Kurt and Scott, in the gym

[x-bamf.livejournal.com]

Kurt happens to be practising on the high bar when Scott finishes his swim, and they have a conversation that keeps straying into pep-talk territory.



There was still one thing, Kurt found, that set his mind at rest whatever else was going on - and that was gymnastics. He didn't let himself think about it in terms of keeping up his skills, in case the circus would be where he ended up again.

Scott emerged from the pool area, still toweling his hair dry. It was still funny, he thought, swimming without the ruby-quartz goggles. His eye wasn't all that crazy about the chlorine. As he came out into the gym proper, he paused, seeing Kurt on the high bar.

"Hey," he said lightly.

Kurt started, twisting round to see who'd come in while he wasn't paying attention, and almost lost his grip on the bar before he regained his balance. "Hello, Scott."

Scott winced at Kurt's slip, but the slight smile was back almost immediately. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you..."

"It is all right", Kurt reassured him. "I just had not heard you come in."

Scott went over and sat down on one of the benches, gazing up at his friend. "Yes, well, that wouldn't have protected me from Amelia's wrath had you fallen and broken anything," he said, more wryly. "I should have scuffled my feet or something." He peered down for a moment at his bare feet.

Kurt pulled himself up to sit on the bar, rather than come down just yet, and eyed Scott's feet a little dubiously. "I think that might have hurt a little."

"Eh, I have tough soles. As opposed to my bruised soul." Scott's sudden smile was vaguely mischievous. "We're kind of in the same boat this fall, no?"

Kurt blinked for a second, then realized, with a rueful smile of his own. "Yes, I suppose we are."

"So how are you doing? Seriously. And," Scott said, raising a hand before Kurt could answer, "as one of your fellow in-therapy X-Men, trust me, this is not the start of a pep talk. I am in no position to be giving those." He smiled again, a bit sadly. "Just worried about you, that's all..."

"I... am not quite sure I know how to answer that question", Kurt said slowly, with possibly the most honest response he'd ever given to that particular query. "Since I know you would want the truth, and not the easy answer."

"Yeah, well. Funny how complicated things like that can get." Scott leaned back against the wall, rubbing at the scars on the side of his face briefly. "I heard you're going to Jack."

"I am to have my first session soon", Kurt agreed. "They tell me he is very good at what he does."

"He is. Easy to talk to, too," Scott said a bit wistfully. "Almost safer, in a way? You don't feel afraid of letting your guard down with him. Not like you would if it was a team member, or someone else here... and wow, does that sound dysfunctional."

"I understand it, though", Kurt said quietly. "He is not someone we need be afraid of worrying too much, or that he will feel needing his sessions makes us less fit for duty... even if we are." There was a wry tone to the last.,

"I don't think either of us are. But I do think you might be less unfit than me, even if you don't see it that way right now." Scott paused, then went on more softly. "So what was she like?" Who 'she' was, was obvious.

There was a silence to that question, and it stretched - but it was pensive, not Kurt refusing to answer. "She is... a hard woman to know, and I think hard in general. I do not argue that. But I do know that she protected me for two weeks, whatever her reasons may have been."

"We're so used to thinking of her as one of the Big Bads," Scott said a bit distantly. "And she is, I'm not debating that. But I wonder... it's easy to dehumanize them. I was here," he said, focusing on Kurt again, "when Magneto was still here with the Professor. Just before he left, mind you... but even as their friendship was falling apart I could still see what it had been. Dumb sixteen year-old that I was, I did see Erik the man. However long I've been trying to think of him just as 'that insane bucket-headed psychopath'."

Kurt nodded. "I do not deny anything that she has done, or that she will do more, for her cause. I do not think for a moment anything I could do or say would lead her to change in that. But... she also left her son with a good family, rather than simple abandonment. And she held a hand out to a drowning man, in Savannah." He used her words to describe himself quite deliberately.

Scott stared off at the opposite wall of the gym for a moment before shaking his head, as if shaking himself out of a reverie, and looking up at Kurt. "It's good to know, I guess... I hope?" The faintly sad smile came back. "Despite all the rest. That she loved you enough to make sure you were looked after, and helped you this time, on opposite sides or no."

Another nod. "Despite all the rest... she did that much. I think, perhaps, it was all she could. And I do not think it is something I will be counting on in future."

"That'd probably be smart," Scott said more somberly. "There was nothing at stake there, with you."

"Not until the end", Kurt agreed. "But should either side have their way..." He hadn't forgotten the possibility Amanda had raised, of Magneto using Mystique - or Kurt - as bait.

Scott tilted his head at Kurt, silently inviting him to elaborate.

"There was something Amanda said", Kurt said quietly after a moment. "That should Magneto find out the relationship, he might... take action."

Scott frowned, looking down at his bare feet. "Action of what sort?"

"Bait", he said simply. "If he had enough need for a teleporter, and he thought I cared for her enough..."

Scott's smile was a bit twisted. "Now, in that scenario... would she be bait, or just be pretending to be bait? In some ways she's as cold-blooded as he is. She's proven that. Then again," he conceded, more quietly, "she could have handed you over to him and didn't. But it's like you said, Kurt... it's not something you should count on."

"Situations may change", Kurt acknowledged. "And I do not really know what she gained by not handing me over this time."

"I can't figure out what universal rule has us consistently getting in these emotionally charged situations where you don't know which end's up," Scott said with a sigh. "It doesn't seem fair."

"When you say 'us'", Kurt said, looking at him sideways, "you mean the X-Men, or people in general?"

Scott gave him what could almost have been a deadpan look. "Not many 'people in general' are constantly put into situations where their loved ones are either endangered or evil, Kurt."

"Ah, but that is not what you said. Emotionally charged and confusing situations do happen to everyone... ours are just of a very special kind."

"Well, then, take what I said after as what I meant," Scott muttered. "We have special complications. They make making the wrong choice have all kinds of nasty consequences."

"And it is so often so very hard to see which is the wrong choice", Kurt agreed ruefully. "There are always circumstances."

"Hindsight," Scott said, then laughed suddenly, rubbing at his scars again. It was a rueful sound, but not overwhelmingly unhappy. "You suppose, when we do make the wrong choice, that it's a question of too-high standards? No one should have to choose between a family member and a friend... or a family member and themselves. I don't think human beings are made for that."

"But it happens too often all the same", Kurt said, almost to himself as much as in response. "If she had hurt any of them more than a little dizziness, in her escape..."

"She didn't. I think if we get started blaming ourselves for all the things that could have happened..." Scott paused, shaking his head. "I wasn't supposed to be trying to give you a pep talk."

Kurt laughed, softly. "It seems that some things are inevitable."

"You ought to commiserate with Nate. Evil parents and all..."

"If Nathan is still willing to speak to me... perhaps I will."

Scott opened his mouth - then closed it again. "You realize it's probably not you they're angry at... or not entirely," he ventured, a bit hesitantly. "I did read the report. It would have felt like Mystique was... right there, in their grasp. And then she got away. I think there's a lot of disappointment, and again, not just with you."

"But it would not be unreasonable to put the blame at my door", Kurt pointed out. "I did, after all, help her. And if I had even taken no side, even not taking theirs..."

"Trust...." Scott made a small, somehow strained gesture. "You can get it back. We have to believe that, because we all make too many mistakes not to be forgiven." He paused again, gave a weak laugh. "Wow, that was almost profound."

"We shall see", was the simple quiet response. "I would like to believe that I can."

Scott took a deep breath, then let it out on a sigh. "Well, I'm not giving up on you anytime soon," he said, then rose slowly. "I should go get changed," he said, looking down at himself. "Comfortable as it is to wander around in sweats..."

"That makes two", he said with a slight smile. "And... yes. I will see you around, Scott."