xp_logs | Jay & Kevin | Tuesday Morning

Spotting a familiar, albeit altered, figure out on the lawns Kevin wanders out to see if Jay is okay now that he's back. Jay tries to make amends

Jay had wanted to climb, he really did but he had a whole different perspective on climbing now. He'd always use his wings to help him up, always had to flap, giving that extra push and right now, he didn't have the feathers for that extra push. They were half way grown in by now, growing much faster than he thought they would, but they weren't growing as fast as he would have liked them to grow. So instead of getting up into the tree, he plunked himself down at the base and settled in comfortably with his guitar in his lap. He wore a brown hoodie and the hood covered most of his inclined head, except the bangs that hung down as he plucked away at the guitar sitting in his lap. The sound was like picking up an old bike and riding it again, the light testing of the tune carrying on the breeze within the woods. He needed to get out of the mansion, get some fresh air and just sit somewhere where there was no one. Somewhere he could do the catch up homework he had, at least the practical part of his homework. The other half, the mental one, was sitting upstairs, upturned on the desk. He was not in a reading mood today.

Kevin had been up in his room sketching and glancing out of the window every once in a while for anything of interest to catch his eye whether it be a shape, a shadow or a movement. Anything that he could add or be inspired by. The red hair should have caught his eyes first but it was the wings that snatched his attention as the person moved across the lawn to a tree. There was something battle-worn about the sparse wings that made them stand out more than usual. Kevin noted mentally that he apparently was incapable of growing out of his fascination with them. A fascination that began before his fascination with the boy they were attached to.

After nearly a half hour of being more distracted by what lay outside the window than what lay on his sketch pad Kevin finally gave up any attempt to pretend he was drawing and left his room. He kept the sketch pad with him along with several different pens all shoved into a back pocket. If nothing else it gave him a cover story for anyone staring at him as he went outside. He approached the tree from the opposite side on which Jay sat and leaned against the trunk while he listened to the notes coming from the instrument. "So you're better, then?" Kevin's accent was noticeably lighter than it had been the last time he'd seen Jay. It was the way Jay only had heard him speak when he'd wake from nightmares about his father, something only witnessed a handful of times in the near year they'd known one another.

It was still early enough for the morning air to have a crisp bite to it, the lazy summer days were over and with the lack of students around, serenity quietly proclaimed that school was in full session. There was still an air of anxiety hanging around but, Jay still felt mildly relaxed despite it. A black bird called out over head and two other birds chimed in response but otherwise, it was a very settling morning that had Yvette not been in school, he would have almost expected to see her emerge.

He gave a start at Kevin's voice behind him and it twanged in the guitar. He stopped playing and glanced over his shoulder, fingers automatically reaching for the head to retune it. "Better but not really in the swing of things," he said, turning his attention back to the guitar. His heart had jumped into his throat with Kevin's stealth but now, a desire kindled in him that was faint enough to enjoy the company, but not cling to him like excitement normally would. There was a calm about him, a subdued pull that brought him down into his creativity and focused more on what was important rather than what was not. Like complaining.
He smiled to himself, more at ease with his surroundings and the placement of their mismatched relationship, content to just be instead of trying to be what he had originally thought they should be. Kevin's lighter tone lifted him a bit and his wings shifted as he crossed his legs and leaned over the guitar. "How's it going, still able to touch things?"

"For now. Not for much longer, though." Kevin was watching Jay carefully mostly to see if Jay was lying about being better. Kevin wasn't paying attention to the morning, the air or the birds. It was predictable how absolutely he focused on Jay. He didn't handle worrying about people very well and he hadn't shown much that he'd been worried about Jay while things were spiraling downward for his ex. Crouching down, Kevin balanced on the balls of his feet while he left his sketchbook in his lap and crossed his arms over his knees. With his chin settling into place atop his arms he just stared at Jay for a while in silence.

"You're different." He offered no explanation, just the observation. Something had shifted with Jay and the feeling Kevin got off him wasn't one he normally had in the guy's presence. Some people gave off certain emotions. There was always this energy that came off Jay in waves. It wasn't always positive but it was there and it was his. In his mind Kevin was sure he could feel that energy before seeing Jay some times and could be sure it was him before the guy'd been seen. It just felt different being around him now. Kevin didn't recognize the way Jay felt to him.

The hoodie hid most of his face, though he wasn't intentionally trying to hide himself away. Brushing back the hood, Jay ran a hand through his hair and his bangs settled next to his cheek bones. The smile faded to a lopsided smirk, faint but still there in his eyes and he turned them down again, brushing his fingers over all the strings. He needed the sound just right, higher than normal to fit the piece he was practicing with. He thought to joke that Kevin was doing a great deal of staring at such a close proximity but he figured it was because of his wings and his skin, the hollow of his cheekbones not quite filled out. He knew he didn't exactly glow and practically drowning in the sweater he bore. It covered up a lot too, giving the illusion that he was fairly okay. Two more weeks and he'd fill out, he'd been told. He just had to wait.

"Almost dying does that, I think." He didn't really want to talk about how sick he'd been, or that he didn't know the name of the weird doctor that did surgery on him. He didn't want to address all his screw ups that led up to this point. Instead, he just wanted to let it all go, forget it and get better. The sketch book in Kevin's lap drew his gaze from his playing and he stopped, leaning over the instrument, pointing to the book. "How's drawin'? It's comin' along all right?"

He didn't mean for idle conversation. In fact, he was very comfortable with Kevin. Where everyone was shifting ground, Kevin was his stability. It was just that idle conversation naturally fell from his lips right now. He didn't really have any complaints aside from sudden school work, but that was to be assumed. He hoped Kevin would show him some drawings, but he wasn't holding his breath. It was like hearing a song from him, he only reserved the right song for the right times. Otherwise, practicing alone was a necessity.

Once the hood was out of the way Kevin could see how sallow Jay's skin was. It was that color people got when their bodies were really bad off. Kevin turned people's skin that color, but only for a moment before it moved on to the next stage of decomposition. Only two human beings but he remembered the process with slow motion clarity. His eyes went from the slightly sunken cheekbones down Jay's neck and he was sure the collarbone he couldn't see stood out more than it ought to. Jay never wore a shirt if he could help it and here he was in a hoodie when it wasn't cold enough for one, especially if you'd been up in Scotland recently. "Yeah, Ah figure it would. Don't think Ah meant it how you do, though."

Kevin looked down to the sketchbook in his lap, cradled between his chest and his drawn up legs. He should have just sat down or found some position that didn't require him to balance as he was but Kevin's mind was paying attention to other things and it didn't much occur to him to change position. "Drawin's drawin'. It goes. Mostly been workin' on a really belated birthday present for Yvette in the shop. Ah was trying to sketch out the shape Ah wanted for it but then it turned into something different." He shrugged. "Art does that, y'know?" This was very possibly the most conversational Kevin had been about his art. Sure, people saw it, but he didn't much talk about it or its creation. His art just existed, almost independent of anything else.

For certain Jay was not wearing a shirt underneath the hoodie. He was topless and probably would have been topless while being outside. He didnt feel the cold air like most people did. Most of the time he felt hot and suffocated. If it had been his choice, he would have gladly lived somewhere where there were nude colonies involved. The less clothing, the better, especially with a pair of wings itching at your back on a constant basis. He nodded to the Sketchbook. "Mind if Ah look then? Ah haven't seen any of your stuff recently. "

"S'not all recent," he warned as he looked down at the book again. Kevin didn't really hand over his sketchbook much. For one, no one ever asked to look at it. Another reason he didn't tend to have it on him visibly unless he was drawing at the time. After a moment of considering the consequences of handing something like this over he silently took the bound book from his lap and held it out to Jay. There were older drawings in there, a fair few of which Jay was the subject. Most of the stuff in the book was unfinished. Some of it was just expressions, quick sketches of people not paying attention or exercises with shadow and light. There were maybe two dozen finished illustrations of varying subject matter, most of which had an obvious setting of either somewhere on Muir or somewhere in or around Atlanta.

He could tell Kevin was somewhat self conscious, had always known him to be of his drawings and the hesitation was not unfamiliar. He took the book and opened it, flipping through the first few sketches. A few people he recognized and some he didn't. The ones of him at first didn't seem like much but as he flipped through the book, they seemed to get progressively better. It was easy to recognize, the wings protruding from his back where not common in the mansion or outside of it. He also noticed most of the ones that were of him were ones in which he was sleeping and recalled a few times he'd wake in a groggy state and whine for Kevin to go to sleep. Those times seemed far away now. He stopped on a particular sketch and admired it, liking the way Kevin captured the curve of his hip. He wanted to trace it with his finger but he didn't, in case it smudged and he made a mess of it. "Still not sleeping at night?" he asked quietly.

"Better'n Ah used to." The reply came with a shrug. The nightmares had gotten a lot better over the past few months, ever since he'd finally started to work with Doctor Samson rather than against him. Funny what listening to someone more knowledgeable than yourself could produce. Kevin didn't always sleep through the night still and he continued to be amazed when he kept normal people sleeping hours, but he didn't bother to mention it. Somehow he thought bringing up abnormality in sleeping would bring up abnormality elsewhere and those conversations always degenerated into a very bad place between them.

"Thought you might sleep better without another body in the bed," he joked lamely, flipping the page. He was oblivious that they were teetering on a topic that they normally would have conflicting emotions about, instead intent on studying the drawing of himself. He loved to sleep with Kevin, even if he couldn't touch him, the presence was essential to his wellbeing and he liked that they sat here together, though he could feel Kevin's stare critically going over how well his health really was.
"Heard you got a roommate. Ah'm just stayin' alone in mine. Kinda empty but you know, Ah can work on mah music and homework without anyone buggin' me." He couldn't even say if he really liked it or not, but he pretended to, keeping his tone light and generally open to the conversation. Someone would move in eventually. He wouldn't be alone for long.

Kevin didn't make a face outwardly but mentally he was looking at Jay as if he were maybe an idiot. "S'not the reason why, really." While he didn't sound annoyed or irritated at all he did sound like he wasn't inclined to explain what was the reason why at all. The very idea of his rehabilitation via art therapy as odd to Kevin and some days he only made any progress because he shut up and stopped thinking about it.

"Yeah, livin' with Julio. Coulda been a lot worse, at least Ah get along with Julio. Brings Noriko around more, too." Kevin foresaw much more frequent trips to KFC in his future because of that. "And at least Ah liked Julio already, y'know?"

"Yeah, he doesn't like me too much anyway. Nori doesn't either." Jay shrugged at that. He didn't understand it but that was the general impression he got. Turning the sketch pad over he tapped the sheet and then handed it back. "Ah like that one," he said and went back to tuning the guitar. Normally he would have asked for it but somehow felt it inappropriate to ask Kevin for anything now. They weren't really together. They were't really friends. They weren't anything that Jay could define and for some reason, he'd settle for it. Pushing Kevin was not the way to go anymore and he didn't feel that there was a need to. You couldn't push someone to love you. They either did, or didn't. "It's nice that you came around," he said, pulling up his sleeves. "Thought Ah would see more of you since you've been on meds." But he supposed Kevin was busy. He had been busy himself.

"Ah don't think Nori really likes a whole lotta people much, really. Not sure why Julio don't like you." Kevin could see why a person wouldn't like Jay. Hell, he hadn't liked Jay to begin with. It'd been a while ago now, but Kevin could remember purposely avoiding the guy after their first encounter. Of course, he didn't think other people had the same reasons he'd had then for not wanting to be around Jay, but everyone had their trigger and Jay didn't tend to be subtle. Either you'd like him or not, mostly likely.

Taking the book back, Kevin glanced down at the page Jay had left it open to. It a figure study he'd done of birds in flight. It was one of the few sketches he'd bothered to finish. It always felt like freedom to him, the birds soaring through the sky or taking flight from the trees. He closed the sketchbook and laid it back in his lap, crossing his arms over his knees once more after he had. "Yeah, Ah thought so too, but work and Doc Sampson and werejaguars and stuff kinda ate more time'n Ah thought it would. Dunno how that happened."

"It happens with everyone." He figured it would happen with Kevin eventually. He seemed to be more open. Jay would go even as far as to say Kevin looked happier in his position and for that, Jay was happy for him. Hell, there wasn't much he wasn't content about right now, especially when he played. "So you met Cat huh?" he asked. "She's a good friend. Kinda like Kyle and Forge are to me. She'll probably claim mah bed sometime like she use to."

"Cat? Oh, you mean the purple cat girl thing?" He wasn't really sure what you called a girl who could turn into a cat but wasn't usually a girl. That just went into the land of confusing Kevin too much, really. "Nah, Ah haven't met her. Seen her napping 'round and stuff, but that's all. You must be happy she's back, huh?" He figured if he had someone that left who was that close a friend he'd be damn happy they were back so Jay was probably ecstatic.

"Yeah. Ah am." He didn't say much more about it, mostly because he wasn't sure how well she got along with Kevin. He'd find out eventually. "You look pretty good. Happy even. Maybe not getting enough sleep but you look like you're doing things you couldn't do before." His eyes fixed lazily on Kevin's, holding them. He liked the colour, had always liked everything about the other, right down to his musky scent, but he couldn't smell that with the slight breeze between them. He gestured for Kevin to sit since his position in crouching looked extremely uncomfortable.

Kevin rocked back on the balls of his feet and plopped down on the grass mostly gracefully. "Ah dunno that Ah'm able to do anythin' Ah couldn't before," he said after a moment of silence. "Not like suddenly Ah can travel whenever Ah want or Ah can write sonnets or anythin'." Kevin didn't really see the change himself, honestly. Sure, he noticed he smiled a bit more often and he tended to be a lot more relaxed physically but that didn't mean he could magically do things. Besides, what could he not do before other than the obvious anyway?

Jay saw all the potential of being able to touch and he was not the one that couldn't. "Well," he started. "You can do this with someone." He reached out, his fingers tentatively tracing up Kevin's fingers and sliding back down to the pads and pushing against them. His eyes were downcast, deep in concentration while his fingers pushed Kevin's hand back, bending his wrist towards his ex and lacing their hands together. It felt strange to touch Kevin. Jay hadn't wanted to really be touched after being sick but he let that guard down for Kevin and his misplaced affection.

Kevin's hand was relaxed, not making any move on its own but rather allowing Jay to do whatever it was he was going to do. This was violating the terms and stipulations they'd set up when they'd entered into their odd involvement. If Jay didn't look so bad off Kevin may have pointed it out but for now he chose not to. "Technically Ah could before, too." Kevin turned their clasped hands over, then reversed the motion to turn them back to the other side. "Just couldn't do it quite the same's all."

"Yeah," he agreed, but really, he was distracted by the touch, the intimacy it drew between them and he stared down at their hands as Kevin took control. He chewed the inside of his bottom lip and for the moment, didn't withdraw his hand. "Ah'm sorry Ah was such a jerk," he said quietly. If anything, almost dying was horrible wake up call for him, impacting what was important to him and paving a clear road to what he really wanted. He might not get Kevin back, but he wanted to apologize for it.

"Huh?" Kevin had continued the rotation of their hands this way and that, inspecting the way they locked together and how their skin looked against one another. Jay's apology had caused him to pause in that movement though he didn't let go of the hand. It took a bit to think of what Jay might be apologizing for specifically and while he was pretty sure what it was he wasn't certain. Besides, it wasn't like he could tell Jay it was okay because he already knew the guy was a jerk. That'd have been rude.

"Ah'm sorry, for everything really. Ah... was a jerk. When we were datin', when we weren't." He shrugged, dropping his eyes to his guitar. His free hand picked away at the strings while his other held Kevin's. He felt stupid for repeating it, stupid for even saying it because Kevin didn't seem to have any clue to what he was talking about. "All Ah wanted was your attention, you know, your full attention so when you were branchin' out, Ah got insecure. Even when we weren't together. Ah love you and Ah pushed you away and Ah'm sorry for it. Better to apologize late than never, right?" Kevin meant a lot to him, everything in fact. "Ah'd done a great job of ruining somethin' good."

What was he supposed to say? He could just say it was okay but it wasn't really. Mostly it confused him a lot. He wasn't sure where to go with that apology or what to do with it. "S'all in the past." That was true and it was noncommittal so it didn't get Kevin into any potentially dangerous situations with what he did or did not say. Of course, the hand he was holding was probably enough to get him into trouble anyway. Awkwardly he told Jay, "Apology accepted. Um, Ah really don't know what else to say to that." Honesty was a good thing, right?

It was awkward to hold Kevin's hand in light of what he said and Jay unlaced their fingers, replacing his hand on the neck of the guitar and picking away at a tune he'd been practicing at Muir. "You don't have to say anything really." He hadn't expected anything. Just wanted forgiveness. "Ah'm happy yer here and you accepted." It was all he needed and it was good enough for him. As though a load had been lifted from his shoulders, he leaned back against the tree and propped his knee up. One leg stretched out next to Kevin and the faint plucking of strings eased and changed pace into something more placid, instead of being a distraction to their scenario. He enjoyed just playing to perfecting one song out of four he had written. Maybe two of those were his favourite but they weren't ready for someone's ears yet.

Being told he didn't have to say anything relaxed Kevin a little. With his hand free once again he let his legs flop over to either side from where they'd been pulled up against his chest and he opened his sketchbook. Without a word he flipped to a clean page and started to sketch. He didn't really feel the need to say anything else, honestly, and he sort of liked the ability to be near Jay but not have to do anything about that. The just being, that was nice sometimes.