xp_logs | Marie and Kurt, Tuesday evening

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Marie and Kurt bump into each other on the roof. A night of quiet stargazing turns into a discussion of doubts and faith.

Lately, Marie had taken to sitting on the roof at sunset to watch the colors spread across the mansion’s lawn. The colors calmed her for some reason she couldn’t name, but she didn’t question feelings of tranquility these days – they were too few and far in between. The roof was the one place her mind didn’t immediately start reviewing the events of the past few weeks. Here, she could sit and just be. As the darkness took over, she shifted to lie on her back and stare at the stars.

Peace sometimes seemed a rare commodity in the mansion, between the school full of teenagers and the X-Men, and Marie wasn't the only one who'd discovered what the roof had to offer. Choosing to walk rather than teleport, for once, Kurt slipped quietly up through the loft access, heading towards the flyer's platform.

At the sound of someone approaching, Marie sat up and turned to see who had also decided that tonight was a good time for a little seclusion. At the sight of blue fur, a smile spread across her face. “Ah see Ah’m not the only one who perhaps needed a moment of quiet.”

He smiled back, pleased to see her - they hadn't really had a chance to talk, since she'd come back. "I would be surprised if we were the only two."

She laughed at that. “True, Ah guess everyone probably needs a moment.” Or ten. “So long as they all do not discover my spot, Ah shall be content.” Gesturing to the empty space beside her, she said, “Care to join me? Ah haven’t had a chance to really speak with you since coming back, except for that one night at Harry’s.”

He was more than happy to join her, sitting down with some relief - he'd just come from an acrobatics practise session, and he was tired. "Of course. How have you been settling back in?"

“Well, Ah came back of my own volition, Ah have no evil mutant relatives chasing me that Ah know of, and no one has tried to kidnap me since Ah returned, so Ah’d say Ah’m settlin’ in great!” Crossing her legs, she shifted herself into a more comfortable position. “How have you been? Ah haven’t seen you around much this past week.”

"I have been..." He was on the verge of a diplomatic lie, but then he stopped. "I have had better weeks. But I am doing better now."

She sensed his hesitance and a concerned look crossed her face. “Ah am glad to hear you are doing better. Ah suppose this has just been one of those weeks at the mansion.” Ruefully, she added “But Ah guess it almost always is.”

"We do seem to get very little space to breathe", he acknowledged just as ruefully, leaning back to look at the sky. "But it has its compensations."

Turning her head to follow his gaze, she stared up at the stars. “They are beautiful, are they not? Ah sometimes wish Ah could see them always and didn’t have to wait for nighttime.”

"It can be arranged", he said thoughtfully. "There must be an observatory near here..."

“Perhaps,” she replied, though she wondered if she would have the same magical feeling of wonder and joy at such a setting.

He smiled over at her. "And if not... well, this place is not going anywhere."

“Ah suppose not,” she said returning his smile. “Good to know that some things are constant, when you lead a life such as ours.”

"This life we have chosen is not the easiest", he said with a small nod. "But we do always have here to come back to."

She twisted a lock of hair around her finger while thinking for a moment. “But it is the right life, at least for me. It’s almost like Ah do what Ah do so that there will be a place like this to return to.”

"I do not think I will ever go back to live in my mother's camp for good", he responded, almost a confession for a confession. "Not least because I... belong here, more than I ever have anywhere else."

“A sense of belonging is very important,” she said while gently squeezing his shoulder with a gloved hand. “Ah consider myself lucky that you came to us when you did.” Marie shook her head at her next thought. “Do you know something? Ah think Ah have had far too many near death experiences for a girl who just turned twenty one.”

He blinked at that, giving her a sideways look. "I would think one near-death experience would be too many for a girl of 21."

“Ah would have to agree…but such is life. But of them all, being sucked out of the plane was the most fun…of course, at the time, Ah think all Ah did was scream…” She laughed. “Do you know my only coherent thought was a wish that Ah could fly? Ah guess sometimes prayers get answered late.”

"But they always are answered", he said softly. "Even if the answer is 'no'." This was clearly something he'd repeated to himself many, many times.

The mood on the roof had quickly grown solemn. Marie stared at her hands for a few minutes before she was able to reply. “One day Ah hope Ah’ll understand why some of the answers are what they are.” Though Ah doubt Ah ever will.

The night and the quiet seemed to lend themselves to solemnity. Or maybe it was just the talkers. "Do not give up that hope, Marie. If you keep trying to understand... it may well come."

She tried to smile but found herself unable to do so. How could she ever understand why G-d had done this to her? What had she done to deserve never being able to know another’s touch without hurting them? “It is sometimes hard to have such faith. Ah do not know how you do it Kurt. Ah always find myself doubting…”

He reached for her gloved hand, not hesitating for a second to touch her, and gave it a quick squeeze. "Do you think I never doubt? Everyone does, as none of us is perfect. But my faith has always been a comfort, when I had nothing else to hold to."

She tilted her head to the side as she pondered what Kurt had said. “Ah suppose…if Ah did not doubt my faith at times, would Ah really appreciate what it feels like when Ah don’t?” She looked down to where his hand touched hers. “There are days where Ah tell myself there has to be some reason…” she said softly.

"There is always a reason", he told her firmly, though his voice was just as quiet. "Even if sometimes it is hard to see what that may be. We are not meant to see everything, after all."

Marie’s gaze returned to the sky above them. “No, we are not.” Pointing into the distance, the ghost of a smile appeared on her face. “A falling star…” Closing her eyes, she made the same wish she always did.

He followed her pointing hand, eyes fixed on the star, and murmured a wish - or a prayer - of his own.