xp_logs | Kevin & Jennie: Backdated, Sunday night

Unable to stand being in the mansion with his thoughts anymore Kevin continues their tradition of escaping awkward relationship stuff by kidnapping Jennie to the waffle house.

Kevin had spent all day in the metal shop, but not touching metal at all. That morning he had been wandering outside where grass was the only thing he had to resist touching. He'd been avoiding the metal shop for precisely the reason he ended up in there all day. After Jay decided he would hate Kevin and himself if they stayed together and that breaking up was clearly the reason instead of trying to fix whatever was wrong with them Kevin had ended up in his sanctuary. It had started with just consuming blocks of wood until there was nothing left. He'd gone through eight blocks before that thing inside him clicked into place where he felt right with the world. It didn't stop the ache that was sometimes in his chest and sometimes weighing his stomach down like lead, but it helped a lot. The rest of the time he spent trying to clear his mind, trying to use meditation like Laurie kept practicing with him, and attempting actual powers control. Sometimes he managed it. Sometimes he could direct where the decay went. Other times it was erratic, just like how he felt.

By sundown Kevin tore himself out of the metal shop feeling kind of woozy, almost as if he was relaxed in the way people got after spending all day napping under the sun on a beach. He was so relaxed that he at least looked like he was in a great mood until his nearly vacant and closed down expression was spied. Kevin just looked shut down though he walked with a sort of swagger. He needed to escape the mansion and his thoughts and himself and he couldn't do it with his powers anymore because his concentration was waning. He couldn't do it with art because he didn't have the heart for it at the moment. So he thought of another escape and went looking for her. Kevin's head poked into open doorways until he found Jennie in the rec room with what looked like a very boring and thick text book. "There's a desperate need fer waffles so please tell me you need a break," he said from only a foot behind her as he peaked over her shoulder at the book she had in front of her.

Her immediate response was to snap the textbook close and drop it on the floor with a resounding bang. "If I have to read any more about Foucault I will have to destroy things." She looked up. Her hair was scraped back carelessly in a bun and there were dark circles under her eyes. "So. Waffles it is. Who's driving?"

It took Kevin all of a half second to say, "You are. Ah'm...we don't want me drivin' unless we're lookin' to crash into somethin'." And that had nothing to do with the recent heart break and everything to do with the past twelve hours or so of powers usage. He was actually a little surprised he hadn't blacked out by now. "What's a Foucault anyway?"

"Philosopher. Only don't ask me what he's famous for because they all keep getting jumbled in my head," Jennie made a face and put a hand to her forehead. "Right, I'm driving," she clapped her hands together and stood. Revealing she was clad only in boxers and t-shirt. "First, let me get pants. Seconds, then we will go."

"Ah think the whole world would be more grateful if ya didn't put on pants," he mused. "Jus' sayin'." The words were more a reaction than anything and his tone wasn't nearly playful enough to go with them. Kevin was bordering on monotone with the only variation of inflection being when his voice dipped deeper and even quieter than he was normally.

"Yes. Pants and then emergency waffles." She paused and then peered at Kevin, head tilted. Stepping closer, she gave his shoulder an experimental poke. When he didn't flinch, she frowned. "Okay, there is no time for pants," she stepped into her flip-flops and grabbed Kevin by his sleeve, towing him to the door.

Kevin was really in a sorry state if he was not appreciating the fact that he had Jennie in a car without actual pants. Just those short boxers she'd been studying in. Somewhere in his brain a voice was telling him to appreciate the view while he could. The entire drive from Xavier's to the waffle house, though, he spent utterly silent and just staring out the window as they passed things by. He hadn't even taken note of the fact he was wearing a hoodie and just a long sleeve shirt under it. Normally he'd have had at least two other layers on but he'd gotten hot in the metal shop and had started to strip off layers. He hadn't uttered a word until they were in a booth with a waitress asking what they wanted to drink. Kevin had to repeat the word "Coffee" three times before he managed it loud enough for the waitress to even hear him.

"So, what happened? Is this a breakup face I'm seeing?" Jennie said after the waitress had left. They'd talked about it coming, but Jennie didn't think it would be this soon.

Kevin nodded as he shredded a napkin with gloved hands. "Yeah. This is breakup because otherwise he'd hate me and 'imself face. Ah mean, Ah kinda saw the end coming, it's just Ah figured we'd try to fix it before we got to the point of giving up on account of impending hate er whatever. Y'know?"

"Ouch. The benevolent breakup, always the worst." Jennie took a sip of water, and then make a face and scooped out a miscellaneous black spec. "Did he give you a chance to talk it out or was it just the speech?" Jennie briefly wondered how she ended up being a defacto breakup coach, considering both of her relationships had been when she was barely a teenager.

"How is that even benevolent? How is it actually ending things on good terms, like he said he wanted to end things, when Thursday we were fighting over the fact he was all upset over prom when I had no reason to even think to go with him or to know he wanted to go or had taken the night off. Does no one else get that it's a student function and not a graduate one but me? Am Ah oddly old fashioned here?" Kevin slumped down and shrugged. "Anyway, we were fighting and then he made this stupid comment that I'm not getting into for privacy reasons, his not mine, and I flipped out, asked Terry to talk to him, she tells me she's going to tell him to break up with my 'two timing ass,' even though Ah never cheated on him, ever, and then three days later, first time Ah've seen him since said fight, he breaks up with me. One of those speech things and Ah guess Ah could've said something or fought 'im on it but he just looked so..." Kevin's voice trailed off and his eyes went unfocused for a moment. "He looked like it was what he wanted. He didn't hesitate er nothin'. He seemed happy 'bout it. Couldn't go and fight 'im on it with him lookin' like that."

"Oh honey," Jennie said sympathetically. "It's benevolent in it's one of those 'it's for our own good' things. You know, the kind that are supposed to be for the best but still feel like you've had your gut taken out with a mellon baller?" She began methodically stacking and arranging the creamer cartons in patterns that made sense only to her while she talked. "Did you ever get the sense that maybe Jay was a little too needy for you? Always needing you to reaffirm what you were, needing you to be true to the point where he would get threatened by the littlest things?"

"Ain't benevolent unless someone's bein' released from somethin' they don't actually want," he countered with a sullen tone. But she did maybe have a point. Even through the hurt he could see it. She was right about the reaffirming. About being needy. "Ah just figured...well..." bared soul honesty wasn't something Kevin was good at. Jennie was the only person he'd ever talked to about him and Jay to any extent so it was easier with her, but that didn't actually make it easy. "Ah figured Ah was just fuckin' it up and someone else would've got it right, honestly. Ah didn't really date much before Ah manifested. So Ah figured it was a relationship thing Ah was messing up, not bein' there more or not knowing what to say to make 'im feel like he mattered, like just 'cause Ah'm straight kinda historically didn't mean Ah wanted some girl. Ah figured it was me that was failing. It ain't normally like that? The jealous an' the upset over little things an' always seemin' like he thought Ah was gonna cheat on 'im 'cause most o' my friends happen to be girls and they're all pretty? That ain't actually normal?"

"No," Jennie shook her head. "Look, I'm not expert on the relationship thing, it's why I tend to avoid them more often than not. But I would like to think, and I get this from other 'successful' couples," she used her fingers as quotation marks. "That the someone you're with should be secure enough to let you have other friends. People who aren't secure in themselves need constant re-affirmation. I don't know about you, but that would drive me nuts. I mean, you can't turn around and ignore someone all the time, but you also can't be on the phone like, 20 times a day either."

Kevin nodded, slowly and repetitively. She was probably right. No, he was pretty damn sure she was right. He never thought of his parents. Emotions got too complicated when he did, but he could remember them from when he was a kid. They both had their own jobs, their own lives, their own friends. They went out without each other sometimes and they were always happy. What Jenny said made sense. "Yer right. Too bad it don't make it any easier to deal with, y'know? Don't help none that from the outset all his friends thought Ah'd break his heart and we'd never last and whatever else. Timing and situation and all, it's like proving them right. That's more annoying."

"No, you didn't prove anyone right. He broke up with you remember? And hey," she reached across the table and laid her hand across his gloved one. "Just because some things make sense doesn't mean it still doesn't suck to get broken up with. Even if you knew it wouldn't last. You still cared. You still were invested. Right?"

"Yeah." He stared at her hand on his but he didn't pull it away. Pulling it away actually felt like more effort than leaving it thanks to the abundant use of powers he'd done during the day. Also, Jennie knew his thing with contact. He could trust her to not do something that would get her hurt, right? Maybe he should work on that trusting people near him thing. Maybe. Quietly he admitted, "Ah loved him. Ah know Ah'm straight, Ah've never questioned that. But Ah never questioned that Ah loved 'im either. Ah just knew it. But they say love ain't enough, right?"

Jennie chewed on her lower lip, trying to think of what to say next. "Love is... complicated. It never means what you want it to. Like, people in the movies or in books or whatever say that all you need to do is love someone and that'll be enough. That the person that you love will see it and love you back and you'll both be happy. Like, my Mom, right? My mother was hardcore into drugs. It's how she died, you can't put all that crap in your system and expect to live very long. And she kind of sucked as a Mom. I mean, I loved her, she was my Mom, you know? But she'd still slap me around when she was drunk. And I when I was a kid, I thought, if I just loved her enough and was what she wanted, then she'd be happy. But that's just not true. Sometimes people are just incapable of giving you what you want, for whatever reason. Doesn't make your feelings any less valid. Or you."

Kevin gave her a fleeting smile, but it was there nevertheless. "Ah wasn't even gonna talk about this, y'know? Didn't wanna put it on anyone. Ah just...Ah needed to get away from the mansion an' Ah was pretty sure you'd take off with me for a little while. Ah spent all day doin' this powers training attempt pretty much an' if Ah kept goin' Ah probably woulda blacked out from overuse. So actual leavin' was the next step." Kevin fell silent and poked tentatively at Jennie's hand with a finger as if seeing if it would bite. He couldn't think of a single time he'd voluntarily made contact with her so he figured he'd experiment while he was sitting here feeling sorry for himself. The gentle prodding continued even as he spoke. "It seems really stupid to live in the suite with him still. Ah was pretty good at avoidin' 'im before though. Should be able to pull it off still, right?"

"Eh, it's why I'm here. I dragged you out for waffles to spill my woes, so obviously I am available for the same," she clamped her hand on his fingers to stop the poking. In a strange way it reminded her of Marius in the early days. When he'd discovered she was 'safe' he became a complete and utter whore for physical affection. Not so much since he'd been cured, though. "My advice? Sadly, I'd suggest you move. I mean, when my friend Marnie breaks up I always tell her it's best to go cold turkey. It's not fun seeing the person you want to be with and knowing you can't be with them. I can't imagine what it must be like living with that person."

"Reckon they'll let me?" It'd be kind of heavenly if they did. Living with Jay would be hard and Kevin was not as masochist as far as he knew, especially not emotionally. "Ah don't gotta deal with it for a little bit, Ah'm holed up in one o' the guest rooms right now anyway. Jay said Ah don't hafta move 'cause he'd love to see me every day, but he also said he loves me like a fat lady loves BonBons, only 'e didn't say it like that. Somehow lovin' me like Ah was the other half of you or whatever don't equal to break up with me so Ah'm thinking that lovin' seein' me around is probably total crap too. An' Ah don't think Ah wanna see 'im. 'Cause, yeah, can you say life of suck?"

"Yeah, sure, I'm sure you can do the roommate shuffle no problem. One of these days I should move into the grown-up suites. I just am not too crazy about change. I'm weird that way." Jennie looked up as the waitress arrived with their order. The woman, who knew Jennie as a regular, raised an eyebrow at her. Aware that she was still technically holding Kevin's hand, she smiled dryly and let go. When the waitress had gone back out of earshot Jennie shook her head. "I think it'd be better for you both if you moved out. Jay's needy, remember? It wouldn't be fun for either of you. I mean, it might be too much change at one go, but you gotta do what's best for you."

"Ah hate change," he grumbled as his fingers stretched and hen curled into a fist only to stretch again. It was like he was getting used to the feeling of it being free from her hand when he was really adjusting to the fact it had been grasped by it. Mental note: prodding equals restrained. Probably shouldn't go around prodding Jennie unless Ah wanna end up with an arm tied to a pole eventually. It had been an interesting experiment until she'd stopped him anyway. His world didn't end from contact but maybe he should try that again when he hadn't been nearly ODing on powers use to be sure it wouldn't. "Ah'll talk to...whoever Ah've gotta talk to so Ah can change rooms. Movin' all my stuff's gonna suck. Kevin-proofing's kinda tedious."

"You can always ask for help," Jennie said, spearing a strawberry and popping it in her mouth, utterly oblivious to the effect she'd just had on Kevin. Having subsided on coffee and cigarettes for the last week, it was good to be eating real food again. Especially when Ameila had been threatening to drag the scale out during her last shift. "You'd be amazed and how eager some people are to help. You sneeze and there are three people offering you tissues in this place. I'll help even."

"I'm not so widely popular as all that," he pointed out. A number of people had issues with him because of his relationship with Jay. Some annoyed the hell out of him and he made it known. The rest didn't bother with him and he didn't bother with them. There were maybe 5 or 6 who he'd say he actually got along with. The number was probably higher than that, he knew, but he defaulted to pessimism. "Well if Ah'm gonna drag you into it to help then Ah gotta wait until your head's done with explodin' from philosopher guy, right?" He managed a small quirk of his mouth before shoving a piece of waffle past his lips.

"Aw, look, he's eating. Always a good sign," Jennie nodded. "I'll be done Wednesday if you can wait until then. Some genius decided to schedule three of my finals on Tuesday. I totally won't know what to do with myself after I finish. I might strip naked and run through the mansion doing cartwheels or something. It's been that crazy."

"That's a chick thing," he pointed out. "That not eating thing? Chick thing. What guy in his right mind gives up food because he's sad or pissed off or whatever?" He almost said only a gay one would but that seemed slightly more inappropriate than what he was going for. However, now that he was out from under the heaviest of the weights that had laid upon him with the break up he was back to being guy enough to gravitate toward other types of inappropriate. "If you strip naked and run around or do cartwheels er whatever can Ah take pictures? Ah could even make a site maybe and make some money off it."

"What is it with everyone wanting to profit off of my nakidity?" said Jennie with a weary sigh. "My Mom wound up taking her clothes off for money. That is something I will never do," she took another sip of water. "So, you gonna be okay?"

"Hey, Ah could've tried for the personal perk of your naked but it's not like Ah could use it anyway so Jennie the web starlet was the next choice." He sighed. "But since you actually have a couple morals and this is one of them Ah'm gonna hafta settle for just bein' a voyeur." Kevin pretended to be very put out over it. A much more genuine sigh followed. "Yeah, Ah'll be fine. Ain't gonna kill me, it'll just suck fer a while. Never did the serious thing so maybe Ah'll get lucky and Ah won't be a mopey bastard for a really long time like Garrison." And the fact that loud, angry music was going to be Kevin's catharsis of choice would hopefully also help.

"There is more to me than just my body, I'll have you know. And I am very moralistic. I go out and save the world sometimes when I don't have to, that's very moralistic!" Jennie sighed and propped her chin in her hand. "As long as you don't go around listening to Air Supply or stand outside of his window with a boombox then I think you should be good. And it doesn't matter how long or short it was, or how serious it got or what, you felt something. And it's okay to be upset and to allow yourself to be upset. You know that, right?"

"Oh, Ah know, but Ah try to ignore that," he told her with a dismissive air. "It's real easy to not succumb to the powers of the flesh but the rest is just more attractive and harder to resist. So it's gotta be ignored, see?" He was being playful and joking despite that it wasn't quite up to par with how playful he normally was when he bothered to be so. There was that gloomy feel that hung over him even as he lightened a little. It became slightly more oppressive to him when he was told it was okay to be upset. "Yeah, Ah know that. Ah just don't wanna be. Ain't gonna do me any good, right? It sucks but it's not the end of the world an' Ah know it. Ah just...don't wanna spend all my time mopin' when he's obviously not gonna be, y'know?"

"Yeah, but I find that if I pretend a feeling's not there, it just makes it all the harder to get over. Be upset. Mourn. It's okay. Get it out of you. Just don't wallow. Because pretending you're okay when you're not usually ends badly. Trust me. I know." Oh so very, very well. She wasn't going to touch the attractive comment. It was strange enough when she'd found herself randomly attending Xavier's prom with Bishop. Brief though it was. If she was going to be terribly honest with herself, relationships frightened her at some primal level. She was absolutely terrified of someone seeing the things that she didn't want anyone to see, and being found wanting. In a way, her feelings for Marius were a self defense mechanism. In that there was no chance of reciprocation. Rendering her safe.

Kevin sighed. This whole focus on him thing made him uncomfortable and it was obvious. She was right, of course. She had a point and she was being a good friend in pointing it out. He just didn't feel like thinking about it or looking too closely at himself right now. Between this and his suspicions about his powers he thought he had more than enough to deal with that was about him. Instead of even responding right away Kevin shoved more waffle into his mouth. Eating was so much safer, though after he'd swallowed he was back in the danger zone. "Alright, Jennie, Ah promise to mourn and grieve and steep myself in hurt like a tea bag in hot water, okay? Ah just...handlin' things publicly just ain't my way and it never has been. Ah'm not going to declare my grief to the world and after today Ah probably won't even show anyone else or talk about it. It's just...not how Ah do things, that's all." And for Jay that had been a huge problem, but Kevin found comfort in wrapping his hurt tightly around him, so tightly no one else could tell it wasn't just his skin. It's how he dealt with things that hurt, when he bothered to deal with them anyway.

"Of course not, don't be silly. Do what you need to do how you need to do it. Look, I only say these things because I've been there with a friend who utterly refused to admit that they were hurting. They were fine, just fine, don't even bother to ask because they're fine, all right? And that's how I wound up getting kidnapped to Europe is because someone was 'just fine' and not paying attention to what they were doing or figuring that their friends might be staying way long past the time they wanted to. I have my own safety to look out for, you know?" Jennie said. "But that's my two cents on the matter. You should trust me on that. I'm real smart. Genius even."

"Well, you know Ah'd never take you down with me in my misery unless by 'taking you down' we really mean 'to the waffle house.' Ah'll be fine," and this time he sounded like he meant it more than he had the last time. "Loud music an' art and Ah'll be okay. Might be some really messed up art with uncomfortable angles and jagged lines and monochrome even if they're drawings, but art's gotten me through everything else. Aint' no reason this'll be any different."

"Well, good," Jennie said and then nodded at his plate. "Now eat your waffle."