xp_logs | New York Minute: A Desperate Lover Left His Mark

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On some solitary rock
A desperate lover left his mark,
'baby, I've changed. please come back.

Subdued wasn't even the word for Noriko as Nathan drove her back to Westchester. She sat silent for the rest of the car ride, but for once her silence wasn't sullenness. It was contrition. Between blowing out most of her energy last night against her attackers and the little remaining drug in her system, her mind was remarkably clear, and the conclusion that she had fucked up big time was inescapable.

When the car finally pulled to a stop in the drive Noriko sighed deeply, then stepped out, straightening up and squaring her shoulders as she turned to bow deeply to Nathan. "I sorry," she whispered, then stood up and said it again, more clearly. "I very sorry," before turning and heading into the school as though heading to her doom.

Julio was just coming down the stairs as Nori entered the front room. He was struck by two very distinct emotions upon spying his errant girlfriend. One was overwhelming relief. And the other, a white-hot surge of anger that stirred in his gut. He clenched his fists. "Where the hell did you go?" was out of his mouth before he could stop it.

Noriko actually flinched back, before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. Of course he'd be the first one there. Of course. "New York," she said quietly, opening her eyes again. "Was angry."

He'd heard the fight, it would have been hard not to. "Still," Julio said, ramming his hands into the pockets of his sweatshirt. "We thought you were in trouble. Your phone went off. No one could reach you, and I couldn't tell them anything because I didn't know anything either. Nori, seriously, what the fuck?"

"Was in trouble," she admitted, then looked down at the ground. "Noriko always trouble. Sorry."

"Why?" Julio snapped, his patience gone. "Why do you always run when there's trouble, Nori?"

Noriko opened her mouth to protest, and then stopped. She wanted to think it wasn't true, but deep down she knew it was, that she'd been running all along, since she manifested. Instead she said, "Choice always run or fight. Power too, run or fight. But Nori fight is someone hurt. Maybe hurt bad."

"That's not always the choice," Julio said, coming down the stairs towards her. "Life isn't one thing or the other! It's not run or fight, good or bad, Believe me, I know."

She looked up at him as he came closer, and fought the urge to step back, keep her distance. It wasn't that she was afraid of Julio, not at all. It was just... instinct, maybe. A need to keep running. "I was never has other choice," she said softly.

"Everyone has a choice!" Julio snapped. "Everyone!"

"What Noriko choice?" she suddenly all but snarled. "Stay with parents? They not care. Stay with Takeshi? Is be hurt. Always is be hurt! Run away parents or hurt, fight at club or be hurt!"

"Bullshit! And what about here? What about here, Nori? Us? You run away from us too?" Julio snarled back. "News flash, you're not in Japan anymore. That won't fucking work here anymore."

"Is Julio care? Is Julio want? Never say. Julio is always sex. Nori only good sex. No one is want Nori for Nori. Not parents, not Julio, not anyone!"

Julio's face darkened. "That's not true. You only want sex. You keep me at arm's length. You won't let me in or let me near you. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? What's the point of a girlfriend who will freak out if I tell her how much I fucking care about her!"

Noriko scowled at him. "Why is freak out? How is Julio know? You never try!" And suddenly it seemed like she just ran out of steam, her shoulders slumping as she looked away, dashing the back of her hand against her suddenly damp eyes as she added, "No one is ever try."

Julio suddenly felt like absolute scum. He had been very worried about her, and frustrated, and God only knew what else. Nori had been right though, he had been keeping her at arm's length as much as she had to him. Always running off at the barest hint of commitment. But worrying his head off about her told Julio that maybe this went beyond the casual for him. He wanted, needed something more. He wanted to care about someone and be cared about back. And maybe he wasn't the only one.

"I am sorry, Nori," he said softly. "You scared me, yes? I was scared you wouldn't come back."

"Nori scare, too," she admitted, and it was almost as terrifying to say it out loud. But not quite as bad. "Is very fuck up. Think... think no one want Nori come back."

"I did," Julio said. "Does that mean anything?"

She looked up again, and there were definitely tears but for once she didn't scrub them away. Instead she just nodded. "Is sorry, Julio. So sorry. Is not want always fuck up everything."

Julio sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He was at a loss. What could he say to make this better? To make it all go away? But truthfully, maybe, this needed to happen. The two of them couldn't go on as they were. "You don't Nori. You say everyone thinks you are a fuck up. You don't have to prove them right. Someone once told me I was a killer, all right? I know that I am not and every day of my life I try to prove him wrong."

"Is Nathan say," she admitted, shoulders slump. "He think Nori is can better... I is don't know."

"Nori, I can't keep doing this. Going like this. Either we are or we aren't. Either you do or you don't. I know you have it in you to be stronger than this. Because if you keep running away? You'll make all of the people who think you're a fuck up right," Julio scrubbed a hand through his hair. All his anger was gone, to be replaced with exhausted. He and Nori sat on a knife's edge, and he felt truly out of his depth. So he did what he felt he had to do.

He told the truth.

"Nori, I want more. More than sex. More than comfort. I... I care Nori. I care about you more than any girl I've been with. I don't want us to end. But I can't date someone who runs away when things get hard."

"Do or do not, is no try..." Nori said, with a little hiccup that might have been a laugh and might have been a sob. "Is life, has no promise. But... Nori is want. Want be more, be better. Not just better with Julio. Better all things. English, study, powers, all is want better. So Nori is try. Try too, with Julio... if is want." There was hope in her voice, but also fear - being emotionally open was not something Noriko had much practice with.

Julio snorted softly. "I want, Nori," and oh, how scary it was. He sighed, and ran his hands through his hair. "I'm not that great a guy. I'm short, scruffy and not the most sensitive person in the world. But... I'm yours. If you want me." He looked in Nori's eyes. He would not run. He would not pretend anymore.

She took a step closer to him, reaching up to gently lay a hand on his chest. "Nori not good speak but is try. Nori is want... very want. I is sorry, Julio. Very sorry for scare, for run, for everything."

"I will make you a deal. You don't run away, and I will be better, I promise." He took her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Noriko smiled, although it was still a little hesitant. "Is good deal," she said, voice soft.

"All right then," Julio said, and then pulled her towards him, resting his chin atop her head.