xp_logs | Climbing Mount Washington

Nathan, Angelo, and Domino climb their mountain. A number of things are left at the top.

The sky was starting to brighten by the time they got to the visitor center at Pinkham Notch, low on the western slope of the mountain. Nathan eyed the sky, which appeared to be mostly clear - whether it would stay that way all day was another matter, according to the weather forecast - and then lifted Angelo's backpack out of the back of the 4WD, handing it to him.

Angelo took it easily enough, swinging it round onto his back. "So this is Mount Washington, huh?"

"Yeah. Obviously not like the mountains you had back out in California, but then, you weren't climbing any of them in January, were you?" Nathan said with a brief smile that didn't really have a lot of energy behind it. He hadn't slept all that well, and caffeine could only do so much. He turned towards Dom as she approached, handing her the third backpack.

She wrinkled her nose as she looked up at the mountain. "Weather's going to turn."

"I know that."

"Just saying."

Angelo eyed her. "Turn... how?"

"Turn bad. You can tell by the feel of the air," Domino said, Nathan nodding silently in agreement. "Are we sure we don't want to take the Tuckerman trail?" she ventured, looking back at Nathan.

Nathan eyed her for a moment, then looked at Angelo. "Tuckerman is easier, Huntington's harder," he said abruptly. "We'd be taking Tuckerman back down in any case, but I thought we might do some real climbing on the way up."

Angelo considered this. "Think we'll get time to finish Huntington before the storm hits?"

"I think so," Nathan said, "and if not, we turn around and come back down." His smile was tight, but there was a touch of real humor in it this time. "It would be downright humiliating to run into trouble on a piddly little mountain like this."

"Then let's go for it."

--

As they climbed, the route became steadily steeper. Nothing that required ropes, although it was getting close. The snow was a little deeper than Nathan had expected, and he was tired already, which wasn't helping. But they were making steady progress, and the weather was holding. He supposed that was good.

Angelo was not quite keeping up with Nathan, but he wasn't doing badly for all that. And he was enjoying it, anyway. He glanced up at the sky, then looked to Domino. "What's the sky tellin' you now?"

"It's debating," Domino said with a surprisingly wide smile. For some bizarre reason, she'd put her hair into pigtails before heading out, and between that and the exertion-pinked cheeks, she looked a good five years younger than her actual age. "It says 'Check back with me in an hour.'"

Something that might have been a laugh came from Nathan, up ahead.

Angelo grinned at her, turning to peer at the view over his shoulder without breaking his pace. "Good to know, that."

It took them less time than Nathan had expected to reach the treeline. The wind at that height was about what he'd expected, though, and he leaned heavily on his axe, assessing the route up ahead with a glance. "We're almost to the headwall," he called back over his shoulder.

"An' the headwall is...?"

Nathan pointed up ahead of them. Up past snow-covered slabs of rock was a much sharper rise than anything they'd seen yet, a sheer face of rock on one side and a stretch that didn't look a whole lot less steep on the other.

"That," he said, "is the headwall. We'll take the route where we can actually walk up, don't worry."

Angelo stared up at it for some time. "...impressive", he finally managed.

Domino reached up and patted his shoulder, having caught up with him as he'd stopped to stare. "Looks worse than it is. Nate, remember the first time we went up the Eiger? When we were at the train platform, and GW just stood there staring, then turned around and told us we were both cracked?"

Nathan, who had started moving steadily towards the headwall, stopped, looking back over his shoulder with a neutral look. "Yeah, I remember," he muttered, looking back at the rock in front of him, replaced for a moment in his mind's eye by the immense North Face of the Eiger. The sudden rush of longing was tolerable. The nostalgia, and the memory of GW's deadpan look as he pronounced on their sanity, was not, and he ducked his head, staring fixedly at the snow at his feet for a moment as he wrestled his expression back under control.

"I thought he was going to tell us to go on ahead and he'd wait at the bottom," Domino said.

Angelo laughed as he started to forge ahead again. "Let me guess. He beat out both of you."

"Well, me. Not Nate. Neither of us had done any climbing before Nate taught us, so..." Domino's smile faded a little as Nathan started to head upwards without another word.

Angelo looked at him, then back at Domino. "You can tell me the story. If you want. Just 'cause he doesn't want to think about it..."

---

Angelo was about six inches into a slip that might have turned into an actual fall when he was caught, an invisible force holding him up while he scrambled to get his handholds back. "You're going to make me wish I'd gotten out the ropes," Nathan called back from where he was, several feet above Angelo and nearly at the top of the ravine. "You all right?"

"Just fine", he said, if a tiny bit more tensely than he might have liked, and decided to use his powers to help grip from now on. "Thanks."

"Just don't rush," Nathan said. "We're just about at the top." The trail junction wasn't too far above the top of the ravine. "We'll stop at the Alpine Garden and take a break. Eat some lunch."

"Sounds like a plan," Domino said from below Angelo. She could have been at the top of the ravine herself, or at least far closer to Nathan than she was, but it was better for her to be bringing up the rear. "Calories would be good right now."

"There's a garden up here?" Angelo said with a blink. He hadn't been expecting that.

"Not quite. Just a name," Nathan called back down as he started moving upwards smoothly. "Although in summer I gather it warrants it."

"Maybe we'll have to come back an' have a look at it as well, then", Angelo said cheerfully, following him. He really was enjoying this.

"You've hooked another one, Nate," Domino said, amused. "He's falling for the whole 'freedom of the mountains' schtick just as fast as GW did." There was no answer from Nathan, and Domino's face fell again. She sighed, then reached up for another handhold.

Angelo glared at Nathan's back - for all he could understand what was going on, it just wasn't fair on Domino - and carried on in silence.

At the top of the ravine, they took off their crampons and then headed towards the trail junction. The Alpine Garden, which they reached far more quickly than they'd made it up the headwall, did look oddly garden-ish, even in the winter. The alpine vegetation was poking up through the snow, and Nathan could imagine it in the spring, with flowers.

Domino pulled off her backpack and then sat down on a rock, pulling out a package of trail mix. "You really are being a bastard, you know," she said casually to Nathan, who was still standing, staring up across the snowfields to the summit. "It's not like we're on fucking Everest. You don't need to stay a hundred and fifty fucking percent focused on the climb."

"Yes, I do."

"Well, we're not climbin' now", Angelo pointed out from his own rock, with just a little edge to his voice. Maybe he had no right to this, but it was making Domino unhappy and she was family too.

"Do you remember blowing up the stove on Broad Peak?" Domino asked challengingly. "At Camp 2? How we all agreed that really, GW looked better without the mustache."

"Is there a point to this?" Nathan's voice was very quiet, and as he had his back to both of them, his expression was safely hidden.

"You tell me! It was your idea to come out here, and I thought we were actually going to - you know what, stupid me, to have expected you to want to talk about anything!"

"It's only memories, Nathan", Angelo spoke up again, softly. "An' they all sound like pretty good ones."

"Your problem," Domino said almost viciously when Nathan didn't answer, didn't even turn towards them, "is that you're obsessed with how he died - how all the rest of them died too, probably. How often do you remember how they lived? How often-"

"Stop it."

"-do you remember," Domino persisted, "taking pictures of me chasing him around with an ice axe at Everest Base Camp? Or the time he wouldn't answer to anything but 'Yak Whisperer' for a week? How often do you remember those things? Or it is just all him dying in your arms because your uncle used your TK to rip open a few blood vessels in his brain?"

This time Nathan did turn around. The look on his face was shocking, ugly and somehow anguished at the same time as he spat something at Dom - in Askani - and then stalked off towards the summit.

Domino's shoulders slumped as she watched him go. "Oh, I shouldn't have done that..." The sun was still bright enough to make the tears on her cheeks glitter in the light.

Angelo got up off his rock in a hurry when he saw that, walking over to hers. "Somebody had to say it. 'Cause I think you might be right."

She wiped her eyes with one hand, as he took the other. "I'm not being fair. He's not always like this. I think it's just hard, because now it's been a year..."

"It's... not just that", Angelo said slowly. "That last mission, the one I told you about on the phone? They had to go back to Youra."

Domino opened her mouth, then closed it again. "Well, now I really feel like a bitch." She shook her head, managing a slightly wan smile, then squeezed his hand and let go. "Do me a favor... go catch up with him? I really do need to eat something - I didn't have breakfast, remember. I'll be along in a few."

"You didn't know", Angelo reminded her gently, then nodded. "Course I will."

--

Nathan bypassed the summit buildings, the visitor center and the old historic structures. They didn't look busy - he could sense a few of the volunteers inside, but there was no one in sight. Just as well.

Angelo had guessed accurately that he wouldn't be wanting much company right now, but he'd promised Domino, so here he was. At a safe distance.

Nathan headed towards the 'real' summit, marked by a wooden cross and a few pieces of equipment related to the weather station. He slid out of his backpack, setting it down, and then sat down on a handy rock. All of the angry energy that had driven him the last few minutes was gone, all at once. He wondered if anyone would mind if he just sat here for the rest of the day.

Angelo had left his backpack in the Alpine Garden, with Domino. He came over the snowbank and stopped, not sitting down.

Nathan stared at the cross, then pulled back one of the zippers on his backpack, pulling out not a water bottle or food, but what looked like a folded length of colorful cloth. There was black writing printed on the red fabric. Not English.

...okay, there was no way Angelo was interrupting whatever he was doing now. He'd never seen that cloth before, and he stayed right where he was, quietly watching.

"I got this about... six months ago, I suppose," Nathan said after a moment. "You have no idea how long it took me to find a Tibetan prayer flag in New York. Finally got in touch with a climber who'd brought a few back as souvenirs."

"An' here I thought you could get anythin' in New York", was the answer, Angelo's voice less flippant than his words.

"I didn't want a cheap knock-off." Nathan unfolded the flag slowly, and it immediately started to flutter in the wind. "I wanted to... take this and go back. To the Himalayas, or the Karakoram. Climb one of the mountains we climbed together and leave it at the top." His voice was tight suddenly. "Only I can't, really. I don't think my lungs would take high altitude anymore, and even if they would, it would still be risky. Too risky. I can't really justify that anymore, given the life I live under normal conditions. And I could never justify six weeks on the other side of the world anyway."

Angelo nodded slowly, starting to understand. "So if you can't do that... then maybe the mountain that's got his name is the next best thing."

Nathan bent over, shifting rocks aside and digging a bit of a hole. A minute's work and he had the flag securely anchored - for now, at least. Entirely possible that it would blow away at some point in the future, or be removed. But then, that would have been the case anywhere. And it was here now. Which was all that mattered.

"GW had this thing about Buddhism. I don't think he ever would have become a Buddhist, but he'd read and read about it..."

"It's got some pretty good points", Angelo agreed quietly. "A lot of them."

"I am never going to stop missing him." Nathan's voice was hoarse, suddenly. "Dom's wrong, you know. I'm not obsessed with how he died. I'm obsessed with the fact that he's gone... that he's been gone for a year, and there's still this gaping hole in my life."

"The thing is, Nathan", Angelo started carefully, "you shouldn't stop missin' him. But you shouldn't blank Dom when she tries to remember the good stuff, either. 'Cause that's the only thing with a chance in hell of helpin'."

Nathan wiped at his eyes with a gloved hand. "I suppose I haven't really given it a chance. I've spent a year trying to do everything but stop and actually process that he's gone."

"Then maybe now might be the time to just... stop."

Nathan reached out and took the end of the prayer flag where it fluttered in the wind. There were more tears rolling silently down his cheeks. "I never saw him as happy as he was those last six months, helping those kids in Africa. He would have loved Elpis."

"That's the stuff you need to remember", Angelo told him. "How he would have loved all this. The good times. Try not to think about how he's not here now."

Nathan nodded mutely, and let go of the end of the prayer flag. The wind caught it again, and it fluttered determinedly as Nathan watched. "There were so many good times. And I wouldn't be here now, if it wasn't for him." 'Here' meaning alive, and living that good life. "I just wish I could have repaid the favor-"

I wish I could have saved him, too. If the words that had slipped out hadn't done the job, the thought that came as corollary would have, and Nathan sank his face into his hands, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

"You're doin' it, Nathan - " Angelo started to object, and then Nathan broke down, and he couldn't just stand over there and watch any more. He didn't bother finishing the sentence, just moved, fast, to Nathan's rock to put a hand on his shoulder.

It was a few minutes, no more, before Nathan was wiping his eyes again and straightening. He laid a hand over Angelo's, still resting on his shoulder. "I'm okay," he said hoarsely, and was somewhat surprised to realize that he was telling the truth. The tight knot of tension in his chest had loosened, finally. "I'm okay. It's just been... too much, this week."

"I know. But, you know, you brought Dom along, an' she's... she was cryin', back there, 'cause she thought she pushed you too far. She's just tryin' to deal her own way."

Nathan winced and looked back over his shoulder - only to relax, at least a little, as he saw Domino heading over, Angelo's backpack in one hand. "Hey," he said with a sigh as she reached them, sitting down beside him.

"Asshole," she muttered, sliding off her own pack.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Very, very sorry, I hope." But she didn't pull away as he put an arm around her, and in fact leaned in closer. "I'm sorry, too." Her voice sounded very slightly choked, this time. "I just... wanted to... but you were so - what the hell is that?" Her eyes were wide, locked on the prayer flag.

"Tibetan prayer flag", Angelo said casually, settling on another rock and letting Nathan explain the rest.

"That was actually a rhetorical question," Domino said, and burst into tears. Nathan sighed again and hugged her. "Sentimental old bastard," she choked out.

"You're very inconsistent, you know."

"I know."

--

In all the emotional uproar on the summit, they'd actually completely forgotten about the bottle of akvavit. That was fine, though; it had kept quite nicely until they'd gotten back down and to the hotel. It had been too late to head out, and all three of them were fairly tired from the climb anyway.

Disposing of the bottle had seemed like an excellent idea.

"This is terrible stuff. Why did he like this again?"

"Same reason you like tequila."

"At least tequila doesn't burn a hole through your stomach!"

"It's not so bad. Should try bein' thirteen an' your first drink bein' from someone's home still."

"We had a still at the school with the nuns! I built it."

"... of course you did. Remind me again why GW and I ever thought you at a convent school was a good thing?"

"Because you were silly, silly men who had no idea what to do with a little girl you were suddenly responsible for. And GW thought that nuns would be able to teach me manners."

"He liked to delude himself.""

"So how long did it take them to try an' exorcise you?"

"A whole forty-eight hours. I think they were particularly liberal nuns... stop laughing, Nate."

"I can't help it. Do you remember that you insisted on a ceremonial burning of your school uniform?"

"And GW commended its soul unto the garbage can."

"So what happened after that?"

"We took her shopping. Dom, you sound very disturbing when you cackle like that."

"I can't help it! The saleswoman liked me, remember. Told you two that you should allow me to 'express myself' via fashion..."

"An' you came home with...?"

"Several pairs of sensible pants and some very suited-to-St.-Petersburg sweaters."

"And a leopard-print midriff-baring top."

"Which I'm guessin' is the first thing she wanted to wear. In St. Petersburg."

"Oh, of course. There was a cute boy down the street that I needed to impress-"

"Traumatize."

"Not as much as I traumatized GW when he tried to give me the birth control talk."

"... this is true."

"....oh, I wish I could've been there to see his face."

"Actually, he walked back out of her room, joined me in the kitchen, and suggested that we just preemptively castrate any boy she was interested in. He thought it would be easier."

"That's if she told you who."

Nathan shook his head, grinning helplessly as he refilled the glasses. It had hit him, finally. What this was. How long they'd remember it.

Ten years from now, they would be reminiscing about climbing Mount Washington on the spur of the moment and then getting drunk on akvavit after making the descent.

And that was a good thought. A very good thought.

"Well, I am telepathic, you know," he told Angelo with a deadpan look.