xp_logs | Post-Day Zero: Nori and Julio

x-kaminari.livejournal.com posting in

Nori is not doing as well as she would like the world to believe...

There'd been chaos and disaster, and a desperate hug when it was all over, and then somehow (and Nori wasn't entirely certain how, the whole day blurring together like the worst hangover and post-high crash in the world) they were back at the mansion and she had finally gotten a shower, and enough food to feed a small army and she was still contemplating going down to the garage and just draining one of the car batteries so this horrible lethargy would go away.

Instead, here she was, standing outside the door to Kevin and Julio's suite, and completely failing to knock.

The last four days had been the worst of her life, well and above waking up one morning with a tattoo and no memory of the day and a half preceeding. Worse, even, than the night she manifested and almost killed Iishi-san. All she wanted was to sleep through the night, believing she was safe. Preferably held by somebody she honestly thought cared about her. And it was that last part which was the real kicker, because Julio liked her. She was pretty solid on that. They had fun, and it was neat to fail to learn Spanish and nice that he understood the no-one-understands-me feeling of being foreign and the sex was great. But did he actually care? Noriko honestly couldn't say, and she certainly couldn't ask, and for once the lack of mutually understood language wasn't the problem.

Julio sat on the couch with his feet kicked out on the coffee table. The tv was on, but it was all news, all the time. He clicked it off with a sigh. He was sore, more sore than he'd ever been in his life. Even after he'd blown up San Diego he was sure he hadn't been this sore. More destruction, even more death, Julio sighed and rubbed his face tiredly. This was a feeling he hadn't felt in a while. A heavy weight in his chest, like something sharp had been stuck there. There was no guilt, he'd done what he could this time, he hadn't been victimized in any way.

And yet, suddenly he was 15 all over again, having to deal with the enormity of what had just happened. He'd shied away from his girlfriend, after the initial 'Are you all right/thank god you're alives' because quite frankly, he couldn't deal. He was starting to want more than just sex from her. But he wasn't sure if she was even capable of it.

He set the remote on the coffee table and stood up, stretching. Perhaps he would go... something. Go for a walk or..

Julio opened the door and blinked. "Nori?"

The door opening on it's own entirely threw her. There was definitely a reason she hadn't gotten around to knocking yet, and it was that she did not have anything to say. And surely that wasn't right? That is, not having anything really to say to her boyfriend was par for the course for Noriko, but Julio was actually a nice guy and she'd wanted it to be different, and she thought maybe it was, but was it really? Or was it different enough. "Julio... ah... hi?" she tried, then mentally kicked herself. "Is... ara..." Think, girl, think. Her brain just wasn't up to speed; while there was power flowing again, with the bracers on she just hadn't managed to get enough, or enough food, or sleep or whatever... Sleep! That was the answer! "Is Karolina. She very..." Nori flapped her hand about, trying to somehow describe her insane roommate without saying anything. "Can Nori sleep here? Am very sleep... tired." Pausing she suddenly glanced down. "Or is can ask Jennie..." she added, because it suddenly occurred to her that maybe he'd want more than sleep, and she just really didn't have the energy, and she couldn't explain that.

"Ah-- yes, sure." Julio said again, opening the door for her more so she could follow him inside the suite. He made his way into his bedroom, and gathered up a pile of dirty clothes still on his bed, tossing them into his closet and onto his laundry hamper. He wasn't in the mood for sex, he was tired and his head hurt. But if she wanted to sleep in his bed, she was welcome to it.

Someone should be sleeping in it.

He pulled another comforter out of his closet and shook it out, before setting on the bed. "Good?" he added to his girlfriend in the doorway.

"Ah... hai." It was the comforter that gave it away that he wouldn't be joining her; he knew that she got overheated with him in the bed and a blanket, but it was a cold night out. On her own, she'd almost certainly want it. Face carefully blank Nori moved to sit on the edge of the bed, fingers playing idly with the edge of the comforter. "Thank you. Is very tired," she repeated, not knowing what else to say, or how to say it.

Julio ran his fingers through his hair, unsure of what to say. He sat down on the bed next to her. "Are you all right?" he said finally.

'Yes' was an obvious lie but she couldn't say 'no', partly because it would demand too much of him but mostly because she just couldn't, and she didn't know how to say 'I will be', even aside from she didn't know if it was true. "Is don't know," she finally said, eyes firmly on the floor.

Julio sighed. He was so bad at this. Their relationship was purely physical, and he hated to admit it, but it was becoming boring. But he didn't know how to say it, or even if what he wanted could be asked for. But she had to be feeling a little of what he was feeling, so he sat next to her and did what he wanted someone to do for him.

He took her slim fingers in his, and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles, "I know," he said softly. "I know."

Nori blinked, hard, holding back the wetness which had suddenly sprung to her eyes. She didn't want to cry. Crying would be like admitting she was still afraid, and she couldn't do that. She had to be strong. She had to be self sufficient and hold it all together, because she had to. She'd made it the whole time in New York without crying, and it would be stupid to lose it now. But almost involuntarily her fingers slipped between his, squeezing tightly.

"Fuck it," Julio said, and wrapped an arm around her. "I won't tell anyone. It's ok," he whispered.

His arm pulled her close and she couldn't fight anymore, couldn't be strong, not when she was so tired. Curling into his chest Nori gave up, tears coursing down her cheeks into his shirt as she cried. But silently. Not a sound escaped her, even as her shoulders shook with the force of her repressed sobs.

"Shhh, it's okay," he said softly. "It will all be ok."

The world didn't stop for you when something terrible happened. You had to keep going, no matter what. Julio sighed and rubbed the back of Nori's head. There were so few things he could do, but this, at least, was in his power to give.