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xp_logsJennie goes out clubbing, and of all the clubs in all the world, picks the one Amanda and Marie-Ange hit. Jennie and Amanda meet up in the bathroom, and a catfight ensues.
The club was hot and crowded. Just the way Jennie liked it. The air crackled with energy, and she could feel the music all the way to her bones. Too bad she was alone tonight. The bouncer even looked slightly disapointed when she told him it would just be her tonight. He handed back her fake i.d. and waved her in. Even if her i.d. had been discovered as a fake, she would have been let in. She was a regular at this club, and in the old days she, Marius and Manuel would routinely tear holes in the place.
Jennie pushed her way into the ladies room. The sweat was making her mascara run and she needed a breather. Dabbing at her racoon eyes, she caught sight of her reflection. She looked tired, worn. Worried about what Marius was planning about meeting her father. Worried about her best friend, who in spite of his protests to the contrary, was not fine. Jennie had gone out by herself, because she needed to have a night to herself. Her new roomate was cheerfully clueless about the social norms of people who were not raised being waited on hand and foot. In all honesty, Jennie just wanted a break. She laid her head against the cool glass of the mirror and took a deep breath.
Behind her a toilet flushed, followed by the door opening. Amanda had been hitting the vodka and orange (her preferred clubbing drink since beer was a bit heavy for dancing) pretty hard tonight and of course it meant having to duck into the bathroom every ten minutes. She wasn't in a hurry, though - she'd left Marie-Ange chatting to a rather nice Fine Arts student from NYU and didn't want to get in the way overmuch. Squeezing past the girl who seemed to be communing with the mirror in that way people do when they get drunk, she washed her hands and then examined herself in the mirror. The blonde was still sometimes a surprise but she had to admit, she was preferring it over the bad dye job.
Tugging her halter top straighter, she turned to go, and then caught sight of Mirror-Girl's face. It was familiar, although she had to focus to think past the vodka haze to remember where from. "Jennie, right? From the school?"
Jennie jerked back from the mirror. Even with the blonde hair, Jennie could tell who it was. Amanda was swaying slightly, and her eyes were unfocused and hazy. Of all the clubs in all of Manhattan, she had to run into the bitch here.
"Oh." She said, with a little venom. "It's you."
Owing to the drink, Amanda didn't catch the venom directed at her. It wasn't as if she knew Jennie that well, after all, mostly from school gossip told to her by Marie-Ange or Clarice. "Fancy runnin' into you here," she said, her accent slipping slightly back into the South London she'd used for so long. "Then again, story of my life, funny coincidences. Out for a bit of a lark with your mates, are you?"
Jennie snorted. Amanda was so drunk she didn't even wonder what an obviously underage girl was doing in a 21+ club. After months of listening to Manuel moan about Amanda and their relationship, Jennie knew far more than she ever cared to know about Amanda. She still hadn't forgiven Amanda for running off like she did. Jennie didn't
like people who chose their problems over their loved ones. Amanda hadn't also been there to see Meggan cry. Jennie fought to keep her voice civil.
"No. Marius is....not feeling well." Jennie felt the edge come back into her voice. "And Manuel" She put particular emphasis on that name. "Is in Europe, trying to get back his family's money."
That last name was like a slap in the face. Amanda recoiled slightly, the friendly grin slipping off her face. "I heard about Marius," she said in a distant, almost automatic voice, suddenly feeling much less fuzzy and giddy than she had been. "He's getting better, yeah?"
The reference to Manuel she wasn't going to touch. Ignore it and it'll go away, it works for everyone else, a little voice in her mind suggested, but the sudden twinge of pain in the back of her head said otherwise.
Jennie allowed herself a small smile. Bingo. "No, he's not, Amanda. He burned off all of his skin and had to regrow it in the last week. How do you think he's feeling?" Jennie crossed her arms and looked down at the shorter girl.
"I'm... sorry." The word slipped out before she realized, the old familiar feeling of guilt settling on her shoulders. But not for Marius - she'd had nothing to do with that. No, the guilt was far more familiar, an old friend that whispered to her in the middle of the night. "And M..." She tripped over the name, couldn't shape the sound of it. "And Manuel?" she managed at last, a strangled whisper almost too quiet to hear over the noise of the club. "How is he?"
"Oh, fabulous," Jennie turned on the tap and washed the mascara residue from her fingers. "Considering he's lost his job and has no money and no family." In his last email he'd entreated her and Marius to come visit him. There was plenty for Manuel to do in Spain, but he was lonely. Manuel was lonely of all things. "But you know," Jennie shut off the tap, "what can you do?" The sarcasm was so thick you could cut it.
Amanda winced. Knowing Manuel wasn't out fitting himself with the goofy costume and styling himself as the next supervillain was perhaps a small relief but it was overwhelmed by the rising tide of doubt and guilt. "I never meant..." she began, but stopped herself. Never meant what? To rip out the link, to drive him away from the only place he might have had a chance? "I didn't want to hurt him." The words were small and pitiful and pathetic in the face of Jennie's sarcasm.
"Oh, grow a spine, Sefton." Jennie snapped. "You wonder why people aren't yelling at you for the shit you did? It's because you crawl around and wibble and whine, about 'poor little you' and your 'bad choices,' it'd be like kicking an injured puppy." The paper towel dispenser had been empty for months, so Jennie wiped her hands on her shorts. "Cry me a fucking river." A part of Jennie would have liked to say that she was just snapping from the stress, but the rest of Jennie knew she'd just really wanted to yell at Amanda for a long, long time.
"Then what do you want me to do?" If Amanda's retort was more than a little defensive, it was because Jennie's words had hit hard. First Lorna, then Jennie pointing out the home truths. "I can't go back and fix what I did. Even if there was anything I could do to help Manuel, you think he'd let me?"
"Manuel doesn't need your help." Jennie said evenly. "He's a grown man. You can't "fix him"' Jennie used her fingers as quotation marks. "I mean, It's all about you, isn't it? Why d'you think it's all about you when it comes to him? The boy is plenty fucked up, but it wasn't all you." Jennie snapped. "This guilt shit makes me sick. It's like you want people to be sorry for you! Don't walk around whining about how you want to make things better, just fucking do it!" Jennie was going to have to give Manuel a talking to next time she emailed him. Seriously, he was all bent up over this girl? She could barely hold her head up. "Have you even tried to contact him?" She continued.
"You might have missed the part where he was calling me a monster." Something was rebelling in Amanda, though. What fucking right did this girl have calling her on the carpet any way? It wasn't like Jennie knew her. "And the bit where he left the mansion because he couldn't handle being in the same building as me! So, no, I haven't contacted him - it's better for both of us that I don't." The martyred tone was leaving her voice despite her words.
A lazy smile crossed Jennie's face. Good, fight back. "Manuel might surprise you." Jennie said. "Everyone always had so little faith in him. And, yeah, he's a douchebag, and yeah, he's done bad things, and so have you, but...." Jennie trailed off and pinched the bridge of her nose. Turning away from Amanda, she saw her reflection in the mirror. "Somebody wise once told me, 'We are not our mistakes, but the choices that we make.'" Jennie turned back to Amanda. "So maybe instead of pissing and moaning about how you done wrong to everybody and their brother, maybe you should actually try to do something about it."
"I had Manuel's emotions in the back of my head for more than a year - I'd say I know him better than you do," Amanda shot back. "And since you've got all the fucking answers, maybe you can tell me what I could do about it? Besides... I dunno, the job I've got with the whole think tank that's actually getting stuff done, or maybe the three months I spent working with Tante to understand just how fucking dangerous magic can be and how to control it. Or maybe I should go back, sign up with the bondage brigade?"
Jennie shook her head. "How about not crumbling every time someone mentions Manuel or Meggan?" Jennie realized that this was going to be a low blow, but it had to be done. "How about dropping her a line, yeah? You know, she would ask Dani or me if we'd heard from you every day before she left? That's great that you're off saving the world and defending the helpless, but how many people would you have to help before you stop feeling guilty about Manuel or Meggan? I may not know you Amanda, but I know the people you've left behind. And I can't respect anyone who lets their mistakes control their lives." Her mother had redeemed herself in the end, before she died. All it took was for Jennie to reach out and give her the chance.
"Who says I haven't tried to get in touch with Meg?" It hurt, admitting her mother had pretty much disowned her, but Amanda had tried. "Margali's decided I've done enough damage - she's made it pretty clear that Meg's better off not hearing from me. I sent her a birthday card back in December, but Stefan says Margali burned it." Her eyes itched with sudden tears, but she was damned if she was going to show it. "I talked to Meg after I got brought back from the Club, tried to explain..." She shrugged a little helplessly. "She's happy in Germany. I ask Kurt about her from time to time."
"Then for fuck's sake, use Kurt to talk to her. Christ, it's not that hard!" Jennie threw up her hands. "My Mom threw my ass out of the trailer when I was fourteen. But I called her up last fall and we had a great relationship until she...." Jennie trailed off. "Until she died," she finished. Jennie looked at Amanda, really looked, and saw all the similarities the two had in common. And that frightened her. "You give up at the slightest little bit of resistance. One thing doesn't go your way, well fuck! It's time to throw in the towel!" Just listen to yourself Stavros, she mentally chided herself. Isn't this what Marius was telling you just last week?
Because it was easier to give up and let people move on than it was to fight to hold on. In that moment Amanda saw the truth of it - it wasn't consideration for others that had made her pull back, it was fear and self-preservation. Letting them go before they could do the same to her. "You don't..." she began. You don't understand, was what she'd been going to say, but the thing was, Jennie did understand. It was like those fights with Jubilee all over again, tearing each other to shreds because they saw their own weaknesses in the other. "I'll call Stefan, tomorrow," she said at last. "Sort something out so he can pass stuff onto her." It wasn't much, but perhaps it was a start. "I should go. Angie's going to be thinking I fell in or something."
"Yeah," Jennie said and then turned away. For all of that, she felt much lighter. "Not that I much care about whether or not you redeem yourself, but I care about the people you left behind. So maybe your redemption is a good thing." She returned to fluffing her hair in the mirror.
"Not that I care what you think, but... you've given me something to think about." Amanda made for the door, pausing with her hand on the handle. "Next time you talk to Manuel, could you..." She stopped, unsure of what she wanted to say. Not 'sorry' - she was sick to death of using that word. And the wounds were still too deep, too raw. "Tell him I asked after him?" she settled for at last.
"I will." Jennie said. She turned around and leaned against the sink to watch her go. After the door closed Jennie muttered under her breath. "Now to follow my own advice."
The club was hot and crowded. Just the way Jennie liked it. The air crackled with energy, and she could feel the music all the way to her bones. Too bad she was alone tonight. The bouncer even looked slightly disapointed when she told him it would just be her tonight. He handed back her fake i.d. and waved her in. Even if her i.d. had been discovered as a fake, she would have been let in. She was a regular at this club, and in the old days she, Marius and Manuel would routinely tear holes in the place.
Jennie pushed her way into the ladies room. The sweat was making her mascara run and she needed a breather. Dabbing at her racoon eyes, she caught sight of her reflection. She looked tired, worn. Worried about what Marius was planning about meeting her father. Worried about her best friend, who in spite of his protests to the contrary, was not fine. Jennie had gone out by herself, because she needed to have a night to herself. Her new roomate was cheerfully clueless about the social norms of people who were not raised being waited on hand and foot. In all honesty, Jennie just wanted a break. She laid her head against the cool glass of the mirror and took a deep breath.
Behind her a toilet flushed, followed by the door opening. Amanda had been hitting the vodka and orange (her preferred clubbing drink since beer was a bit heavy for dancing) pretty hard tonight and of course it meant having to duck into the bathroom every ten minutes. She wasn't in a hurry, though - she'd left Marie-Ange chatting to a rather nice Fine Arts student from NYU and didn't want to get in the way overmuch. Squeezing past the girl who seemed to be communing with the mirror in that way people do when they get drunk, she washed her hands and then examined herself in the mirror. The blonde was still sometimes a surprise but she had to admit, she was preferring it over the bad dye job.
Tugging her halter top straighter, she turned to go, and then caught sight of Mirror-Girl's face. It was familiar, although she had to focus to think past the vodka haze to remember where from. "Jennie, right? From the school?"
Jennie jerked back from the mirror. Even with the blonde hair, Jennie could tell who it was. Amanda was swaying slightly, and her eyes were unfocused and hazy. Of all the clubs in all of Manhattan, she had to run into the bitch here.
"Oh." She said, with a little venom. "It's you."
Owing to the drink, Amanda didn't catch the venom directed at her. It wasn't as if she knew Jennie that well, after all, mostly from school gossip told to her by Marie-Ange or Clarice. "Fancy runnin' into you here," she said, her accent slipping slightly back into the South London she'd used for so long. "Then again, story of my life, funny coincidences. Out for a bit of a lark with your mates, are you?"
Jennie snorted. Amanda was so drunk she didn't even wonder what an obviously underage girl was doing in a 21+ club. After months of listening to Manuel moan about Amanda and their relationship, Jennie knew far more than she ever cared to know about Amanda. She still hadn't forgiven Amanda for running off like she did. Jennie didn't
like people who chose their problems over their loved ones. Amanda hadn't also been there to see Meggan cry. Jennie fought to keep her voice civil.
"No. Marius is....not feeling well." Jennie felt the edge come back into her voice. "And Manuel" She put particular emphasis on that name. "Is in Europe, trying to get back his family's money."
That last name was like a slap in the face. Amanda recoiled slightly, the friendly grin slipping off her face. "I heard about Marius," she said in a distant, almost automatic voice, suddenly feeling much less fuzzy and giddy than she had been. "He's getting better, yeah?"
The reference to Manuel she wasn't going to touch. Ignore it and it'll go away, it works for everyone else, a little voice in her mind suggested, but the sudden twinge of pain in the back of her head said otherwise.
Jennie allowed herself a small smile. Bingo. "No, he's not, Amanda. He burned off all of his skin and had to regrow it in the last week. How do you think he's feeling?" Jennie crossed her arms and looked down at the shorter girl.
"I'm... sorry." The word slipped out before she realized, the old familiar feeling of guilt settling on her shoulders. But not for Marius - she'd had nothing to do with that. No, the guilt was far more familiar, an old friend that whispered to her in the middle of the night. "And M..." She tripped over the name, couldn't shape the sound of it. "And Manuel?" she managed at last, a strangled whisper almost too quiet to hear over the noise of the club. "How is he?"
"Oh, fabulous," Jennie turned on the tap and washed the mascara residue from her fingers. "Considering he's lost his job and has no money and no family." In his last email he'd entreated her and Marius to come visit him. There was plenty for Manuel to do in Spain, but he was lonely. Manuel was lonely of all things. "But you know," Jennie shut off the tap, "what can you do?" The sarcasm was so thick you could cut it.
Amanda winced. Knowing Manuel wasn't out fitting himself with the goofy costume and styling himself as the next supervillain was perhaps a small relief but it was overwhelmed by the rising tide of doubt and guilt. "I never meant..." she began, but stopped herself. Never meant what? To rip out the link, to drive him away from the only place he might have had a chance? "I didn't want to hurt him." The words were small and pitiful and pathetic in the face of Jennie's sarcasm.
"Oh, grow a spine, Sefton." Jennie snapped. "You wonder why people aren't yelling at you for the shit you did? It's because you crawl around and wibble and whine, about 'poor little you' and your 'bad choices,' it'd be like kicking an injured puppy." The paper towel dispenser had been empty for months, so Jennie wiped her hands on her shorts. "Cry me a fucking river." A part of Jennie would have liked to say that she was just snapping from the stress, but the rest of Jennie knew she'd just really wanted to yell at Amanda for a long, long time.
"Then what do you want me to do?" If Amanda's retort was more than a little defensive, it was because Jennie's words had hit hard. First Lorna, then Jennie pointing out the home truths. "I can't go back and fix what I did. Even if there was anything I could do to help Manuel, you think he'd let me?"
"Manuel doesn't need your help." Jennie said evenly. "He's a grown man. You can't "fix him"' Jennie used her fingers as quotation marks. "I mean, It's all about you, isn't it? Why d'you think it's all about you when it comes to him? The boy is plenty fucked up, but it wasn't all you." Jennie snapped. "This guilt shit makes me sick. It's like you want people to be sorry for you! Don't walk around whining about how you want to make things better, just fucking do it!" Jennie was going to have to give Manuel a talking to next time she emailed him. Seriously, he was all bent up over this girl? She could barely hold her head up. "Have you even tried to contact him?" She continued.
"You might have missed the part where he was calling me a monster." Something was rebelling in Amanda, though. What fucking right did this girl have calling her on the carpet any way? It wasn't like Jennie knew her. "And the bit where he left the mansion because he couldn't handle being in the same building as me! So, no, I haven't contacted him - it's better for both of us that I don't." The martyred tone was leaving her voice despite her words.
A lazy smile crossed Jennie's face. Good, fight back. "Manuel might surprise you." Jennie said. "Everyone always had so little faith in him. And, yeah, he's a douchebag, and yeah, he's done bad things, and so have you, but...." Jennie trailed off and pinched the bridge of her nose. Turning away from Amanda, she saw her reflection in the mirror. "Somebody wise once told me, 'We are not our mistakes, but the choices that we make.'" Jennie turned back to Amanda. "So maybe instead of pissing and moaning about how you done wrong to everybody and their brother, maybe you should actually try to do something about it."
"I had Manuel's emotions in the back of my head for more than a year - I'd say I know him better than you do," Amanda shot back. "And since you've got all the fucking answers, maybe you can tell me what I could do about it? Besides... I dunno, the job I've got with the whole think tank that's actually getting stuff done, or maybe the three months I spent working with Tante to understand just how fucking dangerous magic can be and how to control it. Or maybe I should go back, sign up with the bondage brigade?"
Jennie shook her head. "How about not crumbling every time someone mentions Manuel or Meggan?" Jennie realized that this was going to be a low blow, but it had to be done. "How about dropping her a line, yeah? You know, she would ask Dani or me if we'd heard from you every day before she left? That's great that you're off saving the world and defending the helpless, but how many people would you have to help before you stop feeling guilty about Manuel or Meggan? I may not know you Amanda, but I know the people you've left behind. And I can't respect anyone who lets their mistakes control their lives." Her mother had redeemed herself in the end, before she died. All it took was for Jennie to reach out and give her the chance.
"Who says I haven't tried to get in touch with Meg?" It hurt, admitting her mother had pretty much disowned her, but Amanda had tried. "Margali's decided I've done enough damage - she's made it pretty clear that Meg's better off not hearing from me. I sent her a birthday card back in December, but Stefan says Margali burned it." Her eyes itched with sudden tears, but she was damned if she was going to show it. "I talked to Meg after I got brought back from the Club, tried to explain..." She shrugged a little helplessly. "She's happy in Germany. I ask Kurt about her from time to time."
"Then for fuck's sake, use Kurt to talk to her. Christ, it's not that hard!" Jennie threw up her hands. "My Mom threw my ass out of the trailer when I was fourteen. But I called her up last fall and we had a great relationship until she...." Jennie trailed off. "Until she died," she finished. Jennie looked at Amanda, really looked, and saw all the similarities the two had in common. And that frightened her. "You give up at the slightest little bit of resistance. One thing doesn't go your way, well fuck! It's time to throw in the towel!" Just listen to yourself Stavros, she mentally chided herself. Isn't this what Marius was telling you just last week?
Because it was easier to give up and let people move on than it was to fight to hold on. In that moment Amanda saw the truth of it - it wasn't consideration for others that had made her pull back, it was fear and self-preservation. Letting them go before they could do the same to her. "You don't..." she began. You don't understand, was what she'd been going to say, but the thing was, Jennie did understand. It was like those fights with Jubilee all over again, tearing each other to shreds because they saw their own weaknesses in the other. "I'll call Stefan, tomorrow," she said at last. "Sort something out so he can pass stuff onto her." It wasn't much, but perhaps it was a start. "I should go. Angie's going to be thinking I fell in or something."
"Yeah," Jennie said and then turned away. For all of that, she felt much lighter. "Not that I much care about whether or not you redeem yourself, but I care about the people you left behind. So maybe your redemption is a good thing." She returned to fluffing her hair in the mirror.
"Not that I care what you think, but... you've given me something to think about." Amanda made for the door, pausing with her hand on the handle. "Next time you talk to Manuel, could you..." She stopped, unsure of what she wanted to say. Not 'sorry' - she was sick to death of using that word. And the wounds were still too deep, too raw. "Tell him I asked after him?" she settled for at last.
"I will." Jennie said. She turned around and leaned against the sink to watch her go. After the door closed Jennie muttered under her breath. "Now to follow my own advice."
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Date: 2006-06-17 03:00 am (UTC)Seriously, though. I am constantly thinking of Jennie as the 'new blood'; maybe because we went so long without new players. I love her, but this was a smack in the face, that she has been here this long. Duh, Ais.
Not that I love her any less. Jennie and Marius logs are possibly my favourite thing this side of ever.