xp_logs | Jay & Terry log - backdated, yesterday night

Terry comes to Jay's work after Kevin's email. Jay's more hurt than he had let on.

After the conversation with Mark, Jay went straight into work and had been going at it for sometime. He was in this angry trip, the more he thought about Kevin, the more he got aggitated at the idea of going back to the mansion, even if it was Monday when he returned. For the most part, the guy leaning over the bar, ordering a drink and telling Jay how hot he was, was a mild distraction at best. How pathetic was it that he knew Kevin wouldn't even bother to try and talk to him about this? About anything? When did they ever breech any sort of conversation that could bring out all the insecurities and fix any problems they had? It felt like never, so when he turned around to take the next persons order, he came face to face with Terry ordering a coke.

"Oh hey," he started, dropping his eyes to get her that drink she wanted. He almost asked what she was doing here. Almost. "So wha?" Either she was listening, or Kevin told her. Kevin telling her seemed unlikely and he knew better than to think she'd pull a blind ear to it.

She was dressed for the club, mostly so that she could get past the door faster. Her fingers tapped along with the beat unconsciously, probably the only person there for whom it wasn't almost painfully loud. "When's your break? I'd like to talk to you." Her accent was slightly stronger than usual, somewhat agitated herself.

"Now Ah guess," he frowned, pushing away from the bar and slipped past the other bartenders, pausing to have a brief exchange with one. Before too long, he was wiping his hands and walking out a door. The sinking feeling in his gut did nothing to help the pull on his heavy heart and he knew that avoiding Terry was not possible. Gesturing towards the backdoor patio, Jay headed that way as it was usually filled with smokers and those who needed to just get a break from the music. He stepped outside and shook his wings, the shiver rippling through his shoulders for his lack of clothing.

"And?" he asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Kevin's worried about you," Terry said quietly, pulling a lock of hair over her shoulder, fingers teasing it in an old habit that would have lead to her chewing on the end a couple years ago. Even in her boots, she still had to look up at him, the whole effect was somewhat coquettish, though unintentionally so. "Enough to email me. What's in your head, lad?"

"Yeh, whatever. Ah bet he's worried, only 'bout himself an' pleasin' everyone else but the one guy who loves 'im like crazy." His brow creased, hard, and his eyes glisten under the lights. Jay turned away from Terry and walked to where the shadows were cast over a table's surface and sat there, checking his watch.

Terry followed, of course. There was never a doubt of that. Her hand went out, rested lightly right between the folded wings. "Well, I'm worried in any case." She took a deep breath, aware that she was very likely about to seriously injure their friendship, "He told me that he'd told you that he knew about you and Tommy. That was my fault. I thought he knew."

He leaned on his elbows, bringing his hand up to his face and brushing it over his mouth. "Damnit," he shrugged her hand off with his wing, swallowing the lump in his throat. He turned away from her, pressing his fist to his mouth, closing his eyes and taken a breath before trusting himself to speak again. "Ah don' know who ta be mad at more. My friends fer tellin' my boyfriend shit Ah don' want 'im to know or my boyfriend fer takin' a girl, a girl ta the prom."

"I figured that if you'd told Yvette, you obviously would have told Kevin. I'm sorry for the assumption." It wasn't an empty statement, she was very much sincere and just as much accepting of the fact that he was probably going to be very angry with her about it. She folded her hands in front of her.

"Ah told Yvette fer different reasons." He didn't want to know how she knew Yvette knew. It only confirmed that people talk, all the time. As mad as he was at her, he still spoke to her and regretted the removal of her hand. "He makes me feel like shit fer being gay. Like he shouldn' like me but he does. He'll never be proud ta be wit' me. He'll just always try an' cover it up, play it off like Ah'm nuttin 'til somethin' better comes along. Ah feel like Ah'm always beggin' in our relationship. Like Ah'm tryin' ta prove ta 'im why he's with me at all." He brushed a hand over his forearm, looking down at it. He checked his watch.

"If Ah was somethin' special--" he took in a shuddering breath and turned his head away, shaking it. "--he woulda been takin' me. It's principle Ter. It's always gonna be like this. Like he's got one excuse after 'nother ta exclude me. Embarressed by me."

She knew the same way she knew most things, by hearing it. "I'm not questioning why you told her. It's your prerogative to tell who you want to for whatever reason you want to. I was just...I thought you'd have told him. I screwed up." She sighed and bit her shiny red lips, sucking at the gloss.

"Kevin's an idiot," Terry said finally, repeating what she'd told Kevin by email. "And he's too damn stubborn for his own good, like some other people I know. Once he makes up his mind, it's made up and nothing's going to change it." Her hands twisted, fingers tangled, "If he doesn't know how special you are, he doesn't deserve you. You shouldn't stay with someone who makes you feel like less of a person."

"Ah think he knows in some sorta backhanded kinda way," Jay replied, brushing his hands together. Now that he knew, now that he acknowledged it, he barely had time to let it sink in before anxiety took a fierce grip on him, hating the way he felt. He checked his watch again. "Ah gotta go inna minute. They ain't gonna be happy if Ah'm gone too long."