xp_logs | Amanda, Angelo - Wednesday night

As he promised in this post, Angelo goes to New York to check on Amanda after his vision of Meggan. She's not dealing well, but neither is he. There's mutual leaning.

At the knock on the door, Amanda quickly finished her email to Doug, sent it and set her laptop back on the sofa. Trading emails with Doug had really kept her sane during the wait for Angelo. Opening the door she gave him a wan smile. "Hey. Thanks for coming."

His wasn't much better - between the argument with Nathan and the inexplicable sighting of... whoever looked so much like Meggan... it hadn't been the best day ever. "Not a problem. Like I said, I needed out for awhile too."

He looked tired and not just physically. Stepping aside, she gestured for him to come in. "I'd ask if you're okay, but... well, yeah. Grab a seat, I'll put some tea on."

He was only too happy to drop into one of the chairs, bone-tired. "Tea sounds good. You holdin' up okay?"

"Better than I was - Doug's been keeping me sane with emailing me." Amanda moved to the kitchen, the simple ritual of getting out cups and tea, swilling out the teapot, boiling the water somehow soothing. "How about you? I didn't think, when I read that post, but it must have been hard for you too." Her voice trembled a little on the last bit.

He shot her a quick worried glance when she wasn't looking, but didn't get up - she'd be joining him back in the living room soon enough. "It was... weird. Like... I would've thought someone would've said somethin'. An' nobody seems to know who it was I saw."

"I called Kurt - he said Meg's definitely still with the caravan." Once the initial reaction had passed, it had been the first thing she did. "So whoever - whatever - you saw, it wasn't really her." The kettle boiled and she poured the water into the teapot she'd gotten at a little tiny store a couple of blocks away. It had been run by the almost stereotypical little old Polish lady.

She realised she was focussing on trivialities rather than the important stuff and shook her head at herself. "Does anyone at the school have any idea?"

He shook his head in turn, still confused and unhappy. "Doesn't seem like it. Laurie said she'd seen somethin' weird too, though... somethin' about Ms. Frost, with Angie an' Jennie with her dressed in spandex..."

Despite herself, Amanda snickered at the mental image as she brought the teapot and two mugs over to the coffee table and poured. "Spandex? Angie would have had something to say about that."

"Yeah." He grinned faintly, reaching for one of the mugs. "So it sounds like just another day at Xavier's. They'll figure it out..."

"Probably. But in the meantime..." Amanda curled into the corner of the couch closest to Angelo's chair, pulling her knees up. "Did she... how'd she look?" she asked, almost wistfully. "Was she... happy?"

"She really was", he said with a smile, remembering what he'd seen. "Playin' with the dog, an' goin' between furry an' not like there was nothin' to it."

Amanda's own smile was more like a grimace. Like it should have been. "She always did love playing with Joyita," she murmured, not touching her own mug but wrapping her arms around her knees. "Stefan said..." Her voice caught a little. "Stefan said she keeps asking where 'Jo'ita' is." Among everyone else.

Angelo winced, looking down at the mug in his hands. "I wish I could take her over to Germany. But... quarantine, an' all. Maybe if Clarice took us..."

"Maybe if you talk to Kurt... I know she'd love to see her Angelo again, too." Because Margali would tell me to fuck off in no uncertain terms if I took you. Amanda was glad this was Angelo, that she didn't need to say the words out loud. "I know it's better for her there, it has to be, but sometimes I just wish..." Her voice failed her this time and she leaned her head on her knees. "I'm so sorry, Angelo. I never meant to screw things up so much."

He put the mug down, at that, reaching for her. "Hey. You listen to me. You stop with the guilt, because you're a long way from the only person from the mansion who's screwed up."

"But I'm not the one who's had to pay for it. I should never have taken her on, who was I fucking kidding? I couldn't even look after myself, let alone a traumtised little kid. I set her up, set everyone who cared about her up since there was no fucking way I could do the job." Amanda's words were bitter and angry, but she leaned her head against Angelo's shoulder. "And here I am again, focussing on me when I'm not the only one that's hurt. You don't need this shite, Ange."

"An' when did that ever stop life throwin' it at me?" Angelo asked, with a faint wry smile, resettling in the chair so they'd both be more comfortable. "I can deal."

Taking a deep breath, Amanda fought for calm again. "You might be able to deal, but it doesn't mean you should have to," she said tiredly, unconsciously moving into his hug - Angelo gave the best hugs. "At least Nate hasn't been back in the medlab for a while. Less stress on you that way."

He stiffened slightly at the mention of Nathan - she might not have noticed at all, if she hadn't been leaning against him. "Not for awhile", he agreed after a moment, would-be casually. "Or not as an in-patient, anyway."

Of course she noticed - suddenly the hug wasn't as comfortable as it had been, tense muscles making themselves known. "Hey," she said, looking up at him. "What's up? Something happen I don't know about?"

"Not... really", he said, trying not to sound shifty. "Just had words a couple times... not even arguments, not really... about him stayin' on the team."

He was being evasive with her. Amanda sighed, knowing it was probably because he didn't want to upset her any more than she was. "I think I can guess what sort of words," she said. "You don't like him going out there, do you?"

Angelo hesitated, then shook his head. "No. I don't. 'Specially now he's got Rachel to think about."

Amanda nodded. "Back last year, when I was... well, I'd been studying with Selene for a while by then. He was saying on the journals about how Rachel had been upset he'd been gone. I said it was something she was going to have to get used to." Shame heated her cheeks. "Not the nicest way to put it, but underneath it all, there was a point. Rachel's just a baby, she can't possibly understand why he does the leather stuff. And eventually he's going to get hurt again, maybe as bad as Youra." Or worse. "What's it going to do to her if that happens?"

"I tried to tell him that", Angelo said quietly. "An' I get why he goes out with the team, I do. But I don't get why Elpis isn't enough of makin' a difference for him, for all he's tried explainin' it. An' he gets hurt - his back's fucked now just from a trainin' session, for God's sake - an' he comes back bad enough off to get stuck in the infirmary for days, an' when I tried to call him on it, he just kept talkin' about the virus an' how a bus could hit him comin' out of the UN tomorrow, like that's a reason to go out an' maybe get himself killed just 'cause it'd achieve somethin' that way, an'... I don't get him." His voice had grown progressively more miserable during the outburst, and he slumped in his chair.

Now it was Amanda's turn to move and wrap her arms around him. True she had to balance on the arm of the chair to do it properly, but she managed. "It's more than just Nate, isn't it?" she asked softly. "This whole thing, Rachel, Nate maybe not coming back some day... It reminds you of your dad?"

There was a moment's silence, then he nodded tiredly. "Some. He's... not just a boss, you know that. An' Rachel's too little, an' she's a telepath, it'd be even worse for her. An' he says he needs to keep goin' out there, like he'd be doin' somethin' wrong if he stopped. Like it'd be his fault if someone got killed after he quit."

"He's proving everyone wrong." Amanda tightened her arms around him. "Mistra, his dad, that fuck Gideon... they made him into a weapon, into something that got used to hurt and kill and destroy. The X-Men turn that on its head. But he can't do it forever and with Moira and Rachel linked to him, it won't be just him that gets hurt." Like Moira when Nathan was at Youra. Like herself when the demon from Halloween had hurt Manuel. "But the thing with Nate is, you can't tell him what to do. He has to come at it his own way."

It was his turn to lean, too. "But Elpis turns that on its head, too, an' without him needin' to go out there an' fight. But I don't think he wants... not to need to, an' I don't know what to do to make him see. Don't know how many times I'm gonna have to sit in the infirmary with him.... don't know what I'd do if he didn't come back."

"Because that's the way he was taught - you change things by fighting them and for Nate that means going out there and hitting them together." Amanda rest her cheek against Angelo's head. "I wish I knew how to make things better, Ange, but I really can't see how. This is all down to Nate - the best you can do is stick by him and try and make him see what he's risking. And what Elpis can do."

"Oh, I'm not goin' anywhere", Angelo assured her, quiet steel in his voice. "Not as long as he's here. I owe him."

"We all do." Amanda closed her eyes, holding onto Angelo. Not goin' anywhere. "Ange? Would it be all right if you stayed here tonight? I don't... I don't want to be on my own."

He turned a little to look at her, then nodded. "I was thinkin' about headin' over to Mom's anyway, so Bobby knows not to worry if I don't get back there tonight. I'll stay."

"Thanks." Suddenly the position she was in seemed a little too... something, and she let go. "You hungry? We could order pizza, maybe watch movies or something? Nice and quiet-like." They were both emotionally wrung-out, she could see it in his face.

She wasn't wrong, but that suggestion got a smile. "For old times' sake, huh? Movies an' pizza sounds good."

She smiled back. "I'll get the phone, you pick the movie."

Current Mood: depressed
Current Location: the village, new york
Current Music: "Talk About Love" - My Friend the Chocolate Cake