Birthday Blues: Terry and Bobby

[x-siryn.livejournal.com]

Backdated to the 22nd, Terry gets home and has to face her ex-boyfriend. Bobby begs for forgiveness and gets it but things aren't exactly just the way they used to be.




The last couple of weeks were like a dull ache that she was trying to avoid, knowing that going near those thoughts would just set her off again--and she was tired of crying. After some thought, Terry dashed off a quick post to the journals, just to let people know she was home. Some would be angry with her. She was probably in for a hundred lectures. But she wanted people around. Needed to see the people that she'd given up her uncle for.

So much for not thinking about it.

She'd had a shower in her own shower and was once again in her own clean clothes. It was only slightly warmer here than Ireland but she'd opted for a breezy spring dress anyway and let her hair hang loose and curled down her back rather than putting it up. It was a little like forgiving herself and a little like letting go.

Bobby saw the post and forgot how to breathe for a few moments. He leapt up to go see her--and then stopped, afraid of what she might say.

It was nearly an hour later when his desire to see her finally won out over his fear and the rationalizations that had gone along with it. He hurried to her room before he could lose his nerve and knocked lightly. If she told him to go away, he'd go. For now.

Terry finished up her long chatty phone call with Alison--she'd called her the second she read her teacher's emails--practically one a day. It was good to know that people had missed her. Her bare feet were quiet on the carpet as she dashed over to the door, eager to see who had come by. "Come on in, it's not locked..." she said quickly, her voice still lilting with the sound of her isle. She pulled the door open and froze. "Oh."

Bobby's breath caught in his throat and he had to fist his hands at his sides to keep from reaching out, pulling her into his arms. "You're really okay," he said hoarsely and swallowed, his eyes roaming hungrily over every inch of her. God, she looked even more beautiful than the last time he'd seen her.

Terry nodded. "Aye." She shivered under his gaze, able to read his expression so clearly it was frightening. She took a step back. "I'm sorry for worrying everyone. There wasn't much that I could do at the time. But I was never in danger."

Bobby answered her step back by stepping forward, inside the room. "...I was worried," he admitted, voice low. "...God, I missed you," he added in a whisper, unable to keep from reaching out any longer, his fingers trailing over the hair framing her face.

Terry tensed all over and turned her head away because she wanted to lean into the touch. "Bobby...I..." missed you, too. But that didn't make this hurt any less. It didn't change why she'd left. "I think maybe we should talk."

Bobby pulled his hand back, biting the inside of his cheek as he tried to stifle the wince of pain her pulling away had caused. "Well, yeah. Sure. That's totally fair," he said quickly, giving her a small smile. "Whatever you want, Terry..."

She ran her hand through her hair and looked around. Her suitemates could come back at any time which might be welcome but wasn't really fair. "Let's...go for a walk."

"Sure." Bobby nodded immediately, reaching for her hand and then pulling back again with a small sigh. "A walk sounds like a good plan."

He grabbed the door and pulled it open again, holding it for her.

Terry paused to slip on a pair of shoes and grab a light jacket before walking out the door. She watched her feet rather than look around, leading him downstairs and outside without a word.

Bobby followed, his chest aching with longing as he watched her, matching her silence. He'd let her set the scene--when she felt ready to talk, he'd talk. Or listen. Or stand still and let her hit him, if that was what she wanted.

The air was different in New York. Terry wasn't sure how or why but it was. She took deep breaths of it, trying to steady herself. They went down the front walk to the gate where she wrapped her hands around the bars and leaned her forehead against the metal. "How are yeh doing then?"

Bobby snorted, leaning against one of the stone pillars and looking at her. "Me? Oh, y'know." Horrible. "I'm survivin'." Fuck, this was painfully awkward already.

"Is everything okay?" Well that was a stupid question. It wasn't, obviously. "I...haven't had a chance to read the journals much. I know things have been hell. But...for yeh. Are yeh..." Coping well with sleeping with Jean. No, couldn't say that. She let the question fall into silence instead.

"I haven't had much to say on the journals," Bobby answered quietly, picking at the mortar between two stones fixedly. "Just been working, and training. Pretty much." And keeping to himself whenever possible, and thinking about her far more than he wanted to, much less was ready to admit to.

"Are yeh still working for Nathan then? That's good." She didn't even know that she'd been tense about that until she felt the relief. "And...how are things with the team?"

"Yeah. Maybe even doing a lot more for him, soon." Bobby tried to sound enthusiastic about this, but he was too busy wracking his brain for a way to make things all better again. "The team's okay." He rolled his eyes and added in a disgusted mutter, "Logan's back."

"Really?" Terry looked over at him, surprised. "Did...Is he alone? Why did he come back?"

"Yeah, he's alone," Bobby growled, and that was all he'd say on the subject. He took a deep, quick breath and went on, "So are we gonna talk about us, or not?"

Terry bit her lip and shrugged, "Um, aye. Sure we are." She didn't know what to say. Didn't even know if there was an 'us' to talk about. She remembered what Tom had said, that her heart was sure even when her head wasn't.

"I mean, that was what you wanted to talk about, right?" Bobby straightened, punching the wall gently as he did. "Or did I totally misinterpret?"

"I just don’t know what to say, Bobby. When I was with Uncle Tom...I missed yeh. I've missed yeh for a long time." Since Valentine's Day if she was being honest. And it only got worse every time they got close and broke apart again. "What do we do?"

"I missed you, too, Terry...fuck. I don't think I've stopped missing you since...." Since Valentine's Day. "I don't know what we do, all I know is I love you, and I want us, and...tell me how I can make things right, baby. Please." He reached for her, his emotions written on his face as plain as day.

She didn't move away when he touched her but didn't move toward him either. Her head led one way and her heart another. "I don't want to get hurt anymore, Bobby. I...I just turned my uncle in. The man who meant the most to me in all the world and I betrayed him. He just let me do it too. Sat there without a fight." She shook her head, "I don't know how to make things right. I love yeh. But how much does that really mean? Loving yeh didn't make any of this not happen. So...what should I do? Trust my head?"

Bobby rubbed her arm lightly and sighed. "I don't know. I can't tell you what to do, Terry. All I can say is...I'm sorry. And I won't do it again."

"Maybe not. But...this won't be the last time something goes wrong. I'll hurt you again or yeh'll hurt me and...should we even be doing that? What are the chances that this isn't going to end even worse in another month?" Fear made her voice shake as she told him all the things that keep her staying back from him.

Bobby couldn't stand that shake in her voice and he pulled her into a hug, eyes tightly closed. "There are no guarantees, Terry," he said softly. "But do you want to give up all we have...all the good times, just to play it safe?" Six months ago he himself might have answered that question with a yes--but not anymore.

She answered him honestly. "I don't know." Her arms crept around him, fingers clutching at his shirt in a quiet sort of desperation while her stomach twisted in knots and told her to run. She didn't know. She wanted it both ways. Safety and love all in one.

"I know what I want," Bobby answered, softly but firmly. "I want you. But...I can't make you trust me, Terry. You have to decide for yourself if you can."

She looked down, then up. "It's yer birthday," she said quietly.

Bobby looked at her for a minute, then nodded. He'd forgotten all about it himself, until Lorna had mentioned it. "Yeah."

"Happy Birthday." She pulled back, reluctantly. It wasn't fair to hold onto him when she didn't know if she'd forgiven him. "Bobby...why did you sleep with Dr. Grey?"

Bobby swallowed, his eyes stinging suddenly as he lost her warmth. "Fuck. I don't know," he answered with a frown. "Because I was lonely and stupid and she wanted me and...you didn't." The last came out almost in a whisper, Bobby's eyes dropping to the ground.

"Is that why yeh didn't come home when I asked yeh to? Because of her?" Would he still want Jean more than her? She wouldn't have blamed him, would understand. It was Jean. But she'd hate him for it too. It was Jean.

"No. I was just hurt and upset and I wanted to see my family. Jean had nothing to do with it." At that point, anyway.

"I begged yeh to come home. How could yeh have thought that I didn't want yeh after that?" And how could she still want him having heard him say that? Why did the thought of walking away hurt more than the thought of what he'd done?

Bobby sighed and turned away from her, looking out of the gate with a distant look on his face, hands shoved in his pockets. "Does it matter how it happened, or why it happened?" he asked softly.

"It matters to me." She looked down and scuffed her foot on the ground. "Bobby...I'm trying to figure out if I should listen to my head or my heart. So I need to know...why shouldn't I walk away? Why shouldn't I leave before yeh leave me?"

Bobby took a deep breath, a cold feeling gathering in his stomach. "If you really have to ask me that...then maybe you should," he said quietly, pain lacing through every word.

Quiet as his words were, Terry flinched like he'd hit her then stepped forward, reacting without thinking. "Maybe I should. Break my heart again, for I've not done that enough this week. What would yeh do if I did? Who would yeh go to to make it hurt less?"

Bobby just shook his head, not answering. He would throw himself into his work and his training, as he'd done for weeks already, but there was no point in telling her that. She'd condemned him already, and with good reason.

"Yeh'll let me walk away?" She heard the plea in her voice. Didn't know if he would. Wasn't sure what he would think it would mean if he did. God, she didn't want to lose anyone else.

Bobby's face contorted as he struggled to speak, struggled not to cry. "If that was what you wanted," he said hoarsely. "It'd kill me, but if that was what would make you happy..."

"It wouldn't make me happy." Her eyes were dry. Watching him, she was pretty sure it was only because she had no tears left. "I'm never happy when yeh're gone."

Bobby swallowed hard and looked at her. "...Then no." He dropped to his knees at Terry's feet and grabbed her hand in both of his. "Please, Terry. Please give me another chance, don't leave me, I love you..."

For anyone else, it would have been over the top. Terry's logical side insisted that it was cliché. The rest of her shuddered. Her free hand threaded through his hair then stroked over his cheek. "Bobby..." Walk away! insisted her mind. "I...couldn't. I wouldn't get very far even if I tried."

A soft, strangled whimper escaped Bobby as he climbed slowly to his feet and pulled her close again. "I'll never hurt you again, I swear it," he whispered.

She clung to him and let herself pretend, just for a little while, that everything was going to be okay. After a moment, she looked up at him, "I, uh, got yeh a birthday present."

Bobby laughed softly, but it was a shaky laughter, his emotions still keyed up beyond words. "You didn't have to do that."

"It's yer birthday." She didn't move, preferring to stay just like this with his arms around her. It wasn't that everything was okay or even that she'd forgiven him entirely. But she knew that for her, it wasn't about what her head thought was best. She was Irish and therefore ruled by her heart. "Besides, it's not a very good present."

Bobby tightened his hold on her, thinking that she'd already given him the best present anyway--but that was a bit too cheesy and sappy even for him. "I'm sure it's great," he said aloud, kissing her hair lightly.

"That's because yeh don't know what it is." They couldn’t stand there forever, Terry realized with a sigh. It would be nice and she was willing to give it a try but it probably would be silly to. "Do yeh want to go inside and have yer hopes of a great presents crushed?"

Bobby gave her a small smile. "Dunno. Do I get to keep you if I go inside?" he teased, his stomach in knots still.

"Yeh will have a hard time getting yer present if I went away." Her arms tightened around him. It was just a little too soon to joke about it without hurting. "Hold on just in case. That was yeh can't lose me unless yeh let go."

Bobby took a deep breath and nodded. "Over my shoulder or in my arms?" he offered, face completely serious.

Terry laughed. "I was thinking hand in hand."

"My way would cause more gossip," Bobby grumbled, sighing as he relaxed his hold on her. Not that he wanted everyone to know that he had Terry back or anything. Of course not.

She didn't think that it was going to take much for the gossip to spread as it was. Her roommate hadn't gone blind or mute after all. "I'd like to walk, if it's all the same to yeh."

"Walking it is," Bobby said, pulling back and taking her hand in his.