Log: Laurie and Scott

[x-wallflower-.livejournal.com]

Scott comes by to see Laurie after she requested to talk to him about a few things. Some misconceptions on her part are laid to rest.



Laurie placed her laptop on the side table and gestured for Scott to come in. Jean and Morgan had finally allowed her to have it back, but only because she'd promised to limit her online time to when she wasn't feeling like hell. "Hope you don't mind the mess, I've been trying to keep up with everything so I can do my exams when I'm feeling better." she said.

Several piles off books lay about Laurie's bed, or perched precariously on the top of her desk, they were mostly non-fiction but scattered here and there appeared to be what could only be described as 'bodice rippers'.

"Thanks for coming to see me, I wasn't sure how busy you were." Laurie continued.

Scott shrugged and lifted a stack of books off the desk chair, turning it around to face the bed and sitting down. "My days are not that packed, these days."

"I'm sure you could have found some reason not to have to see me." Laurie noted, but there was a teasing lilt to her voice that made the words less harsh. "Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about my training. I've had a lot of time to think, considering I can't go anywhere right now."

Scott nodded, and refrained from saying that there were a few things he could say about her attitude to her training, given the situation she'd landed herself in. Let's see what she has to say first.

"I'm not, that is, I don't want to be a fighter." Laurie said, trying to figure out how to say what she wanted without being harsh, or sounding like she was whining. "I know I've got to train to be able to if I'm needed but I'm not good at it, and I hate it. I've been struggling to get it, and I've felt like an idiot. I'm sorry, I know I've been wasting people's time, not telling them when I'm flailing but it felt like, I've never not been good at something before."

"Laurie," Scott said, with something that sounded very much like patience free of exasperation, "that's what the trainee period is all about. To find out whether or not you're suited for the job you think you want to do."

Laurie smiled at him, a somewhat wry expression. "One of the other things I've got to learn. That people aren't going to be annoyed at me if I say I can't do something. I keep, I don't know, expecting you to yell at me for wasting your time. I've been thinking of taking a trip after I get better. See a bit more of the world before I get back into classes and training and everything. Maybe come back with a little more perspective, even."

"Travel is good," Scott said, "but don't rely on it too much to change your view of the world. What you've been struggling with isn't going to be fixed by encountering other cultures and seeing the sights."

"I know." Laurie noted, leaning back against her pillows. "But I think I need the perspective that it'll give me. I talked to Kyle, you know? Apologized even, I think he and I are going to start trying to not drive each other crazy. I've been thinking I have to do things like he and Jennie, and Marius. Being the person who dives in and attacks straight up. He said I'm an idiot."

She wasn't sure how to broach what she wanted to talk about, she'd never felt very confident talking about her training. It just felt like she was telling others who knew better then she did.

"So," Scott said after a moment, his tone carefully neutral. "Precisely what gave you the idea that you needed to do that? I know it sure as hell wasn't my training."

"I...." Laurie started, confused. "I thought relying on my abilities, not being able to be a front line fighter was...I thought I'd get people killed. Garrison was so angry when he found out I'd tried to use them on him. He said he'd told you what I did. I didn't want to put anyone in danger by not being able to fight that way. I just assumed you, I guess I've assumed a lot."

"Garrison was not training you to fight with your powers. I thought that would have been clear, what with the fact that he was teaching you hand-to-hand." If there was a trace of sarcasm in his voice, she probably deserved it. "So what you're actually telling me is that you jumped to conclusions about what the training was actually meant to be doing, rather than asking."

Laurie blushed, the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach curling a little tighter. She set her shoulders, and lifted her head though. It was embarrassing, the amount of bad assumptions she'd made, but she was talking about it now. She wasn't going to let embarrassment stop her from fixing those mistakes.

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. I...I've made a lot of mistakes. I'm sorry I didn't ask questions when I should have, or tell you all what I was struggling with. "

Both of Scott's eyebrows went up. But his tone was remarkably level as he went on. "You need to silence the internal monologue, I think, Laurie. You seem to be talking yourself into all kinds of corners."

Laurie snorted softly, unable to not smile at that. "I do that." she said, resisting the urge to hide her face in her pillows. "I think maybe I need to talk to Dr. Samson about that, I've not exactly been giving him the whole picture either."

"Talking less about some things, and talking much more about others," Scott said, rising from his seat. "Tall order. I suspect you should focus on shaking off the pneumonia first."

"That sounds like a wise idea." Laurie said, watching him rise. "Thank you, for listening, and for setting me straight."

"Just keep in mind," Scott said over his shoulder as he turned, "there's a time for contemplation and a time for action. For making decisions. Don't be so dead-set on making it all make sense, because it doesn't. Life is messy that way." He smiled briefly at her and left.