Mutant Science Theater 3000

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Julian and Jean-Paul watch a little Spider-Man 3 and discuss both the recurring theme of the franchise and the film's many awful moments.

Jean-Paul had spent New Year's Eve sequestered in his room with a good book (non-work related, for once) and a cup of tea, only to emerge the next morning into an eerily quiet world of people sleeping off hangovers and hiding from anything like loud noise. So it was a bit of a surprise to walk past the rec room and hear quite a bit of invective being tossed about. Curiosity reared its head and he stepped into the room to see what was going on.

"À cause?"

For the last few days Julian had been doing three things: reading his books for next semester, perfecting his recipe for hot chocolate and flying through the mansion's DVD library. Of course, last nights festivities, which basically included watching the ball drop (in the right time zone for once) with whoever was in the Rec Room, had caused him a bit of a late start today.

With vacation winding down, Julian was starting to become less picky in his movie choices. He'd worked his way through Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2 the day before, now- despite the awful things he'd heard about it- it was time for Spider-Man 3. The movie was already awful, with the new Green Goblin looking like a reject from an anime, science fiction, snow boarding film. He and Spider-Man were having their first fight above the Manhattan Streets when Jean-Paul poked his head in.

Julian, still in his pajamas, turned to see who it was, "Oh, hello, Mister Beaubeir, is the movie too loud?"

"No, I was just surprised to find that, despite all appearances, I'm not alone among the living today." Jean-Paul circled the couch, regarding the movie as if it might somehow manage to bite him. "What is this and what has it done to earn the abuse?"

Turning his attention back to the film Julian pointed to the screen, "This is a train wreck and I'm only ten minutes into it. Spider-Man 3, have you seen it?"

"I managed to miss those films. I'm assuming this is not something I should be regretting." Despite his words, Jean-Paul had taken a seat at the opposite end of the couch. "Are these two supposed to be mutants?"

"You assume correctly," Julian said, not looking at his soon-to-be teacher. "No, not mutants, the one in a suit got bitten by some sort of genetically altered spider. For some reason, that turned him from a nerd into a super-hero." Julian waited for James Franco's character to appear on the screen, "And he's the son of the villain from the first movie- which wasn't as bad as this by the way- who took some genetic enhancers and wants to kill Spider-Man because he thinks he killed his father." The young Keller thought for a moment, "This really would have been easier to just make them mutants."

"And alienate all of the movie-going FoH members? Perish the thought." Jean-Paul snorted quietly, giving the movie a few moments to play out. "This dialogue is wretched. And who is the tortured redhead? No, nevermind. She's comercially beautiful and managed to make me despise her with two lines and a roll of her eyes. She must be the romantic lead."

"Got it on the first try," Julian wasn't the biggest Kirstin Dunst fan, even though she was cute. "There aren't very many redeeming qualities to this thing- even the action sequences are impossible." Julian watched Eddie Brock appear on screen at just the right moment, "Wait…is that the guy from 'That Seventies Show'?"

"I f so, he appears to have found his new calling as a vehicle for exposition. Am I supposed to care about the damsel in distress being his girlfriend?" He looked over at Julian. "We're watching this on purpose. Why?"

Julian laughed at that, "I'm not entirely sure. After watching the first couple, I thought 'hey, maybe it's not as bad I'd heard,' and" he paused to extend a hand out toward the screen, "it is." He looked back to Jean-Paul, "We can put something else on if you'd like."

"I'm just stunned that these movies make any money, considering that any of us would be crucified by the public for the same thing." Jean-Paul grimaced at the screen. "Especially considering that the titular hero just saved the blonde and let a few tons concrete fall and smash the bystanders below. Not that it's likely a great loss to the gene pool, but still..."

The younger man nodded, "True, I have to wonder how hard it is to get out of the way when you see a big rock falling straight down at you." He glanced back at the screen, but only for a moment before looking at Jean-Paul with a grin, "Have you ever done anything like that, Mister Beaubeir?"

Jean-Paul looked over at Julian, all innocence. "Saved the blond and let civilians go splat?"

Julian shook his head, "No, no. I mean, have you ever gone out there and saved the day? Rescued someone from imminent danger or whatever."

"I did some under the radar rescues in Manhattan during the recent attack and there have been instances where I stood alone, but mostly I went in as part of a team." He gestured at the screen.
"And, fortunately, there was not much of that sort of thing."

"What was it like? Saving the day I mean." Julian was no longer paying attention to the crime-against-cinema, his body now turned toward Jean-Paul. This was obviously a question he'd wanted to ask for a while.

"Generally? One hell of an adrenaline rush with moments of utter terror. The worst thing about it is that you are not responsible for just your own skin, whether it is the bystanders or the police helping to contain things or the people fighting beside you. You slip up, someone is hurt or killed, and it is on you. And at the end of it, you are either on top of the world or you wish to go crawl into your room for a month." Jean-Paul shook his head. "Assuming you are still on your feet and have the energy to give a damn either way at that point."

A slight frown washed over Julian's face, a part of it had been what he wanted to hear, but most of it didn't sound like too much fun. "But you get training and stuff ahead of time so that you don't screw up, right? I mean, I think it would be a lot of fun to do that sort of thing." He glanced back at the screen to see Toby MacGuire kissing Bryce Dallas Howard, and nodded toward it, "Save the day, get the girl. You know, hero stuff."

"Training helps keep the damage and human casualties to a minimum, Julian. It does not make you infallible." He followed Julian's gaze and snorted. "Besides, the person you are trying to save will usually be too traumatized to be grateful until far after the fact. Most days it seemed that our adoring public consisted of reporters pointing out everything we had failed to do right, and the X-Men have it even worse than Alpha Flight in that respect. We at least had accountability to someone."

Julian thought about it for a moment and nodded somberly. "I see what you're saying." They watched the movie in silence for a little bit before Julian turned back to the older man. "Mister Beaubeir," he began, "is it worth it?"

"Honestly? I think it depends on the kind of person you are. I do not regret the people I helped, but I did not cope well with the requirements of the job, either." Jean-Paul picked up the remote and muted the TV. "If you can put yourself aside and focus on the long goal, I think so. Otherwise, the lack of gratitude in the face of great risk, the lack of a normal life...it can get old very quickly."

Keller looked thoughtful for a moment, an expression that had rarely crossed his face before he'd come here. "But aren't we denied a" he made air quotes "normal life just by being able to do things that normal people can't? I mean, we have a lot of power, shouldn't we use that to help people." Julian gesutured toward the screen, "Despite this movie being awful, the series as a whole has a point they try to make, 'With great power, comes great responsibility.'"

Beaubier's expression was approving; asking questions was never a bad thing. "That is the purpose of this school, non? The very least responsibility we have is make sure that we have enough control over our talents to not hurt those around us and to give ourselves a chance at a normality, however relative that might be. From there, we have other choices. Not everyone wants to save the world. Not everyone is cut out to; some people have more to offer in areas unrelated to their powers. And then there are those who do their best to keep things from collapsing in on themselves, powers or no."

Julian nodded, "I guess that's true. We may not get to live a normal life, but we can learn to get as close to it as we can." He thought for a moment again before turning back toward the television, "I think I might like to save the world someday."

"This is a good place to prepare for that." Jean-Paul handed the remote back. "Will you do me a favor and start with the film industry? I'm thinking of forgetting any English I know as a defense mechanism."