xp_logs | After Kitty flees Piotr...

... she ends up in the lab with Dr. Essex.

Kitty had run from Piotr, and from herself. She didn't know what she wanted to do, or what she should think, but knowing where to go was never a problem.

She dove down stairs and through walls, thankfully not running into any one as she headed for the basement and the labs. She didn't even care that she's not supposed to be there without Dr. McCoy or some other supervision. She just went uneringly for the mechanics and kenetics lab where she collapsed, finally really beginning to cry.

But there is only so long even a teenager can simply wallow, and Kitty was far too practical to keep at it for that long. She might not have known what to do, but crying didn't seem to be useful. Instead she got up and wandered around, phasing in long enough to use the lab sink to wash out her eyes and take a drink before phasing out again, for once feeling more comfortable knowing that no one could touch her, no one could hurt her - at least not physically.

She poked around the lab, but she knew the mechanics lab like the back of her hand, and soon wandered through the wall into the machine shop to play around some more. As she wandered she thought, and tried not to, seeking out more and more distractions. The quantum lab kept her occupied for awhile, and wandeirng through the chem lab peering into bottle and cataloging lables took up a lot of time as well. She spent almost half an hour in the server room, checking things over and making sure it's all running smoothly.

After a few hours she got tired of wandering through the rooms she already knew and headed down the hall towards the other wing of science labs. She peered into the biology lab and her nose wrinkled at the discetion table she can see across the room. She quickly left, but turning a corner she spotted a light coming through one of the doors.

Kitty snuck forward, confused. She didn't think anyone else would be down here this late. Peering through the window in the door she spotted Dr. Essex, leaning over some notes.

She quickly backed away, not wanting to get caught being down here when she's not supposed to be, and also not wanting to disturb him, but she was very curious about what would keep him working so late. She stood back in the shadows, and was rewarded for her patience when he left the room a few minutes later. Kitty phased through the door, wandering forward to get a look at his notes, and spotted a zip disk.

The disk had ADAM written across the top in bold letters, the edges of the white label peeling slightly. It sat on a pile of file folders that were stacked nearly a foot high on the desk. Dr Essex had been something of an enigma to the students. He spent most of his time in the labs, working on his own or with Beast on experiments that no one fully understood. Kitty had read enough to know that his work in the field of genetics and mutation was some of the most advanced, easily the foremost expert in North America.

Her curiosity got the better of her, and she leaned down to read the labels on the folders, noting the red and black checkered strips running along the edges.

"Top Secret - USARMRIID - Priority One? What is this?" Kitty muttered to herself, phasing back ing and reaching to pick it up when she heard the door open behind her. She jumped guiltily and turned to run, phasing to escape through the wall, and Doctor Essex if necessary.

"What the devil--!" Essex said, as Kitty turned and barreled into him. His cup of hot coffee splashing upwards, covering his chest as Kitty thumped down inelegantly on her rear in front of him. She stared up wide-eyed as he cursed, trying to dab at the scalding liquid with a handful of papers.

"Doctor Essex! I'm sorry!"

"Well, that was... bracing." Essex said dryly, looking down at the student. "Ms Pryde, I assume you have a reason to be down here, other than ruining a quite expensive shirt, that is."

"I-- I mean... ohh, blast! But I was phased!" Kitty said, her fear and frustration all overwhelming her. "Why can't can't I control... damn it!" She curled up, resting her head on her knees, her shoulders shaking with suprssed sobs.

"Ms.Pryde?" Essex said, kneeling down in front of her.

"Why can't I control it?" She sobbed, hiding her face in her hands. They held that moment frozen, unable to say anything to break it.

"Ms.Pryde. I'm afraid I lied." Essex said finally, suddenly.

"What?" Kitty sniffled, peeking up from her hands.

"The shirt wasn't really expensive. Wholesale, I think."

Kitty chuckled a little at this, offering the doctor a small, watery smile and sniffing again.

"Come on. Have a seat." Essex helped Kitty to a chair, as she wiped her face with the sleeve of her sweater. "You might not want to keep that on." Essex noted, pointing to the sodden sleeve. Kitty made a face and pulled the sweater off, hanging it on the back of her chair.

"Doctor Essex, I'm so sorry. I didn't--"

"It's quite alright. Since most students avoid this area like a plague pit, and science is not really the strong suit of the current staff, I was amazed to find anyone down her at all." Essex smiled thinly, using his labcoat to sop up some of the spilled coffee. "I believe I've seen you down here with Doctor McCoy?"

"Yes, he teaches the physics classes and let's me use some of the equipment for the labs cause the tools down here are better than in the student lab. And sometimes he lets me come down and play around with the server."

"Labs?"

"Yeah. I think my classes are equivlent to, um, second or third year college physics, and first year chem."

"Really? Extraordinary. I was told that you were gifted, but Charles failed to tell me how far advanced you were."

Kitty shrugs. "Well, it's not really important."

"Of course it is. Intelligence is the most supremely important thing in the world, Ms Pryde. With it, you can go anywhere, do anything, and experience it ways most couldn't conceive of. Enjoy that gift. It lasts far longer than looks or athleticism."

"Okay..."

"Yes, I am being extremely odd. Forgive me," Essex said, leaning back in his chair. "Did you enjoy the lecture?"

"It was very... thorough."

"I have heard that accusation before." Kitty almost apologized before realizing that Essex had made a joke. "Tell me. What did you find most interesting?"

"To be honest, most of the scientific information I sorta either already knew or it went over my head."

"Yes?"

"Well, genetics isn't really my field, but your whole... not human aspect?" Kitty chewed her lip. "I don't like the idea that I'm not a person."

"Ms Pryde, you are forgetting that to be human is a very narrow thing. To be a person is something completely different. I know a lot of humans who I would not consider people. Who you are is something that you define, not your genes. However, what you can do obviously is going to have to require different choices than a normal human. They don't have to consider whether or not it's right to walk through a wall, do they?"

"No, of course not." It was a simple statement, almost blunt.

"Mutants have to consider those sorts of issues, everyday. Which means you can't take anything for granted. It's your right to challenge the existing norms, both as a mutant and as a teenager." Essex rubbed his temple, leaning on the arm of the chair. "Ultimately, you will have to exist as the person you create. Part of doing that is dealing with your mutation and how it fits into the world. Will you hide it, like a shameful secret? Will you use it to harm and degrade? Will you consider that it makes you better than others, or will you feel that it makes you better, which are two different things."

"I didn't want to be different."

"But you are. No matter what they tell you, this school and Charles are here to help you be Katherine Pryde, a fully formed young woman who is confident in who she is: intellectual, mutant... all the parts of you, without fear of the opinions of others. Persecution is a hard thing, but even harder is self-loathing."

"I don't hate myself."

"Or your powers?"

"No, not really..." Kitty took a deep breath. "Sometimes I'm scared of them though."

"I know how you feel. You see, I have some experience with hating myself." For the first time, Kitty noticed the shiny patches of skin between the white scars on Essex's hands and forearms, normally covered by his lab coat. Burn scars. "But at some point, you have to move on. Evolve, as I no doubt say too often."

"I didn't know."

"I didn't tell. We're even." Essex said, and Kitty laughed quietly.

"It's so weird, just, you know... talking. I don't really know you..."

"I'm a private man, Ms Pryde."

"Kitty."

"I prefer Ms Pryde." Essex said, finally standing up. "No doubt this is a question I should have asked earlier, but what bring you to my lair at--" He checked his watch. "11:14 in the evening."

"Nothing." Essex arched an eyebrow at her. "Well, there was this... thing, you know?"

"I'm afraid I don't."

"It doesn't really matter." She stares down at the ground for a second then looks up. "I just... I found something out that upset me, and being in the lab calms me down."

"It's quite late."

"I don't want to go back up there."

"That's not an option."

"Tonight, I mean. I can't ... I just don't want to go back tonight."

"Ms Pryde," Essex started and stopped. "If you would like, I am going to be working on some fairly large projects in the coming future. Dr McCoy will be available for some tasks, but I could use an assistant. There will be some additional study involved to get you up to the level you need to be at, and I doubt you will be let out of any of your classes to do so. However, if you are interested, I've been considered a relatively competent teacher in the past."

Kitty opened her mouth to speak, but Essex forestalled her with a gesture.

"Tell me after you've slept on it. It will mean a lot of work, and an oath easily made is one easily broken." Essex took a magcard from his desk and passed it over. "This is the key for the recovery room in the infirmary. Please don't phase through. There is sensitive diagnostic equipment built into it. There's a bed and I believe a television and computer. Just leave the key on my desk when you're finished with it."

"Thanks." She accepted the proffered key, because even though sleep is the last thing she wants, telling him that isnt' something she wants to do.

"Of course. We'll speak in the next few days, and you can give me your decision. If you ever need to talk or to talk to the staff, I'm easy to find." Essex said, with that ghost of a smile she was becoming familiar with. "Now, get some peace and quiet so you can think. Leave an old man to his research."

Kitty nodded and stood up, pausing for a moment to meet Essex' eyes for the first time, before ducking her head shyly and leaving by the door. As she phased, she wondered how she had bumped into Essex in the first place. She thought she had been incorporeal at the time. She turned back to ask him a question, but decided not to. She had probably just slipped up and only thougt she'd phased out. Instead she went back down the hall to the machine room, deciding to mock up a few little toys ot distract herself for another few hours.

Essex sat down at his computer, noticing his disk had been moved. He took it and slipped it into an inside pocket, before reaching over to collect the sweater Kitty has forgotten. He carefully swabbed the sleeve, still damp from her tears with a Q-tip, and tweezered off a few strands of her hair before folding it neatly and placing it on the shelf. The samples went into a baggie, which he transferred to a locked specimen safe in the corner of the room. He sat back down, brought his fingertips together under his nose, and sat back to think.