xp_logs | Backdated: Marie and Garrison

Backdated. Marie and Garrison go out to dinner to celebrate his birthday. Things don't go exactly as planned. No one's happy at the end of the night.

"...Ah'm just glad Ah haven't been struck by this craze of speaking in verse," Marie said as she smiled at Garrison across the table before taking another bite of her pasta. Both of them had been so busy lately, it was sad that it took a birthday to get them to actually go out and sit down for a nice meal. "Did ya see the newsclip they keep playing of that weathergirl who was singing about having an affair with the producer?"

"About five hundred times. Her husband is talking about suing the network." Kane shook his head ruefully, as he applied himself to his veal. He was still in the suit that he'd worn to the office today, always seeming to be caught between duties and in the exact opposite times as Marie was. "How's school going? You've got, what, one exam left this term?"

"And a paper...it's not gonna be my best semester. Ah've...been more distracted than Ah should've let myself," she said, using her fork to push around the food on her plate, suddenly feeling her appetite diminish. "This year didn't go quite how Ah thought it would, y' know?"

"No kidding. We knocked a space laser out of orbit, almost did time in Cuba for attempting to overthrow the government, you fought pirates and Scott's dad, I got tortured by a serial killer with a very irritating voice, and now there's a monkey that throws things at me every time I enter your room. Oh, and every single new person in the mansion during this time seems to hate cops with great passion." Kane wryly toasted with his wine glass. "I say we get new identities from Uncle Pete and move to Australia as exchange students. I hear Melbourne is nice."

"Well when you put it like that, Ah feel better about turning in some late assignments. Though trying to explain that the monkey stole it has been fairly entertaining, especially once Ah finally brought the monkey in to prove it." She paused, pulling at her right glove slightly. "We almost need new identities just to see each other these days. Since Cuba, Ah can't remember the last chunk of time we spent together."

"Trying to be a full time student, X-Men, staff member and monkey trainer does conflict with my full time X-Men, federal law enforcement agent, advanced hand to hand trainer and new student punching bag schedule." The comment was light, but not entirely so. Garrison took a sip of his wine and point the glass down. "Although, the distance still isn't just about our schedules. I thought we were going to work on this, Marie? Still same distance, although now it involves a monkey."

"We should arrange to go on the same missions," she joked weakly. "At least then we'd spend some time together." Her nonresponse to his comment about the distance was intentional as she struggled to come up with a response. "Ah'm trying," she finally said, pushing her food around her plate as her appetite quickly vanished.

"That's Scott's call, not mine. Although not taking the Asian language specialist to Madripoor was a bit odd." He shook his head. Scott and Ororo developed their rosters with their own priority of needs in mind, and he found it was easier just to trust them.

"Look, you know that I know how hard it is. Just... even when we're together, we're not. Amanda's birthday, we basically circled each other until we ran into Johnny, and that was the first time you actually seemed comfortable for a minute. I don't understand why us being together makes you so nervous."

"You don't understand?" Marie said, barely keeping the tremor from her voice. How could he not? One slip up, and she would hurt him. If she didn't trust herself not to, how could she trust him? The lip balm he'd had Forge create had served to make her even more nervous, instead of helping as she was sure he'd thought it would. "You don't understand why being close to someone terrifies me?"

"Physical, yes. Emotionally, no. Because you're not in any danger of being close to someone that way. I'm not pretending that your powers don't impact the kind of relationship we can have, Marie. But I can't take someone who says that they love me holding me at arms length both physically and emotionally." Kane said, frustration obvious. "I can be with you from the other side of the room if that's what it required, but I can't do it if when it comes down to it, you can't talk to me about what you're feeling because you don't trust me enough to do so."

As Garrison talked, Marie's internal walls went up, which was probably the opposite of his intent. He was frustrated. They always got frustrated. But she couldn't help who she was or how she was. Emotional closeness led to physical closeness - so she always had to keep some of her walls up, to keep the people she cared about safe. "You don't know what you're asking of me. Ah can't risk one thing leading to another. Ah...Ah'm trying. But it's never enough, is it?"

"You can't risk..." Garrison trailed off, suddenly going white. That's what this was all about. It wasn't a relationship for her, because she couldn't let it be. It was a comfort. It was a way of being able to pretend she was a normal girl for a while, without risking anything. Her stories about flirtations with Bobby, her inexplicably cold dates with Doug, her distance from him; once the fear of actually needing to trust someone appeared, that was the end. All except for Logan, who she used like a crutch because she was sure even her powers couldn't kill him. With him, she never had to try and get better. Never had to risk anything at all, which is how she wanted it.

Kane awkwardly tried to cover the hurt recoil with a gulp from the wine glass, draining it in a single go. "I guess that if trust is such a risk, we're really just treading water here, aren't we?"

"We're what?" she said. Any pretense at eating had long since ended, her silverware laying where she'd dropped them ages ago. You knew it was unfair to him, to start anything. Why don't you ever learn? "Ah thought..." What did you think? That you could be normal? Find someone who loved you and was willing to put up with your craziness and your walls? Without being able to touch you? "Ah guess you're right," she finally said, the words coming out slowly as she ceased to make eye contact with Kane.

"You know, if all that you wanted was comfort, you could have told me that from the start. You never had to pretend with me that you wanted something more." Kane wiped him mouth with his napkin and tossed it on to his plate, appetite now completely gone.

Marie sat in silence, stunned. Pretend. Right. Because since she couldn't have intimacy she obviously couldn't want it either. "Right," she finally said. "Sorry." What else could she say? How could she try and explain to him what she wanted, what she felt, if he still didn't understand? "Ah never meant..." To what? "Ah don't really know what else to say."

Kane bit back his easy retort of that being nothing new. He wanted to be cruel, at least to get some kind of reaction at out of her, but her responses were more like she was sad at being found out, than upset about the situation. All he'd ever asked for was for her to trust him enough to talk to him, and somewhere along the line, she'd decided even that was too much. "Yeah, I don't really know either. Maybe I should get Joseph on the phone."

"Twoyoungman?" Just what was he trying to imply now? She blinked her eyes rapidly, refusing to allow a single tear to fall, even if she couldn't stop their formation. "No need. Ah should probably pay him an in person visit, right? Make sure he keeps the crazy from leaking out anymore than it already has."

"I was talking about for myself." Kane said. "Obviously I seem to be lacking something."

They were fighting. On his birthday. Not at all the evening she'd envisioned for them. "Do what you need."

"Yeah, well, thanks for the advice." Kane got up from the table. "By the way, Logan called. Said he thought you might be visiting soon. I couldn't confirm, since you didn't mention anything to me. You should call him back, let him know. It would be good for you to talk to someone you can trust." He dropped some cash on the table to cover the bill, and left for the door.

Marie watched him walk away. It may have been seconds, minutes or hours later, she couldn't really tell, but eventually the tears began to flow.