xp_logs | Angelo and Nathan, Thursday evening

Nathan comes by to check on Angelo prior to heading out to Tel Aviv. He pushes - but just a little, and it might actually have done some good.

He still wasn't leaving the suite much. There didn't really seem to be much point, except for his appointments with Jack, to walk Joyita, and to get food when he was hungry enough to bother - which was rare - and nobody took it on themselves to bring it to him. His professors had excused him from classes for the time being, after all, and it wasn't like he'd be doing anything else useful out there. So, most of the time, he was in his room, either reading, when he could concentrate, or just... lying on his bed doing nothing.

There was a knock on the door of his suite, and Joyita jumped up and ran out of the bedroom and to the door, whuffling excitedly.

Someone she knew and liked, then. Not that that narrowed it down much, here. He looked in the vague direction of the door for a moment, considering, then pushed himself up and over to open the door.

Nathan raised an eyebrow. "Did I wake you up?" he asked, fully aware that this was not a time of day at which Angelo would be sleeping.

"No, I wasn't sleepin'", Angelo said, honestly if not really answering the question underneath that. "C'mon in."

Nathan did, bending to scratch behind Joyita's ears. "I don't know if you saw me say on the journals that I'm going back to Tel Aviv tonight," he said without preamble.

"Haven't looked at the journals today", Angelo told him. "But I figured you would be soon. Think you even told Dom that, the day before we came back."

"I'll just be gone for the weekend. I'd go next weekend, too," Nathan said, sinking into a chair, "but I want to go to that conference." Joyita laid her head on his knee, and he scratched behind her ears again. "I was wondering if you wanted to come as well. To the conference, I mean."

"...which one was that?" In amongst everything else, he'd honestly forgotten.

"About Smichov. The aftermath, and the implications. How we can prevent anything like that from happening again." Nathan's expression was understanding, but oddly firm. "I know there's been a lot of water under the bridge since we got those invitations, but I remember you were very eager to go."

"Oh." He looked away, his own expression suddenly uncertain. "Next weekend? I don't..."

"Thursday through Saturday." Nathan hesitated for a moment. "Joel wants me to speak. They've given Elpis twenty minutes at one of the afternoon sessions."

"Well, we were there", Angelo said quietly. "Makes sense Elpis should get a voice."

"I'm still debating. I don't have to give him an answer until Monday - he says it'll take him that long to work up a speech of his own if he has to." Nathan gazed across at Angelo, who was not quite meeting his eyes. "I'll like you to come," he finally said, or allowed himself to say. "I really would."

...oh, that just wasn't playing fair. And it wasn't that he didn't want to be a part of Elpis anymore, or that he didn't want... he didn't even know what it was he didn't want. "When d'you need to know by?" he asked, eventually.

Nathan offered a faint smile. "Thursday morning? Angelo..." He paused, trying not to sigh. "If you decide against it, it's all right." He couldn't force him to get back on the horse, didn't want to force him. But he'd weighed this carefully, and decided that a push - just a little one, would be safe. But that was as far as he was going to go.

So much had changed, Angelo thought suddenly, bitterly. One second to the next, and everything was different... why did that keep happening to him? He still couldn't quite look at Nathan, but he nodded. "I... I'll think about it."

"You have a voice, too," Nathan said, almost too quietly for Angelo to hear him. "Don't let them steal it from you."

There was nothing amused or happy in the smile Angelo gave him at that, dropping wearily into another chair.

"I've been..." Nathan's gaze was oddly distant. "I've spent a lot of years without a voice, Angelo. Out of fear, or self-preservation, or just because I was too overwhelmed by everything that had happened to remember that I could do more than just react."

Angelo nodded, listening with full attention, but... he'd run out of things to say, just for the time being.

"If you need time, I understand that. I'm not going to try to push you too hard into anything you're not ready to do yet... but at some point, the moment's going to come. And I hate to say it, but it's going to be harder, the longer you wait." Nathan's voice was soft again, his eyes focused on Angelo. "Start small, maybe. But start."

"I know", Angelo finally said, miserably. "That it's goin' to be hard. But I don't know where to start. An' Smichov..."

"Ask yourself," Nathan said, "if that might not be an easier place to start. Someplace where you know you're in a room of people who feel exactly the same way you do, who believe the same things. Not that the boathouse is any less supportive, but you know what I mean." And he didn't want Angelo to hole himself up in the office, either.

He belonged out there in the world. And Nathan was going to do whatever he had to do to make sure Angelo got back where he belonged.

"I don't know what'd be easier, either", Angelo admitted, head dropping with a sigh. "'cept maybe givin' it all up. But I don't want to."

"Then you're already made half the decision, haven't you? You've decided what you're going to do. You just need to decide when."

"...yeah." He knew Nathan was right, but he was - and sounded - so tired.

"Do me a favor, this weekend? Get some rest," Nathan went on in the same gentle, even voice, "but don't spend so much time in here. "Take Amanda out somewhere in town, or something." Small steps.

"Not been doin' so good on the rest. I've tried. But yeah. Sure. Probably a movie on or somethin' we could go see."

"Make it a comedy," Nathan suggested, with a faint twinkle in his eyes. "Maybe a romantic comedy. That might go over well."

Angelo actually looked up at that, shooting him a suspicious look. "...maybe."

"Just a suggestion." Nathan's expression, in return, was perfectly innocent.

"Sure it was."