xp_logs | Waiting: Amanda, Juanita

Waiting at the airport for the plane to be prepped, Amanda and Juanita talk.

Airports were largely the same the world over, and Amanda knew La Guardia almost as well as she knew her own living room by now. All metal and glass and open spaces and echoes. And uncomfortable chairs and bad coffee, let's not forget those - Amanda gave Juanita an apologetic look as she handed the other woman a paper cup before resuming her seat next to her. "'S pretty bad, but 's hot at least," she said, cupping her own coffee in her hands, not drinking it. "Not long now before they finish getting it ready and start us boarding."

Juanita warmed her hands on her own cup, glancing fractiously around the terminal. "I hope not. Thank you", she added belatedly.

Amanda nodded at the thanks, bending forward and resting her elbows on her knees, looking into the coffee's murky depths. "Waiting's the worst," she said at last. "No matter how much practice you get at it."

Juanita just nodded her agreement to that. "At least the news Nathan could give us was good. Or some of it."

"Yeah. I think Pete's calling him again, to see if there's been any change." It was a miracle Dom had survived at all. Or just extremely lucky. "How're you holding up?"

"As well as I have to", she decided after a moment. "And you?"

"Heh. I always wondered where Angelo got the coping thing from..." Amanda said, momentarially amused. "'M fine. Just glad he's... that things weren't worse. When I got that call..." Calls in the middle of the night were never good news, and the the news this time had nearly stopped her heart. "He's okay," she repeated, her voice cracking a little.

"He had a habit of... disappearing, when he was younger", Juanita said calmly. "Never when he could help it, and he always came home eventually, until the last time, but he did. At least this time I know where he is, and... yes, he's okay." She freed a hand from her coffee to reach for Amanda's.

Amanda met her half-way, straightening in her seat and squeezing Juanita's hand briefly. "'S odd," she said, after a moment of reflecting on the older woman's words. "When you're the one doing the running away, you never think that anyone'll miss you. That they're better off with you gone. But that's bollocks, of course. Being left behind... it hurts. Took me a while to learn that myself, but then again, Angelo was always smarter than me."

"No", Juanita countered gently, shaking her head and not letting go of the girl's hand yet. "He just learned it younger. It doesn't mean you're not every bit as smart. But as far as it goes... I know he always hated having to stay away."

"He had a better teacher," Amanda replied, with a small smile. "He talked about you a lot, when we were back at the school. When Marie brought you back to New York... well, it was like all his Christmases had come at once."

Juanita smiled faintly in return. "I've been told that before. I'm just glad he found people to look after him."

"It was sort of a mutual looking after thing in our case. Him looking out for me, me looking out for him... I don't think I'd be back in New York if I hadn't known he'd be there," Amanda said simply, trying not to think how close they'd come to not having him be around any more. When she did that, her chest got too tight for her to talk.

"It's good to have someone to come back for", Juanita said with a nod, then she just put down her coffee cup - untouched - and drew the girl into a hug.

Amanda made a brief, startled squeak at the suddeness of the gesture, but returned it with the arm not occupied by coffee, holding on tight. "I thought we'd lost him," she murmured into Juanita's shoulder. "Before I had a chance to tell him..." She caught herself, then let the words go, so quietly they were barely a whisper. "To tell him I love him."

"...oh, Amanda." She rubbed a circle on the girl's back, gently. "I'd say he already knows, but I think we both know my son can be dense about these things."

"I know I should tell him. Only... I already know what he'll say, since he's said it before. He doesn't think of me like that. And I don't want to lose him as a friend by being a berk and telling him what he doesn't want to hear." Amanda sighed softly. "I'm trying not to feel... like that. But it's hard. I'm sorry, you don't need to hear this out of me, not now."

"No, but I'm getting the feeling you need to say it." She pulled back a little, looking steadily at the younger woman. "Have you ever considered that things might have changed? That he thinks you've moved on, if you've told him before?"

Amanda turned to set the unwanted coffee down on the floor, where she wouldn't kick it over, using the movement to try and gather her thoughts. "I will. Tell him," she said at last. "I was going to when he got back from the trip with Dom. But now... not when he's just been blown up. He's got enough to deal with and I don't want to add to the pressure. And I don't know what he thinks... we haven't really talked about this sort of thing since that last visit to Manuel. He and Sarah're pretty chummy, tho' - maybe he's the one that's moved on."

"Maybe", Juanita allowed, because even she couldn't be sure. "But you won't know until you talk to him."