xp_logs | Nathan and Amanda, Tuesday afternoon

Amanda stops in to check on Nathan, who's writing letters to the families of the Elpis staff members who died.

There was more than one study in the rambling old villa; in fact, there were several. Despite the circumstances of his visit, Nathan had been obscurely touched to find out they'd set aside one just for his exclusive use, just like they'd set aside a suite for him and Moira. He maybe should have expected that, but it had still served to make it very clear that this was meant to be a home for him and his family, too, whenever he wanted it to be.

He was working through the letters, this afternoon. Medusa's clerks had taken over for a few hours, to let him do that. He hadn't been looking forward to this part. Fourteen families he'd never met, and he had to find some way to tell them how sorry he was that their loved ones had gotten blown up. It wasn't turning into such a great day, all things considered.

In the spirit of not smothering Angelo, Amanda had decided to expend her instincts to check on people on anyone else who would let her. Nathan was a logical target, given two of the people who would normally be checking on him were being checked on themselves, and the third was in Scotland. So, armed with two mugs of tea, she braved the office he'd retreated to, kicking at the slightly-ajar door with her foot. "Nate? Up for a tea break?"

Nathan looked up. "Tea, huh?" he asked, his voice mild, yet distant. "Come in, Amanda. I'm not a tea drinker but I could make an exception." He put the half-finished letter - handwritten, he was making a point of that - into the folder with the others.

"You know me and the tea," she said dryly as she nudged the door open with her foot and came in. "Sorry to interrupt," she added, seeing the movement. "I can just drop this off and go, if you're busy."

"No, I could use a break. Writing letters to the families of the people who got blown into tiny little bits on Friday isn't the easiest thing I've ever done." The disturbing thing was that the mild, distant tone didn't alter in the slightest. He smiled very slightly at her, nodding in thanks as he took the tea.

"Oh." If Nathan's tone and expression didn't change, Amanda's did -she winced visibly. "I'm... I'm so sorry, Nathan." There wasn't much else to say - words were pretty ineffective in the face of so much tragedy.

Another nod acknowledged the expression of sympathy. "They were good kids, all of them," he said. "Just out of college, most of them - we were looking for people with language skills and the desire to do this sort of work. I interviewed all of them with Joel, back before Christmas and at the beginning of January." He took a sip of the tea. "Their families will miss them the most, obviously. But I'm going to miss seeing what they could have done out in the world, too. It's a hell of a waste."

"Yeah, it is." Amanda had wrapped her hands around her own mug, shoulders a little hunched. Most of the victims hadn't been so much older than herself and Angelo. "Any word yet on who's behind it?" she asked, mind already progressing to what could be done to stop this happening again. It was what Snow Valley was teaching her to do, after all.

"No. Four days in, that shouldn't be the case," Nathan said, sounding tired. "If I were law enforcement I'd be seriously concerned about the possibility of follow-up strikes. There has to be some reason why no one's made a claim of responsibility."

Amanda frowned, taking a sip of her tea at last, still holding the mug in that two-handed grip. "Fear?" she suggested. "Not speaking up means there's just that little bit more paranoia, so when they do speak up, people listen to them?"

"Entirely possible. Like I said... the assumption is that something more is coming. I really hope that's not the case, but letting the world hang on waiting to see is actually a pretty effective way to make sure that when they finally do speak up everyone's prepared to listen."

"Finding out what they're after is a big part of figuring out how to get at them," Amanda said reflectively, remembering Remy and Pete's lessons. "Money, ideology, conscience or ego - we get that, we know what we're dealing with." She gave Nate a small, wry smile. "Intelligence 101 - seems like I'm actually picking up the spy game after all."

Nathan regarded her levelly, then sipped at the tea. "I had a discussion with Joel about how he needs to travel with a bodyguard for a while when he's back to work. He wasn't impressed with me, but I didn't pose it as a suggestion. If we were one of the targets because of the publicity over Smichov, he was the one at all the news conferences."

"Sounds like a bloody good idea. Might be something to consider for the UN trips your office does too - 's not like you jump around wearing Elpis shirts, but you're not exactly hard to find, either." The school was secure - that didn't even need mentioning.

Nathan shook his head. "That'd be taking it a step too far," he said. "Joel needs protection because he's visible. The rest of us aren't, and we can't do our job effectively with bodyguards at our elbows." He smiled very thinly. "Besides. In situations that don't involve bombings, we're all able to look after ourselves fairly effectively. You know Angelo can, and you should have seen Medusa in Smichov. And Rahne bites."

Amanda nodded, not wanting to mention it wasn't so hard to plant a car bomb in a vehicle. It had been done once before, after all, and she wasn't going to remind him of that fact. "I suppose it's a matter of waiting and seeing what turns up then," she said instead. Waiting was the worst part of the job, and the part that seemed to come up the most. "You know our lot are onto it."

"Pete and I have discussed it, yes," Nathan said, with something that sounded almost like distracted courtesy, "and it's appreciated. Mac left on Saturday to... do whatever it is he does when he vanishes and comes back with information. He said something to me about this being just like the old days, only personal."

"Personal makes it harder," Amanda said, sighing a little. "'Specially when there's nothing much you can do. I'll leave you to it, then. Those letters're important, and I've distracted you enough."

"Do you think that personal makes it harder?" Nathan asked, before she could rise. He wasn't stalling on those letters. Really. "I think it makes it easier, but then, I tend to take nearly everything personally..." He gave her a crooked, tired smile. "Or to make myself sound less dysfunctional, I let myself feel it, every time. It's hard, but you can draw on resources you'd never reach if you were dispassionate." It was probably counterintuitive to what Pete and Remy had been trying to teach her, but that didn't mean it wasn't worth saying. "Drawing the line's harder, knowing when you've gone too far. But passion can carry you a lot further than a grim determination to get the job done."

"I s'pose it depends on what the job is," she admitted. "When it's something where you're protecting your teammates, or trying to save someone in trouble, yeah, making it personal helps. Like you said, it lets you dig a little deeper, pull out all the stops. But sometimes..." She thought of poor doomed Josh. Staying dispassionate had been the only way to get through that at all, but maybe if she'd been more connected, she'd have found another way? She didn't think so - the spell had been pretty unforgiving, as all demonic magic was. "I s'pose this is why I'm where I am, and not in leathers with you lot," she continued. "Sometimes you have to go at it the other way, or you burn yourself out. Look at me and all the healing I did at the school. That was personal, every single time, and I just about killed myself doing it. To the point that when I couldn't do it any more, I felt like I'd lost part of what made people want me." She gave him a wry grin. "This job's just as hard, in some ways, but it means less nosebleeds and migraines."

"You're young," Nathan said quietly, "and like I said, it's hard to know where to draw the line. Finding a balance is the best way, but that's even harder. I know I certainly haven't managed it." He looked back down at the letters. "Hard to not want to shut it all off at times. I'm lucky I don't have the option anymore." His expression was something closer to normal as he looked up at Amanda. "Dom was asking about you, this morning. I gather you haven't managed to catch her while she's been awake yet."

Amanda shook her head. "I've had shitty luck - she's either just dropped off, or just been doped up, so yeah, haven't had a chance to talk. And I've been trying not to get in the way," she admitted. "There's a lot of folks who want to talk to her, so I've just been waiting my turn. And helping Ange not get cabin fever," she added, somehow keeping a straight face as she said it. There'd been a few walks and a lot of hand-holding.

"Mm-hm." There was a flash of real amusement in the tired gray eyes that met hers. "Getting lots of fresh air, or so I hear. Out on the beach. We have a great beach, don't you think? Dom and Isabel and Chris and Vasily will be able to sit out and enjoy it, once we get them all home."

"Fresh's good for you. Everyone says so," she said with a not-innocent-at-all grin. "And I think this one's gotta be my favourite beach in the world right now." She pushed herself up off the bookcase she was leaning against, and gave Nathan's shoulder a brief pat. "They'll be home soon," she said softly.

She was going to go and leave him to these letters. Damn. "I know," he said, offering another faint smile as he picked up his pen. "I'm not very patient, though. Yet one more of those things I need to work on."

"Maybe you need an old Chinese guy making you wax his car and calling you grasshopper?" Amanda joked. She hadn't missed the reluctance to go back to his task, but she also knew it would eat at him until he did it. Better to give him the opportunity to get it done.

Nathan pantomimed the cultural reference going right over his head, then girded himself and waved at the door. "Go on, go find Angelo. Take him to go play with the baby or something... little Nate's almost as good as Ray at cheering you up."

"I'll keep that in mind," Amanda said with a laugh as she headed for the door. Another hour or two and she'd do just that - and sic the baby onto his namesake. Nathan would need it, she suspected.