The Perfect Nanny, part 1: Let's Go Fly a Kite

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A perfect end to a perfect week. To celebrate Children's Day, Shiro and Clarice take out Leyu, Artie, and Karolina to the park. Someone (or someones) take exception to two teenagers looking after a group of children, and try to take custody. They retreat in the end.


Though the weather recently left something to be desired, it had lately started warming up quite nicely, and that merited a trip to the park for Kodomo no Hi, Children's Day. So while Leyu, giggly as ever, led Artie and Karolina around with their carp-shaped kites and taught them the holiday tune "Sei Kurabe," Shiro and Clarice took a seat at a bench.

Shiro was finding it tough to enjoy the beautiful May afternoon. News about recent developments back home in Tokyo had left him somber, withdrawn from even Clarice. His cousin was getting? And he'd been invited to the wedding? It smelled rotten, but Shiro could only guess what the real deal was.

Clarice for her part had assumed that Shiro's recent moodiness came from school-related stress since he was more than happy to spend time with her, but just wasn't very active. It was about damn time that the weather had started to improve though, she had thought that spring might never come unless they plied Ms. Munroe with large amounts of wildebeests and maybe a virgin or two.

"Can't you even pretend like you want to be here?" she asked, "If only for Leyu? Or should I just take you back home?" she was getting annoyed. It was his idea (and Leyu's) to celebrate the Japanese holiday, so he should damn well enjoy it!

"Sorry," he muttered, eyes focused on some point beyond the kids. "I received an invitation from Tokyo a few days ago. My cousin Mariko is getting married." Shiro had told Clarice some about his convoluted family, so the least she'd know is that Mariko and Harada are half-siblings. And given Shiro's non-relationship with Harada, even this should have set off bells in Clarice's head.

Bells, whistles and a train horn or two. Clarice actually did pay attention when she wanted to...and frequently when she didn't. Multi-tasking was easy. "You going?" she asked, "'Cause...y'know....last time and everything....was bad. And school."

"Wakaranai," he replied. Leyu ran by, giggling, and waved at the two of them. Shiro just offered a half-hearted wave back. "I do not know if I even can refuse. It would be more than insulting."

The Japanese and their silly sense of honor. It wasn't that it was silly so much as damned inconvenient really, she reflected trying not to sigh dramatically or argue the point. She wouldn't win. "And is there some clause stating that girlfriends can't go?" she tried not to sound snippy, really. "Because if you're going to stick your head into a hot oven then you need someone to pull you out too."

"Mother, a rainbow. Seven colors on one person, like the Lucky Charms, only the girl is not a leprechaun. I had Lucky Charms this morning, and so did Benny and Joey and little Susie and they were good so I let them have my marshmallows because I am not eating them because you said processes sugar makes me constipated but the others they would not eat anything because they are still bad, bad babies, so I gave them the bottles like you said, and they had naps.." The blond teenager was tugging on the sleeve of his 'mother', a woman in a high-tech looking wheelchair, obviously designed for outdoor use.

"Shush, Peter, dear, the bad babies will listen to you eventually. Mother knows best, right?" Francine answered distractedly. Peter was a good boy, he listened and did as he told, and he wouldn't stray too far, not like some of her other charges. She watched the group of children play with their kites. Dangerous toys, a small child could choke on the strings, or get tangled up and lose a finger, or get pulled off the ground by a strong gust of wind. And someone, obviously foolish, had left these children with -teenagers-.

She shook her head sternly. Someone would have to speak to them about this. The biggest child, she was almost a teenager herself. Almost no time to turn her around and make a decent person out of her. "Peter-baby, would you be a dear and go get your special coat and hat from the truck? And Mother's special coat too?"

Shiro bit his lip. He had to give Clarice credit. Accepting the invitation would be like walking into the lions' den, and he'd have to be dead foolish to go without support, be it physical or moral. And while he didn't want to put her in any danger, if she could stand up two three Hand ninja, then he really didn't have anything to worry about.

"Well, if I were to go then Leyu-chan ought to as well, and I could use some help keeping an eye on her . . ." He really didn't want to give her the satisfaction of pointing out his dumb behavior.

Karolina looked away from the kite she'd picked out (that now matched her skin, a rainbow of colors) and glanced around, still a bit self-conscious at being out in public with such a visible mutation. She was having fun for the most part, but then she would catch someone staring at her and it would sting all over again.

Watching the kids run and play was a good way to avoid more serious-talk with Shiro. She might even join them if the serious talk continues just because it was too nice a day to be so serious. "Serious, serious, serious," she said, mimicking Kitten from Breakfast on Pluto. She just saw it the other day and was completely enthralled.

"Woo! Karolina!" Clarice cheered as Karolina's kite caught a good burst of wind and did a little loop-de-loop. That was awesome!

Peter shuffled around, organizing the bits and pieces of the equipment as he'd been asked. White hose into the white canister, little black hose into the back of Mother's chair, compressor attached, knobs and nuts and bolts tightened. It was hard not to be a little excited. This was always the interesting part, getting to get a new brother or sister, and letting them know they were going to be safe and taken care of.

Someday, he thought, he would get to do this himself, once he was stronger, and bigger. He was already taller than Mother, even when she was on her crutches, and he could pick up her and her chair and carry it around.

Once he was finished, he ducked into the back of the truck to finish changing clothes. Mother didn't want him to get shot, ever, and the Kevlar and Nomex protected him from that. He wrinkled his nose at some of the pieces, at one in particular. He hated it. It itched, it didn't fit right anymore, and it made him feel all funny. And it wasn't like anyone ever hit him -there-.

He glanced over his shoulder, to check, and saw his Mother busily pulling the face mask and cowl over her head. She wouldn't notice, and he could say it broke later, and then she would have to get him a -new- one, that didn't itch, or make him feel all funny.

Before Francine could turn around, Peter had shoved the protective cup under the spare tire, and pulled up his armored pants. She would never know.

Not doing the serious talk was just fine with Shiro. He'd rather watch the kids have fun, anyway. He'd think and make a decision later. For now, he forced a smile and put an arm around Clarice's shoulders and leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek. And then her nose. And then her lips. A big kiss there.

He was starting to feel better already, Leyu's protests about cooties unheeded.

And now they were -kissing-. Francine pulled a face and clucked her tongue at the couple. Obviously sexually active too. Those children shouldn't be exposed to -that. She nodded at Peter, who was adjusting his protective helmet and started motoring forward, the treads of her chair tearing up the soft grassy turf of the park.

From behind the van, Peter came running towards Shiro, intent on doing as he was told, and distracting him so that Francine could gas them to sleep.

Peter threw another wild punch, aiming for Shiro's face. He only needed a few more seconds. Keep them busy until Mother could get there with her gas.

They were obviously older than she'd originally thought, Francine thought. The teens, at least, the Asian one, moved like one of the military-trained guards she'd known at her last job. She tabbed a button on the number pad under her hand, and a nozzle telescoped out of the side of her chair.

Clarice rolled off the bench and tried to force herself to chameleon with the grass. No secondary powers of chameleonism for Clarice though and she made her way to where the kids had gathered together leaving Shiro to deal with tall, dark and insane. He was much more suited to this than she was.

"Come on!" She called, opening a portal near the trio and motioning them towards it. Once the kids were safe, she could see about helping Shiro. Priorities.

This guy was surprisingly fast for someone his size. Taken by surprise, Shiro was forced into the defensive and couldn't get over to the kids. Yay for Clarice, though. What was he saying about not wanting her in danger?

Dodging another punch, he tried to pull up a shield, but was too slow and was slammed halfway across the park.

Kids taken care of, Clarice ran to help Shiro, "Yo! Decepticon!" she called, waving at him and trying to buy Shiro some recovery time, "You wouldn't hit a girl would you?"

She wasn't really a -girl-, Peter thought to himself. She was a bad girl, a bad -woman-, and wicked. Mother had told him all about women who dressed like that and dyed their hair. And kissed in public. And what was a Decepticon? He thought it sounded like deception, but he wasn't a liar. Liars were bad and had to eat soap to wash out their dirty lying mouths.

He didn't even see that the children he was supposed to be collecting were gone. The woman had called him a liar, and he wasn't a liar. "I DIDN'T LIE!" He yelled, voice muffled by the helmet, as he rushed over towards Clarice.

Francine was too intent on motoring towards Shiro, once Peter had knocked him away to pay attention to what was going on with the children. The modified wheelchair moved quickly, if roughly over the grass, throwing clumps of sod behind it. "Time for a nap, just a little one..." She said in a falsely sweet voice, pressing a button, and watching gleefully as the yellowish gas surrounded Shiro.

There was a big man in so much armor that he look like one of those attack dummies in women's self defense classes, and an old woman on a tank chair. Shiro didn't think that he could imagine something more surreal. The colored-gas was just icing on the cake. It was like he'd been sucked into the old Adam West Batman show. He was half-expecting Clarice to utter "Holy narcolepsy, Shiro!"

He coughed violently and he got to his feet. He felt dizzy and had to concentrate to keep his balance, but he was otherwise unphased. "Unwise, busu," he growled, bursting into flame as his powers fully manifested.

Oookay, obviously not up on his 80's pop culture, that made Clarice sad. "Lie about what?" she asked, trying to draw him in a little closer. So far she had managed to dodge his attempts at hitting her, but things were getting awfully close. Ducking under his arm again she shoved her hand into his armpit effectively forcing that arm to dangle to one side, its movement hindered by the armor and her hand in the joint.

Using her handhold for leverage, she brought her knee up, smashing it into his groin as his other arm whacked her in the forehead. That was going to hurt. Disengaging, Clarice brought one hand to her forehead wiping blood away. "This better not scar," she hissed, pleased at the pain she'd caused. Maybe he'd need a testicle retrieval operation.

Peter staggered back, holding his groin and trying not to cry. That had hurt. A lot. He hadn't know that could hurt that much! "Mother!!!" He yelled, running away from the purple-skinned woman and towards Francine's treaded wheelchair.

Francine was in full top-speed reversal after seeing Shiro burst into flames. The gas didn't work. He wasn't asleep, he must have been far younger than she thought. It was too risky to get those children now. She wasn't inclined to let herself or Peter burn for a few mutant children, who were probably already too far gone to be saved anyway.

"What the fuck?" Shiro said, blasting a spot right behind the retreating tank chair just to scare them off more. He wanted to go after them, but he didn't have the authority. Yet. Turning back to Clarice, he powered down and sighed. "We need to get back. Oh, and good kick, by the way."

"Thanks," Clarice blushed magenta and opened a disk back to the school, "You did awesome too giving me time to get the kids out of here. This really sucks goat balls."

"It is apparently against cosmic law for you and I to enjoy ourselves without interruption," Shiro pointed out, stepping through the portal.

The Mary Poppins lyrics are Frito's fault.