xp_logs | Nathan and Angelo, Monday morning

Angelo shows up for work, holiday or no holiday, and Nathan finds out why Angelo's been scarce for the last week.

As far as Angelo was concerned, now was about things getting back to normal. He'd checked to make double sure the bruises were gone this morning, and then headed for the boathouse for work.

He'd been set up at his desk for a few hours, now.

The door in the partition opened, and Nathan stood there for a long moment, watching Angelo at his desk. "Ordinarily I'd feel the need to point out that this is a holiday and you shouldn't really be here," he said, somewhat gruffly (it almost covered the edge of anxiety in his voice, but not entirely), "but this is the most I've seen of you in a couple of weeks. So maybe I shouldn't complain."

"I don't believe in holidays for pointless reasons", Angelo said, looking up after a moment. "So I'm not takin' it. An' yeah, I'm here now." The last was meant as a kind of reassurance.

"Right. Well." Moving stiffly - he was definitely not healing as fast as he should be a full month after getting shot, but he supposed there had been some complicating factors - Nathan went over to his desk. "I'm quite sane now," he said, not looking at Angelo. "Or at least not any crazier than usual."

"I know", Angelo said quietly. "I was sittin' with you when you were crazy, re... no, you probably don't remember. Wasn't worried about that."

Nathan looked up at him - briefly, before he looked back down at the neatly stacked paperwork on his desk. "No, I don't remember. I don't remember much of anything after that first night." It wasn't coming clear, either, as time went on. Oh, well. It wasn't as if he didn't have plenty of other holes in his memory. What was one more?

"Well, I was there", he repeated, firm but still quiet. "Gonna take more than that to scare me off, Nate, you know that."

Then why have you been avoiding me? Nathan wanted to ask, but didn't. Angelo was allowed to have a life. And he was definitely allowed to spend more time with that life than in the office, especially if he'd spent that much time sitting with a raving lunatic. Nathan's expression tightened, and he shuffled the papers in front of him with a little more force than was strictly necessary.

Angelo was watching him now, the papers in his hand and spread in front of him ignored. "Nathan, I saw that. What?"

"Nothing." Nathan stopped, his jaw clenching, and went on in a more moderate voice. "My reactions are all over the place still, ignore me. I possibly should have gone to Muir for a week and come back when I could be trusted in mixed company."

"Might not've been a bad idea. You could probably use the break. But tell me what I said." That came out a little anxious, in turn.

Oh, lord, he was going to be persistent. Nathan gave a slightly strangled laugh and let his head fall into his hands for a moment. "Fine. What did I do, that you've been avoiding me? And don't tell me I didn't do anything. I'm getting the sense that I must have done a lot, to a number of people. Anytime I go to the infirmary to see Moira or get my back checked, I swear Amelia twitches and reaches for the tranq gun."

Angelo scowled at that, but not at Nathan. "If that's true, her an' me are havin' words. Yeah, you did stuff, but only when you got upset. Bein' in that room, when you were... like that... nobody blames you."

"Why did they let anyone in there with me, then?" The question, strangely, came out sounding almost forlorn.

"'Cause it wasn't all the time", was all Angelo could offer. "An' 'cause some of us got stubborn about it."

He really needed to snap out of it. He knew he was dwelling on it too much. It was just that he didn't remember, and so none of the reactions from people quite registered as consistent. And would you really want to remember?

"Right, well. I'm glad I didn't do anyone any permanent damage."

"Nothin' permanent", Angelo promised, not even thinking about what would have happened if Monet hadn't been invulnerable. In that case, she'd have had no business doing what she'd done anyway, right? "But you wanted to know why I've been stayin' away... I didn't want you starin' at the reminders all day. That's all."

"Ah." He managed to make the monosyllabic response fairly calm-sounding. Under the edge of his desk, where Angelo couldn't see, his shaking hands clenched into fists.

"It was only a couple bruises, Nate", Angelo said gently. "Nothin' bad. But I didn't want you drivin' yourself into a guiltstorm over it."

Is it the fact that you hit him, or the fact that you lost control that's bothering you? a sardonic voice at the back of his mind asked, and Nathan swallowed, feeling vaguely sick to his stomach. He pulled his still ragged shields more tightly around his mind and forced himself to straighten in his chair, ignoring the throbbing in his back.

"I think I'd like to start 2008 over again."

"Couldn't blame you", was the wry response, Angelo abandoning the papers in his hand altogether now. "Been a bitch of a year so far."

"Tell me about it." He wanted nothing quite so much as to get up, walk right back through the door and hide for a little bit while he pulled himself together properly. But while he was a lot of things, he was not a coward. And he didn't intend to start now.

Angelo just nodded, mouth twisting ruefully into something that wasn't a smile.