Shakespeare Syndrome - Jean/Lorna

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Lorna tests a theory for the good of Science. Jean assists.



Lorna looked doubtfully at the green can and took a thoughtful sip, then set it carefully down on the table and stared at it. It was innocuous really. Tasted just the same as it had the first time she'd tried it back when students had begun requesting it by the caseful. She really didn't understand the appeal of energy drinks. Wasn't coffee good enough? She was still staring ten minutes later when Jean walked into the lab. "So I have a theory. And it's not a sane theory which is why I think it might work." She looked up at the redhead, an ironic smile on her lips. "I think it might be food poisoning."

Jean blinked. "Ok. Well, you're right, that's not a terribly sane theory. Can you elaborate?" she asked, pulling out one of the chairs and sitting down.

Lorna pointed at the energy drink. "Have you had one of these in the last couple weeks? I promise not to think badly of you, if you did."

The red-head's eyebrow slowly arched up. "Yes," she said after a second. "I had the night shift and when I got down here I found out Amelia hadn't started a new pot of coffee. One of the kids had left a couple of cans in the volunteer fridge and I swiped one while the coffee brewed."

Lorna nodded, glancing at the clock. "I got a new shipment of these in a couple weeks back. We still had some stock to go through first, the only one who had access to the new stuff would be someone in the kitchen a lot or who I'd given it to. When did Kyle start talking in haiku? It was sometime last week, right?"

Jean nodded. "I don't think I really even noticed it at first, or just assumed he was goofing about, but that sounds right. And then it hit everybody partway through this week... How is this possible, though?"

"We ran out of the previous shipment." Lorna shrugged, "I checked the inventory before I came down here, no sooner did we drop down below 10 cases than everyone started babbling. Now if it's food poisoning then it's going to take a little bit to show up. Less on an empty stomach so if I'm right, I should start making like Maya Angelou any minute now. Can you test for weirdness? Look for anything that might not be on the label?"

Picking up the can, she turned it over, running quickly through the ingredients list - she wasn't a nutritionist, but she recognized most of the compounds on the label, and would be able to find what the others ought to be. "Yes," Jean said eventually, "that's doable. Assuming you're right and you break out in verse. And, really, food poisoning that causes compulsive truth-telling in the form of poetry? Does it get any weirder?"

"Well, food poisoning or deliberate poisoning. I'm choosing to be charitable." Lorna checked the time again. "I hope I had enough of it. I'd really hate to be wasting my time. I can't believe I'm sitting here waiting to break into rhyme." She stopped, blinked, "Ask me a question if you please. Just a second, I need to sneeze." She rubbed her nose and sniffled.

"Oh, there we go..." Jean breathed out, eyes lighting up. It was crazy, and made no sense, but it was pretty damn hard to ignore that kind of evidence. She quickly stifled the urge to ask anything inappropriate and settled on, "Are you looking forward to getting out of here and going back to school?"

"I'm terrified that I'm going to fail. This isn't a program through which you can sail. Yes, I'm looking forward to getting back to studies. Also away from Alex, it's killing me just being buddies." Lorna's eyes widened. "We're going to pretend I didn't say anything about my ex. Or how since he moved in I haven't had..." she clapped her hand over her mouth and beat her head against the table then pointed emphatically at the can.

Jean's eyebrows shot up, but she managed to keep from grinning. "See, at least I'm the only one here," she told Lorna. "I talked about Betsy sleeping with my husband on the public journal." Standing up she nodded. "This was excellent thinking, Lorna. I'll go do the tests, get some evidence that's a little more empirical."

Lorna just nodded, without lifting her head from the table. Hopefully this would wear off quickly. She certainly couldn't go home like this.

Not Jean did smirk, although just a little bit. "I had one can of this," she said, pausing at the door. "Lasted for two days." And then she was gone.