![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
x-adrienne.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
xp_logsAn encounter in the gym leads Adrienne to put Garrison on the spot as to why he's been avoiding her. She's brought up conflicting feelings in him. Not romantic ones.
Intending to work a little on the left jab Morgan was currently teaching her in boxing lessons, Adrienne entered the gym with her trusty radio blaring the commentary for the Red Sox game under her arm. Boxing was always better while listening to baseball commentary, the psychometrist had come to realize. And it saved on glasses for the suite when the Sox lost.
She'd been looking forward to her session in the gym all day, eager for the chance to unwind after a stressful few days spent dealing with her two careers and Inez's troubles on top of them.
Except there was a rather well-muscled Canadian law enforcement officer already using the punching bag. "Kane," Adrienne greeted tentatively. She hadn't actually had a proper conversation with the man since before the Mountie's boss had given her the FBI/NYPD deal, and wasn't sure if he was avoiding her or had just been busy lately. "I meant to thank you earlier for what you did for Inez; helping her out with the police."
"The Police. Are. A bunch. Of Douchebags." Garrison said, punctuating each few words with a heavy hit on the bag. The light was on above the bag, which meant it had been set for those with super strength. McCoy had developed a punching bag core years ago that could be 'dialed' to absorb blows from a range of strengths without destroying the bag, and Garrison's heavy blows sounded no more powerful than any others, despite the fact he could demolish a car with them.
"That Chief is seriously running them into the ground, and he's got plenty of yes men in the department willing to intimidate others into not saying anything. That is one sick department down there." He paused to wipe the sweat from his face. He'd been lucky that Carson had backed down, since Duncan would have likely taken Kane head off if he'd heard that Garrison had used his credentials to back another cop down in a dick-waving fight.
Bemused, Adrienne turned off her radio. She had no need for impassioned, slightly crazy ranting from both the baseball commentators and Garrison. "You don't have to preach to me about the police being a bunch of... whatever it was you called them," she informed him, meaning to tease him but not entirely sure she was actually joking. The police were a bunch of douchebags as far as she was concerned... with the exception of Garrison.
"It's departments like that which poison people towards cops." Kane muttered darkly. Like most police, corrupt cops earned a special place of hatred in his heart. He remembered when one of their narcotics specialists got caught with his fingers in a little side business, and the cold ruthlessness in which the RCMP had gone after him. The badge was a collective responsibility, and one bad cop represented a failing for them all.
"Or it could be the fact that some people just like breaking the law and hate anyone who tries to stop them," Adrienne pointed out with a raised eyebrow. "Not that I ever was or ever will be one of those people," she added with a smile. "Luckily for the women of Xavier's you're an incorruptible Boy Scout."
"Incorruptible Boy Scout? That's a new one." Kane crossed his arms over his large chest, considering what she'd said. "I mean, I am a cop. I sort of have to look down on breaking the law for fun and profit. I didn't think that made me some kind of do-gooder or something."
Adrienne put down her radio and the gym bag she'd brought with her. "You don't have to get defensive; I didn't mean it as a bad thing. And I already told you, I'm not one of those people who broke the law for fun or profit." Realizing that she was now the one getting defensive, the brunette frowned and tried to clear the air. "Have you been avoiding me because you had to do the do-gooder Boy Scout thing and help me stay out of jail? Do you regret that you helped me? Is that your problem?"
"I haven't been avoiding you. Although someone at Xavier's getting arrested every week hasn't freed up a lot of time for me." Kane scrubbed his hand through his sweat soaked hair, trying to get his own thoughts in order. "Truthfully though, I don't know how I feel about what's happened. I know your powers, and I understand the situation is one that the law had a big black hole about and you had a make a decision. That doesn't bother me. I guess where I'm trying to work out is that you took the fatal one first and easily. I just don't know whether I'm ready to believe that's what you had to do, or just want to believe that because it makes it easier for me."
Face clouding over, Adrienne narrowed her eyes in another frown. "I didn't make that decision first or easily," she said quietly. She wasn't about to go so far as to paint a picture for Garrison detailing just how much she'd agonized over her choice before she'd settled on it, but pride wouldn't allow her to just stand back and say nothing while he thought she'd just blithely decided to kill her own husband on some tempestuous whim. She cared what Garrison thought of her. Damnit. "I tried to leave. I tried to get a divorce. Killing him wasn't a first choice." She patted her pockets for her lighter and blew out a frustrated breath when she remembered that she was in her gym clothes and had left the lighter in her suite. "And I know you wouldn't believe it, but there was a brief moment when I actually loved the son of a bitch, so if you think I did what I did easily, you're wrong. I couldn't even do it myself in the end," she added wryly, "I had to get someone else to do it because I couldn't do it myself. But believe what you want. I mean, it's not as if I care what you think of me." She even added a laugh to make herself sound more convincing.
"I know that." Garrison said quietly. Maybe it was the years of training, but Garrison couldn't imagine that with her intelligence, money, and connections, Adrienne couldn't find a way to escape her ex-husband unless the fear had been so great that killing him was the only way to ever feel safe again. Her powers made a comparitively simple judgment extremely difficult. "But I'm trying to come to grips with what I think of you, and that's important to me."
"Well, I don't really care what you think of me," the psychometrist reiterated belligerently. "And I can't help it if you think it's important." She crossed her arms over her chest and took a step back from Garrison, contemplating whether she should walk away, or admit that she wanted things to be okay between Garrison and herself again. "And your Blue Jays suck and my Sox are going to be in the playoffs."
"You're likely right about both things. And if you don't care, whatever decision I come to doesn't matter anyway." Kane shrugged. "But you not caring doesn't make it any easier for me."
With a sigh, Adrienne's steely expression faded into one of unhappiness. "I'm sorry for that, then. I never meant to give you this whole moral dilemma thing you have happening. Maybe you shouldn't have helped me."
"If I thought you deserved to go to jail, I wouldn't have helped you. Legally, it was fairly clear self-defense. Morally, I don't know." Garrison walked over to one of the benches and sat down. "I'm not trying to get you to show penitence or rub ashes in your hair over this, Adrienne. Whatever decisions you had to come to grips with about the situation, you did so a long time ago. It's just taking some time to figure out what I honestly believe, and whether it's effected by the fact that I care about you and want to be able to put it behind us."
She sat down on the bench, as far from Garrison as she could get while still occupying the same space. "So you haven't figured out if you want to put it behind you?" Putting her elbows on her knees, Adrienne rested her head in her hands as if wearied. "How long is it going to take for you to figure it out? And am I supposed do anything to help influence your decision in any way? Not that I care, I mean." Frustrated, she shook her head. "Rub ashes in my hair? What the hell?"
"Old tradition of penitence. With the sack cloth and stuff." Garrison pointed out. He was resting his elbows on his knees, staring at his hands. "My old man was the reason I wanted to be a cop, because the law to him was something to be ignored in general, in favour of what he decided was the best solution. He also was gone far more than he was there, and cheated on my mom a lot. It gave me a kind of anti-role model. I didn't know who I wanted to be other than 'not him'. I think people don't consider how much law and the idea of justice stitches everything together; makes life at least passingly fair. You ordered a hit on someone, with the very best reason in the world to do it, but still... I've never killed in the line of duty. I don't know how I'd see myself after that either."
Since Adrienne couldn't face him, she kept her chin in her hands and stared at the punching bag, settling her thoughts. The subject of fathers was a sensitive issue for her, and one she was most definitely not getting into with Garrison. "You've never had to kill anyone?" she asked quietly. "Well you, being a Boy Scout, would probably lock yourself in your room listening to Air Supply for years on end. Because you're a decent person. You have guilt." She risked a glance over at Garrison and gave him a pointed look. "I buried myself in work. And cigarettes and alcohol. I saw myself... well, like you said, I came to grips with my situation a long time ago." She gave Kane a wan smile. "And if you are ever in that same hopeless situation where you can see that you're going to die and there's no way out unless you kill someone, you'd do it, and you'd come to grips with it too. That's what you do to get through every damn day. You survive. To get above what your father was and to be better."
"I don't know if it's about being better than my father. He's actually saved the world a couple of times. I just know I don't want to be the same person that he is." He leaned back, head against the brick walls of the gym, and a speculative expression on his face. "That's why none of this comes easily for me. I've struggled with a lot of questions about being an X-Man, about the role we have, and whether or not it's a positive thing. I struggle when I see people I like involved in things that I should be able to say clearly are wrong. I know I'm not always going to be right, but I at least should be able to keep on the right path."
He sighed, shaking his head softly. "It's not about me judging you, Adrienne. I did that when I decided to help you. It's about me judging me."
Adrienne nodded, mirroring Garrison's pose as she leaned back with her head against the wall. "I understand." She reined in the urge to tease him about being a Boy Scout again. "I wouldn't have let you help me if I thought you were ever going to stray from that 'right path', you know," she confessed, staring at the punching bag. "If you were any other guy I never would have told you a thing. But you're you. You are the 'right path' guy. What I did was wrong. Even I know that," she said with a wry laugh. "So don't judge yourself too harshly, Kane. You're not falling off the path because if you were you wouldn't be so judgmental of yourself, and you might have even saved my life, so there have got to be points you can give yourself for that or something."
"Nah. I just helped you see what the right thing to do was, in the end. You were the one that actually did it, eh." Kane pushed off the wall and got up. "Screw it. I'm going to grab a shower and a beer. You're welcome to join me. For the beer, I meant. Actually, the shower's pretty much an open invite too. Water conservation is everyone's responsibility you know."
With a laugh, Adrienne stood as well. She wasn't sure if Kane had actually solved his moral dilemma and judged himself as he'd intended, but she felt mollified that things were going to be alright between them, which pleased her. "I think I'll take a rain cheque on the shower? But I will take you up on the beer. And invite you to play the new stoner video game I got from our favourite Smurfette. You swim around and poke fish. It's brilliant."
"Fish poking, eh? Gosh, no idea how I could say no to that."
Intending to work a little on the left jab Morgan was currently teaching her in boxing lessons, Adrienne entered the gym with her trusty radio blaring the commentary for the Red Sox game under her arm. Boxing was always better while listening to baseball commentary, the psychometrist had come to realize. And it saved on glasses for the suite when the Sox lost.
She'd been looking forward to her session in the gym all day, eager for the chance to unwind after a stressful few days spent dealing with her two careers and Inez's troubles on top of them.
Except there was a rather well-muscled Canadian law enforcement officer already using the punching bag. "Kane," Adrienne greeted tentatively. She hadn't actually had a proper conversation with the man since before the Mountie's boss had given her the FBI/NYPD deal, and wasn't sure if he was avoiding her or had just been busy lately. "I meant to thank you earlier for what you did for Inez; helping her out with the police."
"The Police. Are. A bunch. Of Douchebags." Garrison said, punctuating each few words with a heavy hit on the bag. The light was on above the bag, which meant it had been set for those with super strength. McCoy had developed a punching bag core years ago that could be 'dialed' to absorb blows from a range of strengths without destroying the bag, and Garrison's heavy blows sounded no more powerful than any others, despite the fact he could demolish a car with them.
"That Chief is seriously running them into the ground, and he's got plenty of yes men in the department willing to intimidate others into not saying anything. That is one sick department down there." He paused to wipe the sweat from his face. He'd been lucky that Carson had backed down, since Duncan would have likely taken Kane head off if he'd heard that Garrison had used his credentials to back another cop down in a dick-waving fight.
Bemused, Adrienne turned off her radio. She had no need for impassioned, slightly crazy ranting from both the baseball commentators and Garrison. "You don't have to preach to me about the police being a bunch of... whatever it was you called them," she informed him, meaning to tease him but not entirely sure she was actually joking. The police were a bunch of douchebags as far as she was concerned... with the exception of Garrison.
"It's departments like that which poison people towards cops." Kane muttered darkly. Like most police, corrupt cops earned a special place of hatred in his heart. He remembered when one of their narcotics specialists got caught with his fingers in a little side business, and the cold ruthlessness in which the RCMP had gone after him. The badge was a collective responsibility, and one bad cop represented a failing for them all.
"Or it could be the fact that some people just like breaking the law and hate anyone who tries to stop them," Adrienne pointed out with a raised eyebrow. "Not that I ever was or ever will be one of those people," she added with a smile. "Luckily for the women of Xavier's you're an incorruptible Boy Scout."
"Incorruptible Boy Scout? That's a new one." Kane crossed his arms over his large chest, considering what she'd said. "I mean, I am a cop. I sort of have to look down on breaking the law for fun and profit. I didn't think that made me some kind of do-gooder or something."
Adrienne put down her radio and the gym bag she'd brought with her. "You don't have to get defensive; I didn't mean it as a bad thing. And I already told you, I'm not one of those people who broke the law for fun or profit." Realizing that she was now the one getting defensive, the brunette frowned and tried to clear the air. "Have you been avoiding me because you had to do the do-gooder Boy Scout thing and help me stay out of jail? Do you regret that you helped me? Is that your problem?"
"I haven't been avoiding you. Although someone at Xavier's getting arrested every week hasn't freed up a lot of time for me." Kane scrubbed his hand through his sweat soaked hair, trying to get his own thoughts in order. "Truthfully though, I don't know how I feel about what's happened. I know your powers, and I understand the situation is one that the law had a big black hole about and you had a make a decision. That doesn't bother me. I guess where I'm trying to work out is that you took the fatal one first and easily. I just don't know whether I'm ready to believe that's what you had to do, or just want to believe that because it makes it easier for me."
Face clouding over, Adrienne narrowed her eyes in another frown. "I didn't make that decision first or easily," she said quietly. She wasn't about to go so far as to paint a picture for Garrison detailing just how much she'd agonized over her choice before she'd settled on it, but pride wouldn't allow her to just stand back and say nothing while he thought she'd just blithely decided to kill her own husband on some tempestuous whim. She cared what Garrison thought of her. Damnit. "I tried to leave. I tried to get a divorce. Killing him wasn't a first choice." She patted her pockets for her lighter and blew out a frustrated breath when she remembered that she was in her gym clothes and had left the lighter in her suite. "And I know you wouldn't believe it, but there was a brief moment when I actually loved the son of a bitch, so if you think I did what I did easily, you're wrong. I couldn't even do it myself in the end," she added wryly, "I had to get someone else to do it because I couldn't do it myself. But believe what you want. I mean, it's not as if I care what you think of me." She even added a laugh to make herself sound more convincing.
"I know that." Garrison said quietly. Maybe it was the years of training, but Garrison couldn't imagine that with her intelligence, money, and connections, Adrienne couldn't find a way to escape her ex-husband unless the fear had been so great that killing him was the only way to ever feel safe again. Her powers made a comparitively simple judgment extremely difficult. "But I'm trying to come to grips with what I think of you, and that's important to me."
"Well, I don't really care what you think of me," the psychometrist reiterated belligerently. "And I can't help it if you think it's important." She crossed her arms over her chest and took a step back from Garrison, contemplating whether she should walk away, or admit that she wanted things to be okay between Garrison and herself again. "And your Blue Jays suck and my Sox are going to be in the playoffs."
"You're likely right about both things. And if you don't care, whatever decision I come to doesn't matter anyway." Kane shrugged. "But you not caring doesn't make it any easier for me."
With a sigh, Adrienne's steely expression faded into one of unhappiness. "I'm sorry for that, then. I never meant to give you this whole moral dilemma thing you have happening. Maybe you shouldn't have helped me."
"If I thought you deserved to go to jail, I wouldn't have helped you. Legally, it was fairly clear self-defense. Morally, I don't know." Garrison walked over to one of the benches and sat down. "I'm not trying to get you to show penitence or rub ashes in your hair over this, Adrienne. Whatever decisions you had to come to grips with about the situation, you did so a long time ago. It's just taking some time to figure out what I honestly believe, and whether it's effected by the fact that I care about you and want to be able to put it behind us."
She sat down on the bench, as far from Garrison as she could get while still occupying the same space. "So you haven't figured out if you want to put it behind you?" Putting her elbows on her knees, Adrienne rested her head in her hands as if wearied. "How long is it going to take for you to figure it out? And am I supposed do anything to help influence your decision in any way? Not that I care, I mean." Frustrated, she shook her head. "Rub ashes in my hair? What the hell?"
"Old tradition of penitence. With the sack cloth and stuff." Garrison pointed out. He was resting his elbows on his knees, staring at his hands. "My old man was the reason I wanted to be a cop, because the law to him was something to be ignored in general, in favour of what he decided was the best solution. He also was gone far more than he was there, and cheated on my mom a lot. It gave me a kind of anti-role model. I didn't know who I wanted to be other than 'not him'. I think people don't consider how much law and the idea of justice stitches everything together; makes life at least passingly fair. You ordered a hit on someone, with the very best reason in the world to do it, but still... I've never killed in the line of duty. I don't know how I'd see myself after that either."
Since Adrienne couldn't face him, she kept her chin in her hands and stared at the punching bag, settling her thoughts. The subject of fathers was a sensitive issue for her, and one she was most definitely not getting into with Garrison. "You've never had to kill anyone?" she asked quietly. "Well you, being a Boy Scout, would probably lock yourself in your room listening to Air Supply for years on end. Because you're a decent person. You have guilt." She risked a glance over at Garrison and gave him a pointed look. "I buried myself in work. And cigarettes and alcohol. I saw myself... well, like you said, I came to grips with my situation a long time ago." She gave Kane a wan smile. "And if you are ever in that same hopeless situation where you can see that you're going to die and there's no way out unless you kill someone, you'd do it, and you'd come to grips with it too. That's what you do to get through every damn day. You survive. To get above what your father was and to be better."
"I don't know if it's about being better than my father. He's actually saved the world a couple of times. I just know I don't want to be the same person that he is." He leaned back, head against the brick walls of the gym, and a speculative expression on his face. "That's why none of this comes easily for me. I've struggled with a lot of questions about being an X-Man, about the role we have, and whether or not it's a positive thing. I struggle when I see people I like involved in things that I should be able to say clearly are wrong. I know I'm not always going to be right, but I at least should be able to keep on the right path."
He sighed, shaking his head softly. "It's not about me judging you, Adrienne. I did that when I decided to help you. It's about me judging me."
Adrienne nodded, mirroring Garrison's pose as she leaned back with her head against the wall. "I understand." She reined in the urge to tease him about being a Boy Scout again. "I wouldn't have let you help me if I thought you were ever going to stray from that 'right path', you know," she confessed, staring at the punching bag. "If you were any other guy I never would have told you a thing. But you're you. You are the 'right path' guy. What I did was wrong. Even I know that," she said with a wry laugh. "So don't judge yourself too harshly, Kane. You're not falling off the path because if you were you wouldn't be so judgmental of yourself, and you might have even saved my life, so there have got to be points you can give yourself for that or something."
"Nah. I just helped you see what the right thing to do was, in the end. You were the one that actually did it, eh." Kane pushed off the wall and got up. "Screw it. I'm going to grab a shower and a beer. You're welcome to join me. For the beer, I meant. Actually, the shower's pretty much an open invite too. Water conservation is everyone's responsibility you know."
With a laugh, Adrienne stood as well. She wasn't sure if Kane had actually solved his moral dilemma and judged himself as he'd intended, but she felt mollified that things were going to be alright between them, which pleased her. "I think I'll take a rain cheque on the shower? But I will take you up on the beer. And invite you to play the new stoner video game I got from our favourite Smurfette. You swim around and poke fish. It's brilliant."
"Fish poking, eh? Gosh, no idea how I could say no to that."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-09-25 11:08 am (UTC)