Laurie & Jay, Jay & Kevin, | Wednesday evening

[x-wither.livejournal.com]

Laurie wants to ask Jay something personal but he won't let her until he gets to ask a revealing question of his own.

Laurie cupped the ice tea in her hands, taking a sip of the chilled liquid before placing it on the garden table in front of her. She was sitting in a gazebo that stood several yards from the boathouse, sitting quite near the lake. It would appear that it had originally been set up so that the ladies of the house would have somewhere to shade themselves while their men mucked about in boats on the lake. These days it appeared to have gone unused except for the occasional student or teacher who wandered by and decided it would be a nice place to sit for a time.

He loved his job. That was all there was to it. He didn't have to work late, didn't have to get up early in the morning or do anything else that required a lot of work. In fact, he got to fore go all the terrible things that routine brought on if he had to work a day time job - redundancy and responsibility. For some reason, he related a day time job to having to commit to something steady. With bartending, it didn't seem like such a big responsibility, nor was it ever redundant. Every night was different and every night rushed by in the blink of an eye. Actually, it felt like friggin holiday to him. He got to enjoy the summer and took that opportunity to lounge around and doze outside after he got through his morning slumber. This was one of those times and in a rush of wings, Jay settled on the ground nearby the gazebo, guitar in hand, intent on either playing, or falling asleep while playing.

"Oh," he stopped in his tracks upon seeing Laurie and pulled the guitar off his shoulders, holding it by the neck. "Didn' know you was gonna be 'ere. Yer wantin' ta be alone there?"

Laurie placed her glass down carefully on the table and met Jay's gaze with a smile, gesturing for him to take a seat. "That's alright, I'm not really doing much of importance."

Jay smiled back. "Thanks. In tha mood fer a lil' music?" he asked, taking a seat and resting his guitar on his lap. He'd already taken time to tune it but strummed the strings to be sure that none were out of tune. "Any requests or dedications?" he asked.

"Whatever you feel like." Laurie noted, settling back again and picking up her tea. "You come to play here often?"

Jay immediately picked up Ashokan Farewell, a song without lyrics but well known for it's violin. It was the guitar part that none knew and he was trying to work some lyrics into it for an acoustic live concert - if he ever got the chance. "Yeh, most o' tha days when Ah know no one's 'ere. Nice place fer a snooze."

"Why I chose it myself." she noted with a grin. "The breeze is cool enough today that as long as you're out of the sun it's okay but it's too hot to really do anything but sit around and drink ice tea. That's nice, original piece?"

"Nah, ain't mine. Some ol' guy wrote it up in tha mountains an' they used it fer a civil war piece. Ah'm gonna use it fer a song Ah've been workin' on. But Ah aint' got it right yet. Just learned how ta play it, then Ah gotta change it a bit. Gotta look inta copy rights an' stuff - see how much Ah can get away with, yanno?"

"Always a good choice before doing something, I find." Laurie noted, taking a sip of her tea and swirling it in her mouth for a moment before swallowing. "Does it have words yet at all?"

"Sorta," he replied hesitantly. "It ain't... er.. ready fer an opinion. It's 'bout two people - one's waitin' an' one ain't waitin' anymore. It's a nice song but Ah havn't gotten this down yet. It ain't got that soft tone that Ah wanted fer it, so Ah'm a bit all over 'bout it. Meaning if Ah should be usin' these notes or makin' somethin' on mah own." He looked down at the strings, his bangs hiding his eyes as he hummed and tested out the strings again, trying to pick it up where it might sound okay.

"So you found a better hiding place than on the ground. Inside the image of who they think you are.." he cleared his throat while his fingers carried on the song without his lyrics. "Ah think Ah need ta pick it up a lil' faster. Whaddya think?"

"You've got a nice voice, good for this style of music." Laurie noted honestly. She wondered if the song was about him and Kevin. "Is it personal? The song, I mean. The words?

"Tryin' ta leave behind tha Kentucky twang," as Terry liked to think of it. "It's always personal when a song is written. There ain't a song out there that ain't written fer someone. Whether tha audience knows it or not. Just not every artist's willin' ta talk 'bout it." He was fairly sure she felt the same way. "Ever listen ta a song an' automatically think o' someone when it comes on? Same thing."

"Yeah, I think I know what you mean."

She had done just that, listened to a song and thought of something, or someone, set times in her life to music. Albanian pop music would always remind her of Yvette, and Forge would always be thought of whenever she heard crashing industrial style beats. It was interesting how much of life could have a soundtrack.

"Jay, would you mind if I ask you something personal?"

"Maybe," he said. "But if it's 'bout whether or not Ah jerk off as good as Ah play, then no, ya can't ask."

Laurie blinked at him for a second as his reply completely derailed her train of thought. "Um...okay. Do you, ah.hmm."

"Ah reckon tha' answers mah own question there."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're _so_ weird?" Laurie said, finally recovering enough that she could form real words. A deep red blush had crept up her neck and was subtly staining her cheeks a dusky pink.

Changing the song he played to something a little more settling to their surroundings, he smiled. "Not today."

Laurie laughed, shaking her head slightly as she leaned back into her chair with her glass. She could see why Kevin and Kyle had fallen for Jay, he certainly was charming, as well as admittedly sexy as hell. She wondered if all Jay's boyfriends had a K in their name, and if this was a _thing_ for him. It would certainly be interesting psychologically if it was a thing, there weren't any other K names at the mansion as far as she knew.

"You're not going to distract me, you know. I'm still going to ask you a personal question."

"Dang," he said, blowing his bangs from his eyes and leaning back in his seat. He lifted his wings so that they hung over the railing of the gazebo and slouched, propping a knee up. He resumed playing, picking at the strings and looked thoughtfully to his side before regarding her. "Al'ight. As long as Ah can ask ya somethin' first."

"Go for it." Laurie said, holding her glass up to watch the colour as the sun hit the glass. She found it easier to not anticipate questions and get tense about all the possible answers if she didn't look at the person asking them.

"Who's it that ya wanna do really badly?" Jay clucked at her and raised his eyebrows.

Laurie's immediate mental answer was every guy in the mansion under the age of thirty-five but she had a feeling that it wasn't what Jay wanted to hear. "Right this minute? It's a toss up between any of the guys around my age, I guess. It might not have skipped your notice but we've got a large degree of desirable males about the place."

"It mighta skipped yer notice but we share tha same taste in sex. C'mon Laurie. Be specific, or ya forfit yer question. Who's tha strawberry yer wantin' ta be dippin' in chocolate? Gotta be honest too. Don't matter who."

"Manuel." she admitted, somewhat reluctantly. Even with their powers feedback, heck, possibly because of it. It had been...the closest she'd ever been to out of control and she'd liked it. "But I swear to God if you breathe a word of that to anyone I will make you, I don't know, something intensely embarrassing, I swear."

Jay nearly choked on his own breath. The guitar twinged and the string snapped. "Shit." He sat up and inspected the broken string. "Mah guitar didn' like tha sound 'ol tha' one. Come again?"

Laurie went bright red, her fingers clenching on her glass for a moment before she raised her chin defiantly. "I said, I'd like to _do_ Manuel De La Rocha."

Oh he was surprised alright, surprised and appalled that this was the best she could come up with. He wasn't sure who he had been expecting but it hadn't been Manuel. Leaning forward, Jay could barely keep the smirk off his face. "Innit he a lil' ol'?"

"Not all that old, and besides, Julio's with Nori now." Laurie noted, blushing even deeper as she realised she'd given away more then she wanted to. "That's not to be mentioned ever either."

"Wha? Ugh --" Jay cringed. "Sounds like a match made in heaven," he replied. The cliche fit like an old married couple, which was what he pictured the pair to be. Nori had a lot of nastiness to her and Julio seemed submissive. "So Ah reckon Julio's Nori's bitch, huh?"

Laurie tried to picture that, and then wrinkled her nose. She didn't want to think about Julio being anyone's bitch, let alone Nori's. "I wouldn't know. And you're trying to distract me again. I've answered your question, now you have to answer mine."

"Kinda makes me regret Ah asked - gettin' a two-fer-one deal tha'Ah did." Undoing the peg in his guitar, he pulled the string through and set to fix the other end that hung limply down at the bottom. "Go ahead, ask yer personal question yer jus' dyin' ta ask."

"Did you know about Kevin's addiction when you tripped him?" she asked quickly, before she lost her nerve. It was an extremely personal question but she really had to know.

Everything suddenly stopped and Jay's gaze lifted to hers. "Wha' addiction?"

Something in Laurie breathed a sigh of relief, if he'd known, and yet still tripped and pushed Kevin as he had, she'd have had no recourse but to report him for abuse. It was good to know she hadn't misjudged someone when she had an idea that he hadn't known. "Jay, the reason Kevin's been so uptight lately, it's because he's been getting urges to use his powers on people. When you did what you did, tripped him like that and pushed him. It was like dangling a bit of fresh meat in front of a lion and telling the animal it couldn't have any. Jay, it was cruel, beyond cruel, really. It was downright abusive."

Yet another thing he didn't know about Kevin. Funny when you break up with something, all the shit comes together. "Fuck abusive," he said, annoyed. "How tha hell am Ah suppose ta know shit when he don't tell me nuttin' and it's lookin' like no one else tells me nuttin either." When were they going to tell him? When it got to a point where Kevin couldn't hold back? All of a sudden, it made some sort of sense that Kevin was in such a foul mood but how long had this been carrying on? Was it when they split? Before that? After? Picking up his guitar by the neck, Jay got up and started to head out, spreading his wings while he mumbled. "Sorry Laurie, don' wanna be 'round someone who thinks Ah'm cruel fer tryin' ta be friends with Kevin."

"Oh grow up, you big baby and sit down. " Laurie snapped, glaring at him. "I asked you because I wasn't sure if you knew, and if you didn't know, then it makes a difference. Kevin's an idiot for not telling you, but sometimes we can't always be perfectly okay with our powers. Not long ago, I might have hid myself, if it weren't for the fact that mine are easily controlled with technology."

God, they were both as bad as each other, really. No wonder they'd dated, it was a perfect circle of emo to be sure. Laurie was tempted to just leave them both to it but she'd never been above meddling if she thought it'd do some good.

"Course Ah didn' know. Ah still love 'im. Tha's tha part everyone keeps fergettin'. Kevin's ain't controlled. Tha's tha difference between yous two." He was sure if it was controlled, they woldn't have ever been together in the first place. "Ah don' like yer personal question." Jay turned his back and flapped his wings, lifting him off the ground and away from Laurie's accusation. He would never purposely be like that to Kevin if he had known... always 'if I had known'. He had another tragic song to write.

"I didn't much like yours either!" Laurie called after him, annoyed that he had such an easy way out. God he was annoying, and now she better go tell Kevin what she'd done, before things went really south.

Having left Laurie, Jay goes in search of Kevin. Walls are punched, arguments are settled the same way they always are and revelations are made. Bad habits are hard to break.

He stood outside Kevin's door after having put his guitar away and stood there for a moment, hesitant about knocking. He didn't know if Kevin was still at work or if he was in the shop. He'd just come over here right away and wanted to say something. But now that he was here, he wasn't sure what to say, what to do and wrapped his hand around the knob. Pressing his body to the door, Jay inclined his head until his forehead rested on the wood and knocked briefly. "Kev-- it's Jay. Could'ja open tha door fer a second so we could talk?" he asked. If Kevin wasn't there, then he was talking to himself and rolled his head to his right, checking the hallway when he knocked again.

Kevin was there, he was working on a painting he hadn't finished yet. There was no knock but there was a voice suddenly and it didn't need to tell him who it was. Even through the door Kevin could identify that voice and it made his chest constrict painfully. It didn't even matter that he knew the pain was only in his head, only an emotional reaction, it still hurt. His hand stopped, brush hovering over the air. He was working on something bright, something alive and suddenly he couldn't get his head where it needed to be to work on it. It'd turn ominous and dark and everything in it would die if he kept going so he laid the brush down calmly and tried to force his heart out of his throat and back into his chest. "We ain't got nothin' worth sayin' no more," was the response that finally came after a long silence. Even if there was he had a bigger problem. Bare hands with paint on them and not a single brush in sight that didn't have wooden handle. Kevin headed to the sink to wash his hands so he could get his gloves back on in case he did have to let Jay in. It wasn't like there existed a person in the world more persistent than his ex.

"Ah didn' know," he started and sighed, rolling his head to the left to see if anyone was coming from that direction. Satisfied that there wasn't, he turned back in and spoke into the wooden door as he had done with Terry a few days ago. Only then, he wasn't sorry as he was now. "Ah reckon ya told tha whole world what yer problem was but ya fergot ta mention tha one person it'd matter to." He closed his eyes, wishing he hadn't really gone off and said that. It wasn't what he came here for. "Ah just... Ah'm sorry. Ah didn' know you was havin' problems." Would he have broken up with him? Even though Jay wanted to say yes, he knew the answer to be no and kicked himself. What for, he wasn't sure.

Kevin froze, squeezing his eyes shut, fists and jaw both clenching. Who told him? He was sure Jean didn't, doctor-patient confidentiality and all that. He didn't think Haller would have any reason to ever tell Jay either. Yvette understood. Yvette understood Kevin the way no one else on the planet ever could, the other half of his coin. That left Nathan and Laurie. Did he honestly believe either of them may have said something to Jay? Yeah, if they thought they were helping they probably would have. He was going to kill whichever of them it was when he found out. "Five people," he clarified. "Ah told five people. An' one of 'em's gone an' run off an' told you an' it ain't none o' yer business, Jay. Ah ain't none o' yer business anymore." And that was the damn truth. He didn't bother to tell Jay that he was going to tell him. Hell, he had planned to tell Jay before he'd even decided to go to Haller.

"Jus' like Tommy was none of yours," Jay replied. At least Kevin knew how Jay had felt when he found out that Kevin knew. There were a few things that Kevin was told about that Jay didn't want him to know, nor to bring up, but somehow, that didn't make him feel any better to say anything more about it. "But Ah ain' comin' 'ere ta see ya o' ta bug ya. Ah jus' came ta say Ah'm sorry. Ah was wrong fer trippin' ya an' Ah'm sorry." He pushed off the door and stood there, hanging his head. He brushed his hand over his bare shoulder and scratched it, but for a second, pretended it was Kevin's hand. He could imagine and allowed himself that much. It was funny. Their whole relationship, whether good or bad, was based off others sticking their noses in their business and trying to 'help'. Too bad it did the opposite all the time. Sighing, the flat of his palm rested lightly on the wooden frame and fell five inches, pausing to pick at the smooth surface like there was a piece of skin needing to be picked.

"Ah told her not to tell me," he told the door. This was stupid. Kevin didn't want to see Jay. He didn't want to hear his voice. He didn't want red feathers left in his wake like breadcrumbs in a forest. But he also really, really did not like the idea of someone walking down the hall or hanging around the corner and listening to the entire thing. He pulled his gloved on for the sake of appearances and, to some degree, comfort. He was dreading this like he'd dreaded few other things lately, but Kevin went to the door and opened it wide enough that it was permission to enter unless Jay chose not to. Kevin was quite pointedly not looking at Jay but over his shoulder. "Why's it only matter now?" His volume had taken a drastic dip now that the door was open, lower than usual. "Why didn't it matter when Ah just wanted ya to leave me alone? Why's it only matter 'cause there were other things goin' on?"

Jay was about to leave and just leave that between them. The apology and the door. It was all he had come for and he didn't expect anything else but at the sudden appearance of Kevin, Jay passed another glance down the hallway before he walked inside. He shouldn't have come inside because there wasn't anything else to say. Shoving his hands in his pocket, he stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, briefly glancing at the painting. He thought of complimenting it but held back because he always felt a little awkward if someone heard something they shouldn't have concerning his music. The same could be said for Kevin. "It always mattered. Cause Ah care Kev. A lot an' yer worse than a stubborn ol' mule fer --" he stopped himself and shook his head. "Ah ain't gonna lecture ya on tha whys or wha's. Ah didn' know ya were goin' through somthin' like that. No one tells me shit an' then they blame me fer it after. Like Ah'm some kinda mind reader. You know Ah ain't tryin' ta hurt you or nuttin. Ah jus' want ya to be happy."

Kevin stared at the door longer than he needed to after shutting it behind Jay because it was easier than looking at his ex-boyfriend. He managed to turn and look at him, though. It didn't help that constricting feeling in his chest at all. "Ah'm stubborn?" Jesus, that was hilarious. "Ah asked you to stay away, Jay. Ah said Ah couldn't be your friend. Said Ah didn't want ya 'round or talkin' to me 'cause it's what Ah needed. An' that didn't even matter to ya 'cause ya care? If you didn't find out other things were goin' on you wouldn't even be sorry you'd done it, would ya? That is the point, Jay. You got what you wanted. And Ah gave it to ya. Didn't even fight you on it 'cause it's what you wanted. But you couldn't give me what Ah wanted after that. You had to push things 'cause you were okay an' happy an' Ah wasn't and somehow that messes with your life plan er somethin'." His voice was getting steadily more angered as he spoke and Kevin had his hands clenched into fists to keep him in check. The addiction wanted him to reach out and destroy something to cope with the emotion but he knew that wouldn't do any good anymore. "Reality check, Jay, Ah ain't gonna be happy. Not fer a while. Just 'cause you can be fine an' happy an' whatever don't mean Ah can be. So accept it an' deal with it. Shouldn't even matter other stuff was going on. Made it worse, yeah, but it ain't the point an' that's why Ah told people not to tell you. 'Cept someone obviously didn't listen to me."

"Well ya got Laurie an' Nathan ta blame fer that," he said and he didn't mind sicking Kevin on either of them for what they said to him. Let him at them. They wouldn't listen to Jay so maybe they would listen to Kevin though he highly doubted that. He sighed though, running a hand through his hair in frustration and walked away from Kevin's stare, turning his back on him. "Why ya gotta be a dick all tha time? Ah ain't happy, al'ight?" He needed this to write, to play and it ached in his heart to see Kevin like this but he wouldn't go back on it. "Ah jus' want things ta be good between us an' not have ta know tha' everyday, ya avoid me. Ya don't think Ah don' notice that yer not 'round? More so than norm?"

Both of them told? Both of them? Laurie he could almost understand. She had that stupid optimism thing going on. She was like a girl scout on crack half the time. He'd have words with her for sure but the fact that Nathan had said something was so much worse. Ain't there supposed be some confidentiality thing between lawyer and client? Kevin watched Jay turn away and a sharp pang went through him. The literal gesture resounded a bit too loudly with the metaphoric one at the moment. "What'm Ah doin' to be a dick? What? Ah'll stop if you tell me but it ain't gonna stop me bein' unhappy." Unfortunately he meant it and he hated himself for that. "You sure as hell make a grand showin' of bein' happy. Ah'm sorry but things ain't gonna be good 'tween us. They'll never be like they were even before. Ah can't be 'round ya. Why can't you understand that? Only person Ah've ever loved...an' he left. How'm Ah supposed to be 'round you after that? Ah was all worried 'bout you 'cause you made that stupid comment. Flipped out. But my powers were going weird an' Ah couldn't risk hurtin' you so Ah asked yer best friends to make sure you were okay. An' then the next time Ah see you...ya left. How can ya expect me to be 'round ya after that?"

"Ah didn' leave ya godamnit!" Jay turned around, wings bristling at the insult. "Ah gave ya wha ya want. Wha' ya've always wanted an' --" Jay scoffed himself silent, brushing a finger over his nose. They weren't suppose to be arguing about this. He wasn't trying to rehash their dead relationship or make Kevin feel bad. He only wanted to apologize. Apologize and be sorry for what he did, how insensitive he was to Kevin's needs. He said nothing about his best friends. That was another fight for another time but not this one, nor did he comment on how happy he seemed. He was happy. Writting flowed from his hands and he was able to pick away at the songs more freely. He felt a freedom but knew there was a price to that freedom. There always was. He softened. "Ah know things aren't gonna be tha same. But Ah ain't someone ta turn away from. Ah'm still there fer ya Kev," Jay confessed and as an after thought, added the second half of his ex's name because he always forgot. "--vin."

He just stared. What thoughts had Jay gotten into his head that what he thought Kevin wanted was for him to go? Kevin looked like he'd been hit and just couldn't speak for long moments that stretched out in silence. "What Ah wanted? Ah wanted you! You left, Jay. You broke up with me. Ah consider that leavin'. Ah wanted you to be happy. Ah wanted ya to have everythin' ya wanted. But Ah wanted to be one o' them things ya wanted. You ended it so Ah know Ah wasn't. Ah tried, an' Ah know Ah messed up a lot an' Ah failed a lot 'cause Ah'm not any good with people, not really, but Ah tried to make you happy." He leaned against the wall next to the door, arms wrapping around himself to hold him together. The impulse was there in his mind. Reach out. Destroy something beautiful. Destroy something alive. Watch the ashes float on the breeze. Kevin fought against it, knowing he couldn't destroy anything that way but also knowing if he gave in he'd be no better off when his powers came back. "Ah don't want ya there for me. It just makes everything worse. Ah don't know why ya can't understand that, but Ah can't have ya 'round."

Kevin pulled a chain out from under his shirt where it always lay. He'd once made sure the chain was long enough so that the feather than hung from it would lay against his chest over his heart. He'd liked the symbolism of it. He pulled the necklace off and held it out. "You should take this back."

It frustrated him that Kevin wasn't getting it and he didn't want to have to say it over and over and over like he did when they were together. Being here, he could see he wasn't getting his point across and they wouldn't ever see eye to eye. He couldnt' explain his music, how things changed, how happier he was now that he wasn't with Kevin in that oppressing relationship standards and he knew he should feel like an asshole for wanting out. But he didn't. He only got frustrated that Kevin fell deeper in a hole while he flourished.

His eyes fell to the necklace and he stepped towards Kevin, fingers lacing around it. He spoke in a faint whisper, a mere inch from Kevin's mouth. "Ah can't give ya wha' ya want. Ah can leave ya alone but Ah can't not be there fer ya. So yer jus' gonna hafta live with it - with me, in yer life - whether ya like it or not." Jay inclined his face and turned it away, pulling the necklace with him as he stepped away and went to the door.

The door wasn't even fully shut when Kevin spun and punched the wall, fist going through the plaster. His forehead rested against the wall without his hand being pulled from the hole. "Yeah, you can never give me what Ah want, can ya?" he whispered to himself. All he'd ever wanted was to be left alone. Then Jay pushed him until all he wanted was Jay. And once he couldn't imagine not having Jay he left. Now that he wanted to be left alone again Jay refused. What did he fucking want from him? He didn't want Kevin but he didn't want to leave him alone. There wasn't a third option! His hand pulled out from the hole and Kevin pulled his glove off to look at the damage that he couldn't really feel through the throbbing of his hand.

Half way closed, the door abruptly reopened and he looked in to see Kevin pull his fist from the wall and take off a glove to inspect it. Exhaling slowly, Jay looked down at the hand, placing his own on the door and closing it. The necklace bounced around, entwined through his fingers that closed around it and regarded Kevin patiently. "Feel better now?" he asked, his tone flattening. This was exactly what he was talking about but said nothing of it. Instead, he went inside the suite and went to fetch some ice. Kevin was mad at him but he wasn't going to shy away from Kevin like he did Tommy, or say, anyone else that confronted him. He could stand up to Kevin's anger just as well as Kevin could disarm him when Jay himself was mad.

"No," he muttered. "Why're you still here?" His tone was instantly suspicious but he was busy looking at his hand that didn't quite look right. He didn't bother to point out that it was probably better for Jay's health if he hadn't come back through the door. He remembered fights with Jay in agonizing detail. He also remembered how they usually ended. Jay should have taken the escape route considering the only other alternative to the traditional end of one of their fights may actually result in physical violence.

He gave Kevin a look and pulled open the door to retrieve some ice. "Cause Ah ain't a heartless bastard." Closing the door, he set the tray on the counter and went searching for a cloth. Opening a few drawers, he managed to find one and spread it on the counter, breaking the ice cube tray over top and bunching the ice together. Bringing the four corners together, he looked for something to tie around the top of it. Nothing stood out that he could use, nothing, except for the necklace and he unraveled it from his fingers. Tying it up around the cloth, Jay linked it together and rounded about the counter. He didn't think Kevin's hand looked right but wasn't about to harp on him to go down to see Jean or a doctor. Kevin could look after himself in that aspect. His hand reached out, touching Kevin's sleeved elbow and drew it up so he could place the makeshift ice cube pack over the knuckles. "An' cause Ah love mah ex, even if he hates me," he said quietly, briefly glancing up through his bangs.

"Fooled me," Kevin muttered so quietly the words were barely audible even to himself. He watched Jay through narrowed eyes and tried to make sense of the guy. There was no sense. None. Everything just contradicted itself! Was Jay always this hard to make sense of? He couldn't have been. He was always frustrating but he was never so nonsensical. Kevin flinched from his touch to his elbow. It had nothing to do with his mental blocks about contact and everything to do with the fact it was Jay. Unfortunately no matter how hard he tried to convince himself he couldn't pull away either. Addicted, just like he'd always been. Kevin added it to his list of things to hate himself for. "Right, you love me so ya broke up with me? This one o' them 'love you but not in love with you' things?" Kevin's eyes dropped, fixating on the hand that held the cloth of ice to his hand, unable to look from it. "Ah try real hard to hate you," he admitted with some difficulty. "Unfortunately Ah am in love with you so it don't work out too well."

Jay dropped his eyes at the question and the confession that he already knew. He confused with his contradictions, knowing inwardly, he could never admit to what he wanted because he really didn't know. Yvette's comment stood out to him now, that he didn't know what he wanted, but Jay swore to himself that this was what he wanted. "Kev, none of this is yer fault. It's all got ta do wit' me. Ah got these problems, not you. You was fine. Trust me on that. Ah wasn' treatin' ya right an'... ya got every right ta move on. But Ah need this. Ah need this fer me, fer mah music." It hadn't been the original reason but it was the main one, the only one that stood out to him now. The only one that wouldn't let him go running back to Kevin, begging for a second chance. The only one that kept him on a steady path to something he'd always want really badly. His muse for music and he was damned if he would let it go. His thumb brushed over Kevin's elbow, urging himself to leave. He couldn't stay, couldn't linger for very long. But leaving meant leaving permanently and he longed to get words out of Kevin, even if they were curses.

Kevin's eyes snapped upward and locked on Jay's even though he wasn't looking at Kevin anymore. "So instead o' tryin' to fix anythin' or work on anythin' ya break up with me? You leave an' ya do it 'cause ya need it for your music?" Kevin pulled away suddenly, not caring if his hand needed the ice. "Leave, Jay. An' stop comin' back. You need it fer your music? Fine, but twist your own knife. Ah don't need you showin' up an' sayin' you love me still an' twisting the knife in deeper 'cause eventually Ah'll just have this mass of bloody tissue instead o' a heart. Ah may not be able to just stop lovin' you, hard as Ah try, but Ah don't need to deal with this anymore. Torture yourself, but would you stop doin' it to me already?! Ah don't feel like bein' used by you no more." He turned away from Jay then, unsure if he could keep himself in check if he kept looking at his ex. Great, so he was just some catalyst for Jay's music? Wasn't that lovely.

Jay stayed where he was and let his head flop to the side. It rolled around back and he stared at the ceiling before he snapped his head back up. "Ah can't write with you Kev! God, ya just don' get it. Ah can' do anything cause Ah'm happy when Ah'm with ya." He knew this wasn't making any sense. How could he make sense of it when it barely made sense to him. All he knew was that this was the way things had to go for him. It was meant to be.

"Yer makin' this a hellofva lot more complicated than it is. Ya make me happy, but ya make me miserable at tha same time. I hate being this needy shit tha everyone calls a girl. Ah fuckin' have mah pride yanno. Ah'm not some fuckin' girl fer ya Kev an' everyone makes me feel like that every time Ah get a little upset tha' yer ooglin' tha opposite sex. Yer claimin that ya ain't gay. Fer tha life o' me, do yanno how confusin' it is? How exhaustin' it is ta be thinkin' bout it? It's got all ta do with that, as much as mah music, but yanno, gimmie a break. Cause we ain't together, mah head is clear. Ah ain' worryin' 'bout all these girls, or when we're gonna have our next arguement, or' if we're even gonna stay together cause god help us, tha whole mansion was takin' bets on when we'd split up. "

His hands clenched to fists and it made him wince because of the hurt one. He didn't release it though. "You were with me but Ah make ya miserable? And you can't write when you're happy? Do you know how stupid that is, Jay? You could write. If you really wanted to you could write when you were happy. You don't need darkness to channel creativity, you just gotta learn to use the stuff that ain't so heavy. Ain't easy at first, but it is once you figure it out." There was a reason Kevin could create no matter what mood he was in. He didn't talk to people. He didn't talk about much of anything with anyone. He made art instead. That was his conversation that Jay had with his friends.

Spinning around, he faced Jay but it didn't help him try to figure out how to get the point through the thick skull the guy had. "Why do you not get it, Jay? Why? How many time Ah gotta tell you Ah'm not ooglin' anyone? How many ways can Ah tell ya that you were all Ah wanted? Why don't you ever believe me? It wasn't none of anyone's business what was going on between us. And if you talked to me instead of other people maybe people wouldn't've been callin' ya a girl. But you never talked to me until someone else did. And Ah don't know how much of what sucked and didn't work with us was our fault and what was theirs. But, Jesus Christ, it didn't matter that they thought we wouldn't work. Why should it? We did, fer a while anyway. Most o' what was wrong coulda been fixed. And you gotta know that. But nothin's gonna fix your music, Ah guess. Ah woulda done anythin' to keep you." There was a sadness in those last words he hadn't really let show since he'd dragged Jennie out to the waffle house the night when Jay had broken up with him.

"It ain't stupid." It was the truth for him. That bitter belief that he was meant for tragedy and those details fell in his lap like a lyrics for a song. He hadn't a problem writing once they broke up. He enjoyed it, loved it where as before, he recalled lounging around with his guitar, sitting there, picking at the strings. No real song came out but only a small tune, similar to the way he would hum mindlessly when he was driving. He couldn't write, couldn't grasp at it in a tune. He couldn't carry anything while they were together. Hadn't Kevin noticed all that time?

There it was again. That serene feeling that settled everything. That disarming feeling that made him break whenever he was mad, breaking down his wall and the convinced happiness. Yes, he was happy. Why would he lie to himself? But even as he backed up a pace, it only seemed that Kevin would advance on him more. Maybe it was all in his head. "Well ya didn' do anythin' when we broke up. Ah reckon that there is a good sign right off tha bat. Ah wish ya had done somethin'. Ah wish ta god ya told me no, tha' Ah ain't gonna do it mah way but yers."

"Yeah, it is," he insisted. "They teach people to write who ain't got half you're talent. If they can learn to write from nothing then you can learn to write when you're not miserable. People can teach you how to do that. Make every song a conversation. S'not like you only talk when you're sad, is it?" He was mostly talking about writing the way he thought of painting or sculpting or drawing. Jay had played in the beginning. But then it'd stopped. Maybe it wasn't the pain Jay needed, just the change. Something new. That didn't hurt any less to think about.

"What'd you want me to do? You'd thought about it. You'd decided it's what you wanted er whatcha needed er thought ya did or whatever. Jesus, Jay, you practically had the speech memorized. Ya took the time and choose the words and what was Ah gonna do in the face of that? Ah told you Ah wanted to talk. You remember that part? Ah wanted to talk an' not argue an' figure things out an' explain stuff to you. But then you gave me that speech and nothing Ah wanted to do mattered any more than anything Ah said would've." He hadn't realized he'd walked toward Jay. Kevin had stopped close enough to touch. Close enough that he wouldn't have to reach out very far to grab hold of Jay. "Ah wanted to tell you no," he whispered. "But Ah didn't think it'd matter to you. Didn't think Ah mattered anymore to you."

"Ah ain't other people. Ah.." he looked away, despite the fact that Kevin was in his face and his wings pressed into teh counter, not realizing he had backed up another pace to cross his hands over his chest. "Ah need mah music. Just as much as Ah need ya in mah life. Ah can' explain it, an' everytime Ah do, it jus' sounds confusin'. So jus' accept that, al'ight?" He hadn't quite managed to cross his arms, instead, his hands rested on either side of him, holding the counter. His wings were firmly pinned and the temperature rose in his face, turning it a crimson red. He was very aware that Kevin kept advancing and every pace back had landed him here. He immediately thought of the addictions and warnings Nathan had given him. But Kevin wouldn't do that to him, couldn't do that, not to him. Growing anything back didn't seem like such a good idea now.

"Course ya matter, ya dumb shit," Jay said quietly and cleared his throat, trying to find some comfort in their proximity. "Everything tha' ya do matters ta me. Tis' wha' Ah've been sayin' all this time. Ya didn' even fight me. Ya jus' let me go, so Ah flew back ta ya." And it was not what he wanted to say, but his own words betrayed him. He was so much happier without Kevin, without the burden of a boyfriend and his friends. Without the burden of worry and yet he stood there, his mind reeling in flight mode at the predatory approach while his heart yearned for something more. "Kev," Jay cleared his throat uncomfortably, the blush renewing on his face. "Kev yer uh, yer crowdin'."

There was no denying that Kevin thoroughly enjoyed making Jay flush like that. He knew, in a way, that he was making Jay uncomfortable. Maybe even scaring him considering the last time he got this close to Jay he had his arm across the other's throat. It was a sort of levelling of the ground for him, making up for all the pain Jay inflicted by showing up all the time. "What? So Ah should back off? 'Cause you want me to? 'Cause that should matter? Ya can't be with me 'cause ya can't write if you are. But ya can't be without because...Ah dunno, just 'cause. And Ah'm supposed to be okay with that? Ah'm supposed to just let you even though all it does is hurt more and more and more every time you show up and proclaim your love and the fact Ah ain't ever getting rid o' ya? Nah, you ain't like other people, Jay. Not with music. Yer better. If Ah know that then why don't you? An' why can't you figure it out enough to write no matter what?"

Kevin's hands went to the counter behind Jay, each grasping it so close to Jay's own hands that he could feel the heat from them. He had his ex trapped and he didn't think Jay would manage to realize the counter wasn't turning to ash under his hurt hand. "Ya can't have it both ways, Jay. Ya can't not have me but keep me 'round. Ah ain't yer dog. Ah don't care what the reason is fer you doin' it, Ah really don't. You choose. But you don't get this half measure stuff you keep trying. You leave, now an' you leave completely. 'Cause if you don't go Ah'm gonna do something you really probably don't want me to and Ah'll be a lot more pissed at ya when you leave after that." His voice had gotten softer and softer, nothing but the quietest whisper at the end. The threat held no promise of pain. No promise of violence. He assumed Jay knew what he meant but maybe he didn't. Maybe he was being as slow on processing things as he always was.

He didn't know why he couldn't write around Kevin. He really didn't. Jay thought it was because of how he was feeling, always able to write after something bad happened to him. But their break up was bad, good for him but bad in general. He had mostly done a good job of ignoring how he was feeling about Kevin, ignore it and had been happy but now, it stared him in the face, literally. He hadn't realized he was actually ignoring the throb in his chest, that dull ache that had moved in and taken up permanent residence where his fondness for Kevin had been.

The addiction. While alarms should have been going off much worse than they were, Jay couldn't tell if he was reading Kevin wrong. Did he see a predatory look beneath those eyes? Jay couldn't look at him and turned his head away like he kept on doing all this time that they spoke. He didn't want to encourage anything. Not when things were going as they were. But just when he thought that Kevin couldn't get any closer, he did, placing his hands on either side of Jay and the red winged southerner didn't know what to do. Leave, which wasn't physically possible at the moment or what? What was Kevin saying? He couldn't grasp the meaning, or what he thought was the meaning. It just left him confused. Jay built up his courage and swallowed, trying to shift away from Kevin's gaze. "Kev, Ah--" The heat rose in his face again and his eyes moved upwards, flickered once to Kevin's own and held them. His hesitation was his music's doom.

"That ain't leavin'," Kevin whispered, hips pinning Jay back against the cabinet. Jay should have known better. Every argument they'd ever had always ended the same way. Maybe Jay'd forgotten but Kevin hadn't and a moment later his lips were pressed against Jay's. It wasn't soft or sweet. The kiss channeled all his pain, turned it from cold to something hotter. Kevin wasn't being careful with it, either. He knew he didn't have to and he knew how easily Jay always stopped paying attention to where the line had to be drawn for safety. With no line necessary Kevin didn't bother to pull back, instead memorizing the feel of Jay's skin where it touched his own. The sensation of contact made him shiver slightly. It wasn't just that it was contact. It was that it was contact with Jay, the only person he'd wanted to be able to touch for months.

Jay opened his mouth to argue. And he was silenced. The kiss was electric, channeled all the way down his body directly to his groin and the press of Kevin's body brought out a feral moan that rose from deep within his throat, but was never heard. His knees nearly buckled and he grasped Kevin's shirt at the shoulders, balling his fists in an attempt to push him off. Jay only pulled Kevin against him. The addiction, his mind pleaded, cried out, but he couldn't listen. God he had missed this, denied it and focused on things that he thought mattered. All sense of rationality left him and he swam in the burning passion that had always been bright between them. He knew better than this, but he also thought he could have been stronger than this, than to let Kevin disarm him like this. It hadn't even crossed his mind that Kevin would do this. How could he? How could Jay do this, go back on his own proclamation of his music? But he ignored those thoughts, ignored them and surrendered fully to the body against his.

There was a vague awareness of the pain in Kevin's injured hand but that was drown out by everything else. This was what they were, what they'd always been and right now Kevin really didn't care how much it messed with Jay's music. Fire, they were always fire and Kevin could feel it under his skin spreading everywhere. All it took was for Jay's hands to pull Kevin against him and any restrain Kevin had held onto in preparation for Jay pulling away was gone. His arms wound around Jay, under his wings, and pulled him closer, pulled him away from the counter and into Kevin's body. Lips parting, the kiss deepened. It was reckless and burned so fiercely he'd swear he could see blinding light through his shut eyes from it.

Something changed and he felt it the moment he was pulled away from the counter towards Kevin. His mind was running to catch up but Jay didn't care. He left it behind the second Kevin's lips met his. He was trying to place it though, trying hard but couldn't. The complete shift between them was far more passionate than they ever were and Jay pushed harder into it. He wanted to melt into Kevin, meld with him until they couldn't tell one from the other. He tried to break their kiss to say something, but a gasp came out and was immediately covered by Kevin's mouth. He exhale but inhaled everything he could in this moment. A fleeting thought told him he should take it for what it was and not what it was not, but even then, he didn't want to understand that thought, brushing it aside as his hands climbed down Kevin's shoulders. They looped over his back, down his butt and he lifted Kevin off the floor, pressing him into the wall.

Jay was not the aggressive one. Not ever. He started things, he pushed but he didn't dominate. Never had. He was now and Kevin wondered where it came from. He was not going to stop to ask, though. His legs wrapped around Jay's waist when he was lifted up, not putting up the least resistance and instead just sliding his hands up Jay's chest until they were around his shoulders. His injured hand throbbed dully, but it was also ungloved which meant it was what met the skin at the back of Jay's neck. Unable to resist the one thing he'd wanted to feel for so long--Jay's skin--his hand slid down Jay's back, under his shirt as they kissed. Kevin wondered if Jay would register the feeling of skin on his own or if he'd be too caught up to notice. Kevin was hoping for the latter.

He had put a shirt on purposely before he came, making sure that whatever he put on was not the least bit tempting to touch. And that was it. That was what was supposed to register but didn't right away. Not until the hand climbed up his back and for a brief but panicked second he thought he might be dissolving away. He broke the kiss so suddenly that it left him gasping and he nearly dropped Kevin. "Wha the?" he looked behind him, almost panicking. Almost. There wasn't any tingling sensation he got when he was healing. Nothing but the smooth touch of skin against skin. Skin against skin!Maybe decay made for a slow death and Jay set Kevin down, moving his wing and as a after thought, he brushed a hand behind his neck. "Wha-" he asked but couldn't quite spit it out. "But yer.... you.. yer controllin'??" he asked in disbelief. But there was no mistaking the tone of hope in his voice.

The moment Jay had put it together Kevin had felt it in the way his muscles tensed in his panic. Damn. He'd known Jay would find out eventually. Jay somehow found out everything eventually. And he knew he should tell Jay, but Kevin couldn't help seeing how many ways that could complicate things. Standing back on his own feet he slid a little ways away from Jay and shook his head. "Ain't me doin' it." The confession was very soft, very quiet. "Part o'-- Well it's--" he stopped and just shut up so he could figure out how to explain it. With that fire cut off he could feel the pain in his hand and he winced. There was no point in appearances now so Kevin pulled off the remaining glove so he could grab the cloth with the slowly melting ice in it and press it to the hurt knuckles.

"Ah went to Haller," he started all over again. "An' Ah told 'im 'bout my powers goin' all weird. So he told me to go see Doctor Grey-Summers the next day, an' Ah did. That was a Friday. That Monday she e-mails me, tells me she talked to Doctor MacTaggert, found out more 'bout my mutation 'cause Muir knows all about it from me bein' there for a year. She found this pill. Problem's not in my skin it's...it's in the stuff that covers it. The medication shuts it off. She did it so Ah could manage to deal with the addiction without goin' insane tryin' to not hurt someone or eat away all the walls on the second floor er something. So Ah'm...safe. Fer now. It's only temporary. Ah wasn't gonna tell you. It's just fer a couple months and then...then Ah got back to how Ah've been. Destructive." He hadn't looked at Jay much during his explanation because it was hard to say. How did you tell the only person you wanted to touch that you finally could but only for a limited time? And did it matter anymore? That was another problem. It might change things Jay didn't want changed. It might not change anything. It could just make things worse.

Jay stood there in disbelief, dumbstruck as he watched Kevin touch the ice pack and it did not decay. His mouth even hung open up until he realized it and snapped it shut. "You wasn't gonna tell me?" he asked and that hurt the most, that again, he'd be last to know anything. Just again, another thing he didn't know. But the knowledge of Kevin being able to touch things overshadowed his hurt and he closed that space between them. One hand reached out and brushed under Kevin's injured hand, lifting it to his lips and marveling at how hot Kevin's hand was despite the ice pack. Probably more than bruised, that was. He placed a tender kiss over each knuckle and looked at Kevin from behind their hands that covered his face. "Even when ya can't destroy stuff... " he looked at the wall and then back at Kevin,"--are ya destroying stuff." His expression was serious, but it broke with a smile. "Even a lil' time's a lotta time." And there was nothing left between them as Jay drew Kevin into him, into a hug and for once, this was a secret he wanted to keep for himself.

"No, Ah wasn't, Ah just--" How was he supposed to make it make sense outside of his head. He spent lots of time thinking since he was playing hermit in a big way. One of the things he'd realized was that he didn't seem able to make things that seemed to make perfect sense to him make sense to Jay. He wasn't really sure it was Jay's fault so much as Jay's inarticulation that did it. "Look, you'd made this choice and it was what you wanted. An' if it wasn't what ya wanted it was what you needed. Ah don't always get it but Ah ain't dumb enough to think Ah was the only one of us who'd wanted this. And it'd complicate things if you knew so... Ah wasn't gonna tell no one yet. Ah mean, Ah haven't been like this fer long. Tryin' to adjust to it but...Ah'm not really sure what Ah'm gonna do with it. So," he shrugged, not sure he could explain it any better. Even if he wanted to try he fell silent as he watched Jay. He was so gentle with that hand that'd gone through the wall and the sensation of his lips against Kevin's skin, as light as it was, sent shivers up his skin. Kevin wasn't really sure what to say anymore. This wasn't really the reaction he was expecting and he wasn't even sure what it meant. His arms wound around Jay as he found himself in the circle of his ex's arms and Kevin just relaxed. "Just don't tell no one, okay? Ah just...Ah dunno if Ah want anyone else knowin'. Yvette already found out by accident."

"An' no one's gotta know." Time never meant for them to have anything but this. Yvette knew. Somehow that didn't surprise him but the fact that no one else knew, well, that was a surprise and he perked up at the thought that okay, he wasn't the last to know. And this was something big for Kevin, for them both, but he wasn't sure he was even included in that picture. It had been a long time since he felt Kevin relax against him like this, completely and Jay's hand ran through his brown locks, balling them up in a fist before letting go. He felt like he would smother Kevin, like it would be too much overwhelming contact for him. But he didn't let him go. Instead, Jay buried his face into Kevin's collar, inhaled deeply, intoxicated by his scent and the swelling in his chest throbbed. He laughed into Kevin's skin like someone who was on drugs and he really did feel that way. "Ah never thought Ah'd be standin' 'ere if Ah got a chance ta touch you," he grinned, brushing his cheek along Kevin's until their foreheads touched. "Ah reckoned there'd be clothes everywhere cause Ah'd be rippin' em off ya."

Kevin choked slightly at the mental image, but it was mostly laughter. "Makes two o' us." Despite the pain in his hand Kevin pulled his arms tighter around Jay, just wanting to hold onto him while he could. He was right, he was going to be more pissed off when Jay left him this time. Only difference was this time it was his own damn fault for going and kissing the guy. Then again, it was usually his fault, wasn't it? He was always the one who broke down, too weak to resit the other and kissed Jay, immediately silencing any and all arguments they were having at the time. For a while he did nothing but stare into Jay's eyes, closer than he'd ever let them be for long because of the danger closeness brought. "Y'know, Ah'm gonna hafta go let someone fix my hand. Think maybe Ah dislocated somethin'."

"Ah think ya did too," Jay admitted. He pulled his upper body away, just enough to take Kevin's wounded hand and turn it over in between them. His touch was gentle but the contact went way deeper than beneath the surface of skin, imprinting that sensation into his memory. The pads of his fingers traced over the knuckles, lining where the break or dislocation may be, but he wasn't a doctor. No, he was just enjoying the touch. It had been so long since he was touched. "Yanno wha' else Ah think? Ah think yer gonna hafta come back or Ah'm gonna go stir crazy. Ah don't really wanna let ya outta mah sight now. Tha' might be a bad thing, but Ah don't care an' Ah reckon ya don't care either. Ya want me ta go with ya?" Stay with him and be with him for the rest of the night. He was so calling in sick to work today.

Kevin kept watching him, transfixed. Slowly he shook his head. "Nah, medlabs're borin'. Spend too much time down there as it is. Ah just, well, Ah dunno what this is or isn't, y'know?" He was clearly referring to the two of them. "An' Ah don't feel like lettin' other people know so they can have all those opinions they like havin' until we figure it out. Or don't figure it out. Whatever. Y'know?" He pressed a very soft kiss to Jay's lips, still not pulling his hand away. "Ah'll come back, though. Promise. 'Kay?" 'Cause how could he possibly not? He'd wanted to be normal for Jay for a long time. Suddenly he could be. God, everything was so complicated again but he didn't even care. Kevin ignored the sensible sounding voice that had developed since their break up that told him how good they weren't for each other.

"Ah ain't gonna tell no one," he promised and he meant it. Why tell anyone now because their initial reactions were all the same. They all thought Kevin and Jay wouldn't last and they were only right because Jay made that happen. He listened. But he was also ignoring the factor of his music. He could play while being with Kevin. He was sure he could do it. Artists did it all the time, though on so many occasions did those artists have a whole lot going on, mental and otherwise social problems. He'd just have to deal with it. Somehow.

He didn't know what they were either, or what they were going to be. He only knew that he'd been dying to touch Kevin all this time that they were going out and now that they were broken up, the opportunity was there. He didn't want to miss it, or have Kevin miss it and knew how Kevin was around people touching him. But around Jay, well, he melted and Jay did the same. Kissing his hand one more time, he pressed it lightly to his cheek and smiled. "Ah gotta go fix mah guitar, but Ah'll be back too. Ah ain't gonna go ta werk tonight, 'kay?"

"You sure? 'Bout the not going thing, Ah mean." He wasn't going to lie, he wanted to have Jay to himself. He wanted to, for a moment, pretend everything was normal again. Pretend it was all okay. Pretend that if something happened all over again that it wouldn't just end when he went back to being what he always was. It was the normal stuff that made the ache in his chest resonate the loudest. Stuff like waking up without someone next to him. Or Jay picking on him for stupid things. Or lounging around watching movies. Yeah, he missed the other stuff too, but he was so used to having Jay there that it was all the stupid, inconsequential stuff that he noticed the most.

"Ah'm pretty sure they can live without me fer a day or two," or three, or a week. God, he didn't want to leave Kevin. Not like this, not while they were in a moment, afraid that it would end the second that door clicked behind him. He pulled Kevin into another hug and it felt good to be able to do it. He was taller, so Kevin fit perfectly into his body, melted against him and it ached that he had to let Kevin leave for his hand. There was no way he was staying here, waiting. He'd go nuts. "Yanno, Ah'll never leave if ya don't make me right now."

"Ah'm not lettin' you miss two days over me. Ain't worth it an' work wouldn't really appreciate it. Somethin' 'bout 'Mah ex an touch me' just don't fly with bosses, Ah don't think." It'd fly even less with his own boss. Jesus, Nathan was going to murder him if he found out about this. It was so automatic to let himself be pulled, to press himself in as close to Jay as was possible. All he had to really do was cease stopping himself from doing it like he'd always had to. With every other person on the planet it'd be hard for him to let them near him without having a panic attack or something. Jay had broken him of that habit months ago, though, so the only problem had then turned into keeping himself in check so he didn't get too close or close in a way that'd be dangerous. With the flood gates released it was easy to let that control go and relax. "You got a guitar needs tendin' to, so ya ain't stayin'. 'Sides, Ah dunno how long it'll take 'em to fix my hand. Could just be popping stuff in place or it could be X-Rays an' all that an' Ah really spend too much time down there as it is. Ah don't need to be findin' new reasons to go down there," he scolded himself.

Kevin pulled back from Jay with a fair amount of reluctance. "C'mon, longer mah hand's like this the worse it's gonna be to fix it. Adrenaline er whatever will wear off an' then it'll suck. A lot."

"Yer soundin' like mah momma, or worse, mah brother. Don't be lecturin' me," he scolded and with equal reluctance, let Kevin go. His hand trailed down Kevin's arm and laced their fingers together with Kevin's good hand. He was right though, they had to go or Kevin's hand would be the only thing that he could think about tonight. Backing up towards the door, he let go. He didn't want to let go but he did. How did he get himself into this. There was no reason for them to be together. He'd been happy, content to move on and let go but not to let go of a friendship he knew they could have. Kevin was right. It was all or none for them and that's what Jay hated the most. He didn't know what was in store for them and didn't like to think beyond the moment they were having. Because anything beyond that got complicated. "Partin's such sweet sorrow," he sighed whimsically and gave Kevin one last look before opening the door and heading back to his own room.

Kevin rolled his eyes and gave Jay a pointedly bored look. "Ah ain't lecturin' you. But Ah'm not 'bout to willingly turn into someone that causes you to be someone ya don't wanna be. An' ya like where you work. Ya like what ya do. Plenty o' hours in the day." He realized he'd once said something very different about it all, but it was a different situation then and hindsight proved to grant 20/20 vision. He could at least attempt to not make the same mistake twice. Other than the one he'd already made by kissing his ex. Yeah, right, your ex, Kevin, he chastised himself. What the hell was he doing? Did he care what he was going? Okay, not particularly, no. Kevin let Jay go, though his hand resented being released from that grasp. He watched as the door swung shut behind Jay as he left. "Ah'm in so much damn trouble," he told himself. Only the silence answered him and that was enough for him to know it was the truth.