xp_logs | Forge and Laurie - Sunday afternoon

After a Danger Room run, Laurie comes to Forge for evaluation, but gets a different sort of advice.

Laurie ran the towel over her hair, sopping up some of the sweat that she'd worked up in the Danger Room, her feet turning her toward the control room and hopefully a good report on the progress she'd been making back to team readiness. She opened the door to the control room, and leaned against the jamb, watching Forge as printouts scrolled down the screen.

"How'd I go?" she asked.

Pneumonia, and a month off from any kind of physical activity meant that she had to start slow, and she was deliberately keeping herself to baby steps so she didn't burn out again and earn not only the dire wrath of Amelia, but Jean as well.

"Objectively, badly," Forge pronounced. "But it's a marked improvement from sniffling and whining on bed rest." He filed the training report for Scott and Ororo's attention and swivelled his chair to face Laurie. "I'm not a trained evaluator, though. I just push buttons and watch the machine."

"Yeah, but you're also full team, and you can't watch the machines for long without picking up some knowledge of correct style and procedure, right?" Laurie said, taking a drink of water from the bottle she held. "Was there any particular point I sucked more at?"

Forge shook his head. "No, seriously, I can't evaluate you. Keep in mind that I don't use the Danger Room the same way you do." He tapped his head with a smile. "Can't train on a machine when you can outthink the machine. If I try and give you advice, it's not going to do you any good, because I don't train the same way, you know? But I'll say this, you hold back too much with your powers. Don't."

Laurie licked her lips, a nervous gesture of sorts. "How exactly? Not asking for an evaluation, so don't freak, I'll wait for Scott and Ororo for that. Just like to know where you thought I was holding back."

It wasn't that she wasn't aware of her own uncomfortableness with her powers, and that had almost increased over time when she'd seen just how easy it was to do certain things. It was so ingrained in her now to be careful that she had problems seeing where she was perhaps being a little too careful.

Forge tapped his fingers together under his chin, flesh touching metal as he observed Laurie for a moment. "When you were in New York, during the chaos in October, you pushed your powers to the limit. I read Scott's report and talked to Kyle about it, after the fact. You were able to affect an entire mob and keep them at bay despite whatever weird empathy trick that War was pulling on them. And yes, I know people died."

Silent for a moment, Forge fixed his gaze on Laurie and nodded. "I think you found out then just what you're capable of, and it scares you."

"What I'm capable of should scare everyone." Laurie noted, and then shook her head. "And didn't that just sound arrogant? But, I just don't get how anyone can not be scared of what I do. Ever since I came here it's been about control, always trying to make sure I don't accidentally do something to someone, because they might not be able to tell. No one even seems to notice, instead it's all about how uptight I am. And I am, I know I am. But what could I be if I wasn't?"

She looked away, staring out at the grey metal of the danger room, unable to meet Forge's eyes anymore.

"Be what you are," Forge said coldly. "A god among insects. We have power - such power - and we can use it for miraculous things. But look how many of us live in fear of what we can do. 'Power corrupts' - bullshit, I say. Corruption corrupts, power simply is."

Standing up, Forge walked over to Laurie and grabbed her shoulder, turning her to look face to face. "You can race a person's adrenalin until their heart explodes in their chest. You could flood their brain with dopamine until they drop into permanent catatonia. The human machine is such a fragile thing, and you can take a sledgehammer to it. Or," he continued, "you can save lives. Your father would be dead on the streets of Manhattan without you. Train your power, perfect it - but do not ever, ever be afraid of it."

"I'm not afraid of it...Well, okay, maybe I am, a little." Laurie noted, not moving from the grasp he had on her shoulder, instead she lifted her chin and met his gaze head on. "But it's more, sometimes I'm afraid of myself. I don't even really know what I'm capable of yet. I've lived all my life in this sheltered life, no real hardship to speak of. I haven't even really seen that much of the world. I just don't know who I am. How can I do anything if I don't know that?"

"Adversity," Forge replied, obviously quoting. "has the effect of eliciting talents which, in prosperous circumstances, would have lain dormant. In other words, you'll never know what you can do until you do it. As for the question about who you are?" He shrugged and turned back to the console. "I'm just a wrench jockey. If you want navel-gazing philosophy, talk to Haller."

"You are so full of crap, Forge." Laurie noted, but this time with a grin. "You've so been known to indulge in navel-gazing from time to time, I've heard you do it. But point taken, and it's why I'm going on my trip anyway. I figure if I can't find out who I am traveling the world, then there's not much to me that's worth knowing. I just want a break from all of this for awhile, come back someone I know won't go down the wrong path because it's easy. I'm taking my phone with me though, got a little pocket for it in my day pack and everything, just in case you're worried. "

"I expect no less," Forge replied absently, scrolling through various diagnostic programs as the Danger Room reset itself for the next session. "Some people find themselves in travel, some in work - hey, we all got our own sets of issues."

Laurie gave him a speculative look, but shook her head, and simply watched him reset the Danger Room. "I'm sure there should be a comment about newspaper stands or something in here. I think the mansion was made for people with issues, sometimes."

"Good thing we have a shrink on staff," Forge answered with a smirk. "But issues or not, we're the future. Whether small-minded bigots think so or not, whether they're afraid of us or not, or - whether we're afraid of ourselves," he pointed at Laurie, then back at himself. "Or not."