Marie and Haller in the library

[x-traction.livejournal.com]

The library is surprisingly popular during the summer months at Xavier’s. Things are still a little awkward between Marie and Haller, but it’s better than last time…for one, they’ve both brushed their hair this time.

Reading wasn't at the top of his list when it came to ways to spend his spare time, but Jim was out of options. Before San Diego he'd had a full schedule to keep him occupied. Students, and training, and sessions with Charles, the odd nightclass for his certification and volunteer-work with what victims of the Masque incident had still needed someone to talk to but hadn't felt comfortable going to a more conventional therapist. It hadn't left him time for much else, but it had kept him busy. Jim liked to be busy. Now he was finally readjusting to the world outside isolation again, and it was slowly beginning to sink in just how much at a loss not having any of that to fall back on anymore had left him.

So he'd gone to the library, because he'd thought that even if he'd had to drop his nightclasses at least he could do independent study and feel less like he was trying to chew up his own mind with miserable introspection. The distraction of research was an old comfort, and it had seemed like a safe option, because the few weeks left of summer vacation meant the place was virtually deserted. Except for Shan, he had the library virtually to himself.

Except, Jim discovered as he turned the corner of the stacks, for the Psychology section.

"Oh," Jim said, halting next to Miscellany of Philosophy. "Um, hi, Marie."

Marie turned scarlet as she looked up to see Haller. "You," she said, not sure what name to call him anymore. She curled a gloved arm hastily around the book in front of her, pulling it close in an attempt to shield the title from the young man's eyes. So much for the idea that no one uses the library in the summer. Shoulda taken the book to your room. "Hi," she managed to get out. Her voice shook less than the last time she had run into him, but that wasn't saying much.

Should he keep walking and pretend this wasn't the section he was here for? No, that was childish. Jim wasn't sure how comfortable he was with the idea of talking to anyone after the fight with Scott, but running from uncomfortable situations was a bad precedent to set -- and, in a perverse way, the encounter had actually helped. His head was far from quiet, but he was feeling more centered than he had in weeks. Lancing the wound, he supposed.

That aside, he really, really didn't want Marie's last impression of him to be the prevailing one. . . . . No offense, he thought somewhat guiltily.

"Sorry, I forgot I'm not the only one here who was interested in this stuff," Jim said apologetically, gesturing at the shelves. They were already off to a slightly better start, at least: neither of them looked like they'd just rolled out of bed this time. He might as well dive right into it. Jim rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed. "Um, I want to say thank you for the other night. Really. I was having a really bad night, and the cocoa helped a lot. And the talk. I really appreciate it." He added sheepishly, "Even though I kind of made it the Cocoa of Awkwardness."

"You were not the only one contributing the awkwardness. Ah wasn't expecting to run into anyone that night." Especially not someone that set me on fire. Kind of. "Ah'm glad it helped though." Marie sighed and wondered if what she was about to say was a smart decision. "Ah do appreciate you explaining things to me though. Gave me some interesting perspective. But...well, how do Ah know who Ah'm talking to?"

Her caution wasn't offensive, or even a surprise. Jim considered it a fair enough question after their last encounter. His assurances at the time to the contrary, he hadn't exactly been acting like himself. Or at least not the himself he usally thought of himself as.

"Asking is okay, if you're really not sure," Jim said with a lopsided smile. "Jack might not say much, but Cyndi would. She likes it for people to know when she's the one out. Davey too, though probably you won't talk to him. Also, um, this" he touched his hand to the bottom of his brown left eye, "goes away. The others aren't heterochromatic. It's kind of psychosomatic, I guess. Jack's eyes are grey. Cyndi's are green. We're not really sure how it happens, but it's a pretty good cheat if you don't know who's in control."

By process of elimination Marie decided she must be talking to David. She looked at his eyes and nodded, memorizing the system. Color-coded psyches. How convenient. "Ah see. That's real good to know." She brushed a wisp of hair out of her eyes and managed a tentative smile. "Ah wasn't quite expecting anyone else to be in the library, during the summer and all. This place tends to be pretty deserted even during the school year."

"Yeah, me either. I'm sort of guilty of buying the stereotype that of course kids wouldn't be reading unless someone was making them. I guess I was kind of right. I just should have considered the staff, too." Jim flashed her another lopsided smile as he turned to the shelf to peruse titles. "So, um, how was Girl's Night Out? You went, right?" The details Lorna had given him were scant at best. Jim had supposed it was some sort of Girls' Code, and tried to pretend Cyndi didn't resent being left out.

Marie's cheeks flushed just a little, but the smile on her face was genuine. "It was actually more fun than Ah'd expected. It was good to have a night out." She shook her head, still thankful that Lorna had managed to convince her to join all the other women at the bar. "Sometimes it's hard to remember to take time to do normal things 'round here, y'know?"

"Yeah, it really is. I was really bad about that when I first got here. Luckily for me people kept dragging me out until I finally realized socializing was probably important enough to put on my schedule. Uh, which is kind of sad but is sort of the only way I remembered to make time for anything, so." Not babbling at all, huh? Jim rubbed the back of his head. I really need to get back into the habit of human interaction. "I'm glad you had a good time. Lorna's really good at forcing people to have fun. Or else. And I think people needed the chance to decompress." Thinking back on July he added mentally, With alcohol.

"She is rather talented at that. Maybe it's her hidden mutant ability," Marie said and then decided to shift the topic a little before they started discussing who had been doing what by the end of Girl's Night. She hadn't had that much to drink since...well since her birthday when she was matching Logan drink for drink. "So are you just in here browsing today or are you on a mission?"

"Browsing. I got through all my books, and it's kind of ridiculous to complain about the lack of reading material when I live in a place with its own library. As long as I'm technically on vacation I might as well get something productive done." One that had every edition of the DSM. For historical contrast, Jim guessed. He wondered how many trees had been killed in the making of those six volumes. "What about you?" he asked, suddenly remembering. "Um, is this getting ready for stuff for Pace?"

"Yeah, just trying to get a jump start before the year begins," she lied, silently thanking him for giving her an easy out. The fact that she was doing personal research on how children of adoption dealt with finding out wasn't something she was sure she was ready to share. "Ah'm real excited about going to college. Ah...well, with the way things were when Ah graduated high school, Ah never got to go. Did some coursework here before Logan and Ah went up to Canada, but Ah never got actually go to a real college. Almost thought Ah'd never get the chance."

"I know what you mean. I mean, I'd done some workshops, but I felt a little weird when I started doing classes at the New School. It was college. That thing you hear about. It felt too normal. I kept waiting for someone to realize I was . . . I don't know. A guy who'd never even gone to high school, or working at a place where kidnapping's a running joke with the student body, or crazy." He smiled slightly as he ran a hand over the spine of Toward a Psychology of Being. "It got better, though. Having a weird life means you can really appreciate normalcy. And you work here, so I bet you'll be able to appreciate it a lot." I wish I could go back.

The smile on Marie's face grew somewhat wistful. "Ah'd appreciate it even if Ah didn't work here." Normal. She barely knew what that was anymore. Not since the little portion of her life she had always thought had been normal turned out to be a scam. "Ah'll probably be the only person in my class to think homework sounds like a great way to spend a weekend. Way better than some of the alternatives."

"Definitely. Making the world a better place through sometimes hitting people is satisfying, but learning how to help pick up again afterwards, or to stop it from getting that far in the first place . . . that's worth something, too." Jim rubbed the back of his head again. "Um. I've only taken a few classes, and I guess Pace's syllabus is probably different, but if you ever want to share notes or something I've still got mine. And some textbooks. I have a pretty good memory so I don't really need them, I just go over them when I'm bored sometimes. If there's any you can use you can have them."

Was this even the same man she had been talking with last time? He looked and sounded the same, but he seemed different and she began to consider asking who Jim was, but just like the last time, something stopped her. "Ah really appreciate the offer...Ah'm kinda worried Ah've bitten off more than Ah can chew. Ah...Ah might just take you up on that." She smiled, a little ruefully. "Ah wish Ah had a memory like that to help me out."

"It is useful," Jim admitted. "I mean, it doesn't really make any difference in your ability to apply what you know, but . . . yeah. It saves a lot of time rereading, at least." He finally chose a book at random. The title indicated adolescent psychology. It might be useful if he went back to work again. Jim tucked the book under his arm and smiled at Marie again. "You'll be okay. Just remember nothing'll stop you from taking a step back if you need it. Sanity's kind of in short supply around here, so it's worth preserving if you can manage it. Even though that's a pretty big 'if' around here, but you know. You can try."