xp_logs | Angelo and Nathan, Saturday morning

Angelo checks in on Nathan, only to find out certain details about the night he got back from Chechnya managed to get around (finally).

"That's what this show was missing," Nathan said as Angelo came through the door from the office and into the living room. "Lesbians. I mean, it's done a really sterling job of representing every other form of sexual expression possible. I never thought the Romans were prudes but this is getting a bit gratuitous."

Angelo stopped dead and stared at him. "...you're watchin' a show about the sex lives of the Romans?"

"Well, it's supposed to be about Julius Caesar and how he became Emperor. But yes, there is a lot of sex." Nathan shifted slightly, carefully in his chair. Sitting upright in a chair was a definite improvement from lying on the couch, but he was still sore.

"Okay, then. Guess they've gotta sell it somehow... how're you feelin'?" He moved further into the room, letting the door close.

"Not too bad. I'm looking forward to the day when it takes me less than ten minutes to navigate the stairs." That said, it was a definite improvement, these last few days, that he could navigate the stairs at all.

"It'll come", Angelo assured him. "Shouldn't even be too long - what's Moira say about it?"

"That I heal with impressive speed, as per usual. Thanks for your genes, Dad, even if it doesn't quite constitute a secondary mutation." Nathan watched Angelo move farther into the room. "Why are you working on a Saturday, anyway?"

Angelo shrugged. "Nothin' much else to do, this week. I finished all my class work, an' it's not like self-defence takes that much prep."

"Good time management," Nathan said idly, letting his head rest against the cushioned back of the chair. "And while I shouldn't encourage you to fill up spare hours with work, it's a much better idea than oh, running off to break into houses." His tone didn't alter even slightly on his last words, but remained casual.

"...he told you", Angelo said, chagrined and not completely clear on which 'he' was meant. "They said they wouldn't tell anyone."

"Scott assumed I knew already and said something about trying to give you something more productive than breaking-and-entering to do with your anger. I'm not sure whether he thought you would have told me, or whether he assumed I would have 'overheard'."

"I wasn't gonna tell you when you were in that state", was the defensive response. "An' I figured the painkillers stopped you overhearin' much."

Nathan snorted, his eyes going back to the television, where fictional Romans were busy engaging in classic soap opera antics between overturning the Republic.

"What?"

Nathan gave it a full minute before answering. Mostly because he did want the boy to squirm just a little more. "What do you mean, 'what'? You've probably had plenty of people giving you heartfelt critiques of your judgement that night. Trust me, I am probably not original enough to come up with anything new."

So that's why you'd rather watch... that..." His eyes strayed to the television and he lost his train of thought for a second before regaining it. "...watch that than say anythin' to me?"

"It's very engrossing for a bad historical soap opera." Nathan did look away from the screen, though, his eyes narrowed. "You know, I could have killed her in Chechnya. Almost did. She'd just shot me twice in the back and was coming towards me with a gun, I don't think anyone would have been overly hard on me if I'd splattered her all over the walls of what was left of that house."

Angelo's expression was similar, watchful and closed at the same time. "So it was your choice not to do it even in self-defence. Your choice."

"And you think choosing to kill is a choice you want to make?" There was a hint of a snarl under the level tone. "I thought you'd made a choice about what kind of person you wanted to be. I'm not slamming you for backsliding, Angelo. I know it's hard, and I know I've done it myself. But the key is to catch yourself before you fall over the edge. Not to have to rely on other people and dumb luck to do it."

"I did it for you!" he burst out, after a moment's silence. "You an' Askani. An' if you don't understand - you can talk all you want about knowin' what it's like, but you're not in my skin - you don't get what I'd do, then why'm I still here?"

There was a pained look on Nathan's face for a moment. "There's something you don't understand," he said. "Nothing I've ever done for you or with you will matter the day you make a conscious choice - I'm not talking about in the heat of a fight here or anything, but a conscious choice - to kill someone because of me. The man you've become is your own work - I like to think I've helped, but it's you who took a path that lets you be proud of what you are. Don't ever destroy that because of me."

"So what'd you want me to do? Just... just let it go, when people do shit like that to my own?" He looked almost helpless, for a moment. "Not sure I'm wired that way, Nate."

"No," Nathan said, the shocked look mingling with a strange, wry and affectionate humor. "For fuck's sake, no, I certainly don't want you to let it go. I'm not planning to do that. But if I'm going to figure her out and keep everything we're trying to do with Elpis going at the same time, I'm going to need you. On both sides of the equation. You, here. Not in jail."

"An' you'll have me, long as I've got somethin' to say about it", Angelo said instantly. "'s just... Remy said somethin' about havin' to choose which side I go with, too. But I can't just cut off the other part."

Nathan gazed at him for a long moment, his expression serious again. "What makes us better men than we were," he said finally, "is that we have that part and know we do... but choose the better way, whenever the choice is in front of us. The voice we don't listen to is as much of a guide as the voice we do."

That got a slow nod - he knew that much was true. "I'll try. I've been tryin'."

"When it comes right down to it, you didn't kill anyone, or get yourself or anyone else hurt, or land anyone in jail. It could have been a lot worse than it was." Nathan offered him a slightly tired smile. "It's ironic, you know. You had more luck on your side than I had on mine, and I had a much better plan."

Angelo snorted. "Your plan didn't take in her bein' there at all, from what the files say."

"No. But it was a really good, careful plan for dealing with Saidullayev," Nathan said a bit wistfully. "I don't get strategic often, and when I do, I get shot in the back. Makes one wonder what the point is."

"The point is", Angelo said more briskly, "the strategic stuff works when you don't get curveballs thrown at you."

"Now you sound like Scott. When I told him I wasn't going to bother with the overly careful plans anymore, he looked absolutely scandalized."

"Well, maybe you're not the only one I've been learnin' from."

"Always a good thing. I have very narrow horizons, you know."

"Sure you do."

"Oh, look. Now Octavia's seducing her brother..."