Sunday Afternoon: Alex and Lorna

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This as a result of this which came from this, leads Lorna to do this: go talk to Alex about her "date".



She looked calm. She looked casual and breezy even. Like she'd been infused with the combined laidback attitude of California and Hawaii to achieve a whole new level of chill. It was, of course, all a horrible lie but given that she'd committed to this stupid course of action, bearding the lion in his den, the very least she could give herself was her illusions. Lorna tapped lightly at the open door and waited for Alex to look up from his video game.

It was very rare that Alex played video games without Shiro around. Normally he preferred more physical distraction but today, he just couldn't bring himself to get out his skateboard. Nah, killing pixelated monsters was more satisfying. When he looked up at the knock, he realized that e-mail had probably been forwarded. He sighed, threw the controller down and laid his head back on the sofa cushions. "Marie ratted on me, didn't she?" It was his own fault really, letting his jealousy get the better of him.

Lorna shook her head, "Pretty much, yeah. You could have just asked you know." She strolled across the living room and took up residence on the coffee table, crossing her legs at the knee. "I just didn't think that you'd want to know."

Alex looked up at her from his position on the floor, not really bothering to get up and sit properly on the couch. "Wasn't sure you'd answer."

"I thought it might seem like I was rubbing your face in it." Lorna shrugged and glanced away from him at the screen for want of any place better to look. "I wasn't really sure where we stood--after Thanksgiving and everything, I mean."

Running a hand through his hair, Alex sighed. "Me either. That's why I asked Marie instead. And really, I just wanted to know...I want to be able to still look out for you, Lorna. As a friend. I meant it when I said I wanted you to be happy." Oh that was such a weak answer but really all he had.

"Is that what it was? Looking out for me?" She hated that she didn't know where they stood. They couldn't really be friends, not the way that they were pretending they could. She wasn't built that way, couldn't feel just that much and no more for him. "It's nothing serious. Just a guy from my lab class. I'm really not looking for any kind of relationship right now. Hell, some days I think that I won't ever again."

"Well yeah! What did you think it was?" As if he was going to admit to being jealous. He had a boyfriend...but that didn't stop his feelings for Lorna. He was beginning to think he would never not be in love with her. Alex sighed again. Why did this have to be difficult? "I don't see why you shouldn't. You deserve it after all."

Lorna just shrugged her shoulder, "I didn't know what it was." She smiled wryly, "It's not really a case of deserving, Alex. It's a case of what I want and I need. I really just don't think that I should make that a part of my life again. At least not right now."

He didn't understand. He tried, but he just couldn't. "It's always been something I wanted and needed. But whatever makes you happy, Lorna...that's what I want too." There was still an awkwardness floating in the air between them that Alex was beginning to hate with a passion.

It was an awkwardness that she was entirely too used to--the one that came from not being able to really talk to him. The one that came from feeling strangled by the truth so that all she could give him were comforting lies. It was last year all over again; when fear and injury had made her believe that she didn't love him because it hurt less than the truth. "I don't know what's going to make me happy," she told him now as she had then, "I just know that this is the right thing for me."

Just as he had back then, he couldn't hide the hurt in his voice. "I know. One day I'll actually get it, hmm?" Alex said with a small smile. The right thing for her wasn't him, he knew that. Still didn't hurt any less than it had the day she'd left.

At least now he wasn't yelling. They'd both screamed then and the puppies had whimpered at the sound. Now Crush barely twitched an ear as he lay flopped on his dog bed. Now Lorna had to hear the hurt without any way to deflect it. But how was she supposed to change it? She couldn't give him what he wanted--even if he was telling the truth when he said that he wanted her happy. How could she be when she'd shoved away both of the men who'd loved her? She sighed and pushed her hand through her hair, "Anyway, I just wanted to stop by. Did you ever open your birthday present?"

How was she supposed to change it? Alex wished he knew. He wished he knew how they could at least be friends again because until then...there was a Lorna-shaped hole in his life that not even Shiro could fill. And he did smile at the change of subject. "I did. Jared wants me to visit so we can try it out good and proper. Thanks."

"I thought it would come in handy," Which wasn't why she'd spent the $400 that she really hadn't had to spare on it but...things had been different when she'd bought it. Or at least, she had thought they were. "You and he should take off for Yellowstone or something. They've got such great geological structures there--you can lose yourself for days."

"May have to do that. Jared's only been over to the mainland a few times, he'd enjoy it." He didn't bother even offering it to her, he knew she'd say no. "Over the summer, when school's out. "

She wouldn't have. Not when it seemed like their realm of study was the only thing that they had left. "Sounds like a great trip. You could probably convince the university to give you course credit for it even."

Alex chuckled. "Hey maybe. I can hear Shiro complaining now though...he doesn't understand my fascination with rocks."

"Arts majors never get it," Lorna retorted with a grin, "It makes too much sense. Sense is the enemy of art."

"Exactly!" Alex was grinning now, "It's weird how things make perfect sense to some people and others just don't get it. I'm glad at least someone gets it."

Lorna flipped her hand negligently, dismissing her specialness in that regard. "We've always seen eye to eye on that one. Rocks are cool. Christ, you really do have to take 262. It's ridiculously hard but I've never had a better class. Swear to God, I'd stay in that one class the entire day if I could."

"At least you don't get all the 'Rocks for Jocks' jokes. I think that's Shiro's favorite." Alex said with a laugh. "And is that the one with Dr. Arkseil? I heard about it, I think I can take it next Fall, I'm so stoked!"

"That's the one. The dude's a total madman but he knows more about Rock Physics than like anyone else on the planet. I have no idea what he's doing at Westchester but it's completely awesome. Totally up your alley too, it's all the stuff that you're really good at." Without thinking, she reached out and ruffled his hair not quite cognizant of the move until the silky blond strands were already sliding through her fingers.

"Good for..." He stopped as her hand ran through his hair. It was weird the way he felt about his hair, Alex knew that. You knew he was emotional when he ran a hand through it and he was also easily comforted by the same. And Lorna knew that, she done it so many times. It was...oddly comforting when it shouldn't be. "Umm...yeah, Good for us then."

She did know and it was all she could do not to jerk her hand back like she'd been burned. How could it be that after a year it was still so natural to just reach out to him, to take comfort and give it in equal measure? She leaned away slowly, like trying not to startle a wild animal and pulled her hand back to her lap. "Right. Anyway. Um."

Once her hand was gone, Alex ran a hand through himself, as if to get rid of the lingering feel of her, because if he didn't it would drive him nuts. "Yeah." This was turning bad again but he couldn't ask her to leave. It was beyond him.

She had a greater sense of self-preservation than he did, luckily. "Anyway, I should be going. I have a paper due. I just wanted to stop in and explain. Next time, ask me directly, okay? There's not any reason to bring a million other people into this."

"It wasn't a million people!" Alex protested half heartedly. "it was just Marie. And yeah, okay. Next time I'll ask you." He stood up so he could open the door for her. "Don't be a stranger." He repeated.

She wished he'd let her find her own way out. Facing him at the door was almost too much to deal with right at this very moment. Marie was right--damn her--she was just in denial. But it was a safer place to be than rocking the boat. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah. Later." Denial was a two way street in this case. And Alex wondering more and more if Shiro was a detour...or just a temporary road block.