xp_logs | Remix: Doug and Wanda, Doug and Mark

Doug can't really concentrate on work with the events of the weekend, so he goes and finds Wanda to make her take him shopping.

Doug crossed his arms self-consciously over his disturbingly ample chest after rapping on the door to Wanda's office. Hopefully Wanda would understand the problem and not laugh in his face. This certainly wasn't something he felt like he could talk to Sarah about, he was too embarrassed to ask Amanda, and Marie-Ange was obviously dealing with her own problems.

"It is open," Wanda called, half-buried in a box near her desk. Crate material spilled out every time she moved and she groaned, knowing it would be a pain to clean up. It always was. But she was far too gleeful about the fact that Cambridge had shipped over more things for her to look over. Archeology wasn't her first love, she did get the occasional toy to play with.

Hearing a pleasant mezzo soprano come out of your mouth instead of the tenor that you'd grown up for almost twenty years with was disconcerting, to say the least. "Hi, Wanda," he said quietly. "I...need some help."

She glanced up quickly and then relaxed. Well, Doug wasn't bleeding, that was always a plus at work with their crew. "How can I help?" Wanda asked, straightening and dusting herself off. Doug looked...slightly uncomfortable. All things considering, she couldn't blame him. Her. Sigh.

Having already gone around and around about the insufficiency of gender pronouns to handle what had occurred, and given that they had already discovered the change was temporary, Doug was simply referring to everyone that had been swapped with the gender pronoun of their "true" gender. But good lord was it confusing. And he attempting to distract himself from what he wanted to ask Wanda. "I need...clothes." He blushed rosily.

"Clothes?" Tilting her head, Wanda took him in with a quick look. "Well, obviously you are not by to borrow some of my clothes, they would be huge on you. Ooh, shopping then? But why not ask..." She paused, realization dawning. Embarrassed and going to one of the least less likely to be embarrassed in return. Or, well, laugh. "Oh. Shall I take it you need something more than a shirt and jeans, then?"

The blush deepened to scarlet and spread down his neck and under the collar of the large shapeless shirt he'd put on in an attempt to hide the curves he'd been graced with. He'd kept Marie's bra, but he just kept getting embarrassed every time he even put the thing on. "Um, maybe?" he stammered. "I can't exactly borrow Angie's clothes," he explained, taking one hand out from his armpit long enough to indicate his chest.

Wanda glanced down at Doug's chest, tilting her head. It wasn't ogling, exactly, more interested but with the baggy shirt, it was hard to see. "Bra shopping it is, then," she said cheerfully, clapping her hands together in glee. "Because you borrowing one of my bras would just be...very weird. Do you want to go now? Trust me, the longer you wait on a comfortable, well-fitting bra, the unhappier you will be."

"The only bra I have belongs to Marie," Doug told Wanda with continued blushing. "So I think I win for weird. And I tried going without, but it -hurts-. Hence why I came to you. Now is good, yes."

"There was one attack at the Mansion that Ororo was completely naked for," Wanda said cheerfully, leaning down to put the cover back on the box. There was no need to leave it open, after all. After that it was just a matter of grabbing her purse and then she was ready. "We all feel your pain."

---

There was a vast difference between the intellectual realization that he needed clothes that fit his new female form, and actually going to purchase those clothes. Still, Doug had always been just slightly curious about what it might be like to be female, and he was determined not to let the opportunity pass him by. Still...

"Oh god, what do you have to do to get fitted for a bra?"

Smothering a grin behind her hand, Wanda patted Doug on the shoulder. "Not to worry, darling, there are no weird instruments of death," she told him. "Simply a tape measure and a shop keep." Nodding at the store they were about to enter, she continued, "This place is a bit pricey, mind you, but they are very good."

Doug didn't know the first thing about bra shopping. He had been more worried that he was going to have to take his shirt off or something. "Pricey doesn't make a difference to me," he told Wanda. "I just want to do this with a maximum of professionalism, and a minimum of embarrassment." He had plenty of embarrassing questions bouncing around in his head that he might ask Wanda, he didn't need anyone else embarrassing him more. "Can we go get other clothes after this?" he asked nervously.

"Of course we can. Now, do not worry about anything when we go in there. Simply tell them you've come to notice what you wear is uncomfortable. Most women wear the wrong bra size so that is what they will probably assume." Taking care to be discreet, Wanda gestured at her own chest. "They will measure you here...here...and here and from that they will be able to determine the size you will need."

"Okay." Doug took a deep breath. "I can do this."

--

"Are you alright in there?" Wanda asked quietly, leaning against the wall next to the changing room Doug had retreated to. The women had been, as she'd expected, courteous and professional as they'd measured her slightly blushing coworker before bringing over a basket full of different things to try on.

How was something so simple such a problem when done with your arms bent behind your back? "Yes," Doug muttered, almost inaudibly. "Marie helped me with it when she gave me her bra to borrow, but I -still- can't get it on." This was hell. It had to be. He didn't think he'd ever been this mortified in his life.

She hesitated--mainly because of his embarrassment levels since at this point in her life, it felt as if hers had been removed. "Make sure you are decent because I'll be popping in." Wanda waited until she'd counted to ten in her head, slowly, before opening the door just enough to slip in. "No need to beat yourself up about this," she said cheerfully but with her voice still lowered. "It took me ages to figure this out and I can show you a short cut once this one is on."

Unfortunately, decent was a relative term when you were trying bras on. Doug stood with his back toward the door, a bra hanging undone, with his arms crossed over his chest to keep it from gapping away. And from the way red snaked down his back, it was obvious just how embarrassed Doug was. Still, he was grateful for the help. "Thank you," he told Wanda, looking over his shoulder gratefully.

Wanda gave him a warm smile before reaching over to take the ends of the bra in hand. "Let me know if this is too tight," she responded, eying Doug's back quickly before deciding to put it on the second set of hooks. Once that was done, she straightened the back of the bra straps before nodding. "How does that feel?"

Doug swallowed for a moment. His brain was struggling with his body's reactions, as the quick brush of Wanda's fingers over his bare back raised goosebumps. "Good," he replied, twisting his back and rolling his shoulders to test the fit of the bra.

If she noticed his reaction, she wisely doesn't comment, simply takes a small step back. "Jump a little," she recommends and then does laugh at the look he shoots her over his shoulder. It's amused but not mocking. "No, seriously. You need to make sure you have enough support and what happens if we have an emergency mission? Trust me, never go on a mission without a bra that supports you fully. I should write a guidebook about this..."

"What, like actual jumping?" Doug hopped up and down a bit, feeling extremely silly. "Okay, they didn't hit me in the face or anything, so that's a good thing, right?"

All Wanda could do was give him a thumbs up because anything else would have her laughing hysterically and it was already hard enough. It was a messed up situation but somethings were just plain funny. "I will wait out there until you are ready, alright?" she managed before darting back out.

---

The shopping trip, as all good shopping trips did, included a trip to the food court for lunch. Doug pushed his sandwich away. "Note to self, smaller body means less food to make me full," he said with a groan, leaning back in his chair.

"And this is why I am forever grateful that I am a larger than average specimen of the female species," Wanda said, finishing off her sandwich. She wiped her mouth and then glanced around. "Well, this feels slightly familiar. You, me, another food court...though that time you were still male and we were in the process of ripping off a casino. The good old days."

"Man, I bet I could win even more money in Vegas like this," Doug mused. "Because everyone would be staring at my chest." He looked down at the chest in question and chuckled. "Heck, -I- even stare at my chest a little bit," he said.

She chuckled. "Well, it is a very nice one at that, you did get lucky. In the grand scheme of being turned into a woman, that is." Wanda tilted her head at him and sighed. "How on earth do we seem to attract these kinds of issues?"

"I have -no- earthly idea," Doug said. "At least it's only going to last a week..." He trailed off and did some quick math in his head. "A week. Oh god. Prom." He looked pitifully up at Wanda. "I'm going to need a dress."

--

"Here are two more for you to try on." Carefully, Wanda slid the dresses over the top of the dressing room that Doug was currently in. With it being prom season, there was no shortage of places for them to shop in and they'd finally just picked on at random. "Watch your head."

Doug slipped one of the dresses over his head. He was starting to get a little more comfortable with undressing and seeing a female body in the mirror. It was still a bit confusing, but at least he wasn't blushing every five seconds.

"What do you think?" he asked as he came out of the stall.

"Oohh, very, very nice indeed." Wanda had Doug come out further, to stand in front of the three-way mirror so they could both get a better look. It was a little black dress or, rather, the little black dress. Every woman, honorary members included, needed one in their closet. "You've got nice legs," she noted with a grin, "and the dress shows them off brilliantly."

Doug turned, somewhat shocked, and felt the skirt swirl around his legs. "Oh god," he muttered, clutching it down. "I feel naked."

Soft laughter was the only response for a second before Wanda got herself back together. "Trust me, you really aren't," she teased. "You aren't wearing any pantyhose, that will help some. And shoes will help. But you've got assets, darling, show them off!"

"I'm so confused," Doug told Wanda, attempting not to hunch over and clutch at his skirt every time it moved. "This is taking a lot of getting used to." Still, it was a chance to experience things in a way he'd never imagined he might have, so he might as well make the most of it. "Can we get some clubbing stuff? I was thinking of going to Silver tonight."

"Clubbing? Certainly, I know just the place to get some things." Reaching over, Wanda very gently took Doug by the shoulders and straightened him. "Unless you decide to fall down a set of stairs--or possibly kick someone in the head--you are in no danger of flashing someone. It may feel like it, but you aren't." She gave him a comforting squeeze. "Just relax."

"It's really difficult," Doug noted. "Trying to relearn a lot of instincts all on the fly is..." He shook his head. Like the part of his brain that remembered being a heterosexual male, and dealing with the fact that an attractive woman was standing close to him and touching his bare shoulders. "I'm so confused. Wait, I already said that."

"That you did but if I were in your shoes, I would be as well." She smirked. "Well, confused and experimenting but this is me we're talking about." Gently, she gave him a push towards the changing room. "Off you get and when you're changed, we'll go get some clubbing clothes for you."

---

After the shopping is done, they adjourn for ice cream. Doug has a few questions for Wanda. (warning: frank discussion of sexual topics)

"Unh." Doug shuddered slightly, leaned back in the chair, and closed his eyes at the first spoonful of ice cream. "That's good stuff." He and Wanda had done about all the damage that could be done to the mall, as evidenced by the stack of bags next to the table, and had adjourned for sweets.

"Rule one when you go marathon shopping: always, always treat yourself afterward to something overpriced that is never good for your hips." Wanda dug into her own treat with gusto and eyed her own bags. For a trip that had been solely for Doug, she still managed to come out with a few things. "Feeling better?" she asked after a minute.

"Still a bit overwhelmed and confused, but I'm starting to get there." Doug took another bite of ice cream and paused thoughtfully, his spoon wavering in midair. "Wanda...could you give me some advice?" he asked slowly, remembering her earlier comment about experimenting.

She raised her eyebrows at him and nodded as she swallowed another mouthful of ice cream. "Of course you can," Wanda assured him. "Ask away."

"So, um, you were talking about experimentation earlier..." Doug was entirely too embarrassed to approach this in anything except a roundabout manner. As it was, he could feel the tips of his ears starting to heat up.

"Yes I did. It would be a perfect chance to see how the other half lives, so to speak. And I certainly would be curious, that I could not deny." She tilted her head. "Is there something regarding that you would like to know about?"

"Oh god." Doug buried his head in his arms as the blush came on full force. Then he decided he'd been dying of embarrassment enough, better to meet this head on. "Okay, so you know that Angie got turned into a guy, right?"

Drat, if he'd kept his head down, Wanda would have stolen a bite of his ice cream. She did so anyway. "I was...oh. Oh." Taking care not to jostle the mountain of bags or the table, she scooted her chair closer to Doug's. "I think I'm starting to see things more clearly now. What did you need my advice on?"

"Blow jobs" The word came out before Doug could think about whether or not it was a good idea to say it. "I...might have a list," he admitted, biting his lip and looking off to the side.

"A list about blow jobs?" Wanda couldn't help but ask. "Or a list of advice you need? Well. We are better off than if you had been a virgin in your other body...wait, that does beg an interesting question. Are you actually a virgin with this body? Interesting. Anyway, you have had sex as a male, so that's a good enough place as any to start. And I will assume you've been on the receiving end."

"Um, yes. Once." Doug refused to elaborate. "And more a list of things I want to try and experience as a woman." This was...so fantastically embarrassing Doug was surprised he hadn't spontaneously imploded. He looked around furtively to see if anyone was paying attention to them.

"Wait. One? Just one? Goodness, Doug, I've given more than one." Shaking her head, she forced herself to move on. "Which is why we're having this discussion in the first place. Though that puts us at a slight disadvantage. Do you have porn of women giving men blow jobs, at least?"

"Oh god. This is hell. I have died and gone to hell." Doug laid his head back down on his arms, not even caring if Wanda stole his entire container of ice cream at this point.

Wisely, she decided not to ask if he had porn of men giving other men blow jobs. Now that was pretty. "What questions do you have about it?" Wanda asked, eying the top of his head with amusement, unable to tell if his response was a "yes" or a "no" to her question.

"I've had a grand total of one given to me, and obviously never given any..." Doug answered by mumbling into his arms. "What questions do you think I have?"

Reaching over, she patted him on the head before standing up. "I will be right back, please do not flee the area while my back is turned." Turning, she went back into the ice cream shop and a few minutes later came out with a few objects. "Doug? Here you are." Taking care to wrap a napkin around the bottom to prevent chocolate on fingers, she handed him a chocolate covered banana.

"Oh god." He'd been saying that a lot, except things kept happening to up the ante on his embarrassment scale. "You can't be serious. Not right here in front of everyone in this food court."

Wanda smirked just a little bit. "No, there will be no practical demonstrations today," she teased. "This is for reference. Honestly, try to eat it but keep in mind the questions you have been having. Unless Angie is into pain, the first thing I can tell you is to watch the teeth. A little bit is good, depending on the man but other than that, be careful. So, in this case, try not to scrape the chocolate off. The banana will be incredibly unhappy."

Doug held the napkin-wrapped banana in one hand gingerly and looked around again. "I couldn't possibly. Not with this many people around. I just...okay. Watch the teeth. Got it. What else?"

Innocently, she licked at the chocolate on hers before continuing. "That, for one. I..." She paused and reached over to poke Doug in the shoulder. "How sensitive are your new bodies? I mean, they obviously cannot have been broken in and if that's the case, take it slow. Sensitive new body, sensitive new bits and a feeling she'll never have experienced? I've seen Marie-Ange kick, Doug, I would recommend slow."

"Slow and no teeth, gotcha. Now can we talk about something not involving me and gigantic amounts of embarrassment?" Doug asked plaintively. "Something about someone not me. Like you!" he said brightly. "Tell me something about you."

"Something about me? Obviously not something you have heard before..." Grinning, Wanda leaned against his shoulder and winked. "Alright, I have it. Since we are sort of on the topic anyway. Have I ever told you about the time that I decided to give that whole bisexual thing a go?" There was a choked noise and she nodded sagely. "No? Well, then..."

---

Mark got to work late this morning, and didn't check the journal system. So he's definitely shocked when he goes to hit at the blonde sitting alone at the bar.

Bryan the Bouncer (as he liked to call himself) looked down from the young woman to the identification card she'd given him, and then back up at her again. "Douglas Ramsey?" he asked gruffly, snorting at Axel, the other bouncer standing in front of the door to Silver. "Got a story you wanna tell us?"

If Mark hadn't told him a while back that the bouncer was a psychometrist, he probably would have never had the guts to go to Silver, seeing as how all his ID was for someone not sporting a C cup. "Gypsy curse," he replied a touch snappishly, holding out his hand for the ID. "I know I don't look like the picture, but that's me," he went on, ignoring the looks of the other patrons waiting behind him as he attempted to cover nervousness and a slight embarrassment with bluster.

Since Mark first came around, and then especially after Mark started hanging out with that Snow Valley crowd, the employees and patrons of Silver had found themselves having to quickly grow accustomed to serious Weirdness. So, sex swap or not, Bryan checked the psychic imprint of the ID, accepted its validity, and handed it back. "Cover's five dollars tonight," he told Doug.

"Thank you," Doug told Bryan gratefully as he paid the cover and entered the club.

---

Once inside, Doug relaxed slightly and took his habitual look around the club to observe the crowd. He'd been an avid people watcher well before working at Snow Valley, and even before his mutant power.

A trait he shared in common with Mark. Having spent a good hour actually up in his booth, he felt that he deserved some time to walk around. Playlist set, he'd left and accepted his usual screwdriver from the bar. It was there that he first caught sight of the short blonde. Finally, someone over whom he could tower. What a nice change. "What can I get you?" he asked her, grinning, and noticing something oddly familiar in her eyes. Something he couldn't put his finger on.

Doug blinked. Of all the people to come walking up and flirt with his female self, of course it would have to be Mark. Doug was startled before realizing that Mark hadn't seen him at work since the change, so he had no way of recognizing him. Someone up there clearly had a warped sense of humor.

For the briefest of moments Doug considered playing out the charade, as half the reason he'd come to Silver was curiosity about being flirted with, but he decided that it would be immensely unfair to Mark, and he didn't feel like fostering awkwardness in the office. "Oh god, Mark, get me a double of something," he answered and lay his head on the bar. "Doug," he said, lifting a hand to point a finger at himself.

"Never met a girl with that name before," Mark said slowly, raising an eyebrow. "Or is this a prank? Did Doug put you up to this? Fuck. Tell him he almost got me. Trying to one-up me after my office stunt, huh?"

Doug looked up at Mark with a scathing glare. "No. _I'm_ Doug, you moron."

"And I'm the Queen of England." Mark shook his head. He wasn't going to fall for something so silly and outlandish. "Srsly. What's your real name? We can get that little fucker back."

"Nice to meet you, Your Majesty. You're looking...younger, and startlingly male. You might almost think some mutant decided it would be funny to change your gender while on a team-building retreat," Doug replied with biting sarcasm. "And I'm still waiting on my double."

"Okay, let's try this. Full name, birthday, favorite drink, and girlfriend's cup size." Mark smirked.

Doug sighed in put-upon fashion. "Douglas Aaron Ramsey, May seventh, mead, but you can't get honest-to-god Asgardian mead here in Midgard, and Angie wears a lot of padded bras. Low B cup." He tapped his fingers on the bar. "I'm being very polite and -not- asking how -you- know that. Now, for the love of god can you -please- get me something alcoholic?"

"Huh." Mark stared at Doug for a minute, as if inspecting this girl's face to see if Doug had just had the sudden urge to have sex reassignment and was just hiding behind this new body. "Well, fuck me. What the fuck happened?" He waved Larry the bartender over and ordered a Jack and Coke. Heavy on the Jack.

"Well, you know that team-building retreat some of the X-Men went on, and Sofia dragooned me and Angie into going to?" Doug grimaced. "Well, one of the 'camp counselors' decided it'd be freakin' hilarious to swap everyone's gender in the middle of a trust exercise. Talk about your wacky grab bag mutant power, huh?" He grabbed the drink and took a long swig, then set it back down with a cough as he swayed on his stool. "Second note to self. Smaller body means alcohol hits harder."

"Sex," Mark corrected absently. "Gender is a social con . . . Forget it." Not really the right time to have an argument about queer theory, he reasoned. Right time for another drink, though, which Larry promptly provided. "So, you got the mutant whammy and now you're a chick? Forever ever?"

"Sex, then." Doug corrected himself. The Jack and coke was already making him a bit wobbly and agreeable. He took another sip. "It's temporary, thank god. Personal curiosity about experiencing things as a woman aside, I think I'd be freaking out a lot more if it were permanent."

The mental image of Doug "experiencing things as a woman" made Mark almost snarf his drink. "Ow. Alcohol in sinus," he coughed, waving his hand ineffectually in front of his nose. When he could breathe again, he cocked his head to the side and asked: "So does that mean Angie and Sof are boys now?"

"Oh yeah. Everyone there got the whammy," Doug told Mark with a smirk. "Even Pietro and Logan."

Mark just stared at Doug. "Wanda's brother and the bear? If there were ever two 'women' who could totally turn you off from heterosexuality . . ."

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"Wanda's brother and the bear? If there were ever two 'women' who could totally turn you off from heterosexuality . . ."

Please excuse me while I cackle madly. And no, I can't tell you why just yet. :D