xp_logs | On the road: Amanda, Angelo

Away from the mansion, Amanda and Angelo take the time to have that talk. The one about not-talking.

Amanda tipped her head back against her seat, closing her eyes behind her sunglasses against the sun's brightness. It was some mutual unspoken agreement that had put them on the quieter back roads instead of the I-95, and the road unspooled before them with only a few other cars around. Knots she had long stopped noticing were unravelling in her shoulders and neck as she began to relax - she only hoped Angelo was feeling the same, and she glanced over at him.

His eyes were on the road, in spite of the lack of other traffic, having no desire to have anything happen to his new car. He spared a glance sideways at her, though, noticing her look. "Everythin' okay?"

"I was just going to ask you that," she said with a small smile. "You win for the good ideas, tho'. I needed this." And so did you, went unspoken.

"Good", he said quietly. "I couldn't stay in that suite anymore. Not for awhile, anyway. Too empty." It was a start on talking about it, at least.

"No need to, at least for a couple of weeks." She wasn't sure what to say that would help - when Charlie had died, it had been different. She hadn't shared a living space with him. "If it helps, when we get back, you could..." There was a slight pause before she made the offer, not sure how he'd take it. "Stay with me? If it's not too much of a commute, any way."

There was a pause, then without looking, his hand left the wheel briefly to squeeze hers. "I might just take you up on that. The commute's not that bad, an' it's not like I don't do it a lot anyway... I was thinkin' about movin' out of the mansion." The last was almost an afterthought.

She sat up at that, the movement momentarily disturbing Joyita from her nap on the back seat. The dog raised her head to look at them, then lay it back down on her paws and closed her eyes. "Moving out?" she echoed, surprised.

He shrugged a little, awkwardly. "Not far. Just to Salem Center or somethin'. It's just... not gonna be the same in that suite, even if they move somebody else in, but it wouldn't feel right just t'move to another one an' pretend nothin' ever happened... but I can't do that anymore." He shrugged. "Forge's dad asked me to look after his stuff, until... somethin' changes." Whichever direction the change might be in.

"It makes sense..." she said, slowly. "Tho' I don't think anyone expects anyone to go on as if nothing had happened." This time she was the one who reached out, half-turning in her seat to face him better and briefly laying her hand on his forearm. "Whatever you need to do, love. I'll be here." She sounded a little more certain than she might have before they'd gone to Attilan. One good thing, at least, to come from it.

"I know." There was confidence in that, too. "Speakin' of that, though... we've probably got some stuff to talk about. Or a lot of stuff."

She nodded, telling herself the nervous clenching in her gut was nothing more than a learned habit. "We probably do," she agreed. "And no-one around to interrupt, either." It took an effort not to start chewing on already-ragged fingernails, though.

"Yeah", he agreed. "You want to do it now? Or when we stop?"

That got a brief snort of laughter from her. "You make it sound like a quickie," she said with a flash of teasing that did far more to ease her nerves than anything else he could have said. "You're driving, Ange, 's up to you. We could probably find a rest stop, take a break any way - Joyita might use the run."

He shot her a quick sideways look, but said nothing when he saw how relaxed she looked, just followed it with an equally quick grin. "Rest stop it is. Even if she looks more like she wants to sleep."

"That's just 'cause she doesn't get a turn at driving the shiny car." Another pause. "Which reminds me..."

***

The rest stop was little more than a picnic table and a public bathroom, set on a small cliff above the beach. Taking time to tie her hair back out of her face, given the fresh ocean breeze that was tossing it every which way, Amanda came out of the bathroom to join Angelo where he was sitting at the picnic table, watching Joyita nosing around. She perched up on the table, bare feet on the bench. "Back again," she said unneccessarily, but not really sure how to start things off. Serious talks unsettled her, but this was important.

The rest stop was little more than a picnic table and a public bathroom, set on a small cliff above the beach. Taking time to tie her hair back out of her face, given the fresh ocean breeze that was tossing it every which way, Amanda came out of the bathroom to join Angelo where he was sitting at the picnic table, watching Joyita nosing around. She perched up on the table, bare feet on the bench. "Back again," she said unneccessarily, but not really sure how to start things off. Serious talks unsettled her, but this was important.

"So I see", he said, leaning back a little to look up at her. He suddenly found he wasn't sure how to begin either, now he'd taken the first step to initiating the conversation.

She reached over to scritch the buzz cut, scooting over so her bare leg touched his shoulder - she was wearing a pair of cut off denim shorts and a shirt she'd 'borrowed' off him, the pink suiting her colouring rather well. "We used to be good at this talking thing," she said wryly. "Back when we were kids on the back porch. What happened?"

He shrugged slightly, pressing his shoulder more firmly against her leg. "Hell if I know. Maybe that only works when the stuff isn't so fresh. Or doesn't risk anythin'."

"Are we? Risking it, I mean?" She looked down at him, tucking her hands under her legs to stop herself from chewing on her nails. "I didn't mean... it's just..." She bit her lip. "I didn't want you getting pissed off at me if I pushed you to talk about what happened," she admitted. "I don't... I don't want it to be like it was with Manuel, where it seemed sometimes all we did was fuck and fight."

"I think... there's gotta be some kind of middle ground", he said slowly, thinking it out. "'Cause you don't want it to be like that, but I don't... I never pushed with Paige, even when she obviously wasn't okay. An' we know where that ended. I don't want this to die like that."

"It won't." She said it quickly, not even letting herself think of the alternative. It had always been her and Angelo in some form ever since she came to the school, and she wouldn't let it go easily. Even if it meant getting the fuck over her damage. "This... where we were, with the not-talking... there was just too much, y'know? Ever since we got together, it's been one thing after another and this last thing was just the last straw, at least for me. I was - no, I am - so incredibly pissed off, and there you were, feeling guilty about it. I couldn't say anything, in case you thought I was mad at you, when you'd be the last person on earth I'd blame."

"But if we keep it up with the not-talkin', it will", he said, quiet but intense, tipping his head back to look at her seriously. "You could've said... I mean, yeah, maybe I would've thought for a second you meant me. Maybe. But if you'd said, 'yeah, I'm pissed, but it's at Candra'... I'd never think you were lyin' about somethin' like that."

She flushed a little, dropping her head. Unfortunately, having her hair tied back meant she had nothing to hide behind and he could still see her profile. "I trust you more than anyone I ever have," she admitted quietly. "But 'm scared to death of hurting you again. Since now, if I say or do the wrong thing, it's a hundred times worse than before." Her voice shook a little, but when she looked at him again, her eyes were clear. "Even with all the shite, I've never been as happy as I've been since we got together. I don't want to lose that. Or you."

"If you say or do the wrong thing, it'll be easier to fix than silence, I think", he ventured. "I love you. It'd take a hell of a fight to kill that. But like I said, not talkin'..."

With a nod, she moved to prop her elbows on her knees and rest her chin in her hands. "Why didn't you push me, then?" she asked, not accusingly but acknowledging the need to be honest. "Since you had the whole thing with Paige, I would've thought..."

"'Cause I guess I was scared of the same thing", he admitted. "I thought there was still time, we'd be okay if I gave you a bit longer, an' I didn't want to screw things up a whole different way. An' then Nathan threw me in the lake again."

"We're such plonkers," she told him with a sudden grin, poking him in the leg with her toe. "And I should send Nate a thank you card for doing that. And be glad I wasn't in range, since I probably would've gotten the same." Then she sobered a little. "And you can tell me anything, yeah? We don't have a link, and I don't always know what you're feeling, unless you tell me. I had meself convinced that you'd never be able to look at me again without remembering what Belladonna did." It was probably the first time she'd said the name to him or not used a euphenism.

He hauled himself up to sit on the table next to her, at that. "I know. I do. But it's not easy... you already knew that. An' to be honest, it wasn't easy lookin' at what she did to you, either. I couldn't even, that first time, remember? But if we let that be the way it is, then she wins, her an' Candra."

"Remy said he could get them removed. The scars, I mean. He said he'd find someone to do it. I told him no." She hadn't told him about the scene in her kitchen, not knowing how. "It feels like... if I go to all that effort, if I get rid of them, or cover them up all the time, go back to hiding like I used to, it's making them mean something. Making them matter. And... they really don't. Not any more than yours do to you now."

"They do, though", he said slowly. "Mine, I mean. Not the way they used to, though - when I was a kid, they were somethin' to be proud of. Marks of battle, sort of. Now they're just... I can't forget who I was as long as they're there. An' I shouldn't."

"Just as long as you don't forget where you're going too," she said quietly, looking away to the distant horizon. The ocean glinted here and there as the sun caught the water. "There's so much you can lose, Ange. Not me, but the rest of it, everything you've worked for."

"It still feels like it all just dropped into my lap, some days", Angelo confessed just as quietly. "The school, the job... yeah, I've worked hard since Nathan hired me, but it feels sometimes like I didn't do a thing to deserve it before that. Like it could end any second, like wakin' up."

"You ever ask yourself why Nate hired you?" she asked, glancing at him again. "He doesn't do things like that out of charity, Ange. He's seen something in you since he first started helping you out, and you've never disappointed him." A slightly wry smile touched her lips. "But doesn't matter how often I tell you that you deserve it. It needs to come from you."

"Yeah, I know." There was a note of faint ironic amusement in his voice. "Workin' on it."

"You'll get there. We both will." She shuffled a little closer to him, and leaned her head against his shoulder. "I'll help you if you help me? I seem to remember us making that deal a few years ago."

"Maybe it's time to make it again, then", he said, glancing at the top of her head then down to where Joyita lay in the grass, half under the picnic table. "An' a new one, as well. We talk about stuff, even if it's hard."

"No being too scared to push, no hiding," she agreed, then lifted her head to look at him. "First one to welch gets thrown in the nearest body of water?" she suggested, since both of them knew what the true consequences would be.

"Agreed", he said with a crooked grin, tugging her towards him. "An' the other one has to help if there's any backslidin' on the second one."

She went willingly, sliding her arm around him. "Deal," she said, turning her face up for a kiss.

He was only too happy to oblige. Sealing the deal, in a way.