xp_logs | Amanda and Crystal - What is Real and What is Not

Amanda searches for Crystal and finds a very confused and troubled girl.

It didn't take a huge amount of deduction to figure out where Crystal had gone, especially after talking to Kurt. He'd mentioned how close the Amaquelin sisters were, so when Crystal didn't appear to be in her room or out on the grounds, Amanda had headed up to Medusa's suite, with a certain degree of trepidation. The elder Amaquelin had let her in, however, and ushered her inside before excusing herself to her bedroom to give them a little space. Leaving Amanda feeling more than a little awkward. Teasing was all well and good, but one day she was going to figure out who she could tease without issues. Blame the euphoria of finding herself back in the real world, with her powers working again.

Crystal quickly saved the emails she was working on and turned around to face Amanda. "Would you care to have a seat?" she asked, gesturing towards a couple of chairs and a sofa, wondering why Amanda had come. Of course it had been easy enough to figure out where she was. Hiding out in a tree been a thought, but that was Kyle's claim to fame, not hers.

"Ta." Amanda perched a little awkwardly on the edge of one of the chairs, resisting the urge to start chewing on her thumbnail. One thing about that other self - she had a minimum of nervous habits. "I just thought I'd pop by before I went back to the brownstone, check up on you. Well, to apologise, really. I didn't mean anything by what I said on the journals, about you swearing and all. Just teasing, only I realised later you mightn't have appreciated it."

Crystal sat down on the couch and looked at Amanda, nodding slowly. "It is fine. Really. I know that you did not mean anything. It is not your fault that I learned how to curse. Well, actually, you were the one who suggested going clubbing and I cannot think of anywhere else that I would have picked up those words, but it is not your fault that I used them to such a degree in the... what are we calling it? A possible alternate reality? A dreamworld?"

"Dreamworld's as good as anything. Tho' if you were gunna learn to curse, apparently I'm the local expert." She grinned and winked at Crystal to show she wasn't serious. "How're you holding up? This sort of thing's a bit hard on the old brain matter, especially the first time 'round."

"Oh, I am perfectly fine, I am just hiding out in my sister's room so that I do not run the risk of saying anything to anyone that I will regret later." Her head turned slightly as she eyed the computer she had been using, then turned back to face Amanda. "It might already be a bit too late on that count, but at least I do not have to type foul language even if the words are still in my head. She is still in my head, too... the Crystal from the dreamworld. It all... it all just seemed so real. And what I did, as her..." Crystal shook her head.

"There but for the grace of God..." Amanda murmured, giving Crystal a sympathetic look. "'S hard, realising what we might be, if things are just a little different. But the thing to remember is that it wasn't you. Not the real you."

"I know that, but... the others seem so amused by it all. I think they all had parts of it that they liked... I think a few even seemed to prefer it to the real world. I did not. I..." She took a deep breath and let it out, looking straight at Amanda. "I kind of beat up Ms. Dane. Twice."

"You ever hear the expression, 'you have to laugh or you'd cry'?" Amanda asked rhetorically. "It sort of sums up how people deal with things here. We make jokes because otherwise we'd end up needing therapy. More therapy," she amended, wryly. "It's not because we don't care, or weren't bothered - hell, there was plenty there I liked, like having a family that actually gave a fuck about me, but as much as there were good parts, it wasn't real. Give me the truth over a lie any day." Then she raised an eyebrow. "Twice, huh? 'S not fair, I only got to slap her the once."

"Well, there was not anything there that I liked at all," Crystal replied adamantly. Having a boyfriend who wasn't real certainly didn't count as an upside, and having feelings and memories of someone that way were entirely confusing. She sighed. "Ms. Dane got her own kicks in, too. The first time, she was stealing my plane along with Forge, Shiro, Julio, and Angel, and she and Angel decided to try to touch me." She rolled her eyes slightly. What the hell had they been on? "Excellent strategy there. Anyway, we got into a fight and I said a lot of horrid things to her, and then she grabbed me and I fought back." She winced slightly. "And I said other horrible things to her and stopped her from punching me and that's when I Remembered." She shook her head. "That was what the cursing was about... all of those things I said... and then I lessened them but sort of channeled the dreamworld Crystal when I needed to... and then... what I said then..." She shook her head, unable to continue.

Amanda hesitated, and then reached over, stopping just before she actually touched Crystal, leaving the option open to the other girl. "Hey," she said gently. "The fact you feel bad about it? Means you're not that person. You had to do something against your nature, yeah, but what would have happened if you hadn't?"

"Julio would have had to distract the guards with his overuse of eyeliner?" Crystal suggested, trying to smile. "Angel could have told the guards how much she wanted to touch them?" Damn, was that girl into touching or what?

"Exactly. And then we all would have been stuck, talking seagulls regardless." The smile was encouraging. "Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to or don't like to get the job done. As long as you don't start enjoying it, I think you'll be all right. Just don't beat yourself up about it either - that's an Xavier's tradition I'd rather you didn't join in on."

"Sometimes we do things we should not... things that we regret later, and... I need to speak with Ms. Dane. Things have never been that great between us, and with this, with all of what I did and all of what I said... what we did and said, really," Crystal added, recalling Lorna's own creative use of language even when she had known who Crystal really was and had known she was not dealing with the real Crystal, and then even when they had both known who they were...

"She probably doesn't hold a grudge, but it couldn't hurt to let her know how you feel, any way," Amanda said with a certain degree of resignation - she was going to have to offer her own apologies, and her history with the woman was even worse.

Crystal raised an eyebrow. "I am not so sure that she does not hold a grudge, but I am sure that she believes that I hold one against her... and as events in the dreamworld showed, we still have clearly unresolved issues between us. I am willing to try to put things right and I hope that she is willing to do the same." Crystal couldn't help but wonder if she'd just doubled the number of teachers she'd attacked without a physical start on their part or if defending yourself when a crazy lady wanted to touch you counted as self-defense. Definitely the latter she decided. Besides, Angel had broken down the door and Lorna had reached for her first, and the jailbreak... definitely some issues that needed to be resolved there.

Amanda couldn't help the brief snort. "Believe me, Crystal, Lorna's a complete nutter, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't have a personal grudge against you. It takes a lot more than a few journal spats and smacking her around in a fake reality, especially when the second time was for a good cause. Trust me on this one, yeah?"

Crystal nodded, even though she really wasn't certain that Amanda's words were true. To the outside world, it might have seemed as if all that had gone on between her and Lorna were a couple of arguments on the journal system, but really, it had been far more than that. Lorna's words to her had influenced her entire perception of the school and the staff. First impressions counted. "I have a few emails I need to write, and a few other things I need to consider. I am sure you have places you need to be and I do not wish to take up all of your time. Giving Amanda a slightly amused look, she added, "I am sure that your 'associates' were worried about you."

The older girl gave her a good-natured grin as she stood. "If I know them, they were about and about Happening to whoever they could to find out what was going on. Just as well the Prof got on top of things as fast as he did - saved everyone a lot of fuss and bother. But you're right. I've done my catching up here, for the most part, and it's time I went home and did the same there." This time she did reach out and offer her hand to Crystal. "Glad to see you're okay. Field trip curse and all."

Crystal took Amanda's offered hand and then impulsively gave her a quick hug. "Thank you for coming to speak with me."

There was only the briefest of surprised pauses before Amanda returned the hug. "You're welcome, mate. Any time."