Dr. Samson and Laurie, Friday afternoon therapy session

[x-leosamson.livejournal.com]

Laurie and Dr. Samson discuss the incidents with Kyle & Jennie.



Laurie sat on the couch in Samson's office, staring out the window at the grounds of Xavier's. This wasn't the first time she'd been here, but it was the first time she'd really acknowledged that she might not be handling her mutant powers well. It was hard, and she really didn't want to say anything about it.

"I don't think I have many friends here," she said softly, settling on something safe for the time being.

Leaning back in his chair across from the couch, Leo tilted his head slightly in response, "Why would you think that, Laurie? Has something happened?"

"Kyle won't talk to me, and Jennie...I don't know whether she's my friend, or if she just thinks I'm some dumb kid," Laurie replied, fingers curled against the couch cushion as she talked, holding it close to her chest. "It was easier at my old school; I didn't have to live with my friends."

"Living in the same place as your classmates and teachers is...stressful," Leo acknowledged. He studied the young woman who was holding one of the couch cushions as a shield. "When you have arguments or disagreements, you have less space to retreat. What happened with Kyle?"

"He just won't talk to me, that's all. Well, he'll talk to me, if I ask him a direct question but we used to joke and stuff all the time. You know, friend stuff. And well, when he does answer questions, it's all strained, like he's stopping himself from growling or something," Laurie mumbled, playing with the tassels on the cushion. "He's never gone this long being mad at me before. I mean, I told Jennie I was sorry, and she was the one I really hurt. And then, well. He gave me this file, to do with when he and Jennie and Marius were taken. And I...I don't know what to say to him now. I didn't know, and I don't know what to do."

"Laurie, what exactly happened that's caused this rift between you?" Leo asked. He assumed it had something to do with a skirmish on the journals, but he hadn't been keeping up with the comments on the student journals for the past few days. "And what happened with Jennie?"

"I said something to Jennie while she was a dog. I was, joking, you know? But I didn't listen to her when she said it wasn't funny because I wanted her to react a certain way and when she didn't, I just ignored her. And well, Kyle had a go at me over it, and I didn't say I was sorry right away and asked him why he was so upset and he took that the wrong way too, since he thought I was being a bitch and not listening to why it wasn't funny," Laurie said, words tumbling off each other as she talked, and she wiped at her eyes to catch the moisture there before it could drop. "I just want him to talk to me again like we used to. And Jennie, she's okay, I think. She accepted my apology anyway but she thinks I'm this kid now and we barely talk anymore and sometimes I wish I could just...change things so she would."

It was an admission she hadn't wanted to make. The temptation to just change things so they were easier for her, so that life was easier was so bad sometimes. She didn't want to be that person though; she was scared of that person.

Leo pressed his fingers against the bridge of his nose, digesting this onslaught of information. Only at Xavier's would one take comments about classmates turning into dogs as irrelevant to the therapeutic discussion. He cleared his throat, and regained his focus. "I want to talk a little more about you and Kyle, and exactly how things were left between you, but first I think we need to address another issue. Despite the apology you gave her, you feel that Jennie is treating you differently now. And you want that to change." Leo leaned forward, looking directly at Laurie. "Laurie, that's normal. That's life. You have an argument with someone, and sometimes your relationship isn’t exactly the same afterwards. It's very normal to wish that things could go back to the way they were before. However, we both have to acknowledge that you have the ability to actually change things, to affect Jennie so that your relationship was the same as it was before. But what do you actually want to change? Do you want to change Jennie? Or do you want to change what happened?"

"I want..." Laurie started and then fell silent as she thought about it. She wanted Jennie to joke with her again, and be the person she'd known before she'd been kidnapped. Would she actually try to change her though? No, as much as it was tempting to try to change things to how she wanted them, she'd never take someone's choices away from them, and especially not a friend's choices. She'd cope with Jennie's silences and her distance and maybe some time down the track things would be different. "I wish that what happened hadn't happened. I wish that I could go back and stop her from being kidnapped, stop that guy from hurting any of my friends. But I don't want to change her_. But the guy? The one in the file I got given? I think maybe I'd want to change him, make him go to sleep so he can't hurt anyone else. Not kill...just, you know, never wake up."

Leo nodded and leaned back in his chair. This was a more positive development. And Laurie wishing for a passive ending to the individual who hurt her friends was a step above some of the more destructive or vengeful acts she could wish for--or was capable of. "I can understand that, Laurie--we all feel protective of our friends, and angry if someone hurts them." The more significant progress was that Laurie was recognizing the role of her actions in the rift between her friends. Insight in adolescents was not easy to come by. "And I can understand wanting what happened between you and Jennie, and between you and Kyle to just...go away. What exactly is it about your actions in that incident that you regret? What is it you would wish to change if you could?"

Laurie thought about it for a moment, looking for what would possibly have been the best outcome were she to change anything. "I wish I'd never said what I did in the first place, even if I'd only been meaning to tease to begin with. Or, if I did make that joke, that I'd stopped when Jennie said it wasn't funny. I wish I could have changed that the most, I think. That I'd listened better, and taken her seriously rather then just brushing it off."

"That's something we can work with," Leo responded, gazing at Laurie thoughtfully. "So you heard what Jennie said to you, but it was hard
for you to listen to it, because you were caught up in the humor, and because you weren't intending to be malicious? That's a mistake we all make sometimes--we listen, but we don't hear, because we're distracted by our own feelings."

Leo grinned slightly. "I'd say that learning to 'hear' better is part of growing older, and gaining maturity--but I'd be lying. Adults
aren't always very good at it either. However--" and Leo gestured with his hand as he spoke, "that doesn't mean we shouldn't keep
trying. What about you and Kyle? It sounds like Kyle also didn't hear you when you tried to apologize--do you think there were things
he was trying to say to you that you weren't able to hear?"

Laurie considered that. About how Kyle was still angry with her even after all this time. "I think...well, I didn't apologise, at least not right up front. And, I haven't actually apologised to him at all, just Jennie. I don't see why I should apologise to him though, it's not like I was talking to him and he just butted in and started growling at me. He should have just stayed out of it, wasn't his business at all."

Leo sighed inwardly, but was careful to keep his expression neutral. "Laurie, how would you react if someone was harassing Yvette?"

Laurie blushed at that, thinking about just the sort of thing she'd do if someone harassed Yvette. Bad words would probably have featured heavily, as would hand gestures and shouting.

"There would be shouting, and possibly very bad words." Laurie admitted, somewhat reluctantly.

"Perhaps Kyle's version of shouting and bad words is growling?" Leo suggested gently.

"I guess." Laurie acknowledged but still felt somewhat out of sorts about the whole thing. She wasn't the one giving someone the silent treatment, after all.

Leo nodded. "You said earlier Kyle has never been mad at you this long before. It sounds as though you miss your contact with him. What do you think would happen if you did apologize to him?"

Laurie thought about it for awhile, trying to get to the bottom of her reluctance to apologise to Kyle, and why it was hurting her so badly that he was giving her the somewhat silent treatment.

"I'm afraid he still won't be my friend afterwards. That even if I say sorry, he'll still be angry and won't talk to me." Laurie answered finally, hugging the cushion tighter to her chest. "At least at the moment I know why he's not talking to me.

"I can understand that fear, Laurie," Leo responded quietly. "And that is an option--you can say nothing, and he will continue to ignore you. Or you can...what's the expression? 'Put the ball in his court', and make an attempt. If he still is angry at you afterwards, you will know you have tried, and can only leave the decision up to him. And there is the possibility he will listen, and you can be friends again. However, if you do nothing..." Leo tilted his head slightly. "It's hard, isn't it? To take risks? Which is why this must be your choice, Laurie."

"I don't like risks." Laurie said in a small voice. "There's so many...People can get hurt when you take risks. If I just knew, if I could just know what the best thing to do was. I know I need to apologise to him, it's just hard to know what to say when I don't really understand what I did wrong by him."

"I know, Laurie," Leo said softly. "Risks are frightening, and you're right, people can get hurt--but positive things can come from taking chances as well." Leo was quiet for a moment before he continued.

"As for what to say to Kyle--I think the truth works well most of the time. It's ok to tell him you're not sure what to say, and that you're not sure of everything you did wrong. You can tell him what you do know--that you know something went wrong, and that you want his friendship. And then listen to what he has to say. And hear. If you want to apologize to him, I'd tell him that too--but I don't want you to apologize to him simply because you think you need to. Apologize to him if you want to, if you feel that you erred in some way and truly want to make amends. An apology out of obligation does little. An apology out of sincerity can work miracles."

"I can do that." Laurie said, sounding a little unsure at first but then squaring her shoulders and giving a quick nod. "I can. I'll go and talk to him soon."

"I can't promise you this will fix everything instantly," Leo warned, "but I think you know that already." Leo glanced over at his desk, looking for the clock buried under piles of paper. "I think we're running close to time, so I want to give you one or two things to think about. There seems to be a theme running through today's session--especially after your statement that you feel Jennie sees you as a 'kid.' So I'd like you to work on a journal entry and write about what traits you see in yourself that you think are mature, responsible traits--your strengths, your positive aspects, those parts of yourself that make you a good X-Men trainee. And then I'd like you to write about those parts of yourself that still feel 'like a kid', those parts of yourself, or recent decisions or actions that were more like a teenager."

Leo leaned forward, smiling softly, "Please do remember though, that you are a teenager, and even the oldest adults can act like children--this is not to be a list of 'Bad Laurie, no biscuit', all right? This is just an opportunity for introspection and insight."

Leo leaned back in his chair once again. "Now--is there anything else going on you want to discuss before we close?"

"Nothing that can't wait. I think I'd like to talk about my powers a bit but it's nothing pressing." Laurie admitted, wanting to get going now that the session was near its end.

"Next time, then," Leo responded. "Please work on your journal--again, it's up to you whether you use your public journal or write it privately. It's always good talking with you, Laurie. I'll see you next week? I think Tamika already has you scheduled."

"She does, and I'll work on the journal entry, promise." Laurie replied, standing and placing the cushion back on the couch. "Thank you, Dr. Samson, I'll see you next week."

"Take care, Laurie," Leo replied, and watched as the young woman walked out of the door. After Laurie had left Leo returned to his desk, shaking his head slightly. "As if teens didn't have enough drama on their own...dogs and foxes and mutants, oh my," he murmured to himself as he began typing up contact notes for the session.