Log: Logan and Marie

[x-traction.livejournal.com]

After finding out from Nathan that Logan took himself off the team, Marie finally gets up the nerve to knock on his door. The talk begins on a serious note, and almost takes a very bad turn, but everyone ends up in a good mood.


Marie paused in front of Logan’s door. She had walked past his room what felt like a hundred times since finding out that he had left the team. Each time, she had paused, raised her hand to knock and then simply walked away without doing anything. How ridiculous, she thought to herself. This man had been, no she reminded herself, was one of her closest friends. And considering the only reasons she could fathom for him leaving the team, he probably needed a friend who could understand him more than anything. And with that thought, she finally knocked on the door.

Logan opened it suspiciously quickly. "Finally made up your mind to knock?" he asked with a grin. "What's on your mind, Em?"

Shoulda known better, she thought to herself, while smiling wryly. “You know me…Ah have to over think everything ‘fore Ah decide to do it.” No sense beating around the bush with Logan…he would know she was stalling. He knew her too well. Placing a gloved hand on his shoulder, she looked him in the eye and said, “Ah heard you left the team and thought y’ might need a…might need someone to talk to.”

Logan looked at her and then nodded fractionally. "C'mon in." he said, stepping back and out of the way to allow her access. Once she was in his room, he closed the door behind her and locked it. "It's rough, Em." he said roughly. No point in pulling punches with Em - she'd developed an uncanny ability to see through his shit to the real heart of things. "I was seeing feelings, smelling tastes, hearing scents ..."

Well, this was a good sign, she thought as she perched on a chair in his room. He was willing to talk, not just shutting down and shutting everyone out, like he sometimes did. Not that she wouldn’t have shoved her way into the room anyhow, but it was much simpler when he was at least somewhat compliant.

Giving him an empathetic look, she nodded. “Ah know how that must have been for you…you rely so much on your senses. Not being able to trust them…Ah can understand how that would be tough for you to deal with.

"Worse than that. I was seein' people that weren't there, couldn't tell my directions..." he said, then snarled. "Fucked me up hard. And that fucking carebear Nate's giving me _shit_ for it."

Marie shuddered internally, trying to keep him from seeing her physical reaction. Pieces of her conversation with Nathan were falling into place, now that she was beginning to understand what happened to Logan…it didn’t take a genius to put together that moment of glee Nathan had seemed to have when hoping she had hit Logan together with Nathan’s injury.

Leaning forward, she tried to soothe him. “It’s harder for other people to understand. They don’t know what it’s like.”

Logan shot her a Look. The "No, really?" look. "They'll never know. And they shouldn't. C'mon, Em, I wouldn't wish what happened to me on anyone!" he said, raising his voice. "I'm not safe, Em. Stryker was right." he groused. "Maybe he's right. I don't know."

Damnit, it was so hard to say the right thing with Logan. Especially now. “He was _not_ right. Don’t even think that.” She stood and began pacing around the room. “We all have our moments here…none of us are always safe. That’s why we have this place and each other…to help with those times, get each of us back on our feet.”

"Yeah." he said, a weary mixture of agreement and contempt. "That's workin' out for me. Chuck tells me I gotta figure it out for myself, that my mind ain't ready to let go." he said with just a little undertone of growl. "Took a chunk out of the carebear and clonked 'Ro over the head. Yeah, I'm doin' _great_."

This was worse than she had thought…it was one thing to take a slice at Nate, someone he wasn’t all that fond of to begin with, but he hit ‘Ro? She reached out and lightly squeezed his hand. “If the Professor says you need to figure it out, that means he knows you can.”

"Thing with 'Ro was an accident." he said. "She startled me." And Rogue knew from personal experience what Logan's instincts and reflexes were like when he was startled. Last time she startled him he nearly killed her. Would have, too, if he hadn't forced his ability to heal on her. "But Nate? Shit, I enjoyed that."

For a minute, she was back in that moment when she had startled him. She had thought it would be her last.

“Have you gone and talked to ‘Ro?” she asked, deciding to ignore his comment about Nathan…no love lost between the two of them and obviously things weren’t getting better if he was coming up with such sweet nicknames. Carebear…well, it was more endearing then some of things she had heard him call Scott.

"'Ro's avoiding me." he said. "Can't blame her." He was feeling restless, so with a casual grace he kipped back up to his feet and went for a cigar. "Want one?" he teased as he slid one out for himself.

“Ah’m trying to quit,” she said while winking at him. She leaned against a wall and crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re too hard on yourself.”

"Your loss." he said as he lit up, his hand steady - luckily for him - with the lighter. A few drags of the harsh cheap smoke and Logan almost felt a little better. All in his head, but his head was where the problem was. "I gotta be hard, Em. I slack off, people _die_. Ask the carebear."

She looked at him for a few moments without saying anything, and then looked away. “You aren’t the only one,” she replied softly.

"Yeah." he said, realizing where she was going with that. "So don't tell me I'm too fucking hard." he growled, back to pacing across his room again.

Stepping into his path, she held up a hand to stop him. “Fine Logan, be hard on yourself. Its not being hard that Ah have the problem with…its how you’re hard on yourself.” Knowing that he probably wouldn’t understand, she tried to explain herself anyways. “You shut down, push everyone away, leave…is that how things’ll get better? We did that, remember? We ran away, left here, and where did it get us?”

Logan stared at her, fighting the urge to pop claw, destroy her challenge to his authority. A fight he was used to fighting, but this time it took time for him to master himself enough to sit back down, take a long drag off his smoke, exhale it through his nose. "You been listenin' to the hippie again." he accused her.

Not realizing how close she had come to becoming a shish kabob, she retorted, “Maybe you should try it. Ah was a mess. And nothin’ and no one was reaching me and Ah wondered if Ah would ever be able to be me again.” She felt exasperated, and doubted that she was reaching him. He seemed to have his mind made up that he couldn’t control himself. Her arms fell to her sides. Trying to keep the emotion out of her voice, she said, “Just don’t go running away again.”

"I'm not goin' anywhere, kid." he said with a heavy sigh. "Chuck's working on it, and he's already nailed down a lot of the shit that popped loose." he said. "What we're doing now is getting me to the point where I can do it on my own."

Rogue felt a wave of relief wash over. He wasn’t going to run off on some crazy trek to sort himself out, he was going to do it here with help. Shaking her finger at him, she tried to lighten the mood in the room by teasing, “Who you callin’ ‘kid’? Ah got more white hair than you.”

Logan couldn't help himself.

He laughed.

After a few moments, he looked at her and shook his head. "Yours comes from a certain asshole we both know." he pointed out. "You're just a kid."

As if to prove his point, she stuck her tongue out at him then busted out laughing. Finally regaining her composure, she took a serious tone. “Y’ know Ah’m always here for you right? Ah’m always gonna be your friend.”

Logan paused at that. "Kid, you _were_ me for a while." he pointed out.

She nodded. “Exactly. If that didn’t run me off, nothin’ will.”

Logan barked out another laugh, and then not-gently cuffed her on the shoulder. "C'mon, kid. I could use a beer." he said, moving past her to unlock and open his door.

Giving him a not so soft poke in the ribs in return, she replied, “Y’ always could…which is why Ah expect you to have one with me…in a few weeks, when Ah’m old enough.” And with that, Marie sauntered out of his room, allowing a grin to appear once her back was to Logan.

Logan blinked at that. Oh, yeah. America, land of the stupid, home of the Puritan. Damn her, now he was actually in something of a good mood. Grumbling good-naturedly, he went to get his whittling knife. May as well enjoy some sunshine while his good mood lasted.