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xp_logsBack when Nathan was still in the coma, Amanda drops by for a visit and finds Manuel reading to him. Things get complicated.
Manuel sighed, turning the book over and glanced at the title, The Bourne Sanction, by Eric Van Lustbader Apparently, this book was number two on the bestseller list. He was fifteen pages in and yet he felt he was past merely six pages. "Este es muy aburrido, mi amigo," he said, setting the book aside and selecting the other he brought, Rough Justice, by Jack Higgins. They were nearing the end of this one, but he'd yet to sort out whether or not there would be a second book. "Let us see what Sean Dillon is doing." Naturally, he had read ahead on it since Nathan wouldn't really care where he was in his state.
If she had to be perfectly honest with herself, medlab made Amanda a little twitchy, in light of her history with it, both as a patience and as a medlab helper. Which was why she hadn't visited Nathan perhaps as often as she should, concentrating instead on making sure Angelo didn't kill himself with overwork running Elpis. Not to mention the various research jobs that had some through Snow Valley in recent weeks. But today she'd decided to stop being such a big girl's blouse and headed down to the basement levels. The sound of a soft voice caught her attention as she drew closer to Nathan's room and she paused, peeking in to see who she was about to interrupt. The sight of Manuel sitting by his former (tor)mentor's bedside reading aloud caught her entirely by surprise. 'He's definitely not the same Manuel as before...'
Manuel glanced over his shoulder and locked eyes with Amanda. The general surprise was not what caught his attention, but the familiarity of the emotion and the proximity told him someone was near. His first instinct was to address her by her pet name, but instead, he turned back around and returned the bookmark to the page they left off. "I am surprised to see you here," he said, his tone light but the underlying bitterness was not. Naturally, she was here to visit Nathan.
"Same here," she replied, coming in and closing the door behind her. She took a long moment to look at the man lying so still on the bed, her face impassive but a hundred memories welling up. "How's he doing?" she asked at last, voice catching a little.
"He's doing what every comatose patient would do. Lay there, lifeless, not quite brain dead, I'm sure." He was being a bit cruel in his response but it hit very close to an open wound as it would get for him.
She winced. "Ask a stupid question, I suppose," she responded dryly. "Sorry. 'M not too good with this place." She paused before actually approaching the bed. "Mind if I join you for a bit?"
Manuel turned away from her and shifted to be situated comfortably in his previous position. "If you so desire." He felt the same way down here, but it did not bother him as much as it did her. He was possibly used to this enviroment.
She came over and took a seat on the other side, picking up Nathan's limp hand in her own. "Hey there, old man," she said a little wistfully. "You need to stop doing this. There's people worried, you know?"
Manuel leaned back in his seat and he set the book aside. His mouth formed a thin, grim line but the question across his face was apparent. Did you bother to do this for me?
There was no response from Nathan, not even a twitch of the hand she held, and she sighed, laying it down. "I wish he'd wake up," she said mostly to herself. "Ange is out of his head with worry, and the munchkin isn't much better." Rubbing her eyes, she glanced over at Manuel. "At least the time I visited you, you were sort of awake. Drugged out of your mind, so I had no idea if you actually understood anything I said, but I knew you'd heard me at least."
Angelo. If that didn't leave a bitter taste, he did not know what would. The mere mention of Angelo from Amanda's lips sent Manuel's sanity slipping and reset his urge to scheme something that would split them apart. But no, he wasn't that way now, would not be that way. It was not within his best interest to be what everyone thought he was. "I don't recall," he replied, glancing down at Nathan's calm face, finding a neutral ground between them that forced necessary pleasantries between them rather than what he truly was thinking. "He'll come out of it. I don't believe I've ever recalled a telepath remaining in a coma long." Not in the newspapers. Not on T.V.
Of course he didn't remember. That would make things slightly easier for her. She sighed again, tired of everything. "I hope so." She glanced over at him, looking down at the book in his hands. "You come down and read to him, then?"
He touched the book and nodded, removing his hand from it and leaned back, placing his palms on his thighs. "Yes. I do. They say that the sound of a voice helps bring them out of a coma. Perhaps that is why I stayed so long in mine." He held up a hand, holding off any protest that she may have made. He did not say it for a pity party. "I did not deserve it. I deserved to stay where I was and rot, as some like to put it."
She recoiled slightly, as if she'd been slapped. "Maybe," she said tightly, looking away from him. "And maybe the blame shouldn't be entirely on you. 'S not like you weren't dealing with a broken psychic link or anything." She said it bitterly, knowing where the blame lay fully for that. "After that, I wasn't sure if you'd want me near you . I pretty much ripped out your heart and stomped on it, after all. I tried, tho', to help afterwards - you ever wonder where the iPod you had at Muir came from?"
"Let's not rehash old memories. You would do well to let go of that guilt, Gemile. It will make you go crazy." If she wasn't crazy already. He stared at her, studying her face, the roundness of her cheeks which had a hollowness that wasn't there before. Even the shadows under her eyes seemed darker and the lines finer. Her lips were still as full and perfect, soft to the touch like a rose petal. She wasn't his now. She was Angelo's. But he was sure that something flickered in her eyes now, behind that cold exterior, a fire that would not be easily doused.
"I'm not the one bringing it up and dropping hints about how you were abandoned at Muir. But you're right - this isn't the time for rehashing." Amanda tamped down the anger, knowing he could read her like a book. "I should go - Nate doesn't need us squabbling over the top of him." She reached forward, touched the back of Nathan's hand again. "Come back soon, yeah?" she whispered to him, before rising to leave.
Manuel's hand fastened over her wrist, stopping her from leaving. "Amanda," he said, holding her gaze. "You need to stop running from me. You may love him, however you burn for me." He wasn't sure what made him say it - her anger directed at him or the urgency of prolonging her abrupt departure - Manuel could do nothing from where he was situated but hold her wrist to keep her from leaving. He would not keep her but he would make it known that he did not forget so easily.
Amanda's eyes flashed. "You're wrong," she said quietly, but there was iron underneath. "I'm not that girl any more, Manuel." With a quick movement, she twisted her hand, breaking his admittedly-loose hold. "And you need to move on." But instead of anger, there was sympathy, almost in her tone. "I'm sorry."
He rubbed his hand once before returning it to his lap. "No, you are a different girl," he agreed. "But I am also a different man." He struggled to keep his temper in check, knowing it was hers that leaked into him. It was difficult. Incredibly difficult, however he enjoyed seeing her anger, if only to see something other than pity or guilt in her eyes. "I don't believe I am wrong. However I will let you feel what you feel and carry on as you do. But do not run from me."
"You're p'raps not as different as you'd like to be," was her response. "I'll be your friend, Manny, but don't push it. We've both come too far to go back to how it was, both of us destroying the other."
"You misaken what I am saying, Germile," he said in a cool level tone. "Even as friends, you run." She fled from him and consistantly kept her distance emotionally, physically. Perhaps it was loyalty to Angelo because of underlying feelings, or perhaps it was because she not only felt guilty but couldn't get past what had been between them.
"Don't call me that. Please." Her voice cracked a little, and she bit her lip. "I've moved on from that." Taking a breath, she tried to control herself again. "If I keep my distance, it's for both of us. It... hurts, Manny. When I look at you, I remember what I did to you, what you did to me. I'm trying to move on and deal with it, but..." She knew she couldn't hide her feelings from him, all the grief and anger and regret and guilt. "I fucked up on so many levels, and part of that was because I couldn't be what everyone wanted me to be. Including you. What I do now, I do it because it's more me than anything else." Her glance fell on Nathan's unconscious form, and the guilt and anger spiked. "I want to move on, but it's hard when there's reminders every time I come here."
Manuel clasped his hands together and leaned forward on his elbows, resting on his knees and quietly taking a moment to cool the anger that he knew was not his. But it was wave after emotional wave and he closed his eyes, patiently taking a deep breath before he rained down on her in a fury. "Please control yourself," he said quietly, his knuckles whitening in the interlocked hands he placed against his forehead. "It is very difficult to talk to you when you get like this." When they both get like this. All conversation halts because he cannot focus on anything else, but the battle within he was attempting to contain.
"And that's why I leave, Manny. Because I've already done enough to you without fucking your powers over." Amanda sighed, suddenly tired. "I'm working with Emma and Sof on things - hopefully that's enough. But if I stay here now, I'm only going to give you a headache."
The aggravation was building, the anger leaking through bit by bit. He knew she should go, however he wanted to show some semblence of control in this. "I am able to face you and talk to you. You should be able to do the same. Therapy cannot fix everything."
"Only if you can tell me that I'm not making things worse for your powers," she replied, almost challengingly. "I won't be responsible for that again, especially if you're too stubborn to admit it."
His fist came down on the arm of the chair. "Everything is making things worse for my powers!" He closed his mouth, tightening into a thin grim line. He felt his control was slipping, even though he had none to begin with.
"And that's why I need to go. Before Voght throws us both out for disturbing the coma patient. Nate's shields are probably just as bad as yours are right now and he really doesn't need this filtering through. He played go-between enough when we were dating." She met his eyes squarely, trying to calm herself down. "If you want to talk to me, you know where to find me, Manny. And I'll come if you ask me to. Just let it go for now - it's not the right time or place."
With her efforts of calming, so did Manuels' temperment tone down as well. This was aggivating enough feeling everything she was feeling. She projected to him, possibly more so than anyone else and Manuel found it difficlt to concentrate himself away from her. Uncoiling his fingers, he stretched them out before forcibly relaxing in his shoulders. "I agree," he said quietly and picked up the book, intent on finding distraction in between the pages where distraction was bound.
"Thank fuck for that." She headed for the door, pausing a moment before opening it. "Bye, Manny."
His eyes followed her despite opening the page to where he was to continue. "For now."
Manuel sighed, turning the book over and glanced at the title, The Bourne Sanction, by Eric Van Lustbader Apparently, this book was number two on the bestseller list. He was fifteen pages in and yet he felt he was past merely six pages. "Este es muy aburrido, mi amigo," he said, setting the book aside and selecting the other he brought, Rough Justice, by Jack Higgins. They were nearing the end of this one, but he'd yet to sort out whether or not there would be a second book. "Let us see what Sean Dillon is doing." Naturally, he had read ahead on it since Nathan wouldn't really care where he was in his state.
If she had to be perfectly honest with herself, medlab made Amanda a little twitchy, in light of her history with it, both as a patience and as a medlab helper. Which was why she hadn't visited Nathan perhaps as often as she should, concentrating instead on making sure Angelo didn't kill himself with overwork running Elpis. Not to mention the various research jobs that had some through Snow Valley in recent weeks. But today she'd decided to stop being such a big girl's blouse and headed down to the basement levels. The sound of a soft voice caught her attention as she drew closer to Nathan's room and she paused, peeking in to see who she was about to interrupt. The sight of Manuel sitting by his former (tor)mentor's bedside reading aloud caught her entirely by surprise. 'He's definitely not the same Manuel as before...'
Manuel glanced over his shoulder and locked eyes with Amanda. The general surprise was not what caught his attention, but the familiarity of the emotion and the proximity told him someone was near. His first instinct was to address her by her pet name, but instead, he turned back around and returned the bookmark to the page they left off. "I am surprised to see you here," he said, his tone light but the underlying bitterness was not. Naturally, she was here to visit Nathan.
"Same here," she replied, coming in and closing the door behind her. She took a long moment to look at the man lying so still on the bed, her face impassive but a hundred memories welling up. "How's he doing?" she asked at last, voice catching a little.
"He's doing what every comatose patient would do. Lay there, lifeless, not quite brain dead, I'm sure." He was being a bit cruel in his response but it hit very close to an open wound as it would get for him.
She winced. "Ask a stupid question, I suppose," she responded dryly. "Sorry. 'M not too good with this place." She paused before actually approaching the bed. "Mind if I join you for a bit?"
Manuel turned away from her and shifted to be situated comfortably in his previous position. "If you so desire." He felt the same way down here, but it did not bother him as much as it did her. He was possibly used to this enviroment.
She came over and took a seat on the other side, picking up Nathan's limp hand in her own. "Hey there, old man," she said a little wistfully. "You need to stop doing this. There's people worried, you know?"
Manuel leaned back in his seat and he set the book aside. His mouth formed a thin, grim line but the question across his face was apparent. Did you bother to do this for me?
There was no response from Nathan, not even a twitch of the hand she held, and she sighed, laying it down. "I wish he'd wake up," she said mostly to herself. "Ange is out of his head with worry, and the munchkin isn't much better." Rubbing her eyes, she glanced over at Manuel. "At least the time I visited you, you were sort of awake. Drugged out of your mind, so I had no idea if you actually understood anything I said, but I knew you'd heard me at least."
Angelo. If that didn't leave a bitter taste, he did not know what would. The mere mention of Angelo from Amanda's lips sent Manuel's sanity slipping and reset his urge to scheme something that would split them apart. But no, he wasn't that way now, would not be that way. It was not within his best interest to be what everyone thought he was. "I don't recall," he replied, glancing down at Nathan's calm face, finding a neutral ground between them that forced necessary pleasantries between them rather than what he truly was thinking. "He'll come out of it. I don't believe I've ever recalled a telepath remaining in a coma long." Not in the newspapers. Not on T.V.
Of course he didn't remember. That would make things slightly easier for her. She sighed again, tired of everything. "I hope so." She glanced over at him, looking down at the book in his hands. "You come down and read to him, then?"
He touched the book and nodded, removing his hand from it and leaned back, placing his palms on his thighs. "Yes. I do. They say that the sound of a voice helps bring them out of a coma. Perhaps that is why I stayed so long in mine." He held up a hand, holding off any protest that she may have made. He did not say it for a pity party. "I did not deserve it. I deserved to stay where I was and rot, as some like to put it."
She recoiled slightly, as if she'd been slapped. "Maybe," she said tightly, looking away from him. "And maybe the blame shouldn't be entirely on you. 'S not like you weren't dealing with a broken psychic link or anything." She said it bitterly, knowing where the blame lay fully for that. "After that, I wasn't sure if you'd want me near you . I pretty much ripped out your heart and stomped on it, after all. I tried, tho', to help afterwards - you ever wonder where the iPod you had at Muir came from?"
"Let's not rehash old memories. You would do well to let go of that guilt, Gemile. It will make you go crazy." If she wasn't crazy already. He stared at her, studying her face, the roundness of her cheeks which had a hollowness that wasn't there before. Even the shadows under her eyes seemed darker and the lines finer. Her lips were still as full and perfect, soft to the touch like a rose petal. She wasn't his now. She was Angelo's. But he was sure that something flickered in her eyes now, behind that cold exterior, a fire that would not be easily doused.
"I'm not the one bringing it up and dropping hints about how you were abandoned at Muir. But you're right - this isn't the time for rehashing." Amanda tamped down the anger, knowing he could read her like a book. "I should go - Nate doesn't need us squabbling over the top of him." She reached forward, touched the back of Nathan's hand again. "Come back soon, yeah?" she whispered to him, before rising to leave.
Manuel's hand fastened over her wrist, stopping her from leaving. "Amanda," he said, holding her gaze. "You need to stop running from me. You may love him, however you burn for me." He wasn't sure what made him say it - her anger directed at him or the urgency of prolonging her abrupt departure - Manuel could do nothing from where he was situated but hold her wrist to keep her from leaving. He would not keep her but he would make it known that he did not forget so easily.
Amanda's eyes flashed. "You're wrong," she said quietly, but there was iron underneath. "I'm not that girl any more, Manuel." With a quick movement, she twisted her hand, breaking his admittedly-loose hold. "And you need to move on." But instead of anger, there was sympathy, almost in her tone. "I'm sorry."
He rubbed his hand once before returning it to his lap. "No, you are a different girl," he agreed. "But I am also a different man." He struggled to keep his temper in check, knowing it was hers that leaked into him. It was difficult. Incredibly difficult, however he enjoyed seeing her anger, if only to see something other than pity or guilt in her eyes. "I don't believe I am wrong. However I will let you feel what you feel and carry on as you do. But do not run from me."
"You're p'raps not as different as you'd like to be," was her response. "I'll be your friend, Manny, but don't push it. We've both come too far to go back to how it was, both of us destroying the other."
"You misaken what I am saying, Germile," he said in a cool level tone. "Even as friends, you run." She fled from him and consistantly kept her distance emotionally, physically. Perhaps it was loyalty to Angelo because of underlying feelings, or perhaps it was because she not only felt guilty but couldn't get past what had been between them.
"Don't call me that. Please." Her voice cracked a little, and she bit her lip. "I've moved on from that." Taking a breath, she tried to control herself again. "If I keep my distance, it's for both of us. It... hurts, Manny. When I look at you, I remember what I did to you, what you did to me. I'm trying to move on and deal with it, but..." She knew she couldn't hide her feelings from him, all the grief and anger and regret and guilt. "I fucked up on so many levels, and part of that was because I couldn't be what everyone wanted me to be. Including you. What I do now, I do it because it's more me than anything else." Her glance fell on Nathan's unconscious form, and the guilt and anger spiked. "I want to move on, but it's hard when there's reminders every time I come here."
Manuel clasped his hands together and leaned forward on his elbows, resting on his knees and quietly taking a moment to cool the anger that he knew was not his. But it was wave after emotional wave and he closed his eyes, patiently taking a deep breath before he rained down on her in a fury. "Please control yourself," he said quietly, his knuckles whitening in the interlocked hands he placed against his forehead. "It is very difficult to talk to you when you get like this." When they both get like this. All conversation halts because he cannot focus on anything else, but the battle within he was attempting to contain.
"And that's why I leave, Manny. Because I've already done enough to you without fucking your powers over." Amanda sighed, suddenly tired. "I'm working with Emma and Sof on things - hopefully that's enough. But if I stay here now, I'm only going to give you a headache."
The aggravation was building, the anger leaking through bit by bit. He knew she should go, however he wanted to show some semblence of control in this. "I am able to face you and talk to you. You should be able to do the same. Therapy cannot fix everything."
"Only if you can tell me that I'm not making things worse for your powers," she replied, almost challengingly. "I won't be responsible for that again, especially if you're too stubborn to admit it."
His fist came down on the arm of the chair. "Everything is making things worse for my powers!" He closed his mouth, tightening into a thin grim line. He felt his control was slipping, even though he had none to begin with.
"And that's why I need to go. Before Voght throws us both out for disturbing the coma patient. Nate's shields are probably just as bad as yours are right now and he really doesn't need this filtering through. He played go-between enough when we were dating." She met his eyes squarely, trying to calm herself down. "If you want to talk to me, you know where to find me, Manny. And I'll come if you ask me to. Just let it go for now - it's not the right time or place."
With her efforts of calming, so did Manuels' temperment tone down as well. This was aggivating enough feeling everything she was feeling. She projected to him, possibly more so than anyone else and Manuel found it difficlt to concentrate himself away from her. Uncoiling his fingers, he stretched them out before forcibly relaxing in his shoulders. "I agree," he said quietly and picked up the book, intent on finding distraction in between the pages where distraction was bound.
"Thank fuck for that." She headed for the door, pausing a moment before opening it. "Bye, Manny."
His eyes followed her despite opening the page to where he was to continue. "For now."
