(no subject)
Jan. 1st, 2004 02:46 pmHandwritten on scratch paper and then shredded into very tiny pieces and thrown away in the kitchen garbage.
I know that I am evil inside and it is not my place to judge others, nor am I in any position of authority to administer punishments.
I know that if I were truly good, then when someone has willfully done something I know to be wrong and stupid (and said nasty things to people who tried to warn her) and is suffering the consequences, I would be the one to bring water and try to make it better, instead of wanting very much to slap her hard and make it worse, and instead of taunting and then running away where I can't touch her and can't smell anything.
I know that I can't even pretend to be righteously indignant, because there have been other times when I know people have done something wrong or stupid or both, but because they were mostly nice to me I didn't find it hard to help.
From now on I will try to be kind and sweet and helpful to people, especially when it is hard to like them.
I will not run away and sleep outside next time people want to get drunk and then make loud noises outside the windows when they have hangovers. This is an evil fantasy.
I know that I am evil inside and it is not my place to judge others, nor am I in any position of authority to administer punishments.
I know that if I were truly good, then when someone has willfully done something I know to be wrong and stupid (and said nasty things to people who tried to warn her) and is suffering the consequences, I would be the one to bring water and try to make it better, instead of wanting very much to slap her hard and make it worse, and instead of taunting and then running away where I can't touch her and can't smell anything.
I know that I can't even pretend to be righteously indignant, because there have been other times when I know people have done something wrong or stupid or both, but because they were mostly nice to me I didn't find it hard to help.
From now on I will try to be kind and sweet and helpful to people, especially when it is hard to like them.
I will not run away and sleep outside next time people want to get drunk and then make loud noises outside the windows when they have hangovers. This is an evil fantasy.