Jamie and Lorna: Kidnapping for the good of mankind

[x-polarisstar.livejournal.com]

Sunday, Jamie undertakes a dangerous mission. Make Lorna stop stressing for ten minutes. He does this through a cunning plan involving grabbing her and driving off into the countryside.



It was a good thing Lorna's mutant power didn't involve having her own personal soundtrack, Jamie thought cheerfully as a squad of him walked purposefully toward the kitchen. Ominous background music would just totally ruin the surprise. As it was, all he'd have to do is make sure she wasn't holding any of her bigger knives

Luckily, cookies didn't require knives. As soon as Lorna straightened up from putting a sheet in the big oven, the Jamies picked her up bodily, hoisted her onto their shoulders, and carried her down the hall toward the garage.

"Jamie!" Lorna squeaked in undignified indignance. "What are you doing? Put me down!" She tried to twist out of his grip but the dupes had her quite firmly in hand. Instead she turned her head to look one of him in the eyes. "What do you think you're doing? Where are we going?"

"We're going down to the garage," Jamie replied breezily. "It's a lovely day for a drive, don't you think? Possibly also there will be dinner later. At a restaurant with a chef you'll have trouble critiquing."

Out? God, yes. Please. ...No, that wouldn't work. She had things to do. She couldn't abandon her responsibilities right now. There was too much left to be done. "I have comm. shifts tonight! And what about dinner for the school? And someone has to feed the doctors and patients and stuff. Jamie, stop, seriously, this is nice but I can't!"

Jamie grinned at her a little ruthlessly. "No you don't, I claimed learning experience at Ms. Munroe. And Rahne and I can totally handle dinner, it's not like we didn't while you were away. We can handle it for everybody including the doctors and patients, in fact. You get to have tonight off, whether you want it or not."

Lorna really didn't have the strength to fight him and so just sighed, letting him dump her in the passenger seat of his Shelby. "I'm not dressed for going out," she said somewhat sulkily.

"Which is why I got Kitty to help me pick something out of your closet, and it's in the car already. Tsk, like I wouldn't have thought of that." Jamie settled into the driver's seat, looking remarkably pleased with himself. "And it's about time somebody worried about how you were doing, since you clearly aren't."

She twisted to look in the back seat and saw that he was telling the truth, a little pile of her clothes was indeed waiting for her. Why did she have to have such sneaky friends? Her chin lifted defiantly, "I'm fine, Jamie. I'm a little stressed but who the hell isn't these days? It's not like things are just a little stressful right now."

Jamie gave her a look as he pulled out of the garage. "Do I really need to go down the entire list of reasons you're not fine? Or can I just note the raccoon eyes, the compulsive cooking, and its wacky partner in odd-coupleness the not eating, and you can just take it I've noticed the other ones too? Maybe you can fly under everybody else's radar while they're worried about how Mr. Summers is dealing, but I am just annoyingly ubiquitous and observant."

Lorna opened her mouth for an angry denial then shut it again and slumped in her seat. "You are annoying. And goofy looking."

"I am goofy-looking," Jamie agreed. "It's the nose. People always tell me I have a funny nose. So are you going to come along quietly and relax and have fun like a good girl, or am I gonna have to get rough?"

"Were you just guessing about the not-eating thing?" she asked instead of answering, looking at him with a sad little smile.

"Maybe a little," Jamie said sheepishly. "But I figured it was a pretty short leap, and, um, better safe than sorry. You'll like the place we're going, I hope, Mr. Roth helped me get the reservation."

"Sneaky." She leaned her head back against the head rest and tried to relax. Not easy, when even her knots felt like they had knots. Alex would have...there was no Alex. How could she still think about him like he'd still be there when she got home? It had been months. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes. "I like most places. I'm sure it will be just fine."

"Maybe we can get the chef out to talk shop with you after, if it's not too busy." Jamie pulled out of the driveway and set course for his favorite of the local Scenic Country Roads, so serene it was almost a cliche. "So, um . . . is this one of the times you need to talk about why the not eating, or are we on light unrelated conversation? Because I have a knock-knock joke."

"When do I ever want to talk about the not-eating?" Or any of the rest of it. Thank God he hadn't asked about the rest of it. Those were exciting and new. At least the anorexia was just a relapse. "Light unrelated conversation is good. Knock-knock jokes are not. So what kind of food does this restaurant of yours serve?"

"Except I specifically used the word 'need,'" Jamie said insistently. "As in, is this one of the times you don't want to talk about it and I poke you until you do anyway and the talking helps, or at least gets it out in the open, or is the talking not going to do anything but wind you up even tighter?" He paused. "And I'm not sure. I just asked Mr. Roth if he knew any restaurants with completely irresistible food."

"...I stopped calling my therapist." Lorna admitted in a quiet voice, "Missed my last two appointments and I've been avoiding her phone calls. Her last message she threatened to send Len after me. I haven't quite decided what to do." She sighed. "I just sort of feel...I don't know. A little bit out of control, I guess. Hence the not-eating."

"Hrm." Jamie shifted a little in his seat. "Well, um . . . sorry if picking you up and carrying you all over the school without asking you first contributed to that, at all. Why did you stop talking to her?"

Lorna shook her head, "No, that wasn't a problem. I could have made you stop." Whether or not that was true, she let herself believe it. Besides, Jamie was rather of a different order of carrying off against her will than other times had been. "I don't know why I stopped. She's a nice lady. Tough, doesn't let me make excuses but...I just don't trust her, I guess. Not enough to tell her everything and so what's the point if I'm just going to lie, right?"

"Well, you should tell her that, then. I mean, trust is pretty much vital for this kind of thing, that's what Doc Samson used to tell me. And then she can stop calling you and you can stop avoiding the whole therapy thing, and start looking for somebody you can trust telling everything. The Professor'd probably be able to make you a recommendation or two." Jamie scratched his jaw uncomfortably. "After I had to reintegrate those memories of Skippy's . . . I still had to process them, y'know? And that was really hard to do. I emptied Doc Samson's candy jar a couple times using it as an excuse not to talk, and he started off knowing about the kind of crazy stuff that happens around here. I can see why you'd have trouble opening up about stuff to somebody who doesn't."

Lorna stared out at the passing scenery, "She does know. She's got all Len's files and notes and...I used to be able to talk to her. I just can't anymore and I resent her like hell for it." She shrugged, "She would say that I'm just using it as an excuse. Maybe she's right."

"Well, what changed?" Jamie asked curiously. "I mean, was it something she did? She give you bad advice, or something?"

"No, nothing she did. She encouraged me to come back here, you know. Part of why I left Hawaii was because she thought it was unhealthy for me to be...in that situation." Lorna shook her head, "Which, okay, maybe it's harder to believe that being at the school is a saner thing than being somewhere else."

Jamie gave her a sidelong look. "And maybe you still aren't convinced it was a good idea to break up with Alex, and you don't like that she told you it was?"

"It was my decision." And there was so much more to it than Alex. "And I stopped calling her later than that. Just a few weeks ago, actually. This all sucks, doesn't it? Those people that Masque screwed up they're...when I was down there the other day they were just so...needy. And I didn't want to be anywhere near them." She stopped and sucked in a breath, realizing something, "David made them stop. They were touching me and he made them stop...well...fuck." She was rambling and knew it.

"I think this is where I stop trying to guess what the problem is, because I am clearly so not a telepath," Jamie said a little wryly. "Why did the neediness bother you so much?"

Lorna shook her head, "They were touching me. Not...they weren't hurting me or anything but...I'd just been herding them around the day before and now they were practically in my face and it was like I was...I don't know. Some kind of touchstone or whatever. I almost panicked. David must have noticed because they stopped." She rolled her shoulders, "I hate being down there."

"Well, no surprise there. It's pretty horrible down there, from what I've read, and we don't seem to have gigantic amounts of fun when we send people down."

"It's just as bad as the reports say." Lorna's lips curved in something like a smile though there was only a rueful kind of guilt behind it. "And all I had to do was deliver food. I wasn't ever actually attacked like they were. So what right to I have to freak out over little things."

Jamie poked her in the shoulder. "Hey. No such thing as having to earn the right to freak out. Nobody's keeping score around here." He shuddered a little. "Hell, I'm freaking out a little just hearing about what happened to those people. Melting flesh does not do my brain good."

Fuck. She should have thought of that. Of course it would upset Jamie. Lorna closed her eyes, trying not to wince. "Yeah... Anyway. It's not that bad. It's just on top of everything else. I kinda feel like I'm walking on glass."

"Yeah, well, since it is on top of everything else, and you're wearing yourself to a thread, it is that bad, as far as I'm concerned." He poked her again. "And don't go feeling more guilty on my account. Totally garden-variety freakout, I've had worse from movies. No flashbacks, no nightmares. I may be underfoot a lot, but I'm not glass, promise."

"Jamie, I..." She swallowed hard and realized she was aching from clenching every muscle in her body. "can you pull over for a second?" God, not now. Please, please, please, not right now, she begged mentally as panic rose out of nowhere to strangle her.

"Of course we can," Jamie said, immediately fitting actions to words. He unsnapped his seatbelt almost before the engine stopped, turning to face Lorna. "Anything else I can do? Talk to me, Lorna, how can I help?"

She curled up immediately, struggling to regulate her breathing, barely managing more than short gasps. Stupid, worthless, useless. God, how lame was it to be trapped in the middle of this fear when nothing was wrong. She heard Jamie but all she could do was shake her head and clench her jaw, trying to calm herself.

Jamie hovered for a moment, wondering anxiously if it had been the poking that had set her off, if any more contact would just make it worse, considering that's what had triggered her in the tunnels.

Then he decided the hell with it, and wrapped her in a hug. "It's okay," he murmured, "it's okay, Lorna, let it out, you'll be okay."

Lorna whimpered then bit her lip hard to make herself stop. She was not going to let this control her. Even if everything right now was fear compounded on fear and she couldn't make it end, she was not going to give in. "I'm...it's not..." she gritted out through clenched teeth, trying to breathe normally. "Nothing's wrong. It's just...I've been having panic attacks." She'd have been ashamed if she wasn't so terrified. She dug her nails into her palms, using the pain to focus.

"Oh, only panic attacks, is that all? Can't imagine why I'd think something's wrong, then," Jamie replied, his tone light and wry as he rubbed her shoulder soothingly. "How long have you been having them?"

She rubbed at her chest absently, trying to ease the tight ache cutting off her breathing. "I don't know. A bit. It wasn't...they used to just be once in a while." She knew exactly when they'd started. They'd been getting worse since that day down in the sewers but they'd started... "It's just stress. They'll go away when things get better."

"Mm. What if they don't? Because I thought the same thing about my nightmares after the hurricane, right up until the point Alison came and frog-marched me to the Professor. Some things don't just go away when you think they should." He prodded her shoulder lightly. "Especially if you keep covering up for them, telling people you don't know what kicked them off. C'mon, Lorna, I haven't fallen off the back of a turnip truck in years."

Lorna shook her head, marginally calmer, able to talk a bit without gasping for breath. "It's not any one thing, Jamie. I mean, right now we're just driving. Does that seem like a particularly panic worthy thing?" Her hands were hurting so she unclenched them, feeling the sting in her palms as her nails pulled away. "It really is just stress. Been a hell of a year." She bit off the last word with a little whimper. ...year? She'd meant to say month. Well...hell.

Jamie looked stricken. "You've been having these for a year and I'm just noticing now? I suck. Agh." He shook his head, collecting himself. "It's never not been a hell of a year since--well, before I got here, to hear Kitty tell it. But you can't just--you can't let stuff fester and assume it's just stress and it'll pass, or--you have to stop letting this stuff build up, Lorna. That way lies ulcers and, if you're me, evil twins trying to eat your brain. Or panic attacks." He pulled her into another hug. "You gotta let yourself work through this stuff before you explode."

"What? Oh, no, Jamie. No. I...just since...Christmas. And you weren't supposed to notice. No one was." She slid her arms around him, gripping him tightly because it was better than hurting herself again. "It's just...things have been getting worse it seems like. More keeps coming and...there's not ever any time to work through stuff. So you know, you just go on."

"I swear, you and Mr. Summers," Jamie muttered. "I admire the hell out of you both but God help me if I ever turn into you. You have to make the time. That's why I kidnap Kitty off places, or ambush people with Nerf. Just going on stops working after a while." He paused. "Or, y'know, for another example, since I'm just starting with the team stuff on my plate, Alison. She's a team leader and a mom and a record executive, and you don't see her running on all cylinders until she falls apart. If she has the time, so do you." Jamie gave Lorna a stern look. "You just have to actually use it, instead of scrambling to the next crisis all the frigging time."

Lorna made a face. She adored her best friend, thought the world of her but damn if it wasn't hard not to be jealous of her superhuman endurance. Nothing fazed her for long. Nothing stopped her. She was so perfect that... well, if Lorna was a petty person she'd hate her. Lorna had never thought of herself as a petty person. "Even when I make time, I don't have time. Or did you forget that I left to go to school last August? I shouldn't even be here!" she snapped, slipping a bit and letting just a thread of her exhaustion and hurt through.

"Yeah, well, you are, aren't you?" Jamie snapped back. "When college and Alex didn't work out, you could've stayed out in California, or gone to Europe, or . . . or Antarctica or something, but you came right back to freaking Crisis Central and threw yourself right back into the middle of everything all over again, and I swear to God, Lorna, I love you like a sister and I missed you while you were gone, but if you need to be somewhere else to get your head together, we can cancel the dinner reservations and I'll drop you off at JFK right now. Just say the word. Because you need to stop and process all the crap that's happened."

"Where the hell can I go, Jamie? Home? And put my parents in the middle of this? Christ, I have to lie to them more every time I talk to them because it would break their hearts if they knew the truth. Maybe I should go to...oh, wait. I don't have anywhere else to go. Because no one else is going to understand and no one else would be able to do a damn thing if I get it into my head that maybe Malice wasn't so fucking wrong after all!" It took her a while to realize she was shouting. She stared at Jamie, horrified by her outburst, eyes wide then scrambled for the door, climbing out the of car as fast as she could.

Jamie kicked his own door open and was after her like a shot. "You think I don't know what that feels like? That I didn't wake up nights in a cold sweat, after Skippy, afraid of exactly that?" He stopped short, fists clenching, his voice raising to a raw shout. "Goddammit, Lorna, stop running away every single time you get close to what you
really feel!"

She was pacing, hands fisted in her hair. She shook her head as he yelled, harder and harder, eyes squeezed shut. "I don't know!" she shouted back and dropped her hands, her voice dropping as well, to a mournful murmur. "I don't know what I feel. Everything's all wrong. The only things that make sense are the team and my work. Everything else is out of whack. I'm sorry, Jamie." Lorna leaned back against the car, head bowed, arms wrapped around her, her entire manner as one defeated.

"Don't apologize to me." Jamie deflated. "Just . . . stop settling for whatever little corner of your life still makes sense after the next blowup. You're like a hermit crab trying to stuff itself into smaller and smaller shells. Pick one of the things that's wrong and fix it."

She didn't move, just sighed. "I should tell you...except that you're not going to like this. Um...you know how I told you that I didn't cheat on Alex. I...he had a good reason to think I did. Before I went back to Hawaii, I went to New Orleans to see Remy." She couldn't look at him. Remy wasn't anyone's favourite person and she was afraid to see how Jamie would respond to this confession. "Nothing happened but...it was part of why I left Alex. Because I didn't think I could marry him if I was in love with someone else. So...that's another part of this. See...it's not any one thing. It's just...everything."

"Stop making that excuse. 'Everything' is made up of a whole lot of one things. You need to start working on the one things and let the everything take care of itself." Jamie shook his head. "I mean, take this Remy thing. Who cares whether or not I like the guy? I mean, tell you the truth, I don't actually like Haroun all that much. Do you love him? Do you love him more than Alex? Does he make you happier than Alex did? You gotta decide what you want, and go for it."

"I love him," she confirmed softly and finally looked up. "I...don't know if I love him more or less or whatever because, it's just not even the same. They're totally different and the way I feel about them is totally different. It's easier to just say that I'm not in love with Alex anymore. But the truth is, I just don't know what to do with how I do feel. And I don't know where to start."

"Well . . ." Jamie wrinkled his nose slightly, then shook his head again. "Okay. I am going to completely repress any interpretation of the following sentence that might destroy my brain, but: maybe a place to start is, decide whether how Remy makes you feel is what you want right now. Not forever and ever, necessarily, just . . . picture yourself with Remy, and ask, are you any happier in that picture than you are right now? And if you are . . ." Jamie wrinkled his nose again. "Then go for it, I guess. And that's one thing fixed, at least temporarily. And then you can pick the next thing to work on." He paused, chewing on his lip. "Just, if you do decide to go for it with Remy, don't keep letting yourself say that it's easier to say that you're not in love with Alex. Settling for what's easier to just say is what got you this messed-up in the first place, from what I can tell."

Lorna sighed, "I suppose that's one place to start." She dragged her hand through her hair again. "So one thing at a time and don't worry about the rest, hmm?" She thought about 'the rest' for a moment and shuddered. "Yeah, that's...I can probably do that."

"Don't worry about it all at once. But don't fix one thing and pretend that makes everything fine again, either. You have to keep moving down the list even if you're not worrying about how much list you have left." Jamie cracked his neck tiredly. "And now I'm hungry. You wanna head over to that restaurant?"

Lorna nodded though whether she was agreeing to dinner or his advice was anyone's guess. "You're a good friend, Jamie. Even when I'm a rotten one."

"Oh, cut that out." Jamie shot her a wry grin. "You've never not been there for me when I've needed you. That doesn't all go away just because suddenly you're not totally together and on top of everything."

"I never had to kidnap you from the middle of obsessing and drive off into the night." She opened the passenger door and grinned at him. "So thanks."

"Never say never. I mean, I'm not full team yet, I don't have my official leathers or my official membership card or my official weight of the world or anything." Jamie settled back into his seat and started the engine. "But you're welcome."