[identity profile] x-cypher.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] xp_logs
To: Guthrie, Paige
From: Ramsey, Doug
Subject: Um.


Paige-

So. Um. Yeah. Remember how I made a really big idiot out of myself when I first got here? Well, um, I'm worried that I might be doing it again. Sort of. And I wanted someone to talk to about this. But I'm not very good at talking, so I figured I'd type it out instead. Can't talk to Jamie about it, scared he'd laugh at me. Can't imagine talking to Alison about it. So I guess that leaves you. Sorry, you're volunteered. And can you tell that I'm stalling? Bleh.

So. Um. Making an idiot out of myself by crushing on someone. Except I know my feelings are for her, and not 'that cute girl with the white streak in her hair'...

...

Oops. Guess that kinda lets the cat out of the bag on who it is, doesn't it.

*sigh*

Yes, I have a raging crush on Marie. Not a word to anyone, please. I'd like to continue laboring under this delusion that she has no idea how I feel.

I just...I'm scared to be honest with her. Because I'm scared of losing her as a friend if I do. I can't imagine she feels the same about me. I mean, she's pretty much said that she's convinced dating is not for her. I just...I'd like to be the one quasi-normal thing in her life. I'd like to be there when she realizes that dating _is_ for her, and that I've been there all along. And I have silly little daydreams about stuff I could do for her, like wear gloves so she doesn't have to, or trying to figure out a way to even kiss her on the cheek...

I'm such a sap. *sigh*

Anyways. Um. I dunno, I don't know what to do, what to say, but it feels kinda good to write this down and tell it to someone.

Just...please don't laugh. And please don't tell her.

Your friend,
Doug

P.S. How's things with Angelo? :)
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