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Jay decides to pick a fight, Kevin proves he's kind of dense and totally weak. Tommy ends up accidentally in the crossfire, but it's really all Jay's fault.
Planes had to be some of the more uncomfortable things to travel in so far as Kevin was concerned. He added that onto the reasons to not take off for far away lands any time soon as if avalanches and being shot at weren't reason enough. Kevin was still holding that being shot at thing against Jay to a degree. After all, he was the one who wanted to go and save people and that's what got them in the situation in the first place.
His usual tension in his neck, back and shoulders had been greatly diminished in the past weeks for reasons beyond Kevin's comprehension that had to do with his powers training. All that tension was back, however, and it had been mounting since they'd had to deal with the police in Cuba. Ever since they'd arrived back at Xavier's Kevin hadn't stopped moving. He'd gone running, he'd lifted weights, he'd worked on an unfinished metal sculpture, he wandered, and all just to get out the restlessness that had taken hold of him from the flight back up from Havana. He was trying to work out the tension and stiffness he felt, unaware of what it was that had seemed to ease it more recently in the first place.
As he wandered from place to place in an effort to find something else to do as the sun dipped beneath the horizon Kevin walked through the kitchen. His original intention was to grab something to gnaw on like an apple, but inside he found Jay and Terry. Kevin had almost started to smile when he'd spotted his boyfriend but seeing Terry had stopped it from ever manifesting. It wasn't that he had anything against Terry, he just didn't know her. He gave the two of them a small nod and went silently to the refrigerator to dig up that apple so he could flee as quickly as possible.
Nothing made Jay more unhappy than all this avoidance Kevin was giving him. He felt like it was all he could think of ninety percent of the time and couldn't wait to get his placement so he had something else to think about other than all the problems he and his boyfriend were experiencing. The trip had done nothing to lighten those problems either, the issue of his stupidity silently weighing down on him, knowing that the others blamed him for wanting to go and see what was up. He had only wanted to help, to prove something but now he could see that it hadn't gotten him anywhere. In fact, he didn't want to bring it up at all and was down playing how shaken up he felt, just to avoid any discussions on what happened there.
Popping the lid off one of several tubs of ice cream, with a spoon in hand, he pushed it towards Terry. "Try this one." He took a spoon full for himself, slipped it into his mouth and rotated it fully, pulling the cold metal slowly back out at the sight of Kevin. His heart did a leap and glanced at Terry, but suddenly dropped his eyes, absorbed in the swirl in the ice cream. "Try it," he said, as not to break conversation and have Kevin think Jay was uncomfortable..
Terry rolled her eyes, both at the tension in the room and at the store brand ice cream. "You're breaking my darling husband's heart as we speak," she mock-scolded, giving Kevin an absent wave. They hadn't talked, she could tell. The room had that feeling to it, the subtle shifts in voice that were nearly missed if you didn't know to listen for them. "If I eat that, I'll never hear the end of it. Bobby'll sense it from the Keep." For now, she'd stay out of it.
Jay forced a smirk. "Ah won't tell Bobby. Ah promise. Right Kev?" he asked, trying to bring his boyfriend into the conversation but didn't wait for an answer. Instead, he scooped up some more and waved the spoon in front of her face like he was feeding a baby. "C'mon on.. open up. It'll be really really good. Ah got it from a special ice cream store. An' if ya tell me it's bad, then Ah gotta take it all back." Someone had to help him eat this. His boyfriend sure wouldn't. In fact, his boyfriend wasn't doing much of anything but keeping his back to Jay, rummaging through the fridge and he set the spoon down, eyeing Kevin and repeating his words. "Right Kevin?" he pushed.
"Huh?" Kevin hadn't really been paying attention to what Jay and Terry had been saying because it wasn't his conversation to be listening to. He hit his head on a shelf as he pulled his head out of the fridge with a golden delicious in his hand. Turning, his eyes flicked between the two redheads as if he'd been caught stealing something. "Righ'," except he wasn't actually sure what he was agreeing with. It just looked like Jay might throw something at him so Kevin figured agreeing was the way to go. The fact he had no idea what they'd been saying was plainly evident on his face, though.
"We were talkin' ta ya. Weren' ya listenin'?" Okay, so maybe only Jay was talking to Kevin, but either way, he wanted Kevin's attention and now that he had it, he felt stupid for trying to get it at all. "Who walks inta a room an' doesn' say hi ta their boyfriend? Yanno?" He didn't feel Kevin ever acknowledged him, except when he had to. He felt ignored but he felt he had Kevin's full attention. His emotions conflicted with each other, half of him wanted to talk it out here and now but the other half wanted him to shut the hell up before he said something stupid. Because he always said something stupid in a situation like this.
Kevin leaned against the refrigerator, apple halfway to his mouth as his eyebrows went higher and higher upward as Jay spoke. "No, Ah wasn'. Ah don' walk inta rooms an' pay attention ta other people's conversations. It's rude an' all Ah wanted was an apple." He held up the fruit in his hand as if this was needed proof in his argument. "Ah nodded instead o' saying anythin' 'cause Ah didn't wanna interrupt. Ah was bein' polite 'cause Ah was leavin' after Ah got mah apple." It all made perfect sense to Kevin. The question was why it didn't seem to make any sense at all to Jay. What'd he do? Was he supposed to gush over Jay because he was in the same room suddenly or something?
"Uh, yeh, ya were. Ya jus' don' realize it. But yanno, maybe ya wanna be apart 'o tha conversation so ya can actually spend some time wit' me an' know wha' Ah'm doin'?" And it made perfect sense to Jay for Kevin to want to be around and not get out of there as fast as possible. "Ah'm yer boyfriend. Yanno wha' that means, right? We're suppose ta talk sometime, instead ignorin' like you've been doin' fer tha last two o' three weeks?" A flush crept across his face and his brow creased, embarressed that he had to bring this up at all. It infuriated him that Kevin rationalized his excuses. Or maybe it was because Kevin didn't notice at all, like Jay was invisible. That hurt more than anything.
"What're you talkin' abou'?" And the thing was that Kevin really didn't know where even half of this was coming from. They'd just spent how many days in Cuba getting nearly blown up and shot at together? "Tha pas' two er three weeks? Let's see, Ah was in San Diego workin' ta build houses fer people that were destroyed by Julio, an' then Ah was tired an workin' at mah job, an' then I got shot at 'cause you've got a savin' people thing er somethin'. Haven't been ignoring you, Jay." Not to mention Jay was the one who had been avoiding Kevin's bedroom when they were home at the mansion, something which pretty much never happened. Kevin didn't bring that up though because he wasn't going to talk about that in front of a girl he didn't even know.
"An' ya couldn' say hi or somethin'? Let's see, sure ya were busy in San Diego, so was Ah' but it didn' stop me from wavin' at ya or tryin' ta get yer attention. But all ya got fer me is ta show me yer back an' show every other pretty lil' face yer bod an' charmin' smile." Oh yes, he had noticed it from a far. All those girls oogling his boyfriend while he sat back and let it simmer. Now he was at his boiling point, but even as he said it, the sting was all the same.
What. The. Fuck? If Kevin swore much he'd probably have said it aloud but all he did instead was stand there and stare at Jay who had gone premenstrual on him somehow. What the hell was he on about? "Ah was workin'. Ah didn' even know where you were. Ah didn' know where anyone was who wasn' working wi' me. An' Ah'm not havin' this conversation." The word "here" went unsaid, but the fact that Kevin assumed Jay knew he meant that was probably more credit than he should have given his boyfriend at the moment. Kevin nodded to Terry then just stared at Jay and shook his head for a moment before pushing away from the refrigerator and heading out the door of the kitchen.
"Well Ah was workin ma ass off too but Ah knew were ya were every second of the day. An' if Ah didn', Ah made a point ta find out because Ah just wanted ta say hi or somethin' stupid like that ta let ya know Ah'm still there fer ya if ya need me. But that didn' cross yer mind did it?" No, he didn't think it ever did. In fact, Kevin was probably so busy, he forgot Jay even existed. "Did ya even notice Ah stopped sleepin'--" And Kevin cut him off, leaving the room. For a moment, Jay stood there, stunned and embarressed that his boyfriend just walked out on him mid-arguement. Pushing off from the counter, Jay went after him because he felt like he'd just been slapped across the face. "Kev, stop. Wha's wrong wit' ya?" He felt like a whiny bitch for even asking. "Ah'm tryin' ta talk ta ya, an' there ya go 'gain, ignorin' me."
"Ah'm not ignorin' anythin'. We've established this before, Jay. Jus' 'cause ya don' min' every single person knowin' every single detail o' yer life don' mean Ah don' too. Ah'm not talkin' 'bout this in front o' someone Ah don' even know." He was of course referring to Terry. He hadn't stopped though, even though Jay had told him to. No, Kevin kept walking down the hall without pause because he was annoyed that Jay knew this, knew that Kevin was not the public kind of person yet he insisted on airing everything where anyone could walk in. If he actually wanted to talk to Kevin about this then he could talk to Kevin and only to Kevin. "An' yes, Ah noticed," he answered belatedly. Of course he'd noticed Jay wasn't in his bed, but he figured if something was wrong that concerned him Jay would talk to him about instead of it festering like some infected wound.
"Wha? It's jus' Terry. She's ma best friend." She knew everything and he didn't say it because it didn't need to be said. It was assumed and it wasn't as if Terry couldn't hear what they were talking about, no matter where they were in the mansion. Jay had to practically jog to keep up with Kevin and he wasn't in a chasing mood, so he reached out to grab Kevin's gloved hand and spin him around. "Ah said, stop Kev. Jesus Christ, ya jus' wanna keep on going like this? If ya noticed, why didn' ya say anything? Yer just all 'bout avoidin' it. Ah've been tryin' ta talk ta ya fer days, but all ya been doin' is glarin' at me." He just hated how desperate he came off.
When Kevin was forcibly spun around he yanked his hand out of Jay's grasp. "Firs' o' all, mah name is Kevin. Kevin, not Kev. Secon', Ah don' care if she's yer bes' friend. She's your best friend, that don' make her mine. Ain' nothin' changed between the months since Forge demanded answers an' now. Ah ain' answerin' to or in front of people who Ah don' choose to. Ah know her name. Ah know her on sight. Ah know fuck all abou' her otherwise an' tha' don' incline me ta talkin' 'bout nothin' even vaguely personal in fron' o' her. 'Course, if you ever remembered that Ah'm not one ta go declarin' all my shit ta tha world maybe you'd remember tha'." The mere fact that Kevin was cursing was evidence enough that he'd been set off. The glare he was levelling at his boyfriend enhanced that to a strikingly obvious level. Accusations being hurled at him were enough to do that and the nickname he tolerated but never liked didn't help any. "An' Ah didn' say nothin' 'cause odds were it didn' have nothin' ta do wi' me. Ah figured if it did you'd say somethin' to me an' ya never did. End of story."
Jay drew back at how cold Kevin was, swallowing back the lump that formed in his throat. He had no idea Kevin didn't like to be called Kev. It was just a pet name he liked to play with and Jay had been calling him that since they started going out. Why wouldn't he say anything? As Kevin stood there, coming down on him, Jay felt very small for actually trying talk to his boyfriend in front of his best friend. But he knew that Terry could hear him anywhere in the mansion, so what did it matter? She'd hear about it anyways and it saved him the painful effort of going over the details with her. But even that wasn't a rational excuse and he knew it.
Bringing up Forge brought on a frown and he crossed his arms over his chest. "So, wha's that? First Forge an' now Terry? Ya don' seem ta like any o' ma friends. An' did it ever occur ta ya tha' Ah'm proud ta be yer boyfriend? All ya seem ta think 'bout me is how ashamed ya 're cause ya tell no one, Kev--in! No one! No one knows 'bout us! It's like Ah'm some dirty lil' secret ta ya!" He was trying not to wince under his boyfriend's stare but found he backed up a pace, even though he was trying to plead his case.
"An' when am Ah gonna say it? Huh? When? When yer face is in yer pillow an' fast asleep? Cause tha's tha only time Ah ever see ya now is in yer bed wit' yer back side ta me. An' ya wonder why Ah'm sleepin' in ma own bed now. Ah'm sick'o waiting fer ya ta wanna talk."
Kevin's jaw clenched and the muscles that ran down the sides of his neck visibly tensed. He wasn't going to tell his boyfriend what a complete fucking idiot he was being. No, he wasn't. Of course not saying that left not a whole lot else to say. What killed Kevin about this all was it was stuff he'd explained before. Kevin was not a public person. Kevin did not go announcing anything to anyone. Kevin wouldn't have told everyone if he was dating someone else either. Kevin didn't do public displays of affection. What about this said to Jay that he must be ashamed of the guy because he didn't stand on the roof and shout about the fact that they were together? And why the hell did it matter who knew in the first place?
"Jesus Christ," he finally managed through clenched teeth. "Did Ah say Ah didn' like Terry? No. Did Ah say Ah don' like Forge? No. Stop assumin' everything jus' 'cause it suits your cause. Ah don' gotta tell anyone we're together Jay, they all know. All o' them. An Ah didn' wan' 'em to because it's not tha way Ah am, but you refuse to accept that an' always have. Everyone in tha damn building knows we're together an' they know it 'cause o' you. Ah. Don't. Like. Talkin'. 'Bout. Mah. Private. Life. There's a reason it's called a private life." Why was this concept so damn hard for Jay to understand? It didn't matter how many times Jay violated Kevin's desire for privacy or how many times Kevin spelt it out in blinking neon lights, he kept doing it over and over again. "Ah got nothin' Ah need or wanna talk about! Why don' you get tha'? Yer tha one who's got somethin' needs talkin' 'bout, tha' means yer tha one needs ta come talk ta me! Newsflash, Ah'm not secretly a telepath."
Hearing someone walking down the hallway toward them, Kevin abruptly shut his mouth, jaw clenching to remain like that. Then he turned again and started walking because he wasn't doing this publicly and he was determined to at least for once maintain his privacy even though Jay did nothing but work against that wish.
"Ah wish everyone knew 'bout us, so they could know just how much Ah'm in love with ma boyfriend! Ah don' think it's so bad fer everyone ta know how great he is, is it?" He just wanted some sort of acknowledgment that he existed and meant something in Kevin's world, instead of being treated like everyone else. Scratch that, he wasn't treated like everyone else because that would mean Kevin would actually pay attention to him. He felt invisible, transparent, intagible in Kevin's view and only wanted to recify it - solve this problem and move on.
"Ah ain't assumin' anythin'. Ah act like ya don' like 'em. Ya don' have ta say it. Ya never ask 'bout 'em. Ya never wanna even hang out wit' 'im. Hell, ya don' even ask anything 'bout wha's happenin' wit' yer own boyfriend." Now, he didn't expect Kevin to care so much for the people he hung out with but a general inquiry now and then would have shown that Kevin was at least interested in what he was doing. And he couldn't even get that. "Did ya know Ah passed tha' bartendin' course? Did ya even bother ta ask? Ah posted it up, hopin' ya'd see it. Everyone an' everyone's grandma replied ta tha' an' tha only person that didn' give a damn was you."
"Thank god yer notta telepath cause Ah' prolly wouldn't date'cha." He snapped his mouth shut at that outburst, guilt immediately whelling in his chest as he looked around him, hoping that no telepaths were in sight. But did it matter? They probably heard him think it. They both fell silent and Jay dropped his eyes, fidgeting with his fingers until Kevin turned and walked away on him. Again.
Kevin suddenly felt like he could have been dating Nori for all the good his rather blunt explanations were doing him. At least Nori just didn't know the language very well, what was Jay's excuse? "Why should Ah ask abou' 'em? They're not mah friends, wha' d'Ah care? It's not like you ask abou' any o' mine either," he pointed out without slowing or stopping. "Yeah, Ah saw. You passed. Congratulations," the word hardly was convincing. "Ah never wanted y'ta do it in tha firs' place, remember? Ain' exactly changed mah opinion on it. Maybe yer used ta people who change with tha breeze, Ah don'. Time don' change tha' Ah don' like it an you don' wanna be reminded of that so Ah said nothin'." It seemed saying nothing got him just as far as saying something would have. No, if he'd said something they would've at least been fighting in private and not through the halls of the mansion.
"Ask 'bout em?? Ah don' even know who yer friends are. Ya don' tell me nuttin!" He barely saw Kevin as it was, barely got anything out of him. And that congratulations? Some congratulations. Another slap across the face. All he wanted was for Kevin to be proud of him, happy that he was doing something, getting a job and actually trying to make money.
Kevin was walking away, talking to Jay and yea, that didn't seem very private at all to Jay. "Kev--" he started, blowing out a sigh and staring up at the ceiling. He was about to say some sort of silent prayer but God hadn't done him any favors, especially not this past week and Jay found himself jogging up behind Kevin and falling in step with him. "Stop okay? Jus' stop. Yer bein' a lil' bullheaded Kev--in." God, he had to get use to that. It was almost impossible without pronouncing Kevin's name, syllable for syllable. That habit would not die so easily. "Ah know yer a private person, an yer pissed at me fer doin' tha bartendin' thing, but is there anythin' yer actually happy 'bout wit me? Ah mean, Ah might as well be dead ta ya, fer all tha attention ya give ta me." He was trying to be reasonable, trying to smooth it out before it got worse, before it couldn't be fixed.
He was definitely dating a girl. A clingy, co-dependent girl. The realization was hardly welcome for Kevin, but it slammed down onto him suddenly all the same. "Ya don' ask. If it mattered tha' much to ya then you'd ask, wouldn' ya? Ah don' care if y'know who mah friends are er not, honestly. But don' go whining abou' me not askin' 'bout yours when ya don' try to find out who mine are." His voice was quieter than usual, barely more than a whisper or a faint sound on the air. He was purposely keeping the level so low, not wanting to attract more attention than they likely already had. "Jesus, try a bit more melodrama, Jay. Righ' now? No, righ' now I'm damn annoyed at you. Normally? Yeah. Why'd Ah be spending time wi' ya if Ah wasn't normally happy? Oh, righ', ya never see me. Clearly tha' job o' mine gets in tha way. An' the court ordered powers trainin'. Oh, an' tha court ordered meetin's with Doctor Samson Ah love so damn much. An' when Ah'm aroun' Ah've got no idea where you are. Ah'm no' tha only won who ain' aroun', Jay. Only difference is it don' bug me. Why should it? We live together, we see each other eventually. It ain' tha end o' tha world if we go a few days without crossin' paths. Ah ain' never been all attached at tha hip wi' ya, so why the fuck's it such a big deal now?"
"Fine, fair's fair, ya got me there." He admitted it. He never asked about Kevin's friends. But he kept it to himself that Kevin probably wouldn't tell him anything anyways. "Oh tha's unfair. Ah ain't sayin' fer ya ta be nailed ta ma fuckin' ass but droppin' me a line now an' then, maybe in tha journals or somethin' woulda been nice." He couldn't understand how making an effort in a relationship was so painful for Kevin to do. Given, he had his own faults there and admitted it but Kevin made it sound like this was all Jay's fault and Jay refused to take the full blame. It wasn't even about blame really. He just wanted Kevin to listen, wanted his stubborn boyfriend to just give in and actually want him around. It was better than being some fucking speed bump.
Jay crossed his arms again, wings shifting irritably and he tried to shake how needy he was feeling. He hated it. There was nothing that was going to get solved like this, at least not with Kevin and he tried to suck it up, but his boyfriend was good at hitting him where it counted. "Ah tell ya how Ah felt, an' all Ah get is some fuckin' resistance. Ah miss ya a lot an' Ah'm worried 'bout losin' ya." He uncrossed his arms and ran one hand through his hair. It only fell back in his eyes. "Ah love ya an' Ah didn' wanna fight with ya. Ah just... Ah want'cha ta need me sometime. Make me feel like ya want me or somethin'."
"Yeah, 'cause a relationship lived out through journals is so great, huh?" Kevin turned and headed up the main staircase. Most people frequented the first floor so he was going anywhere that wasn't the first floor, which meant up. "If tha's all you wan' why can' ya jus' say tha'? Why's it break off inta not carin' 'bout your friends or havin' ta like when ya do stuff Ah don' like? Or, hey, how 'bout that time ya got us shot at, huh? Y'could jus' say, 'Kevin, Ah haven' seen ya, let's hang out,' but ya don'. You cause all this drama. Sorry if I've got a job and stuff the court says Ah hafta do if Ah don' wanna end up in prison an' if art's important to me. I'm a loner, Jay. Why haven't you realized that? That don' change. An' that means Ah don' feel tha need ta be aroun' someone all tha time so if ya wan' me aroun' jus' say it an' Ah will be. Ain't that hard, really." Maybe he was the asshole because he didn't feel the need to be constantly with someone, but he couldn't change that any more than Jay could change that he did want someone around all the time. The problem was that while Jay being around never bugged Kevin, because he liked having Jay around, Kevin not being around did bug Jay. Only Jay never said anything until he started on this whole whiny rampage because he hadn't said hi or paid attention to what Jay was saying to his friend.
"Ah didn' mean it that way. Ah just meant - well ya know what Ah meant." Again, Jay went after him because obviously Kevin just couldnt' stay in one spot long enough to fight it out. Or even talk it out. "Cause it builds up," he replied. "It builds up an'.." he frowned. "Wha the hell. Tha' ain't fair at all," he barked. "Ah get it. Ya'll blame me fer wantin' ta help people. Ah get it. Ah ain't cut out fer tha team, is tha' what yer saying?" He got immediately defensive because it was an unfair kick in the balls. He already knew he was at fault and had put himself and others in danger. In fact, he was surprised no one said anything to him up until this point, probably because he was laying low. "Jus' drop tha' okay? Cause it don' make me feel very good."
Kevin was taking this all the wrong way, not seeing it how he wanted him to see it and Jay felt like he had to make Kevin understand that he knew that his boyfriend was busy, but if people wanted to make time, they would. "Ah do realize it. Ya don' havfta point out wha' Ah already know. Ah'm tellin' ya now. Ah wanna hang out, Ah wanna be 'round ya more. God, Ah'm just dyin' ta touch ya," Jay was on his heels and the second they got to the landing, he took Kevin's hand and pulled him into a heated kiss that sent an ache right to his loins.
Towel over his shoulder, Tommy was dressed for the gym as he left his suite and headed downstairs. Or at least he intended to head downstairs. His plan was foiled due to the fact that standing there on the landing was Jay and his boyfriend in what looked like a fairly heated embrace. Blinking in surprise from the top of the stairs, he wondered if it was worth it. He'd heard the raised voices down the hall, but it couldn't have been them. Maybe the green-haired teacher was having at some other person? It wouldn't surprise him at this point.
Kevin would have pointed out that he never said anything about the team or being cut out for it, but Jay kept going and when he finally had a chance to respond the option was taken away swiftly. You could only speak so well when you ended up spun around and prompted ended up with your mouth entirely occupied. Kevin wasn't complaining much, though. There was something about being told your boyfriend was dying to touch you coupled with a kiss like that which managed to even render Kevin unable to continue arguing. It was always Jay's lips that got them in trouble, wasn't it? It was what started their relationship and what ended every argument. Despite that it was a very publicly accessible area Kevin had quickly managed to push Jay back until he felt the resistance that told him he had Jay's back against something or other. One of these days the way he gave in every time Jay kissed him was really going to bite Kevin on the ass. Possibly even today.
Jay's tongue parted Kevin's lips and he couldn't help his hands that wandered hungrily over his boyfriends waist. He was as mad at Kevin as he was in love with him and didn't want to stop. His fingers dug into Kevin's shirt, lifting it as he stretched them over his torso and raked them back down. He was vaguely aware of someone standing there but paid no attention to it, more interested in stripping his boyfriend.
Tommy began calculating odds in his head. Could he slip by them unnoticed? Probably not, due to Jay's wing span but if they weren't paying attention...
Finally, when it looked like they were getting so wrapped up in each other that they were going to be a while, Tommy knew what he had to do for the good of the mansion traffic flow. He sighed before he cleared his throat. Loudly.
Kevin was always hyper aware of where Jay was. Where his hands were. Where his face was. Where the danger lay. When Jay's hands moved under his shirt, not just one of them but all of them, Kevin nearly froze. Was Jay wearing his gloves? It only took a moment for him to realize he had no idea if he knew or not and that was all the time it took for him to reach behind him and yank Jay's hands away from his skin as quickly as he could. Then the clearing of a throat came. He didn't have time to check for gloves, or for damage, because if there was damage there was a whole litany of stuff that was about to come out of his mouth. Instead Kevin's eyes took the safer route and slide to the side to see Tommy standing there. "His fault," was all he said as a faint blush crept up his neck and he nodded at Jay. Technically it was Jay's fault.
His fingers hand only grazed Kevin's skin and he relished in the touch but didn't realize that his flesh was dissolving beneath it. Kevin grabbed at his hands, forcing the kiss to break away from him. Reluctantly, he allowed it. That was one hell of a kiss and the exhilarating rush he got from it shivered over his body to the tips of his wings. It took a moment for it to register that someone was clearing their throat and Jay pulled his eyes from Kevin's to fall on Tommy's. Talk about a mood killer. He licked his parted lips and looked down at his hands, realizing that he had been getting a little too grabby with Kevin. He balled his hands up into fists before Kevin could see that his skin was already trying to compensate for the loss of layers. He hadn't felt a thing! That both scared and fascinated him. Until he looked into Kevin's blazing gaze. Shit.
Kevin wouldn't have said his gaze was blazing but it very well may have been. Tommy hadn't said anything and so his focus has returned to his boyfriend. His boyfriend who wasn't wearing gloves. He still held Jay's wrists and very quietly he said, "Show me them." His eyes flicked up to Jay's quickly before returning to the fists that were clearly hiding what damage he'd done. It wasn't even Jay's fault. It was Kevin's for letting his guard down. Jay always got carried away. Jay always forgot. It was Kevin's responsibility to remember, to be aware and he'd been too slow to stop him. He'd been too caught up himself. Just as quiet and even more kindly he asked, "Jay, show me your hands."
The quiet tone was even worse than if he had been yelled at and at first, he didn't open them. He didn't want to because he knew they would heal. If he could live through two near death beatings, a stake through the heart and broken wings, he was sure he could heal from touching Kevin. What was even more embarrassing was that Tommy was standing right there. He thought if he could prolong it, that they would be healed and Kevin wouldn't see the damage but feel better about it. At the second request, he couldn't ignore it, dropping his eyes and opened his hands. "It's fine, Kev-in." He added the last part of Kevin's name, remembering that he didn't like it. No, that one was not going to be easy but it was far from his mind when his boyfriend looked at his fingers. "It ain't tha' bad."
Tommy was entirely forgotten on the stairs. Kevin's only focus was on Jay and the damage he'd caused. He could see the skin healing itself, but he could also see how many layers of it had been lost. His mutation hadn't gotten through all seven but it'd gone from Jay's fingertips down the length of his fingers and just barely touched the top of his palm. The skin was hard, dry but it rehydrated before his eyes. "It ain' fine," he said in that same quiet tone. He doubted Tommy could have heard him unless there was super hearing accompanying the alchemist touch that Tommy hadn't told him about. "S'mah fault. Ah shoulda stopped you." Jay refused to recognize how much of a freak among freaks Kevin was, and now he'd actually gone and damaged him. It didn't matter if Jay could heal from it to him. Eventually there would be something he couldn't heal from. That something could have been him because he was too stupid to pay enough attention. "Ah got no righ', Jay, bein' wi' you if Ah can' keep ya safe from me."
Jay couldn't believe how much it had taken off, though he couldn't remember how long he had touched Kevin for. He didn't feel it though, only the tingling of regrowth lacing through his finger tips. It made them feel stiff and he only held them there, face up and glanced at Kevin. "It is fine," he cut Kevin off, closing his fists and pulling his hands away. He didn't like it that Kevin was staring at them with his sad and guilty expression. "No it ain't yer fault. Ah knew wha' Ah was doin'. Ah'm a grown man, Ah think Ah can handle it." He worried as Kevin's expression dropped even more and shifted with his back pressed into the railing. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "No, don' say tha'. Cause it's bullshit. Ah can make ma own decisions an' we got every right ta be 'ere together." He panicked a little at those words, those words of defeat.
"So then who's gonna protect you from you?" He was dead serious when he asked it. Even Though Jay had taken his hands away Kevin stared at where they'd been, the image of them etched into his mind. "If yer not gonna realize how dangerous Ah am, who's gonna stop ya from gettin' hurt? Or did ya ferget wha' Ah am? Huh? Tha great untouchable, an' that ain' ever changin'." Kevin finally stepped back, as far from Jay as he could possibly get. He could have said it was so Tommy could get by, but Kevin wanted to be farther from Jay because it was the only way to actually keep him safe. If he wasn't close enough to touch then he could stay intact.
Tommy had just meant to unblock the stairs so people could get by. He'd expected maybe some 'excuse me's and shuffling off to more private quarters to continue what they were doing. This? Was totally unexpected and threw him for a total loss, so he admittedly just kind of stood and stared, one startled questioning eyebrow raised. He felt like he was intruding on something but then if they'd wanted it to be private, maybe they shouldn't have chosen the stairs as their venue of choice. Of course, he understood Kevin's concern for Jay's hands after their conversation a few weeks ago but there was something else behind his extreme reaction and Jay's equally strong reaction to that. Something he wondered if he really wanted to get in the middle of. "Sorry for intruding." He said softly, looking at both of them but not meeting their gazes. "Not to sound impersonal, but you might want to move it, unless you want the whole mansion to know your business." It may have been seen as blunt and uncaring, but a small wave of his hand pointed out to them the small audience they had accumulated at the foot of the stairs, which he figured neither of them had noticed.
This was not what Jay wanted. He didn't want everyone knowing about their fight. He only wanted Kevin to talk to him, listen to what he had to say and their heated moment to not end. But now, it was ending. His face dropped and his fists grabbed at Kevin's shirt only to have his boyfriend step away from him. "Damnit! Ah don' need --" Tommy's words cut him off and he cut a glare in Tommy's direction. His attention was drawn towards the students at the foot of the stairs and he turned a full shade of red, positive it matched his hair and wings. Jay reached out, trying to take Kevin's hand and pull him up the stairs, past Tommy and into the hallway where they could at least talk. Never mind that they were still in public. He didn't want to wait until they were in their room. He wanted to talk here and now. It didn't go unnoticed that Kevin wouldn't touch him now. "Would ya stop actin' like Ah'm gonna die."
If he could have helped it Kevin wouldn't have gone near Jay at the moment, but the stairs weren't wide enough for him to be far enough away for his own comfort. When Jay reached out Kevin moved up the stairs, not wanting to allow the contact even if it was safe, at least as safe as contact with him ever was. He paused a step down from Tommy an uttered an apology for them being in the way before continuing on. Kevin wanted away from their little audience as quickly as possible and that did not include him stopping to reply to Jay about just how efficiently he could kill him or why death wasn't necessarily the worst that could happen. Even if he explained it Jay wouldn't ever get it. He wouldn't understand your entire purpose being to destroy life. How could he when he was gifted with flight? Not everyone was blessed. Some people were cursed, like Kevin.
Not knowing what to do, Tommy gave Kevin a sympathetic upturn of the corners of his mouth and a small shrug to Jay as they passed, before continuing on his way to the gym because he honestly had no interest in the rest of their fight. It wasn't so much that he didn't care, but it was honestly none of his or anyone's business.
Of course Kevin wouldn't touch him and it only frustrated him more. He couldn't say anything to Tommy, not when his cheeks were burning so brightly and he could only damn himself for trying anything on the stairs. It was just another dock against him, against their relationship. "Kev.." He cleaned his throat, trying to keep up. "Kevin!" Jay tried frantically to just get his boyfriend to stop but he wouldn't have it. Finally, frustrated and near tears, Jay jogged ahead of Kevin, turned abruptly and flared out his wings, blocking Kevin's path entirely. "LOOK AT ME GODAMNIT!"
"Wha' tha hell do you wan', Jay?" Kevin's words held less scorn than they ought to have. He sounded tired more than anything. "Ah'm not 'im, if tha's how ya keep thinkin' 'bout it. Ah'm not gonna suddenly be touchable. Ah'm not gonna suddenly be a public person. Ah'm not gonna realize how much you wan' me aroun' more when ya don' tell me. Ah'm no' gonna ask abou' yer friends 'cause they're no' mine an' so no, Ah don' really care wha's goin' on wi' 'em. Ah can be aroun' more, when ya say somethin', but Ah don' know wha' else it is yer trying ta get from me 'cause yer not sayin' it." He probably not should have even vaguely referred to Jay's other boyfriend named Kevin, but it was one of those things. It didn't bug him really, but it was weird and Jay had never said anything about it, which seemed stranger.
"Ah want you," Jay's wings closed up and he took a step towards Kevin, his hands reaching out imploringly, but at his words, saying he wasn't 'him', Jay didn't know who he was referring to and stopped. "Ya arn' who? Tommy?" he asked, not making the connection. He didn't know Kevin knew about his first boyfriend and could only relate it to the last person they saw, which made no sense to him. "Ah jus' want ya ta come ta me without havin' me beggin' fer it. Ah'm starved fer ya, Kev--" .. he paused and added the last part 'in' to the name. It was so formal calling Kevin by his full name and now that it was pointed out that he hated being called Kev, Jay felt like everyone else in the mansion. Shut out.
"Ain' Kevin. Tha other one. Y'know, tha one you never tol' me 'bout. An' you'd think when a guy dates someone wi' tha same name as 'is dead boyfrien' he'd tell ya, 'cause it's kinda...off, ain' it?" Kevin's voice was quietly neutral, void of much inflection at all. He'd never brought it up, but the more Jay acted like Kevin was never around and totally failing as a boyfriend the more he wondered if the other Kevin was better at it and if that made Jay think that he, too, should have been better at it than he was. "Ain' no one makin' ya beg fer it, Jay. No' 'til ya cause a scene an' Ah wan' no part o' makin' a scene. If ya skipped the melodrama an' jus' said ya wanted me aroun' there wouldn've been any begging, or chasin' or whatever. Jus' woulda been. Easy as that."
Jay's hands folded into each other and he straightened, drawing into himself. Desperation to make Kevin understand was replaced with something else, a remorse he hadn't felt in a long time. "Who told you that?" he asked quietly, anger quickly taking it's place and his mind rolled through the people who knew. Who would have talked to Kevin and brought that up? Kyle wouldn't dare. He protected Jay's secrets almost as much as Jay would have protected him. Amanda wouldn't. Paige and Sam wouldn't have either, nor Terry, but Forge? If he was angry enough, but he wouldn't have, would he? Unless he was threatenin' ma boyfriend. "Who told you?" He demanded. Someone had told him. Someone had and Jay lost his chance for Kevin to hear it from him, in his own words.
Kevin wasn't sure why Jay had that tone in his voice like he was angry. How was he the person allowed to be angry over it? It wasn't like Kevin had some first love that was dead named Jay. Then again, Jay was his first love to begin with. "Forge tol' me. In November." He'd meant to bring it up back then, but they got into a fight and then they'd resolved their fight the same way they always did. It made effectively fighting it out a bit difficult when your boyfriend could distract you so easily.
So it was Forge. Great. Good to know. "Ah was gonna tell ya when tha time was right, but wha does it matter? Ah never said ya 'ere 'im. Ah never brought it up, never wanted ya to be like 'im. But ya knew all this time an' didn' say a damn word 'bout it?" He didn't know how much Kevin knew about it or what details Forge had gotten into. Did it matter now?
Kevin shrugged and leaned against the wall. "Five months an' tha time's never been righ'? Ah was gonna say somethin' an' then Ah got distracted. After Ah figured Ah'd wait fer you ta say something. An' ya never did. Ya don' think it's a little bit trippy findin' out you've got the same name as yer boyfriend's dead ex? Well, not even really an ex, righ'? It's kinda creepy, Jay, an you didn' tell me. Forge seemed ta think it was important. So tell me, why was it so important for 'im ta warn me abou' it?"
He had the sinking feeling that this was something he wasn't going to win, but then, what was he really trying to do? Not to win over Kevin but win Kevin over. It shouldn't have been that big of a deal but it was private, he never spoke of it and didn't feel it was within Forge's right to do so either. "Ah dunno," he admitted. "Tha's not why Ah'm datin' ya, if tha's wha' ya think. He died an' Ah don' wanna talk 'bout it. It ain't tha right time."
"Funny how when you don' want somethin' talked abou' ya say tha' an' expect me ta respect it. An' Ah will. Too bad Ah can't expect tha same when Ah don' wan' somethin' talked abou' 'cause it's somethin' Ah want kept private." It wasn't meant to be the dig that it was, but it was true. Sure, maybe Jay wasn't going off whispering about his secrets, but then most of Kevin in general was a secret. Jay was public about their relationship and now their fighting, two things Kevin had preferred not be shared with the general population around the mansion. But then who was asking him, right?
He had a point and Jay hated to admit that Kevin was right. "Yer right. Ah'm sorry. Ah just... sometimes it don' feel like ya care if Ah'm there or not," he admitted, shoving his hands in his pockets and taking a step back. He'd let Kevin past if he wanted. The fight in Jay fizzled out and he just didn't want to argue anymore.
"Wha', an' that makes it true?" Kevin's head was starting to hurt. He didn't do high maintenance people. Probably because he wasn't one, or at least he didn't think he was. "You got selective memory er somethin'?" He shook his head and pushed off the wall he was leaning against. "Ah might've been nearly outta mah head an' dead tired, but Ah remember what Ah said to you up in Whistler. Course, that might not count fer anythin' after all." He was clearly referring to telling Jay he loved him. Kevin had meant it then and he still meant it. He didn't see how you could love someone and not care if they're around. Kevin was trying to be more than a brooding, surly artist. He was trying to not get in the way of Jay's life. Somehow that translated to an apathy he didn't actually feel and he didn't know how that progression happened in Jay's head.
"Course Ah remember. How could Ah forget? Ya just... We didn' really talk in San Diego an' Cuba, well... Let's just ferget 'bout Cuba. Ah thought ya mighta changed yer mind. Ah ain' perfect," he admitted, his wing folding back, insecure about putting himself out there. "Ah've had shit luck. Mah first boyfriend died, an' tha next cheated on me. Maybe Ah just don' wanna lose wha' we have." Lord knew, his jealousy got in the way of that. "It's a lil' hard ta overlook that ya constantly point out yer not gay, but yer datin' a guy. It kinda contradicts, yanno?"
"Constantly? When was tha las' time Ah said anythin' abou' it? You bring it up more'n Ah do. Yeah, Jay, Ah'm straight. Ah tol' you tha' a long time ago. One person don' make me gay, er even bi. Ah'm not those things 'cause there ain' any other guys Ah wan' but you. Why tha hell is tha' such an issue fer you? If it's such a problem then why're you still wi' me? It ain't ever gonna change, Jay. Ah ain't planning on dying an' Ah'm not gonna cheat on you, but Ah ain't gonna stop being straight either. Ah don' see why it matters wha' Ah am or ain't if Ah'm wi' you." Maybe there was just something about his sexuality that was far more important than he realized, but Kevin couldn't figure out what it was. Yes, he was straight. Yes, he was in love with Jay. So what? What did that have to do with anything? Just because he was straight did not stop him from being Kevin, who would never cheat on someone. If it was a matter of being faithful then sexuality had no bearing on the matter at all.
"Ah ain't askin' ya ta change, but ar' ya listenin' ta yerself? Yer confusin' as hell. Ya arn't gay, but yer wit' me, in love with me. Yer happy ta be wit' me but ya don' want anyone ta know. Yer like a big walkin' contradiction an' ya wonder why Ah don' know where we stand half tha time." What people said and did were two different things. If everything Kevin said was opposite to the way he felt, then Kevin wasn't admitting to a lot of things. He was trying not to push it anymore than he already had but took a hold of that one fact that Kevin still loved him and rode with it because he felt it was all he had. This was probably the most attention he had gotten from Kevin in three weeks and felt like a child for it, but even bad attention was better than no attention. Right? No, not really. "Look, tha's all this is 'bout." He pulled his hands out of his pockets because really, he felt he was through with fighting here and he wanted Kevin to stop it too. "Look, tha's wha' love does," he turned his palms up and the skin was still growing back, but it was almost there. Maybe it was also what hormones did but he didn't want to say that. "Ya drive me crazy an' Ah'm willin' ta do anythin' fer ya. All ya gotta do is ask. An' if its so damn important ta ya fer me not ta talk 'bout us, or act like we're even together, than Ah'll do it. No, Ah won't be happy 'bout it, but Ah'll do it."
Kevin ended up growling, frustration mounting the more Jay spoke. "Look, tha 'not gay' thing is your issue. It's got nothin' ta do wi' me. If Ah was chasin' after girls, tryin' ta get 'em ta date me er something it'd be an issue, but Ah'm not. Ah ain't gonna cheat on you and so long as you're tha only one Ah'm with it doesn't really make no difference what mah sexuality is. It doesn' impact anythin so would ya deal with whatever issue it is you've got wi' it? Ah'd think after this long you'd be over it." But he wasn't, and that frustrated Kevin. He couldn't change his sexuality any more than he could change his mutation. He wouldn't ever pass out naked and curled up with Jay any more than he would ever come out of the closet as gay. He couldn't help that. It was one thing to get upset over stuff he could change but it was another to get upset over stuff he couldn't.
"Jay, people know already. It don' matter now, does it? Y'already tol' every person in tha mansion. Ah don' get a choice anymore. After ya tol' Forge Ah asked one thin' of you, jus' one, that ya tell me if you're gonna be tellin' someone. But ya don' tell me an' Ah find out what people do or don't know after tha fact. An' tha thin' about it is, Ah've gone over this before. We've had this conversation before." Kevin's shoulders slumped. He was over this fight. He was over having this conversation repeatedly. At the moment he was even dangerously close to being over their relationship just so the headache of repeating himself went away. "This? Is mine. Ah wanted ta keep it mine. Ah didn' wanna share it with everyone else. But now Ah gotta to an extent. An', yeah, it pisses me off tha' you took tha' from me. But Ah deal wi' it. Ah don' wan' ya talkin' 'bout us on tha journals. Ah don' wan' ya spilling all abou' us ta groups of people. Ah don' care if you talk to yer friends but Ah wanna know ya did, 'cause Ah don'. It ain't a matter of bein' ashamed er whatever stupid idea you've got in yer head. It's 'cause it's mine an' jus' 'cause you don' feel tha same abou' us don' mean tha's gonna change what Ah tell people." He stared down at Jay's hands, guilt sweeping over his face quickly. "An' if love does tha' then you should stop lovin' me 'fore it don' grow back."
"Okay, Okay," Jay held up his hands defensively. "Ah won't talk 'bout it anymore. Ah'm sorry Ah ruined that. It's still yers. It's just.. everyone knows, sorta." He still didn't understand it, no matter how Kevin put it, because frankly, Jay wanted everyone to know how proud he was with Kevin. But Kevin was right, they had been over this before and it didn't feel any better than it did before. Probably because they never solved anything the last time they fought. "Ah'll try an' respect yer wishes," even if what Ah want is compromised.
He took a step forward and placed his hands tentatively on his boyfriend's waist, looking down the hallway to see if anyone was watching. "Ah ain't gonna stop lovin' ya. An' it'll always grow back, " he said, dismissing Kevin's words. "Cause if it didn', then Ah wouldn' be--" he stopped mid sentence, biting his lip and decided that maybe it was time to tell Kevin. "Ah wouldn't be 'ere when Ah tried ta kill maself."
"An' that makes it alright fer me ta hurt you?" Kevin didn't say anything about Jay's suicide attempt because what do you say about that? He had no context for it, he didn't know why Jay had done it. As much as Kevin loathed what he was and that God had turned His back on him, he had never actually wanted to end his life. He didn't understand people who were suicidal and likely never would. He hadn't dealt with it ever before and so he was entirely out of his depth with it. So he did what he always did, focused on what he could deal with instead. "Jus' 'cause you're okay wi' gettin' hurt fer love or whatever don't mean Ah am. Ah'm not okay wi' hurtin' you, even if you don' feel it an' even if you can grow it back. It's not okay."
So Jay didn't tell him the full story but he told some of it, which was a step in the right direction, only he had taken a step back in their relationship. He should have told Kevin all of it but his boyfriend was not in a listening mood. He tried, failed and had to move away from it. There was no reason to bring up anymore of it or he'd just be rehashing old memories he didn't want to think about. "So whaddya want me ta do? Not touch ya? Ah barely touch ya now an' if Ah do, it's an accident." He sought Kevin's lips, to brush his own against them and murmured to him. "Ah least we have this, right?"
Kevin didn't move, didn't even breathe for a moment. He was just tired, and most of what was causing it wasn't even Jay's fault. Jay was just there and he had started a fight so the entire weight of everything pressing down on Kevin ended up directed at him, even if Kevin hadn't bothered to explain what it was that was dragging him down. To be honest, he hadn't even stopped to consider it himself. "Ah don' even know wha' Ah wan' ya ta do," he whispered. He was torn, as always, between wanting the contact and not wanting to share it with anyone who may just happen by. The problem with Jay, the only actual problem, was that being with him was like dangling heaven in front of Kevin. Sure, there were a lot of things he wanted to do that he couldn't because of his mutation. There were things he'd never get to do or experience because he just hadn't gotten around to it before he manifested. But being with Jay Kevin sometimes dared to dream he could have all those things that he wanted, that he'd never had. Sometimes it seemed so possible only for him to realize it wasn't. Every time reality brought that hope crashing down it stung more, wounded deeper. Maybe he was staying away from Jay on purpose and just didn't realize it. You can't miss what you've never had and if the hope didn't build it wouldn't eventually destroy him to realize it was all in vain.
Jay's hands slide more around Kevin's waist until he was able to link them behind his back, drawing Kevin even closer than he was. His wings curled around them, blocking out anyone who would happen upon them. He hid them from the surrounding world, making it exactly what Kevin wanted - that Jay was his, that this relationship was his. And for a second, the understanding dawned on him as to why Kevin wanted this so private. He wanted to prove that they could make this work, despite all the problems and negativity, there was something good between them. "C'mon, let's go back to tha room." He was tired of chasing Kevin around the mansion and wanted nothing more than to curl up with his boyfriend. "maybe you'll let me sleep in yer bed?" he asked, though he figured he knew the answer already.
Kevin actually smiled, amazingly enough, because of the wings that hid them away. It was only then that Kevin's hands reached out to his boyfriend's hips. They only held him lightly, but it was more willing contact outside the throes of impetuous passion than he'd shown the entire time they'd been having it out. "Ah've never kicked ya outta mah bed," he told Jay in a whisper. The words were followed by a very light kiss and Kevin could practically see himself walking right into what would turn out to be unfulfilled hope. He could practically see the balloons inflate and float upward as their strings tried to tug him up in the air along with them. And he'd end up crashing to the ground. Kevin knew that. The balloons would pop about a half mile up and then he'd end up crumpled in a heap on the earth again. He didn't actually have the will to pull away, though. That was always his problem.
Jay decides to pick a fight, Kevin proves he's kind of dense and totally weak. Tommy ends up accidentally in the crossfire, but it's really all Jay's fault.
Planes had to be some of the more uncomfortable things to travel in so far as Kevin was concerned. He added that onto the reasons to not take off for far away lands any time soon as if avalanches and being shot at weren't reason enough. Kevin was still holding that being shot at thing against Jay to a degree. After all, he was the one who wanted to go and save people and that's what got them in the situation in the first place.
His usual tension in his neck, back and shoulders had been greatly diminished in the past weeks for reasons beyond Kevin's comprehension that had to do with his powers training. All that tension was back, however, and it had been mounting since they'd had to deal with the police in Cuba. Ever since they'd arrived back at Xavier's Kevin hadn't stopped moving. He'd gone running, he'd lifted weights, he'd worked on an unfinished metal sculpture, he wandered, and all just to get out the restlessness that had taken hold of him from the flight back up from Havana. He was trying to work out the tension and stiffness he felt, unaware of what it was that had seemed to ease it more recently in the first place.
As he wandered from place to place in an effort to find something else to do as the sun dipped beneath the horizon Kevin walked through the kitchen. His original intention was to grab something to gnaw on like an apple, but inside he found Jay and Terry. Kevin had almost started to smile when he'd spotted his boyfriend but seeing Terry had stopped it from ever manifesting. It wasn't that he had anything against Terry, he just didn't know her. He gave the two of them a small nod and went silently to the refrigerator to dig up that apple so he could flee as quickly as possible.
Nothing made Jay more unhappy than all this avoidance Kevin was giving him. He felt like it was all he could think of ninety percent of the time and couldn't wait to get his placement so he had something else to think about other than all the problems he and his boyfriend were experiencing. The trip had done nothing to lighten those problems either, the issue of his stupidity silently weighing down on him, knowing that the others blamed him for wanting to go and see what was up. He had only wanted to help, to prove something but now he could see that it hadn't gotten him anywhere. In fact, he didn't want to bring it up at all and was down playing how shaken up he felt, just to avoid any discussions on what happened there.
Popping the lid off one of several tubs of ice cream, with a spoon in hand, he pushed it towards Terry. "Try this one." He took a spoon full for himself, slipped it into his mouth and rotated it fully, pulling the cold metal slowly back out at the sight of Kevin. His heart did a leap and glanced at Terry, but suddenly dropped his eyes, absorbed in the swirl in the ice cream. "Try it," he said, as not to break conversation and have Kevin think Jay was uncomfortable..
Terry rolled her eyes, both at the tension in the room and at the store brand ice cream. "You're breaking my darling husband's heart as we speak," she mock-scolded, giving Kevin an absent wave. They hadn't talked, she could tell. The room had that feeling to it, the subtle shifts in voice that were nearly missed if you didn't know to listen for them. "If I eat that, I'll never hear the end of it. Bobby'll sense it from the Keep." For now, she'd stay out of it.
Jay forced a smirk. "Ah won't tell Bobby. Ah promise. Right Kev?" he asked, trying to bring his boyfriend into the conversation but didn't wait for an answer. Instead, he scooped up some more and waved the spoon in front of her face like he was feeding a baby. "C'mon on.. open up. It'll be really really good. Ah got it from a special ice cream store. An' if ya tell me it's bad, then Ah gotta take it all back." Someone had to help him eat this. His boyfriend sure wouldn't. In fact, his boyfriend wasn't doing much of anything but keeping his back to Jay, rummaging through the fridge and he set the spoon down, eyeing Kevin and repeating his words. "Right Kevin?" he pushed.
"Huh?" Kevin hadn't really been paying attention to what Jay and Terry had been saying because it wasn't his conversation to be listening to. He hit his head on a shelf as he pulled his head out of the fridge with a golden delicious in his hand. Turning, his eyes flicked between the two redheads as if he'd been caught stealing something. "Righ'," except he wasn't actually sure what he was agreeing with. It just looked like Jay might throw something at him so Kevin figured agreeing was the way to go. The fact he had no idea what they'd been saying was plainly evident on his face, though.
"We were talkin' ta ya. Weren' ya listenin'?" Okay, so maybe only Jay was talking to Kevin, but either way, he wanted Kevin's attention and now that he had it, he felt stupid for trying to get it at all. "Who walks inta a room an' doesn' say hi ta their boyfriend? Yanno?" He didn't feel Kevin ever acknowledged him, except when he had to. He felt ignored but he felt he had Kevin's full attention. His emotions conflicted with each other, half of him wanted to talk it out here and now but the other half wanted him to shut the hell up before he said something stupid. Because he always said something stupid in a situation like this.
Kevin leaned against the refrigerator, apple halfway to his mouth as his eyebrows went higher and higher upward as Jay spoke. "No, Ah wasn'. Ah don' walk inta rooms an' pay attention ta other people's conversations. It's rude an' all Ah wanted was an apple." He held up the fruit in his hand as if this was needed proof in his argument. "Ah nodded instead o' saying anythin' 'cause Ah didn't wanna interrupt. Ah was bein' polite 'cause Ah was leavin' after Ah got mah apple." It all made perfect sense to Kevin. The question was why it didn't seem to make any sense at all to Jay. What'd he do? Was he supposed to gush over Jay because he was in the same room suddenly or something?
"Uh, yeh, ya were. Ya jus' don' realize it. But yanno, maybe ya wanna be apart 'o tha conversation so ya can actually spend some time wit' me an' know wha' Ah'm doin'?" And it made perfect sense to Jay for Kevin to want to be around and not get out of there as fast as possible. "Ah'm yer boyfriend. Yanno wha' that means, right? We're suppose ta talk sometime, instead ignorin' like you've been doin' fer tha last two o' three weeks?" A flush crept across his face and his brow creased, embarressed that he had to bring this up at all. It infuriated him that Kevin rationalized his excuses. Or maybe it was because Kevin didn't notice at all, like Jay was invisible. That hurt more than anything.
"What're you talkin' abou'?" And the thing was that Kevin really didn't know where even half of this was coming from. They'd just spent how many days in Cuba getting nearly blown up and shot at together? "Tha pas' two er three weeks? Let's see, Ah was in San Diego workin' ta build houses fer people that were destroyed by Julio, an' then Ah was tired an workin' at mah job, an' then I got shot at 'cause you've got a savin' people thing er somethin'. Haven't been ignoring you, Jay." Not to mention Jay was the one who had been avoiding Kevin's bedroom when they were home at the mansion, something which pretty much never happened. Kevin didn't bring that up though because he wasn't going to talk about that in front of a girl he didn't even know.
"An' ya couldn' say hi or somethin'? Let's see, sure ya were busy in San Diego, so was Ah' but it didn' stop me from wavin' at ya or tryin' ta get yer attention. But all ya got fer me is ta show me yer back an' show every other pretty lil' face yer bod an' charmin' smile." Oh yes, he had noticed it from a far. All those girls oogling his boyfriend while he sat back and let it simmer. Now he was at his boiling point, but even as he said it, the sting was all the same.
What. The. Fuck? If Kevin swore much he'd probably have said it aloud but all he did instead was stand there and stare at Jay who had gone premenstrual on him somehow. What the hell was he on about? "Ah was workin'. Ah didn' even know where you were. Ah didn' know where anyone was who wasn' working wi' me. An' Ah'm not havin' this conversation." The word "here" went unsaid, but the fact that Kevin assumed Jay knew he meant that was probably more credit than he should have given his boyfriend at the moment. Kevin nodded to Terry then just stared at Jay and shook his head for a moment before pushing away from the refrigerator and heading out the door of the kitchen.
"Well Ah was workin ma ass off too but Ah knew were ya were every second of the day. An' if Ah didn', Ah made a point ta find out because Ah just wanted ta say hi or somethin' stupid like that ta let ya know Ah'm still there fer ya if ya need me. But that didn' cross yer mind did it?" No, he didn't think it ever did. In fact, Kevin was probably so busy, he forgot Jay even existed. "Did ya even notice Ah stopped sleepin'--" And Kevin cut him off, leaving the room. For a moment, Jay stood there, stunned and embarressed that his boyfriend just walked out on him mid-arguement. Pushing off from the counter, Jay went after him because he felt like he'd just been slapped across the face. "Kev, stop. Wha's wrong wit' ya?" He felt like a whiny bitch for even asking. "Ah'm tryin' ta talk ta ya, an' there ya go 'gain, ignorin' me."
"Ah'm not ignorin' anythin'. We've established this before, Jay. Jus' 'cause ya don' min' every single person knowin' every single detail o' yer life don' mean Ah don' too. Ah'm not talkin' 'bout this in front o' someone Ah don' even know." He was of course referring to Terry. He hadn't stopped though, even though Jay had told him to. No, Kevin kept walking down the hall without pause because he was annoyed that Jay knew this, knew that Kevin was not the public kind of person yet he insisted on airing everything where anyone could walk in. If he actually wanted to talk to Kevin about this then he could talk to Kevin and only to Kevin. "An' yes, Ah noticed," he answered belatedly. Of course he'd noticed Jay wasn't in his bed, but he figured if something was wrong that concerned him Jay would talk to him about instead of it festering like some infected wound.
"Wha? It's jus' Terry. She's ma best friend." She knew everything and he didn't say it because it didn't need to be said. It was assumed and it wasn't as if Terry couldn't hear what they were talking about, no matter where they were in the mansion. Jay had to practically jog to keep up with Kevin and he wasn't in a chasing mood, so he reached out to grab Kevin's gloved hand and spin him around. "Ah said, stop Kev. Jesus Christ, ya jus' wanna keep on going like this? If ya noticed, why didn' ya say anything? Yer just all 'bout avoidin' it. Ah've been tryin' ta talk ta ya fer days, but all ya been doin' is glarin' at me." He just hated how desperate he came off.
When Kevin was forcibly spun around he yanked his hand out of Jay's grasp. "Firs' o' all, mah name is Kevin. Kevin, not Kev. Secon', Ah don' care if she's yer bes' friend. She's your best friend, that don' make her mine. Ain' nothin' changed between the months since Forge demanded answers an' now. Ah ain' answerin' to or in front of people who Ah don' choose to. Ah know her name. Ah know her on sight. Ah know fuck all abou' her otherwise an' tha' don' incline me ta talkin' 'bout nothin' even vaguely personal in fron' o' her. 'Course, if you ever remembered that Ah'm not one ta go declarin' all my shit ta tha world maybe you'd remember tha'." The mere fact that Kevin was cursing was evidence enough that he'd been set off. The glare he was levelling at his boyfriend enhanced that to a strikingly obvious level. Accusations being hurled at him were enough to do that and the nickname he tolerated but never liked didn't help any. "An' Ah didn' say nothin' 'cause odds were it didn' have nothin' ta do wi' me. Ah figured if it did you'd say somethin' to me an' ya never did. End of story."
Jay drew back at how cold Kevin was, swallowing back the lump that formed in his throat. He had no idea Kevin didn't like to be called Kev. It was just a pet name he liked to play with and Jay had been calling him that since they started going out. Why wouldn't he say anything? As Kevin stood there, coming down on him, Jay felt very small for actually trying talk to his boyfriend in front of his best friend. But he knew that Terry could hear him anywhere in the mansion, so what did it matter? She'd hear about it anyways and it saved him the painful effort of going over the details with her. But even that wasn't a rational excuse and he knew it.
Bringing up Forge brought on a frown and he crossed his arms over his chest. "So, wha's that? First Forge an' now Terry? Ya don' seem ta like any o' ma friends. An' did it ever occur ta ya tha' Ah'm proud ta be yer boyfriend? All ya seem ta think 'bout me is how ashamed ya 're cause ya tell no one, Kev--in! No one! No one knows 'bout us! It's like Ah'm some dirty lil' secret ta ya!" He was trying not to wince under his boyfriend's stare but found he backed up a pace, even though he was trying to plead his case.
"An' when am Ah gonna say it? Huh? When? When yer face is in yer pillow an' fast asleep? Cause tha's tha only time Ah ever see ya now is in yer bed wit' yer back side ta me. An' ya wonder why Ah'm sleepin' in ma own bed now. Ah'm sick'o waiting fer ya ta wanna talk."
Kevin's jaw clenched and the muscles that ran down the sides of his neck visibly tensed. He wasn't going to tell his boyfriend what a complete fucking idiot he was being. No, he wasn't. Of course not saying that left not a whole lot else to say. What killed Kevin about this all was it was stuff he'd explained before. Kevin was not a public person. Kevin did not go announcing anything to anyone. Kevin wouldn't have told everyone if he was dating someone else either. Kevin didn't do public displays of affection. What about this said to Jay that he must be ashamed of the guy because he didn't stand on the roof and shout about the fact that they were together? And why the hell did it matter who knew in the first place?
"Jesus Christ," he finally managed through clenched teeth. "Did Ah say Ah didn' like Terry? No. Did Ah say Ah don' like Forge? No. Stop assumin' everything jus' 'cause it suits your cause. Ah don' gotta tell anyone we're together Jay, they all know. All o' them. An Ah didn' wan' 'em to because it's not tha way Ah am, but you refuse to accept that an' always have. Everyone in tha damn building knows we're together an' they know it 'cause o' you. Ah. Don't. Like. Talkin'. 'Bout. Mah. Private. Life. There's a reason it's called a private life." Why was this concept so damn hard for Jay to understand? It didn't matter how many times Jay violated Kevin's desire for privacy or how many times Kevin spelt it out in blinking neon lights, he kept doing it over and over again. "Ah got nothin' Ah need or wanna talk about! Why don' you get tha'? Yer tha one who's got somethin' needs talkin' 'bout, tha' means yer tha one needs ta come talk ta me! Newsflash, Ah'm not secretly a telepath."
Hearing someone walking down the hallway toward them, Kevin abruptly shut his mouth, jaw clenching to remain like that. Then he turned again and started walking because he wasn't doing this publicly and he was determined to at least for once maintain his privacy even though Jay did nothing but work against that wish.
"Ah wish everyone knew 'bout us, so they could know just how much Ah'm in love with ma boyfriend! Ah don' think it's so bad fer everyone ta know how great he is, is it?" He just wanted some sort of acknowledgment that he existed and meant something in Kevin's world, instead of being treated like everyone else. Scratch that, he wasn't treated like everyone else because that would mean Kevin would actually pay attention to him. He felt invisible, transparent, intagible in Kevin's view and only wanted to recify it - solve this problem and move on.
"Ah ain't assumin' anythin'. Ah act like ya don' like 'em. Ya don' have ta say it. Ya never ask 'bout 'em. Ya never wanna even hang out wit' 'im. Hell, ya don' even ask anything 'bout wha's happenin' wit' yer own boyfriend." Now, he didn't expect Kevin to care so much for the people he hung out with but a general inquiry now and then would have shown that Kevin was at least interested in what he was doing. And he couldn't even get that. "Did ya know Ah passed tha' bartendin' course? Did ya even bother ta ask? Ah posted it up, hopin' ya'd see it. Everyone an' everyone's grandma replied ta tha' an' tha only person that didn' give a damn was you."
"Thank god yer notta telepath cause Ah' prolly wouldn't date'cha." He snapped his mouth shut at that outburst, guilt immediately whelling in his chest as he looked around him, hoping that no telepaths were in sight. But did it matter? They probably heard him think it. They both fell silent and Jay dropped his eyes, fidgeting with his fingers until Kevin turned and walked away on him. Again.
Kevin suddenly felt like he could have been dating Nori for all the good his rather blunt explanations were doing him. At least Nori just didn't know the language very well, what was Jay's excuse? "Why should Ah ask abou' 'em? They're not mah friends, wha' d'Ah care? It's not like you ask abou' any o' mine either," he pointed out without slowing or stopping. "Yeah, Ah saw. You passed. Congratulations," the word hardly was convincing. "Ah never wanted y'ta do it in tha firs' place, remember? Ain' exactly changed mah opinion on it. Maybe yer used ta people who change with tha breeze, Ah don'. Time don' change tha' Ah don' like it an you don' wanna be reminded of that so Ah said nothin'." It seemed saying nothing got him just as far as saying something would have. No, if he'd said something they would've at least been fighting in private and not through the halls of the mansion.
"Ask 'bout em?? Ah don' even know who yer friends are. Ya don' tell me nuttin!" He barely saw Kevin as it was, barely got anything out of him. And that congratulations? Some congratulations. Another slap across the face. All he wanted was for Kevin to be proud of him, happy that he was doing something, getting a job and actually trying to make money.
Kevin was walking away, talking to Jay and yea, that didn't seem very private at all to Jay. "Kev--" he started, blowing out a sigh and staring up at the ceiling. He was about to say some sort of silent prayer but God hadn't done him any favors, especially not this past week and Jay found himself jogging up behind Kevin and falling in step with him. "Stop okay? Jus' stop. Yer bein' a lil' bullheaded Kev--in." God, he had to get use to that. It was almost impossible without pronouncing Kevin's name, syllable for syllable. That habit would not die so easily. "Ah know yer a private person, an yer pissed at me fer doin' tha bartendin' thing, but is there anythin' yer actually happy 'bout wit me? Ah mean, Ah might as well be dead ta ya, fer all tha attention ya give ta me." He was trying to be reasonable, trying to smooth it out before it got worse, before it couldn't be fixed.
He was definitely dating a girl. A clingy, co-dependent girl. The realization was hardly welcome for Kevin, but it slammed down onto him suddenly all the same. "Ya don' ask. If it mattered tha' much to ya then you'd ask, wouldn' ya? Ah don' care if y'know who mah friends are er not, honestly. But don' go whining abou' me not askin' 'bout yours when ya don' try to find out who mine are." His voice was quieter than usual, barely more than a whisper or a faint sound on the air. He was purposely keeping the level so low, not wanting to attract more attention than they likely already had. "Jesus, try a bit more melodrama, Jay. Righ' now? No, righ' now I'm damn annoyed at you. Normally? Yeah. Why'd Ah be spending time wi' ya if Ah wasn't normally happy? Oh, righ', ya never see me. Clearly tha' job o' mine gets in tha way. An' the court ordered powers trainin'. Oh, an' tha court ordered meetin's with Doctor Samson Ah love so damn much. An' when Ah'm aroun' Ah've got no idea where you are. Ah'm no' tha only won who ain' aroun', Jay. Only difference is it don' bug me. Why should it? We live together, we see each other eventually. It ain' tha end o' tha world if we go a few days without crossin' paths. Ah ain' never been all attached at tha hip wi' ya, so why the fuck's it such a big deal now?"
"Fine, fair's fair, ya got me there." He admitted it. He never asked about Kevin's friends. But he kept it to himself that Kevin probably wouldn't tell him anything anyways. "Oh tha's unfair. Ah ain't sayin' fer ya ta be nailed ta ma fuckin' ass but droppin' me a line now an' then, maybe in tha journals or somethin' woulda been nice." He couldn't understand how making an effort in a relationship was so painful for Kevin to do. Given, he had his own faults there and admitted it but Kevin made it sound like this was all Jay's fault and Jay refused to take the full blame. It wasn't even about blame really. He just wanted Kevin to listen, wanted his stubborn boyfriend to just give in and actually want him around. It was better than being some fucking speed bump.
Jay crossed his arms again, wings shifting irritably and he tried to shake how needy he was feeling. He hated it. There was nothing that was going to get solved like this, at least not with Kevin and he tried to suck it up, but his boyfriend was good at hitting him where it counted. "Ah tell ya how Ah felt, an' all Ah get is some fuckin' resistance. Ah miss ya a lot an' Ah'm worried 'bout losin' ya." He uncrossed his arms and ran one hand through his hair. It only fell back in his eyes. "Ah love ya an' Ah didn' wanna fight with ya. Ah just... Ah want'cha ta need me sometime. Make me feel like ya want me or somethin'."
"Yeah, 'cause a relationship lived out through journals is so great, huh?" Kevin turned and headed up the main staircase. Most people frequented the first floor so he was going anywhere that wasn't the first floor, which meant up. "If tha's all you wan' why can' ya jus' say tha'? Why's it break off inta not carin' 'bout your friends or havin' ta like when ya do stuff Ah don' like? Or, hey, how 'bout that time ya got us shot at, huh? Y'could jus' say, 'Kevin, Ah haven' seen ya, let's hang out,' but ya don'. You cause all this drama. Sorry if I've got a job and stuff the court says Ah hafta do if Ah don' wanna end up in prison an' if art's important to me. I'm a loner, Jay. Why haven't you realized that? That don' change. An' that means Ah don' feel tha need ta be aroun' someone all tha time so if ya wan' me aroun' jus' say it an' Ah will be. Ain't that hard, really." Maybe he was the asshole because he didn't feel the need to be constantly with someone, but he couldn't change that any more than Jay could change that he did want someone around all the time. The problem was that while Jay being around never bugged Kevin, because he liked having Jay around, Kevin not being around did bug Jay. Only Jay never said anything until he started on this whole whiny rampage because he hadn't said hi or paid attention to what Jay was saying to his friend.
"Ah didn' mean it that way. Ah just meant - well ya know what Ah meant." Again, Jay went after him because obviously Kevin just couldnt' stay in one spot long enough to fight it out. Or even talk it out. "Cause it builds up," he replied. "It builds up an'.." he frowned. "Wha the hell. Tha' ain't fair at all," he barked. "Ah get it. Ya'll blame me fer wantin' ta help people. Ah get it. Ah ain't cut out fer tha team, is tha' what yer saying?" He got immediately defensive because it was an unfair kick in the balls. He already knew he was at fault and had put himself and others in danger. In fact, he was surprised no one said anything to him up until this point, probably because he was laying low. "Jus' drop tha' okay? Cause it don' make me feel very good."
Kevin was taking this all the wrong way, not seeing it how he wanted him to see it and Jay felt like he had to make Kevin understand that he knew that his boyfriend was busy, but if people wanted to make time, they would. "Ah do realize it. Ya don' havfta point out wha' Ah already know. Ah'm tellin' ya now. Ah wanna hang out, Ah wanna be 'round ya more. God, Ah'm just dyin' ta touch ya," Jay was on his heels and the second they got to the landing, he took Kevin's hand and pulled him into a heated kiss that sent an ache right to his loins.
Towel over his shoulder, Tommy was dressed for the gym as he left his suite and headed downstairs. Or at least he intended to head downstairs. His plan was foiled due to the fact that standing there on the landing was Jay and his boyfriend in what looked like a fairly heated embrace. Blinking in surprise from the top of the stairs, he wondered if it was worth it. He'd heard the raised voices down the hall, but it couldn't have been them. Maybe the green-haired teacher was having at some other person? It wouldn't surprise him at this point.
Kevin would have pointed out that he never said anything about the team or being cut out for it, but Jay kept going and when he finally had a chance to respond the option was taken away swiftly. You could only speak so well when you ended up spun around and prompted ended up with your mouth entirely occupied. Kevin wasn't complaining much, though. There was something about being told your boyfriend was dying to touch you coupled with a kiss like that which managed to even render Kevin unable to continue arguing. It was always Jay's lips that got them in trouble, wasn't it? It was what started their relationship and what ended every argument. Despite that it was a very publicly accessible area Kevin had quickly managed to push Jay back until he felt the resistance that told him he had Jay's back against something or other. One of these days the way he gave in every time Jay kissed him was really going to bite Kevin on the ass. Possibly even today.
Jay's tongue parted Kevin's lips and he couldn't help his hands that wandered hungrily over his boyfriends waist. He was as mad at Kevin as he was in love with him and didn't want to stop. His fingers dug into Kevin's shirt, lifting it as he stretched them over his torso and raked them back down. He was vaguely aware of someone standing there but paid no attention to it, more interested in stripping his boyfriend.
Tommy began calculating odds in his head. Could he slip by them unnoticed? Probably not, due to Jay's wing span but if they weren't paying attention...
Finally, when it looked like they were getting so wrapped up in each other that they were going to be a while, Tommy knew what he had to do for the good of the mansion traffic flow. He sighed before he cleared his throat. Loudly.
Kevin was always hyper aware of where Jay was. Where his hands were. Where his face was. Where the danger lay. When Jay's hands moved under his shirt, not just one of them but all of them, Kevin nearly froze. Was Jay wearing his gloves? It only took a moment for him to realize he had no idea if he knew or not and that was all the time it took for him to reach behind him and yank Jay's hands away from his skin as quickly as he could. Then the clearing of a throat came. He didn't have time to check for gloves, or for damage, because if there was damage there was a whole litany of stuff that was about to come out of his mouth. Instead Kevin's eyes took the safer route and slide to the side to see Tommy standing there. "His fault," was all he said as a faint blush crept up his neck and he nodded at Jay. Technically it was Jay's fault.
His fingers hand only grazed Kevin's skin and he relished in the touch but didn't realize that his flesh was dissolving beneath it. Kevin grabbed at his hands, forcing the kiss to break away from him. Reluctantly, he allowed it. That was one hell of a kiss and the exhilarating rush he got from it shivered over his body to the tips of his wings. It took a moment for it to register that someone was clearing their throat and Jay pulled his eyes from Kevin's to fall on Tommy's. Talk about a mood killer. He licked his parted lips and looked down at his hands, realizing that he had been getting a little too grabby with Kevin. He balled his hands up into fists before Kevin could see that his skin was already trying to compensate for the loss of layers. He hadn't felt a thing! That both scared and fascinated him. Until he looked into Kevin's blazing gaze. Shit.
Kevin wouldn't have said his gaze was blazing but it very well may have been. Tommy hadn't said anything and so his focus has returned to his boyfriend. His boyfriend who wasn't wearing gloves. He still held Jay's wrists and very quietly he said, "Show me them." His eyes flicked up to Jay's quickly before returning to the fists that were clearly hiding what damage he'd done. It wasn't even Jay's fault. It was Kevin's for letting his guard down. Jay always got carried away. Jay always forgot. It was Kevin's responsibility to remember, to be aware and he'd been too slow to stop him. He'd been too caught up himself. Just as quiet and even more kindly he asked, "Jay, show me your hands."
The quiet tone was even worse than if he had been yelled at and at first, he didn't open them. He didn't want to because he knew they would heal. If he could live through two near death beatings, a stake through the heart and broken wings, he was sure he could heal from touching Kevin. What was even more embarrassing was that Tommy was standing right there. He thought if he could prolong it, that they would be healed and Kevin wouldn't see the damage but feel better about it. At the second request, he couldn't ignore it, dropping his eyes and opened his hands. "It's fine, Kev-in." He added the last part of Kevin's name, remembering that he didn't like it. No, that one was not going to be easy but it was far from his mind when his boyfriend looked at his fingers. "It ain't tha' bad."
Tommy was entirely forgotten on the stairs. Kevin's only focus was on Jay and the damage he'd caused. He could see the skin healing itself, but he could also see how many layers of it had been lost. His mutation hadn't gotten through all seven but it'd gone from Jay's fingertips down the length of his fingers and just barely touched the top of his palm. The skin was hard, dry but it rehydrated before his eyes. "It ain' fine," he said in that same quiet tone. He doubted Tommy could have heard him unless there was super hearing accompanying the alchemist touch that Tommy hadn't told him about. "S'mah fault. Ah shoulda stopped you." Jay refused to recognize how much of a freak among freaks Kevin was, and now he'd actually gone and damaged him. It didn't matter if Jay could heal from it to him. Eventually there would be something he couldn't heal from. That something could have been him because he was too stupid to pay enough attention. "Ah got no righ', Jay, bein' wi' you if Ah can' keep ya safe from me."
Jay couldn't believe how much it had taken off, though he couldn't remember how long he had touched Kevin for. He didn't feel it though, only the tingling of regrowth lacing through his finger tips. It made them feel stiff and he only held them there, face up and glanced at Kevin. "It is fine," he cut Kevin off, closing his fists and pulling his hands away. He didn't like it that Kevin was staring at them with his sad and guilty expression. "No it ain't yer fault. Ah knew wha' Ah was doin'. Ah'm a grown man, Ah think Ah can handle it." He worried as Kevin's expression dropped even more and shifted with his back pressed into the railing. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "No, don' say tha'. Cause it's bullshit. Ah can make ma own decisions an' we got every right ta be 'ere together." He panicked a little at those words, those words of defeat.
"So then who's gonna protect you from you?" He was dead serious when he asked it. Even Though Jay had taken his hands away Kevin stared at where they'd been, the image of them etched into his mind. "If yer not gonna realize how dangerous Ah am, who's gonna stop ya from gettin' hurt? Or did ya ferget wha' Ah am? Huh? Tha great untouchable, an' that ain' ever changin'." Kevin finally stepped back, as far from Jay as he could possibly get. He could have said it was so Tommy could get by, but Kevin wanted to be farther from Jay because it was the only way to actually keep him safe. If he wasn't close enough to touch then he could stay intact.
Tommy had just meant to unblock the stairs so people could get by. He'd expected maybe some 'excuse me's and shuffling off to more private quarters to continue what they were doing. This? Was totally unexpected and threw him for a total loss, so he admittedly just kind of stood and stared, one startled questioning eyebrow raised. He felt like he was intruding on something but then if they'd wanted it to be private, maybe they shouldn't have chosen the stairs as their venue of choice. Of course, he understood Kevin's concern for Jay's hands after their conversation a few weeks ago but there was something else behind his extreme reaction and Jay's equally strong reaction to that. Something he wondered if he really wanted to get in the middle of. "Sorry for intruding." He said softly, looking at both of them but not meeting their gazes. "Not to sound impersonal, but you might want to move it, unless you want the whole mansion to know your business." It may have been seen as blunt and uncaring, but a small wave of his hand pointed out to them the small audience they had accumulated at the foot of the stairs, which he figured neither of them had noticed.
This was not what Jay wanted. He didn't want everyone knowing about their fight. He only wanted Kevin to talk to him, listen to what he had to say and their heated moment to not end. But now, it was ending. His face dropped and his fists grabbed at Kevin's shirt only to have his boyfriend step away from him. "Damnit! Ah don' need --" Tommy's words cut him off and he cut a glare in Tommy's direction. His attention was drawn towards the students at the foot of the stairs and he turned a full shade of red, positive it matched his hair and wings. Jay reached out, trying to take Kevin's hand and pull him up the stairs, past Tommy and into the hallway where they could at least talk. Never mind that they were still in public. He didn't want to wait until they were in their room. He wanted to talk here and now. It didn't go unnoticed that Kevin wouldn't touch him now. "Would ya stop actin' like Ah'm gonna die."
If he could have helped it Kevin wouldn't have gone near Jay at the moment, but the stairs weren't wide enough for him to be far enough away for his own comfort. When Jay reached out Kevin moved up the stairs, not wanting to allow the contact even if it was safe, at least as safe as contact with him ever was. He paused a step down from Tommy an uttered an apology for them being in the way before continuing on. Kevin wanted away from their little audience as quickly as possible and that did not include him stopping to reply to Jay about just how efficiently he could kill him or why death wasn't necessarily the worst that could happen. Even if he explained it Jay wouldn't ever get it. He wouldn't understand your entire purpose being to destroy life. How could he when he was gifted with flight? Not everyone was blessed. Some people were cursed, like Kevin.
Not knowing what to do, Tommy gave Kevin a sympathetic upturn of the corners of his mouth and a small shrug to Jay as they passed, before continuing on his way to the gym because he honestly had no interest in the rest of their fight. It wasn't so much that he didn't care, but it was honestly none of his or anyone's business.
Of course Kevin wouldn't touch him and it only frustrated him more. He couldn't say anything to Tommy, not when his cheeks were burning so brightly and he could only damn himself for trying anything on the stairs. It was just another dock against him, against their relationship. "Kev.." He cleaned his throat, trying to keep up. "Kevin!" Jay tried frantically to just get his boyfriend to stop but he wouldn't have it. Finally, frustrated and near tears, Jay jogged ahead of Kevin, turned abruptly and flared out his wings, blocking Kevin's path entirely. "LOOK AT ME GODAMNIT!"
"Wha' tha hell do you wan', Jay?" Kevin's words held less scorn than they ought to have. He sounded tired more than anything. "Ah'm not 'im, if tha's how ya keep thinkin' 'bout it. Ah'm not gonna suddenly be touchable. Ah'm not gonna suddenly be a public person. Ah'm not gonna realize how much you wan' me aroun' more when ya don' tell me. Ah'm no' gonna ask abou' yer friends 'cause they're no' mine an' so no, Ah don' really care wha's goin' on wi' 'em. Ah can be aroun' more, when ya say somethin', but Ah don' know wha' else it is yer trying ta get from me 'cause yer not sayin' it." He probably not should have even vaguely referred to Jay's other boyfriend named Kevin, but it was one of those things. It didn't bug him really, but it was weird and Jay had never said anything about it, which seemed stranger.
"Ah want you," Jay's wings closed up and he took a step towards Kevin, his hands reaching out imploringly, but at his words, saying he wasn't 'him', Jay didn't know who he was referring to and stopped. "Ya arn' who? Tommy?" he asked, not making the connection. He didn't know Kevin knew about his first boyfriend and could only relate it to the last person they saw, which made no sense to him. "Ah jus' want ya ta come ta me without havin' me beggin' fer it. Ah'm starved fer ya, Kev--" .. he paused and added the last part 'in' to the name. It was so formal calling Kevin by his full name and now that it was pointed out that he hated being called Kev, Jay felt like everyone else in the mansion. Shut out.
"Ain' Kevin. Tha other one. Y'know, tha one you never tol' me 'bout. An' you'd think when a guy dates someone wi' tha same name as 'is dead boyfrien' he'd tell ya, 'cause it's kinda...off, ain' it?" Kevin's voice was quietly neutral, void of much inflection at all. He'd never brought it up, but the more Jay acted like Kevin was never around and totally failing as a boyfriend the more he wondered if the other Kevin was better at it and if that made Jay think that he, too, should have been better at it than he was. "Ain' no one makin' ya beg fer it, Jay. No' 'til ya cause a scene an' Ah wan' no part o' makin' a scene. If ya skipped the melodrama an' jus' said ya wanted me aroun' there wouldn've been any begging, or chasin' or whatever. Jus' woulda been. Easy as that."
Jay's hands folded into each other and he straightened, drawing into himself. Desperation to make Kevin understand was replaced with something else, a remorse he hadn't felt in a long time. "Who told you that?" he asked quietly, anger quickly taking it's place and his mind rolled through the people who knew. Who would have talked to Kevin and brought that up? Kyle wouldn't dare. He protected Jay's secrets almost as much as Jay would have protected him. Amanda wouldn't. Paige and Sam wouldn't have either, nor Terry, but Forge? If he was angry enough, but he wouldn't have, would he? Unless he was threatenin' ma boyfriend. "Who told you?" He demanded. Someone had told him. Someone had and Jay lost his chance for Kevin to hear it from him, in his own words.
Kevin wasn't sure why Jay had that tone in his voice like he was angry. How was he the person allowed to be angry over it? It wasn't like Kevin had some first love that was dead named Jay. Then again, Jay was his first love to begin with. "Forge tol' me. In November." He'd meant to bring it up back then, but they got into a fight and then they'd resolved their fight the same way they always did. It made effectively fighting it out a bit difficult when your boyfriend could distract you so easily.
So it was Forge. Great. Good to know. "Ah was gonna tell ya when tha time was right, but wha does it matter? Ah never said ya 'ere 'im. Ah never brought it up, never wanted ya to be like 'im. But ya knew all this time an' didn' say a damn word 'bout it?" He didn't know how much Kevin knew about it or what details Forge had gotten into. Did it matter now?
Kevin shrugged and leaned against the wall. "Five months an' tha time's never been righ'? Ah was gonna say somethin' an' then Ah got distracted. After Ah figured Ah'd wait fer you ta say something. An' ya never did. Ya don' think it's a little bit trippy findin' out you've got the same name as yer boyfriend's dead ex? Well, not even really an ex, righ'? It's kinda creepy, Jay, an you didn' tell me. Forge seemed ta think it was important. So tell me, why was it so important for 'im ta warn me abou' it?"
He had the sinking feeling that this was something he wasn't going to win, but then, what was he really trying to do? Not to win over Kevin but win Kevin over. It shouldn't have been that big of a deal but it was private, he never spoke of it and didn't feel it was within Forge's right to do so either. "Ah dunno," he admitted. "Tha's not why Ah'm datin' ya, if tha's wha' ya think. He died an' Ah don' wanna talk 'bout it. It ain't tha right time."
"Funny how when you don' want somethin' talked abou' ya say tha' an' expect me ta respect it. An' Ah will. Too bad Ah can't expect tha same when Ah don' wan' somethin' talked abou' 'cause it's somethin' Ah want kept private." It wasn't meant to be the dig that it was, but it was true. Sure, maybe Jay wasn't going off whispering about his secrets, but then most of Kevin in general was a secret. Jay was public about their relationship and now their fighting, two things Kevin had preferred not be shared with the general population around the mansion. But then who was asking him, right?
He had a point and Jay hated to admit that Kevin was right. "Yer right. Ah'm sorry. Ah just... sometimes it don' feel like ya care if Ah'm there or not," he admitted, shoving his hands in his pockets and taking a step back. He'd let Kevin past if he wanted. The fight in Jay fizzled out and he just didn't want to argue anymore.
"Wha', an' that makes it true?" Kevin's head was starting to hurt. He didn't do high maintenance people. Probably because he wasn't one, or at least he didn't think he was. "You got selective memory er somethin'?" He shook his head and pushed off the wall he was leaning against. "Ah might've been nearly outta mah head an' dead tired, but Ah remember what Ah said to you up in Whistler. Course, that might not count fer anythin' after all." He was clearly referring to telling Jay he loved him. Kevin had meant it then and he still meant it. He didn't see how you could love someone and not care if they're around. Kevin was trying to be more than a brooding, surly artist. He was trying to not get in the way of Jay's life. Somehow that translated to an apathy he didn't actually feel and he didn't know how that progression happened in Jay's head.
"Course Ah remember. How could Ah forget? Ya just... We didn' really talk in San Diego an' Cuba, well... Let's just ferget 'bout Cuba. Ah thought ya mighta changed yer mind. Ah ain' perfect," he admitted, his wing folding back, insecure about putting himself out there. "Ah've had shit luck. Mah first boyfriend died, an' tha next cheated on me. Maybe Ah just don' wanna lose wha' we have." Lord knew, his jealousy got in the way of that. "It's a lil' hard ta overlook that ya constantly point out yer not gay, but yer datin' a guy. It kinda contradicts, yanno?"
"Constantly? When was tha las' time Ah said anythin' abou' it? You bring it up more'n Ah do. Yeah, Jay, Ah'm straight. Ah tol' you tha' a long time ago. One person don' make me gay, er even bi. Ah'm not those things 'cause there ain' any other guys Ah wan' but you. Why tha hell is tha' such an issue fer you? If it's such a problem then why're you still wi' me? It ain't ever gonna change, Jay. Ah ain't planning on dying an' Ah'm not gonna cheat on you, but Ah ain't gonna stop being straight either. Ah don' see why it matters wha' Ah am or ain't if Ah'm wi' you." Maybe there was just something about his sexuality that was far more important than he realized, but Kevin couldn't figure out what it was. Yes, he was straight. Yes, he was in love with Jay. So what? What did that have to do with anything? Just because he was straight did not stop him from being Kevin, who would never cheat on someone. If it was a matter of being faithful then sexuality had no bearing on the matter at all.
"Ah ain't askin' ya ta change, but ar' ya listenin' ta yerself? Yer confusin' as hell. Ya arn't gay, but yer wit' me, in love with me. Yer happy ta be wit' me but ya don' want anyone ta know. Yer like a big walkin' contradiction an' ya wonder why Ah don' know where we stand half tha time." What people said and did were two different things. If everything Kevin said was opposite to the way he felt, then Kevin wasn't admitting to a lot of things. He was trying not to push it anymore than he already had but took a hold of that one fact that Kevin still loved him and rode with it because he felt it was all he had. This was probably the most attention he had gotten from Kevin in three weeks and felt like a child for it, but even bad attention was better than no attention. Right? No, not really. "Look, tha's all this is 'bout." He pulled his hands out of his pockets because really, he felt he was through with fighting here and he wanted Kevin to stop it too. "Look, tha's wha' love does," he turned his palms up and the skin was still growing back, but it was almost there. Maybe it was also what hormones did but he didn't want to say that. "Ya drive me crazy an' Ah'm willin' ta do anythin' fer ya. All ya gotta do is ask. An' if its so damn important ta ya fer me not ta talk 'bout us, or act like we're even together, than Ah'll do it. No, Ah won't be happy 'bout it, but Ah'll do it."
Kevin ended up growling, frustration mounting the more Jay spoke. "Look, tha 'not gay' thing is your issue. It's got nothin' ta do wi' me. If Ah was chasin' after girls, tryin' ta get 'em ta date me er something it'd be an issue, but Ah'm not. Ah ain't gonna cheat on you and so long as you're tha only one Ah'm with it doesn't really make no difference what mah sexuality is. It doesn' impact anythin so would ya deal with whatever issue it is you've got wi' it? Ah'd think after this long you'd be over it." But he wasn't, and that frustrated Kevin. He couldn't change his sexuality any more than he could change his mutation. He wouldn't ever pass out naked and curled up with Jay any more than he would ever come out of the closet as gay. He couldn't help that. It was one thing to get upset over stuff he could change but it was another to get upset over stuff he couldn't.
"Jay, people know already. It don' matter now, does it? Y'already tol' every person in tha mansion. Ah don' get a choice anymore. After ya tol' Forge Ah asked one thin' of you, jus' one, that ya tell me if you're gonna be tellin' someone. But ya don' tell me an' Ah find out what people do or don't know after tha fact. An' tha thin' about it is, Ah've gone over this before. We've had this conversation before." Kevin's shoulders slumped. He was over this fight. He was over having this conversation repeatedly. At the moment he was even dangerously close to being over their relationship just so the headache of repeating himself went away. "This? Is mine. Ah wanted ta keep it mine. Ah didn' wanna share it with everyone else. But now Ah gotta to an extent. An', yeah, it pisses me off tha' you took tha' from me. But Ah deal wi' it. Ah don' wan' ya talkin' 'bout us on tha journals. Ah don' wan' ya spilling all abou' us ta groups of people. Ah don' care if you talk to yer friends but Ah wanna know ya did, 'cause Ah don'. It ain't a matter of bein' ashamed er whatever stupid idea you've got in yer head. It's 'cause it's mine an' jus' 'cause you don' feel tha same abou' us don' mean tha's gonna change what Ah tell people." He stared down at Jay's hands, guilt sweeping over his face quickly. "An' if love does tha' then you should stop lovin' me 'fore it don' grow back."
"Okay, Okay," Jay held up his hands defensively. "Ah won't talk 'bout it anymore. Ah'm sorry Ah ruined that. It's still yers. It's just.. everyone knows, sorta." He still didn't understand it, no matter how Kevin put it, because frankly, Jay wanted everyone to know how proud he was with Kevin. But Kevin was right, they had been over this before and it didn't feel any better than it did before. Probably because they never solved anything the last time they fought. "Ah'll try an' respect yer wishes," even if what Ah want is compromised.
He took a step forward and placed his hands tentatively on his boyfriend's waist, looking down the hallway to see if anyone was watching. "Ah ain't gonna stop lovin' ya. An' it'll always grow back, " he said, dismissing Kevin's words. "Cause if it didn', then Ah wouldn' be--" he stopped mid sentence, biting his lip and decided that maybe it was time to tell Kevin. "Ah wouldn't be 'ere when Ah tried ta kill maself."
"An' that makes it alright fer me ta hurt you?" Kevin didn't say anything about Jay's suicide attempt because what do you say about that? He had no context for it, he didn't know why Jay had done it. As much as Kevin loathed what he was and that God had turned His back on him, he had never actually wanted to end his life. He didn't understand people who were suicidal and likely never would. He hadn't dealt with it ever before and so he was entirely out of his depth with it. So he did what he always did, focused on what he could deal with instead. "Jus' 'cause you're okay wi' gettin' hurt fer love or whatever don't mean Ah am. Ah'm not okay wi' hurtin' you, even if you don' feel it an' even if you can grow it back. It's not okay."
So Jay didn't tell him the full story but he told some of it, which was a step in the right direction, only he had taken a step back in their relationship. He should have told Kevin all of it but his boyfriend was not in a listening mood. He tried, failed and had to move away from it. There was no reason to bring up anymore of it or he'd just be rehashing old memories he didn't want to think about. "So whaddya want me ta do? Not touch ya? Ah barely touch ya now an' if Ah do, it's an accident." He sought Kevin's lips, to brush his own against them and murmured to him. "Ah least we have this, right?"
Kevin didn't move, didn't even breathe for a moment. He was just tired, and most of what was causing it wasn't even Jay's fault. Jay was just there and he had started a fight so the entire weight of everything pressing down on Kevin ended up directed at him, even if Kevin hadn't bothered to explain what it was that was dragging him down. To be honest, he hadn't even stopped to consider it himself. "Ah don' even know wha' Ah wan' ya ta do," he whispered. He was torn, as always, between wanting the contact and not wanting to share it with anyone who may just happen by. The problem with Jay, the only actual problem, was that being with him was like dangling heaven in front of Kevin. Sure, there were a lot of things he wanted to do that he couldn't because of his mutation. There were things he'd never get to do or experience because he just hadn't gotten around to it before he manifested. But being with Jay Kevin sometimes dared to dream he could have all those things that he wanted, that he'd never had. Sometimes it seemed so possible only for him to realize it wasn't. Every time reality brought that hope crashing down it stung more, wounded deeper. Maybe he was staying away from Jay on purpose and just didn't realize it. You can't miss what you've never had and if the hope didn't build it wouldn't eventually destroy him to realize it was all in vain.
Jay's hands slide more around Kevin's waist until he was able to link them behind his back, drawing Kevin even closer than he was. His wings curled around them, blocking out anyone who would happen upon them. He hid them from the surrounding world, making it exactly what Kevin wanted - that Jay was his, that this relationship was his. And for a second, the understanding dawned on him as to why Kevin wanted this so private. He wanted to prove that they could make this work, despite all the problems and negativity, there was something good between them. "C'mon, let's go back to tha room." He was tired of chasing Kevin around the mansion and wanted nothing more than to curl up with his boyfriend. "maybe you'll let me sleep in yer bed?" he asked, though he figured he knew the answer already.
Kevin actually smiled, amazingly enough, because of the wings that hid them away. It was only then that Kevin's hands reached out to his boyfriend's hips. They only held him lightly, but it was more willing contact outside the throes of impetuous passion than he'd shown the entire time they'd been having it out. "Ah've never kicked ya outta mah bed," he told Jay in a whisper. The words were followed by a very light kiss and Kevin could practically see himself walking right into what would turn out to be unfulfilled hope. He could practically see the balloons inflate and float upward as their strings tried to tug him up in the air along with them. And he'd end up crashing to the ground. Kevin knew that. The balloons would pop about a half mile up and then he'd end up crumpled in a heap on the earth again. He didn't actually have the will to pull away, though. That was always his problem.
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