Julio and Nathan - Wednesday early evening
Apr. 2nd, 2008 08:52 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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xp_logsThere are productive ways of venting anger. Julio is attempting two of them. Nathan happens to be nearby.
Move. That was how he'd been all day. Move move move. Keeping moving, don't sit still, don't think. Classes had been absolute torture for him, it was extremely hard to concentrate, and everything was as slow as molasses. When his last class was out, he went running. No purpose, no direction, just running, trying to get the feeling out of him and away from him. Trying to put the fact that his own laptop had to be locked in a drawer for his own good.
Julio paused, somewhere near the boathouse, leaning against a tree and panting heavily. The anger was still there, a hard little knot situated somewhere in his ribcage, that he could ignore most days. But like a sleeping hornet's nest, all it took was one good whack and he'd be riled up. Unable to stop. Unable to calm. He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and tried to breathe.
Inside the boathouse, Nathan groaned and rubbed at his temples. Damn shields... And that was very definitely Julio, which meant he was constitutionally obligated to go check on him. He couldn't be far away, from the feel of it. Eyeing the clock - still an hour before the cab to the airport would be here - he grabbed his jacket and headed outwards.
When Julio saw Nathan, he only shook his head and coughed. Running, sprinting really, like that, for the length of time that he had had not left his lungs ample time to catch up.
"Okay, who do you want to kill, and why?" Nathan asked, more crankily than he'd intended as he approached the young man.
"The people in New York who I have never met before who have all declared me a stupid child?" Julio said, finally getting enough oxygen and straightening. His voice was level, his expression was not.
"... people in New York. Julio, you're going to have to enlighten me here. I've been jet-lagged," Nathan said patiently.
Julio straightened, and as best as he could, relayed the events of the past couple of days to Nathan. Finishing with..."I did not know anything more than he was dead, and then he was not. And I am getting called stupid and immature. Last time I checked, I made earthquakes, not read minds."
"I knew about Mark," Nathan said, "and about the good news." Which was very good news. He didn't know Mark very well, but he'd been over at Snow Valley often enough to meet up with Pete to know him a little. "Didn't catch any of that."
"Yes, well, it is all over the journals if you wish to look," Julio spat. "I am rather stuck on the part where this is the second time they have accused me of being a child. I am not a child. How dare they presume to judge me when not a one of them has ever met me! I do not judge them! I do not accuse them of things that they do not do! Fuck them!"
"Julio," Nathan said patiently, trying not to wince at the angry thoughts lashing against his uncertain shields. "They've just been through the wringer, thinking their friend was dead, then finding out he was alive but hurt. Emotional exhaustion tends to do a number on one's sense of humor."
"Yes, well, maybe next fucking time they can think is well. I am very very tired of people thinking that I am some dumb little child," Julio said. "Think that I do not know about death? That I do not understand it? Fuck them!" He hit the tree in agitation, and the sapling's branches rattled. "They can come talk to me after they have spoken to a 70-year-old man who is paralyzed because his house fell on him and he cannot afford to pay his health insurance. They can come talk to me after they have spoken to a young woman whose three-year-old child was crushed to death in her car. All because of a decision that they made."
Nathan was silent for a long moment. "No," he finally said, "but a number of them have their own horror stories, and their own guilt. But that's not what any of you were talking about today."
"I am not a stupid child," Julio said, spitting on the ground. "I am tired of being treated that way simply because I have the audacity to be seventeen."
"Look, the fact is, you are seventeen. People who don't know you are automatically going to write you off as a teenager spouting off if they don't like what you're saying," Nathan said reasonably. "It's a tactic, Julio. Both sides of a confrontation look for ways to defeat or at least neutralize their opponent."
Julio ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. "It worked," he growled.
"Hey, it's better than people writing off what you have to say because you used to be a mercenary," Nathan said with a certain wry amusement. "At least you can grow out of being seventeen."
"You know what? I don't want to give a shit about what those people think. I will not respect someone who casts a judgement on someone based on age. Are we not about ending the cycle of bigotry in one form or another?" Julio stooped and grabbed a small stone, flinging it at the lake with considerable force. But he was calming down.
Nathan rolled his eyes - just a little. "Then don't," he said, very patiently. "They're not your friends, co-workers, or co-habitants. You share a journal system with them. Why should you care for an instant what they think of you?" Logic needed to win out here.
"Because they feel that they can say what they wish without consequences to people they do not even know? I do not like bullies," Julio said, resting his hands behind his head. "In any form. I wish there was a way I could just ban them from my journal when they start attacking me again."
Nathan shrugged. "You can always ask someone to stop, if it goes in a direction you don't like," he pointed out reasonably. "It's the simple solution. If that someone then doesn't... well, then that's a situation of a different sort. You can cross that bridge when you come to it."
Julio wanted to say that he'd asked the other man to stop, but decided against it. Instead he sighed. It was starting to be like hitting himself in the head with a hammer. Pointless, painful, and probably would feel really really good to stop. Julio knew that he was not a child, that his somewhat childish antics were merely him trying to find joy in life in his own little way. Those that knew him, really knew him, knew that there was more to him than 'Big Daddy.'
And really, wasn't that what mattered?
He was still going to ask Forge if a blocking mechanism could be installed, though.
"I am sorry to have disturbed you," Julio said finally.
"There's very little that doesn't disturb me these days," Nathan said with a slight, wry smile. In the sunlight, the dark circles beneath his eyes were very much visible. "You know, alternatively, if you run into one of these situations and feel the need to blow off some steam, I can offer you better options than running wind sprints. I may be getting old, but I could still throw you around the gym. Without using my brain."
"You and the old man," Julio shook his head. "I shall take you up on that," he said.
"Good. Eminently more productive than trying to argue with Remy LeBeau on the journals, too."
Move. That was how he'd been all day. Move move move. Keeping moving, don't sit still, don't think. Classes had been absolute torture for him, it was extremely hard to concentrate, and everything was as slow as molasses. When his last class was out, he went running. No purpose, no direction, just running, trying to get the feeling out of him and away from him. Trying to put the fact that his own laptop had to be locked in a drawer for his own good.
Julio paused, somewhere near the boathouse, leaning against a tree and panting heavily. The anger was still there, a hard little knot situated somewhere in his ribcage, that he could ignore most days. But like a sleeping hornet's nest, all it took was one good whack and he'd be riled up. Unable to stop. Unable to calm. He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and tried to breathe.
Inside the boathouse, Nathan groaned and rubbed at his temples. Damn shields... And that was very definitely Julio, which meant he was constitutionally obligated to go check on him. He couldn't be far away, from the feel of it. Eyeing the clock - still an hour before the cab to the airport would be here - he grabbed his jacket and headed outwards.
When Julio saw Nathan, he only shook his head and coughed. Running, sprinting really, like that, for the length of time that he had had not left his lungs ample time to catch up.
"Okay, who do you want to kill, and why?" Nathan asked, more crankily than he'd intended as he approached the young man.
"The people in New York who I have never met before who have all declared me a stupid child?" Julio said, finally getting enough oxygen and straightening. His voice was level, his expression was not.
"... people in New York. Julio, you're going to have to enlighten me here. I've been jet-lagged," Nathan said patiently.
Julio straightened, and as best as he could, relayed the events of the past couple of days to Nathan. Finishing with..."I did not know anything more than he was dead, and then he was not. And I am getting called stupid and immature. Last time I checked, I made earthquakes, not read minds."
"I knew about Mark," Nathan said, "and about the good news." Which was very good news. He didn't know Mark very well, but he'd been over at Snow Valley often enough to meet up with Pete to know him a little. "Didn't catch any of that."
"Yes, well, it is all over the journals if you wish to look," Julio spat. "I am rather stuck on the part where this is the second time they have accused me of being a child. I am not a child. How dare they presume to judge me when not a one of them has ever met me! I do not judge them! I do not accuse them of things that they do not do! Fuck them!"
"Julio," Nathan said patiently, trying not to wince at the angry thoughts lashing against his uncertain shields. "They've just been through the wringer, thinking their friend was dead, then finding out he was alive but hurt. Emotional exhaustion tends to do a number on one's sense of humor."
"Yes, well, maybe next fucking time they can think is well. I am very very tired of people thinking that I am some dumb little child," Julio said. "Think that I do not know about death? That I do not understand it? Fuck them!" He hit the tree in agitation, and the sapling's branches rattled. "They can come talk to me after they have spoken to a 70-year-old man who is paralyzed because his house fell on him and he cannot afford to pay his health insurance. They can come talk to me after they have spoken to a young woman whose three-year-old child was crushed to death in her car. All because of a decision that they made."
Nathan was silent for a long moment. "No," he finally said, "but a number of them have their own horror stories, and their own guilt. But that's not what any of you were talking about today."
"I am not a stupid child," Julio said, spitting on the ground. "I am tired of being treated that way simply because I have the audacity to be seventeen."
"Look, the fact is, you are seventeen. People who don't know you are automatically going to write you off as a teenager spouting off if they don't like what you're saying," Nathan said reasonably. "It's a tactic, Julio. Both sides of a confrontation look for ways to defeat or at least neutralize their opponent."
Julio ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. "It worked," he growled.
"Hey, it's better than people writing off what you have to say because you used to be a mercenary," Nathan said with a certain wry amusement. "At least you can grow out of being seventeen."
"You know what? I don't want to give a shit about what those people think. I will not respect someone who casts a judgement on someone based on age. Are we not about ending the cycle of bigotry in one form or another?" Julio stooped and grabbed a small stone, flinging it at the lake with considerable force. But he was calming down.
Nathan rolled his eyes - just a little. "Then don't," he said, very patiently. "They're not your friends, co-workers, or co-habitants. You share a journal system with them. Why should you care for an instant what they think of you?" Logic needed to win out here.
"Because they feel that they can say what they wish without consequences to people they do not even know? I do not like bullies," Julio said, resting his hands behind his head. "In any form. I wish there was a way I could just ban them from my journal when they start attacking me again."
Nathan shrugged. "You can always ask someone to stop, if it goes in a direction you don't like," he pointed out reasonably. "It's the simple solution. If that someone then doesn't... well, then that's a situation of a different sort. You can cross that bridge when you come to it."
Julio wanted to say that he'd asked the other man to stop, but decided against it. Instead he sighed. It was starting to be like hitting himself in the head with a hammer. Pointless, painful, and probably would feel really really good to stop. Julio knew that he was not a child, that his somewhat childish antics were merely him trying to find joy in life in his own little way. Those that knew him, really knew him, knew that there was more to him than 'Big Daddy.'
And really, wasn't that what mattered?
He was still going to ask Forge if a blocking mechanism could be installed, though.
"I am sorry to have disturbed you," Julio said finally.
"There's very little that doesn't disturb me these days," Nathan said with a slight, wry smile. In the sunlight, the dark circles beneath his eyes were very much visible. "You know, alternatively, if you run into one of these situations and feel the need to blow off some steam, I can offer you better options than running wind sprints. I may be getting old, but I could still throw you around the gym. Without using my brain."
"You and the old man," Julio shook his head. "I shall take you up on that," he said.
"Good. Eminently more productive than trying to argue with Remy LeBeau on the journals, too."
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Date: 2008-04-03 12:39 pm (UTC)*coughs* I seem to remember a log where Amanda chased off a random journalist pestering Julio during a New York bus run...
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Date: 2008-04-03 02:35 pm (UTC)