xp_logs | Introduction to Speech

Transcribed from Emma's introductory Speech class.

Welcome, students, to Speech class. Historically, classes like this really only exist to make common boys employable and common girls marriageable. That is not what we're here for today.

That's not to say that this class won't get you a job, or even a husband, should you find yourself in need of one for some awful, archaic reason. No, the point of this class is to help you get anything you ask for.

I am a telepath. As such, I have the ability to read minds and to coerce minds. People like to think that I built my entire career on such tricks. It makes me seem less of a threat if I can be written off as nothing more than a parlor trick. The truth is, I've learned a fair number of tricks in my short, beautiful life, and I've made a habit of mastering every weapon in my arsenal. I know how to get what I want, and I don't need to resort to telepathy to get it. Now I will pass my knowledge on to you.

This class is all about articulation, presentation and confidence. It is also about manipulation, intimidation and confidence tricks. I will teach you how to fleece, how to finagle, and how to flatter. I will teach you how to seduce, how to insinuate, and how to lie. If you have moral qualms about any of this, I will teach you how to suppress them. I'm giving you the skills, and just as in auto repair class, what you do with them is up to you.

As part of the course, we will play poker once a week in the psi-damp lab, and by the end of the term I expect you to be able to put up a decent fight, even against Mr Wisdom or Mr Logan. You will learn when to raise, and when to fold. We will take a field trip to Washington DC to see the masters at work. The masters, incidentally, are not the folks who live on the Hill.

We will form a committee to change one thing about the world, and we will work to change it. How we decide what that one thing is will depend entirely on you. Or rather, on whichever of you is the strongest presence in the debate. One of my previous classes managed to secure an Oscar for a former Bond girl, for example, while another managed to swing a Senate election in New York. We've had our failures too, mind you. We never did get beach volleyball accepted as an official Olympic sport.

You will learn to recognise your strengths and others' weaknesses, and you will develop an understanding of body language. You will learn when to bluff and how to barter. You will learn charm, persuasion, and the power of silence. In short, you will learn conduct. By the time you graduate, I expect you to even be able to sweet-talk Dr MacTaggart.

Now, class, open your books to page eight. The rules of poker. Who here knows how to shuffle?