "From the looks of things she ditched Mr. Summers with about the same notice she gave us, and it doesn't--well, not like I have to tell you what the first thing I thought of was. But I dunno if I'm not just letting my biases screw me up there, I mean, it's not like there aren't plenty of explanations more logical than mind control." He shrugged, stabbing his spoon into his sherbet. "It just doesn't fit, is all. Not even with the rest of the weekend."


"It's hard to mind control a telepath but not impossible I guess. But yeah, I have a personal bias to that theory myself. If you see her wearing a funny collar, jump her." Lorna sighed and shook her head. "Or maybe she really did just get tired of it and left. God knows that's possible too. I just walked out on my fiance and I'm sure that there are a couple of people who are convinced that I've lost my mind or something since I've lived and breathed him for so long."

"It doesn't feel right," Jamie insisted. "If she was so far out on the edge she took the first opportunity to disappear, there would've been--she was joking around with you on the journals like the day before, for crying out loud. And--" He folded his arms, looking particularly mulish. "And okay, we know I have an overactive sense of romance, but she came back from the dead. This is not how the two of them are supposed to end up."

"Or maybe it just all hit her at once. She looked in the mirror and was terrified by what she saw as her life." Lorna sighed. "I agree with you, I think it's wrong and weird. But I can't say that it's totally out of the blue. I was joking and laughing with her just about the day before flying back to Hawaii and giving back Alex's ring too. It's easy to hide stuff when no one knows they're supposed to be looking for it."

Jamie sighed. "Maybe. And I keep telling myself--it's probably a little disturbing how literally I mean that, but Doc Samson got me started, so ha--that I don't know the two of them together all that well, I mean, Dr. Grey was dead most of the time I've been here. But it doesn't . . . I mean, with you and Alex, I'm sorry, but there were cracks, you know? I didn't know it was this bad, but I knew you guys weren't perfectly happy. And I end up seeing a lot around here, I just . . . I keep thinking I'd've seen something."

But he'd lost Lorna at his mention of cracks. She was staring at him, stunned, barely breathing. "You..." she stammered after a moment, "You knew? How...what was it? Why didn't..." She set down her bowl and got up, pacing away, her arms wrapped around her waist. "I didn't know. Not until it happened."

"I didn't know know," Jamie said hastily. "I mean, hell, I figured you'd work things out, me and Kitty always do. I just . . .know what the X-Men mean to you, and Alex wasn't exactly being subtle about being happy you'd quit, and I figured you'd probably simmer some about that when you decided you wanted to come back to the team, that's all. I thought maybe that's what had happened when you said you were looking at Berkeley." He shrugged uncomfortably. "Alex's journal post caught me just as surprised as it did everybody else, though, I really did think you'd work things out."

"I thought we had worked it out." Lorna still looked stunned and closer to tears than she'd looked since she arrived. "I didn't know that I needed the X-men. And I thought I was in love." She shivered. "We just don't talk. We never have. It's a horrible way to have a relationship. I don't know how we lasted this long."

"You were good for each other for a while," Jamie said quietly, standing up and moving close enough to offer comfort if she wanted it. "I mean, you used to light up every time you saw him, I remember that really well. And then you helped each other through some really hard times. Maybe right now you just need . . . not to need each other as much."

"This...it doesn't really feel real. I feel like I'm dreaming and I'm going to wake up tomorrow and he'll be there and I'll think the fact that he needs a haircut is adorable instead of irritating and..." Lorna covered her mouth, forcing herself to stop. Rather than trust her traitorous mouth, she just shook her head and closed her eyes.

"Well, yeah," Jamie said quizzically, taking her arm lightly and offering his shoulder. "You guys've been practically living in each other's pockets since the day he showed up here, bar that one time he took off. 'Course it feels weird that you're not with him anymore. Hell, I'd be more worried if it didn't." He gave her arm a little shake. "And, y'know, in case you hadn't figured it out yet you're not dealing with this all by yourself. You have all these meddling friends who won't leave you alone, we'll probably drive you nuts before long."

Lorna tried to take a calming breath but choked on a sob. Taking the offered shoulder, she gave him a tight hug, trying not to cry. "I really don't deserve it, Jamie," she whimpered, "I'm the one who hurt him, why should I get any sympathy at all?"

"Looks to me like you both hurt each other," Jamie replied, rubbing her back soothingly. "He gets his friends, you get yours, that's just fair. And anyway, it's not like you wanted to hurt him, is it? You guys just got backed into a corner where there wasn't any way out that didn't hurt, that's all."

She shook her head but couldn't explain the rest. It was still too much and too close. "I just want to figure out what's wrong with me. I thought I was happy. And now...I think that I don't remember the last time I really was."

"Yeah, well," Jamie said wryly, "mind control can do that to a person, take it from me. You'll get it figured out."

Lorna gave him a half-smile and drew back. "Yeah, I suppose I will. I really don't have any other option, do I?" she said with a confidence she didn't feel. "Nowhere to go but up."

"Y'know, if there's one thing I like about you it's your optimism," Jamie said dryly. "Now, c'mon, what do you say we see if Alison has any Nerf guns hidden around here somewhere, get started on that 'up' thing."

"You cheat at Nerf wars." Lorna retorted then darted for the door, "Miles is on my team!"

"He cheats worse than I do!" Jamie squawked, and dove after her.