Late Monday, NYC, Remy's apartment.

[x-polarisstar.livejournal.com]

After Amanda's unpleasant visit yesterday, Lorna takes off for NYC to straighten some misconceptions out with Remy. She does so at the top of her lungs.




Lorna ran up the steps in the brownstone, the long drive down to the city having given her plenty of time to work up a good mad. The three flights up to the third floor passed by in a blur even as she yanked her hair into something like a simple ponytail then she banged on Remy's door without ceremony. "Remy, it's Lorna."

Silence but that wasn't exactly a problem. She knew he was in there. She grabbed the doorknob and unlocked all the many locks with a touch, shoving the door open. Remy was sitting on the couch, with his leg propped up in the air. "What the hell, Remy?"

Remy looked up from his paperwork abruptly, both surprised by Lorna's sudden entrance and her presence at all. His leg was killing him, and after doing his whole recruiting spiel today, he'd already settled in for a long rest.

"Pardon?"

"What the hell?" She stalked across the room, leaving the door open behind her without a single thought. "I thought we were getting somewhere! I thought you knew enough that you need to talk to me when something is happening not just jump to conclusions without a single shred of evidence and no, you don't have any because Christ, I'm allowed to have friends! And God, you'd think that a freaking super spy would be able to tell the difference but no!" Her voice rose steadily. She hadn't exactly practiced this speech but it didn't seem to matter in the slightest, "Damnit! Why the hell can't you get it through that thick skull of yours that I want to be with you. You! Yes! Stop gaping at me like that! No, I won't stop shouting and yes, I know we're not alone here. DO YOU THINK I'M LOUD ENOUGH YET?" She paused for a breath, hands on her hips, skin flushed from the extertion.

Remy hadn't precisely crawled back in his chair, but he was leaning away from her, both eyes wide open at her outburst. He carefully put the files down on the floor, more looking for a few seconds to process this than as an organizational issue.

"Remy guessing dat something happened recently?"

"I don't know, Remy, you tell me why Amanda jumped down my throat yesterday about toying with your feelings and that you've been crushed all week!" Her voice was slightly quieter but only slightly. "You tell me what the hell kind of crackpot brain it takes to completely skip right over the possibility that maybe, possibly, I have friends who are male without cheating on the guy that I'm interested in!"

"'manda was-" Remy started and shook his head. How the hell did Amanda know about any of this? He hadn't talked to anyone and now Lorna was looking ready to tear his head off and eat it raw with chopsticks.

"Look, Lorna. Remy don't know what 'manda said. I haven't mentioned anything to her, and I don't know how she found out 'bout you and Haller. I don't know what she told him, but Remy straighten it out. I'll make sure dat he knows dere's no way you were cheating on him wit' me."

She really hadn't intended to slap him. The fact that she had no idea that she was going to was probably the only reason that she got the blow in, since Remy's reflexes would normally have caught the move. "I AM NOT DATING DAVID HALLER!" At this very second, she wasn't sure if she wanted to date Remy either but that was probably the rage talking.

He didn't even see the blow coming, her hand cutting through the blind area of his vision. The blow didn't hurt much, but as he twisted in reaction, it shifted his weight on his hip and leg. A lick of fire shot up through the joint, and it was all Remy could do to hide the pain. His fingers tightened on the edge of the chair.

"Don ever do dat, Lorna." His voice was strained; distant and cold. His history made his normal responses to physical abuse both deadly and painful. He took a moment to breath, fighting back the pain at the same time as his sudden flush of unthinking rage. "Guess Remy wrong 'bout Haller, but just don't. Please."

Lorna backed off, halfway across the room before she really registered moving. "I'm sorry. I...fuck. I'm just a mess right now and..." She dragged her hands through her hair. "I'll go now and...you just...if you're not going to trust me, this is pointless, okay? It's not going to work."

"It's nothing to do wit' trust, and you know it, Lorna." Remy forced himself to sit straight, peeling his fingers from the edges of the armrests. "When you came down to New Orleans, you told me what de problem was. You've told me ever since den. You in love wit' me. You don't know what to do and you don't know where to go."

Remy closed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them again, the mismatched stare locked on her. "I know all dat, but I don't know dat dis is something dat you actually want, or something you just feel you should. We've been hiding in restaurants and behind closed doors since de beginning. Is it really so surprising to think dat you might want something dat you don't have to be ashamed of wanting?"

"Is that really what you think of me?" Lorna's voice dropped to nearly nothing, choked by a sudden rush of grief and disappointment. "That I'm ashamed of you? That I'm the type of person who would pick someone 'suitable' over love? That I would play with you and toss you aside like you didn't matter?" Like she was Malice. She turned away and bit her lip as if that would keep her from crying.

"Non. But I think you deserve something better. Dere's a whole part of you life dat you want dat being wit' me means giving up. Which one you going to introduce to you friends; de monster, de whore, de cripple? Imagine showing me off to de parents, neh?" Remy felt the misery settle in, but tried to shrug it off. It was wrong to try and keep her; be with her. In the end, all he'd ever bring her was pain, just like now.

"Remy love you until de end of my days, chere. So much dat all I want is for you to be happy, and I don't think dat you going to do anything but regret being wit' me." It hurt, like jagged spikes in his heart, but it was right.

She looked back at him, her face flushed and stained with tears. "I've never seen a monster. Or a whore or a cripple. I just see you. And if all you want is for me to be happy..." She shook her head, "What can I do with that? How am I supposed to give you want you want when this kind of thing is making me miserable?"

Remy wanted to go to her, but he couldn't. She was right. He was going to make her miserable and he didn't know how to fix it. "It's not 'bout what I want, chere. It's 'bout what you want."

That was the key point. He knew that he could make Lorna stay for a number of reason. She loved him, and any mixture of guilt, dependence or manipulation would make it simple. But he couldn't do it. If she didn't want to stay because she wanted to first and foremost, it was better that he hurt them both now. Remy didn't think he could handle doing it later. "Whatever it is you want, dat's what Remy wants for you."

"You're an idiot." Insulting him was stupid and pointless because he'd just take it but Lorna couldn't help herself. "It's not just about what I want. You can't base a relationship on just what one person wants! But okay, let's take that ride. I want you to trust me. I want you to stop assuming that every guy I so much as smile at I'm going to leave you for. I want you to be a little bit selfish and want me to stay, not just sit there and make this all my responsibility." She'd started pacing, her movement sharp and nearly hostile as she struggled with all the jagged emotions in her head. She stopped in front of him, the hem of her skirt just brushing his good leg. "Stop testing me!"

"You think dat's what dis is? Some kind of test?" Remy struggled to his feet, ignoring the pain in his leg as he groped for his cane and righted himself. "Dis isn't 'bout you having male friends or some jealousy merde. Maybe it's easy for you to just go into dis, Lorna. It's not for me. I don't know what I'm doing and I don't understand it."

Remy checked himself, aware that his voice was starting to strain. "I know all sorts of things 'bout you, chere. You've talked to me 'bout dreams, 'bout what you want in you life. You've even told me you love me. But you've never told me 'bout why or how you want me in your life."

"Easy? You think this is easy?" She'd stepped back to give him room to stand, but only barely. With her head tossed back, her red-rimmed eyes glared from only inches away, "Christ in heaven, six months ago I was engaged! Nine months ago I nearly killed you! This isn't a normal relationship! How about taking me at my word when I tell you that I want to try to make this work because I don't know what the hell I'm doing either!" She'd stopped shouting though the strain in her voice was no less and she sounded like she was constantly on the verge of tears...which she was.

Remy dropped his eyes, staring at the ground between them. "Because de only thing dat I know is being lied to. It scares me dat one day, I'm going to look in you eyes and see you here because you think dat you need to be, and not dat you want to." He shook his head. "I've never had anyone to care about like dis, and it's frightening enough dat de pain thinking dat you better off wit'out Remy is almost safer den not knowing what's going to happen."

Her lips quivered and she pressed them together to stop them. "I do need to be here. For me just as much as for you. I don't know what's going to happen and it's just as terrifying for me as it is for you. But the only way this thing is going to work is if we try. Not jumping to conclusion. Not assuming things are going to be ruined before we start." She spread her hands, "I'm right here, Remy. If you're not going to believe what I say, at least see that much. I'm here."

"You know, de whole brownstone knows dat now, chere." It was a feeble attempt at a joke, but at least it was an attempt. "I'm sorry, Lorna. I just-- it's so important to me dat you happy, and I guess dat it's hard for me to see how you can be dat wit' me. Not de suave romantic anymore when it's personal, neh?"

"The whole brownstone knows. Thanks to Amanda, I think the whole school knows too." She smiled slightly at him, "You don't have to be suave. Just be yourself and don't try to push me away." She lifted her hand to his cheek, "I'm sorry I hit you."

"Let's not talk 'bout dat." He said, lightly but finally. It was something he definitely didn't want to discuss. Remy took her hand, touching her for the first time since she'd stormed into his apartment. "I'll try, Lorna. I really will."

Remy looked past her into the hallway, hearing the vague sounds of people moving in the hallway. "So, how 'bout dinner? It's late, we've woken up de place, and my leg is killing me. Sounds like de perfect time for some Ethiopian and a drink, neh?"

Lorna sighed, "I wish I could. I need to get back though. I made time for this because I thought it was important but I have training before breakfast tomorrow and I need to get some sleep." She curled her fingers through his, reluctant to actually leave.

"Just coming to yell and run den?" Remy said with a grin. He put his hand over hers, trapping them both together. "Sure you don't want to stay. Be all naughty and break curfew?"

"So that tomorrow I can have my ass handed to me? You think you're worth that?" She was smiling, inviting him to say yes.

"Only if I'm de one doing de handling, neh?" Remy kissed the back of her hand. "Remy can write you a note. Dere's some kind of evil mutant waiting at dat restaurant, I'm sure. I can even make de paperwork look good, you know."

She laughed softly, "I'm sure you could. I would love to stay. I wish I could. But I'm jetlagged like you wouldn't believe and...well, it's been something of the week from hell. Can I take a raincheck?"

"Always." Remy shuffled his cane into a more comfortable position. "Go. You got things to do, chere. I'll call you in a couple of days."

"Thanks." Lorna reached up with her free hand and rested her hand on his cheek. "Let's not do this again, though. I really would rather not fight with you."

"Me neither. You got magnetic powers. Remy can't take dat kind of hurt." He said with a wink as he ushered her out the door. The girl looked nearly dead on her feet as it was, and her outburst at Remy must have taken the last of the wind out of her.

"I'm really very gentle with them. I even left your door intact." God and now she had to drive home. Why wasn't there a bullet train between New York and Westchester? "Good night, Remy. Call me."

"I will. Dat's a promise."

Comments

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

Wow. Is every couple having big fights these days? Must be contagious.

Also, Remy dropped his eyes, staring at the ground between them. "Because de only thing dat I know is being lied to. It scares me dat one day, I'm going to look in you eyes and see you here because you think dat you need to be, and not dat you want to." He shook his head. "I've never had anyone to care about like dis, and it's frightening enough dat de pain thinking dat you better off wit'out Remy is almost safer den not knowing what's going to happen."


I think this is one of the most powerful and humanizing things Remy has ever said. And on a quite personal level, it is exactly what anyone who has been abused or emotionally neglected goes through when they finally find someone to trust.

This was amazing, both of you.

[xp_daytripper]

It's either big fights or getting engaged. *grins*

And agree with you on the log. Incredible stuff and so very true to life.

[x-juggernaut.livejournal.com]

Not to mention the cut-tag makes me think of all the X-Women coming forward in some strange 'Spartacus' homage:

"I am not dating David Haller!"
"I am not dating David Haller!"
"I am not dating David Haller!"

[x-legion.livejournal.com]

Which would be funny until they got to Betsy, at which point it would totally derail.

"What? I am."


Cue the terrible hilarity of Remy seriously believing the self-avowed former mental patient would be better for Lorna than he is . . .